This is the comment thread!

[Von Due]

I came to that harsh reality at the age of 48.

Not sure if I live in the land of the blind but now I have 2 pairs and 2 more things to misplace, sit on, forget to bring with me and so on. I¨'m not just abscent minded, my mind goes AWOL on me.

[Jimbuna]

I went down that route (one pair for reading and another pair for vdu and yet another pair for distance) initially but I am now settled on varifocals (all three in one), they took a little getting used to but I soon grew accustomed to them.

I believe getting a decent frame straight from the off goes a long way toward contentment (my current choice being a design by Hugo Boss).

[Von Due]

I went down that route (one pair for reading and another pair for vdu and yet another pair for distance) initially but I am now settled on varifocals (all three in one), they took a little getting used to but I soon grew accustomed to them.

I believe getting a decent frame straight from the off goes a long way toward contentment (my current choice being a design by Hugo Boss).

I believe mine were designed by the master El Cheapo which is alright seeing the workshop can be a bit rough on fancier ones. Good though, to be able to read the frame number on the bike or the user manual for whatever part they're buying without having to tell the customers "it's a secret, I can't tell you".

[Jimbuna]

I believe mine were designed by the master El Cheapo which is alright seeing the workshop can be a bit rough on fancier ones. Good though, to be able to read the frame number on the bike or the user manual for whatever part they're bying without having to tell the customers "it's a secret, I can't tell you".

Hey, if they work and you're happy, don't knock em :03:

[Von Due]

Hey, if they work and you're happy, don't knock em :03:

I don't knock them.. well I do, off the table down on the floor that is. You should see me involuntarily fling a hex key across the room courtesy of clumsyness.

[Jimbuna]

I don't knock them.. well I do, off the table down on the floor that is. You should see me involuntarily fling a hex key across the room courtesy of clumsyness.

https://i.imgur.com/pEa1NO5.gif

[Von Due]

https://i.imgur.com/pEa1NO5.gif

Pretty much :haha:

[Jimbuna]

Life doesn't have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes.

[fireftr18]

I got the news that a former coworker, a firefighter brother died today from a stroke. He was 51 years old. I don't know any other details.
:Kaleun_Salute:

[Jimbuna]

~SALUTE~

[Gerald]

@fireftr18

I'm sorry to hear the news that a friend of you has gone out of time please accept my condolences.

[Gerald]

I'm saw at in Stockholm the lorry killer get's life.

[Jimbuna]

I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.' That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, 'Your password is incorrect.'

[Gerald]

Well, my lizzle, you ready to go?

[Jimbuna]

If I’m ever on life support unplug me then plug me back in. That usually works.

[Gerald]

Or, do you want to see some random clichés?

[Aktungbby]

Well, my lizzle, you ready to go?

THAT IS THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION THESE DAYS:o https://us.123rf.com/450wm/kritchanut/kritchanut1412/kritchanut141200080/34201698-top-view-of-a-man-legs-in-front-of-urinal-in-men-toilet.jpg?ver=6:damn:

[Gerald]

THAT IS THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION THESE DAYS:o https://us.123rf.com/450wm/kritchanut/kritchanut1412/kritchanut141200080/34201698-top-view-of-a-man-legs-in-front-of-urinal-in-men-toilet.jpg?ver=6:damn:Well.well no time for excitement :D

[Catfish]

A comment regarding waste and pollution.. or better no comment.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWgfOND2y68

Oh i forgot it's all fake news, let's exploit what's left :nope:

[Jimbuna]

Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.

[Gerald]

"The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe."

'Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia'

[Gerald]

Behind every 'just joking' is a little truth!

[Von Due]

Behind every 'just joking' is a little truth!

Surely you must be joking.

[Jimbuna]

I remember in the old days when people used to get mad if you read their diary. Now people put everything online and get mad when you don’t read it.

[Jimbuna]

You know you’re a bad driver when your SatNav says “In 400 yards, please stop the car and let me out”.

[Gerald]

Surely you must be joking.:03:

[Jimbuna]

If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z - keeping your mouth shut.

[Jimbuna]

Can’t believe how arrogant Russian dolls are… they’re so full of themselves.

[Gerald]

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

[Eisenwurst]

2 from Oscar Wilde.

"Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood".

"We live in an age when unnecessary things are our only necessities".

[Jimbuna]

I don't understand what's bothering you honey, I bring you coffee in bed every morning, all you have to do is grind it.

[Gerald]

But man is not made for defeat. A man can be destroyed but not defeated. (https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/ernest_hemingway_152926)


Ernest Hemingway (https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/ernest_hemingway)

[Jimbuna]

Your bank account can be overdrawn, but it can never be overfilled.

[Gerald]

My wallet are empty-ask my girlfriend.

[Jimbuna]

If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters.

[Gerald]

Before at my job I always thing twice,nowadays I only need to think one thing-And this is where are I eat my dinner.

[Von Due]

Can't one say psychiatrists suffer from Obsessive Diagnosing Disorder?

[Jimbuna]

If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front.

[Gerald]

If you can dream it, you can do it. (http://www.success.com/article/31-things-that-happen-when-you-finally-decide-to-live-your-dreams)

—Walt Disney

[Gerald]

The best thing about life is that it can not be foreseen, it gives space for spontaneous experiences.

[Jimbuna]

Creativity is the sudden cessation of stupidity.

[Gerald]

I value loyalty, more than money.

[mapuc]

Faith can move mountains, while science can move planets

Markus

[Jimbuna]

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.

[Jimbuna]

Laughter is like a windshield wiper, it doesn't stop the rain but allows us to keep going.

[Gerald]

“So many books, so little time.”
― Frank Zappa

[Jimbuna]

Store sign: Why go somewhere else and waste your money? Come here!

[Jimbuna]

When you fall, I will be there to catch you - With love, the floor.

[Jimbuna]

If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.

[Jimbuna]

Those who snore always fall asleep first.

[Von Due]

"Making cookies filled with inane pseudo Chinese proverbs can make you stinking rich"
Chinese proverb.

[Eichhörnchen]

https://i.imgur.com/byBk3SS.png

[Jimbuna]

I'm looking to buy a new boomerang, how can I throw the old one out?

[Jimbuna]

It's really complicated to make something simple, but very simple to make something something complicated.

[Eichhörnchen]

https://i.imgur.com/q7g0GyJ.jpg

It's far too hot for running about.... what game can we play that doesn't need lots of running about?

[Jimbuna]

If good things come to those who wait then is being put into prison really a punishment?

[Jimbuna]

No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.

[Eichhörnchen]

https://uk.reuters.com/article/us-britain-pooh-map/poohs-original-hundred-acre-wood-map-sells-for-auction-record-idUKKBN1K020W

Just wondering what they'd get for my old map of the Bollock-Acher Wood

[Jimbuna]

My doctor prescribed laughter as the most efficient medicine. Unfortunately the pharmacist said too many people were crying from laughter so it's no longer available.

[Jimbuna]

Definition of Stalking: When two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.

[Eisenwurst]

The Miss Universe Contest is rigged. It's always a bloody human that wins.:mad:

[Jimbuna]

God please give me patience, if you give me strength I will just punch them in the face.

[Jimbuna]

Just spent the last hour tightening every bottle top and jar in the house. That will teach my wife for saying she doesn’t need me anymore.

[Jimbuna]

When I was a kid my dad used to beat me with his camera, I still have flash-backs.

[Jimbuna]

I don’t always get asked out on dates but when I do it’s always April 1st.

[Jimbuna]

My girlfriend hates when I make jokes about her weight. She needs to lighten up.

[vienna]

When I was a kid my dad used to beat me with his camera, I still have flash-backs.


Pictures or it didn't happen...
















<O>

[STEED]

My girlfriend hates when I make jokes about her weight. She needs to lighten up.

READ ALL ABOUT IT, JIM'S HAVING AFFAIR WITH A YOUNGER WOMAN! :D



vienna wants to see the pictures and films.

[Sean C]

I'm looking to buy a new boomerang, how can I throw the old one out?


I forgot how to throw a boomerang ... but then it came back to me.


In other news, I hate mac & cheese. Apparently, I'm the only one.

[Von Due]

https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/660/cpsprodpb/E86C/production/_102700595_zebradonkey.jpg


An Egyptian zoo denies having painted a donkey to look like a zebra.


They were going for a tiger I suppose.

[Jimbuna]

I'm trying to think how I can think of what I want to think.

[Jimbuna]

In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry!

[Catfish]

If this heat wave continues, i'll ask the police to shadow me.

[STEED]

Time we put a sun blocker in space to prevent heatwaves.


Sounds good to me. :)

[Catfish]

I do not want to complain about the heat here, but those two Hobbits throwing a ring in my apartment got me wondering.

[u crank]

I do not want to complain about the heat here, but those two Hobbits throwing a ring in my apartment got me wondering.

:har:

Here in Atlantic Canada we are in our 3rd week of this hot and extremely humid weather. And no end in sight. Tomorrow, 29°C with humidex at 37. :sunny:

[Jimbuna]

Your mind needs exercise just as much as your body does, that's why I think of jogging every day.

[em2nought]

I do not want to complain about the heat here, but those two Hobbits throwing a ring in my apartment got me wondering.

Bahahaha! That's great!!!! :Kaleun_Applaud:

[Jimbuna]

What great energy, intelligence, and magnificent beautiful eyes... But enough about me, how are you doing?

[Von Due]

Enough of me talking about me. What do you think about me?

[Jimbuna]

I don’t drink too much, I just like having an attractive wife.

[Von Due]

Hye miss. Say, what is a hunk like me doing in a dump like this?

[Catfish]

Our body raises the temperature to destroy harmful organisms.
What if the earth is just doing that to us :hmmm:

[Bleiente]

I have always said that since we humans have moved away from our roots, we have become a pest for the entire environment.

If you like watching movies with alien invasions... well, we humans are the aliens. :o

[Jimbuna]

He grabbed her hand and held it tightly, and she thought, "he loves me!" And he thought, "wow this sidewalk is icy!"

[Chris K]

Our body raises the temperature to destroy harmful organisms.
What if the earth is just doing that to us :hmmm: I'ts already happen.

[Jimbuna]

You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.

[STEED]

Our body raises the temperature to destroy harmful organisms.
What if the earth is just doing that to us :hmmm:



Mother Nature is telling us stop treating the planet like crap.

[Chris K]

^I't just start over again.

[Jimbuna]

So much has changed since my girlfriend got pregnant. Like my name, address and telephone number!

[Chris K]

This scene reminds me I can't waste my life, because the life I live didn't come without the sacrifice of those who came before me.

[fireftr18]

Let's send some prayers up for California and Portugal. Both are suffering from a record wild fire season.
Acktung, how are you doing with the fires this season? I hope you're doing well.

[Jimbuna]

If you want to change the world do it while you’re single.
Once you get married you can’t even change the TV channel.

[Chris K]

Let's send some prayers up for California and Portugal. Both are suffering from a record wild fire season.
Acktung, how are you doing with the fires this season? I hope you're doing well. Finger cross.

[Chris K]

Today it's just 35 years ago, since I met my prospective wife.:)

[Eichhörnchen]

34 years in November for me :up:

[Jimbuna]

35 years June past.

[Chris K]

Nice.:Kaleun_Thumbs_Up:

[Jimbuna]

Not really, I'm still a virgin :D

[Eichhörnchen]

:har:

[STEED]

No FT No Comment.

[Jimbuna]

Could you please be as silent as the G in lasagna?

[Chris K]

We have all the time in the world,nothing less nothing more,only love.

[vienna]

Today it's just 35 years ago, since I met my prospective wife.:)


By the phrasing of your post, is she still "prospective"? I mean, 35 years man...


Isn't it about time you put a ring on it?... :D
















<O>

[Chris K]

By the phrasing of your post, is she still "prospective"? I mean, 35 years man...


Isn't it about time you put a ring on it?... :D
















<O> Has already been done.:yep:

[Jimbuna]

I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse.

[Chris K]

I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. :Kaleun_Applaud:

[Jimbuna]

In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry!

[Chris K]

Today my first son was born,he is 27y:Kaleun_Cheers:

[Jimbuna]

What great energy, intelligence, and magnificent beautiful eyes... But enough about me, how are you doing?

[Chris K]

Today I would have been at funeral, but had to cancel due to a strong flu.Rest in peace my friend,and you will meet your wife in heaven, my cousin Lillemor.

:Kaleun_Crying:

[Chris K]

Today is another day, remember that the day you were born.

[Jimbuna]

How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

[Chris K]

The term has been around since the beginning of the 20th century, and probably comes from when the silver on silver bracelets was peeled off so that the brass color was reflected.

[Jimbuna]

Stop the earth from spinning, I want to get off!

[Jimbuna]

In my house dirty dishes are like rabbits, they keep multiplying.

[Eichhörnchen]

I noticed in a shop window in town today that you now get only $1.25 for your £1.00

When I visited the US in 1982 you got $1.84 :cry:

[vienna]

How do you think we feel here in the US: we're only getting $1.00 for our $1.25... :haha:














<O>

[Aktungbby]

I noticed in a shop window in town today that you now get only $1.25 for your £1.00

When I visited the US in 1982 you got $1.84 :cry:

How do you think we feel here in the US: we're only getting $1.00 for our $1.25... :haha:

ONE COULD SURMISE: THE DOLLAR IS TAKING A POUNDING ON THE EXCHANGE RATE!:O:

[Eichhörnchen]

We all just took a pounding from another of your puns :yep:

[STEED]

I noticed in a shop window in town today that you now get only $1.25 for your £1.00

When I visited the US in 1982 you got $1.84 :cry:

I got over $2 to the £1 in the early 1990's. :)

Second time around not as much but still not bad.

[Jimbuna]

They say money doesn't bring happiness, but everyone still wants to prove it for themselves.

[STEED]

The time is 00:40

[Jimbuna]

My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.

[vienna]

Ah, Jimbuna is always such a smooth-talker...
















<O>

[Jimbuna]

A silver tongued cavalier :smug:

[fireftr18]

My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.

I bet you used that line while on the job. I'm pretty sure I did. I'm pretty sure it was used on me. :O:

[Jimbuna]

I bet you used that line while on the job. I'm pretty sure I did. I'm pretty sure it was used on me. :O:

On the odd occasion yes, or something pretty similar :)

[Jimbuna]

If you think patience is a virtue, try surfing the net without high speed Internet.

[Eichhörnchen]

This is why I love my country:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-devon-45414022?intlink_from_url=&link_location=live-reporting-story

[STEED]

This is why I love my country:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-devon-45414022?intlink_from_url=&link_location=live-reporting-story


You must be a fan of old Top Gear. :03:

[Jimbuna]

Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here.
Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast as I could!

[Eisenwurst]

I took a bit of a nostalgia walk the other day through the CBD of Sydney and was shocked to find that our large and vibrant Spanish Quarter is no longer there.

It's been completely swallowed up by the ever expanding Chinatown.:wah:

So much for Cultural Diversity Lord Mayor Clover Moore.:dead:

[Jimbuna]

If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.

[Jimbuna]

For this New Year's day, weather forecasters are warning of an incoming storm of hugs and kisses all over the planet... we advise closing your umbrella and opening your heart.

[Jimbuna]

An expert is a person who has made every possible mistake in a small field of study.

[Eichhörnchen]

For this New Year's day, weather forecasters are warning of an incoming storm of hugs and kisses all over the planet... we advise closing your umbrella and opening your heart.

Yeah I think we'll have to have a special competition starting at midnight on December 31st to make the most of all that love and goodwill :yep:

[Jimbuna]

Sometimes you succeed.... and other times you learn.

[Jimbuna]

I didn't find out what happiness means until I got married... and then it was too late.

[Jimbuna]

If I keep paying attention, I'm going to be in debt!

[mapuc]

Do we live in a Matrix ?

If we do, well somebody please go and change the logaritme of my life

So it change to the better.

Markus

[vienna]

We have taken your request under advisement...


http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_2qnAXkCLQ_U/TEaFPlSE6zI/AAAAAAAAA60/2xvMV6BntE8/s1600/M3_Hugo_Weaving_003.jpg










<O>

[nikimcbee]

Jim, get a haircut! hippy.

[Jimbuna]

Jim, get a haircut! hippy.

Booked in for Saturday.

[STEED]

Booked in for Saturday.

Good job to, Mexico will not let you in looking like this..

http://mm.disfracesycarnaval.es/uploads/2012/02/hippie.jpg

And get a suit on as well man! :O:

And a nice flat cap as you live up North.

[Jimbuna]

You'll have to lend me your jacket then.

https://i.imgur.com/KaEZ2Z5.jpg

[STEED]

You'll have to lend me your jacket then.



https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTLNd3PcaF4-Ngzb15lROWZxoFTzLtF_QbvaSaiFT7hGoNNhT0d

https://cdn.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/1294810751710_6938084.png

HAVE A NICE HOLIDAY JIM.

[Jimbuna]

I look at the moon and it looks really beautiful!.. Then I look at you... and.. I think I'll look at the moon again?!

[Jimbuna]

My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.

[fireftr18]

You can tell on this site that politics is becoming a more regular topic. We had all next to each other, German politics, UK politics, US politics, and The Joke Thread.

[Jimbuna]

It's better to shut up and give the impression that you're stupid than to say something and erase all doubt.

[Jimbuna]

Everyone wants your best! Don't let them take it away from you.

[Jimbuna]

You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.

[Jimbuna]

I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'

[Jimbuna]

A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.

[Aktungbby]

^BREVITY IS ELEQUENCE:O: ...AND IN THE END WE ARE ALL ELEQUENT.:dead:

[Eichhörnchen]

https://i.imgur.com/So8wQbp.jpg

[STEED]

https://i.imgur.com/So8wQbp.jpg


:hmmm: No...hEllo my frEnd. :hmmm:

Can't be a scam...:hmmm:


I wonder...:hmmm:

Nah sounds like a pyramid scam. :yep: :03:

[Eichhörnchen]

Earwigs would've been a better idea... easier to catch

[Jimbuna]

Why do you always see lightning first and hear the thunder later? Because your eyes are in front of your ears.

[Jimbuna]

I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems.

[Jimbuna]

What's the best thing to do if you want to keep your hair when it starts falling out? Put it in a box.

[Jimbuna]

I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house.

[Eichhörnchen]

The tree is up and decorated in Bollock-Acher Wood, so it must nearly be time again for...

https://i.imgur.com/DKxWgwK.jpg

[STEED]

BAN XMAS!

[Jimbuna]

My wife never gives up. She is so insistent that she entered the wrong password over and over again until she managed to convince the computer that she's right!

[STEED]

My wife never gives up. She is so insistent that she entered the wrong password over and over again until she managed to convince the computer that she's right!

:har::har:

[Jimbuna]

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

[vienna]

May I?... :D












<O>

[Jimbuna]

Life is the dash between the birth date and the passed away date.

[fireftr18]

Life is the dash between the birth date and the passed away date.
And if you do it right, it's a heck of a dash. I think mine's three dots, three dashes, then three dots.

[Jimbuna]

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

[Eichhörnchen]

No sign of "Best of Subsim 2018" yet.....?

[Jimbuna]

Soon

[Von Due]

Seeing next year is the 50 year anniversary for the Apollo 11 moon trek, I thought it only fitting to get me a lego kit. 1969 pieces that hopefully will turn into a model of the mentioned Apollo rocket downsized a bit for my convenience.

[Jimbuna]

An adult is a person who no longer grows in height, but instead grows in length and width.

[Eichhörnchen]

I'm looking into getting a new car... must have a roomy glovebox though

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/mans-car-breaks-down-after-squirrel-fills-it-with-hundreds-of-acorns-andrew-wilkins-surrey-a8138066.html

[STEED]

I'm looking into getting a new car... must have a roomy glovebox though

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/mans-car-breaks-down-after-squirrel-fills-it-with-hundreds-of-acorns-andrew-wilkins-surrey-a8138066.html

You are too busy moaning at other drivers making you a menace on the roads, stick to trees you will be calmer and more at home.

[Jimbuna]

Ultimate lazy moment: Watching the sunrise on TV because you're too lazy to get up and watch it for real.

[fireftr18]

Ultimate lazy moment: Watching the sunrise on TV because you're too lazy to get up and watch it for real.

You seem to know me well. :hmmm:

[Jimbuna]

When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.

[Jimbuna]

At the zoo, all the animals have a decent composure, except for the monkeys. You get the feeling man is very close to them.

[STEED]

House of Commons is a anagram for Moron Zoo. :doh: :03:

[Jimbuna]

A bikini is like a barbed wire fence. It protects the property without obstructing the view.

[Jimbuna]

When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad.

[Aktungbby]

/\ not necessarily;I usually walk behind my wife to admire the view and I'm quite mad you know!:arrgh!:

[Jimbuna]

Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence, after all intelligence has it's limits.

[fireftr18]

Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence, after all intelligence has it's limits.

I completely agree with Jim.
:Kaleun_Salute:

[Jimbuna]

Working in a team means spending half your time convincing the others that your idea is better than theirs.

[Jimbuna]

If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.

[Aktungbby]

If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all. ^ THE VERY DEFINITION OF 'DUMB LUCK'

[Jimbuna]

Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.

[mapuc]

^ Does this mean, if the world ends today it will first end tomorrow in Australia ?

Markus

[STEED]

I have bad news 2018 is on its death bed.

[Reece]

Yes we're all gonna die a horrible death!! :oops: STEED knows these things!!:timeout:

[STEED]

Yes we're all gonna die a horrible death!! :oops: STEED knows these things!!:timeout:

Good news you will come back to life in 2019.

[Jimbuna]

If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.

[Jimbuna]

The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does!

[Jimbuna]

A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first.

[vienna]

Ha...Ha...Ha...














<O>

[Jimbuna]

Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry.

[Eichhörnchen]

You and me could easily get jobs as interpreters:

https://i.imgur.com/RWG1ycB.jpg

[Aktungbby]

WORTH NOTING IN YESTERDAY'S NEWS: DUE TO THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN, THE WASHINGTON D.C. MARRAIGE BUREAU IS CLOSED....BUT THE DIVORCE BUREAU IS STILL OPEN:hmmm: :timeout: :doh: (LEAVE IT TO THE FEDS TO ALWAYS HAVE A WAY OUT!:()1:)

[Eichhörnchen]

England today: ten days before November 5th (Guy Fawkes Night) people are letting off fireworks... then ten days after they are still letting off fireworks

A month before the England football team play in an important match, the St Georges flag goes up in a million bedroom windows and on three million car aerials... then three months after they lose the match most of those flags are still there

Why is it, then, that three days after December 25th I always hear people saying that they really must get their Christmas decorations down?

[Jimbuna]

I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it.

[STEED]

Why is it, then, that three days after December 25th I always hear people saying that they really must get their Christmas decorations down?

Simply they are sick to death of Xmas and want to get back to normal. :03:

[Aktungbby]

I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it. People worry about the afterlife: 72 virgins , happy hunting grounds, eternal happiness etc...I sometimes wonder if this turn on the planet isn't the afterlife:hmmm: in which case what horrible deed did I do to end up here...:k_confused:

[vienna]

People worry about the afterlife: 72 virgins , happy hunting grounds, eternal happiness etc...I sometimes wonder if this turn on the planet isn't the afterlife:hmmm: in which case what horrible deed did I do to end up here...:k_confused:


(St. Peter reaches behind him, pulls down massive book and reads aloud: ...)

"Aktungbby, ... Volume 1... :D





<O>

[mapuc]

If I remember correctly

Someone said Earth is Limbo a place between Hell and Heaven.

Markus

[Jimbuna]

Don't disturb me, I am disturbed enough already.

[Catfish]

After training hard for the last four weeks, i have lost exactly four weeks :yeah:

[Jimbuna]

I don't need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that.

[Eichhörnchen]

https://i.imgur.com/kD6sgVE.jpg "Gawd!"

I found a tube in my paint drawer today I didn't even know I'd got: it's called Van Dyke Brown.... honest. But I was glad to find they don't get this from scaring the pants off Dick Van Dyke

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Van_Dyke_brown

[Jimbuna]

Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.

[Jimbuna]

Being angry is not necessarily bad, some the best things were invented by angry people. Lamborghini didn't produce a single car until Enzo Ferrari made him angry.

[Eichhörnchen]

Bugger it

[Jimbuna]

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

[Jimbuna]

If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.

[Jimbuna]

The only English words I saw in Japan were Sony and Mitsubishi.

[Jimbuna]

God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages.

[Fubar2Niner]

God created man. God then created woman. Man loved woman. God laughed and laughed and laughed.

[Jimbuna]

After many years of studying my Geography book I finally know by heart that Australia is on page 23.

[Jimbuna]

In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.

[Jimbuna]

The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist.

[Jimbuna]

They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

[Jimbuna]

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

[Jimbuna]

The hardest part of trying to steal one sheep is stopping the rest of them from following.

[Aktungbby]

^ WELL STOP STEALING THE BEST LOOKING SHEEP THEN!:O: :Kaleun_Party:HE SAID...SHEEPISHLY:doh: :()1:

[Jimbuna]

I have the worlds largest seashell collection. You may have seen it, I keep it spread out on beaches all over the world.

[Jimbuna]

If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'

[Jimbuna]

You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths.

[Jimbuna]

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

[fireftr18]

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

It's only room temperature in the room when the temperature of the room is at room temperature.

:Kaleun_Wink:

[Jimbuna]

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

[Von Due]

Paraolympics security guards... are they unarmed? :hmmm:

[STEED]

Brexit will give you a headache and that is just the word. :03:

[Reece]

There is no such word as Brexit so your statement is invalid. :yep:

[Catfish]

Paraolympics security guards... are they unarmed? :hmmm:


This is... mean :shifty:
but:rotfl2:



^ I have a sensational business idea. I will produce cat and dog food under the name of BREXIT (tm), and sell it in the UK!! What do you guys think? :hmmm:

[Jimbuna]

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.

[STEED]

There is no such word as Brexit so your statement is invalid. :yep:

I will give you £20 and cooler weather that it is. :) :03:

[Jimbuna]

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

[Jimbuna]

Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.

[Jimbuna]

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

[Jimbuna]

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

[Jimbuna]

Whether you give a crap or don't give a crap, nobody wants crap anyway!

[Jimbuna]

That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another....

[FullMetalADCAP]

Men have two heads and women have two sets of lips because men do all the thinking while women do all the talking.

[vienna]

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.


"You bless you!"...?...














<O>

[Jimbuna]

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

[Jimbuna]

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.