The Bilge [Archive] - SUBSIM Radio Room Forums

Wolferz

07-06-14, 03:22 PM

Welcome to the Bilge.
A club for scallywags and ne'er-do-wells and the occasional pirate radio DJ.

We are an equal opportunity insult club formerly known as Ubirats in the bilges. Since Ubisoft decided to claim explicit domain on everything Ubisoft, whether created by them or not, I've broken all mooring lines with a fire axe. Well, chopped them off really. We are now free to navigate the ins and outs of outrageous misfortune. I hope she doesn't mind too much.:cool:

We, the management, welcome one and all for beer and laughs.
We only ask that you keep it clean by not puking on the floor. It smells bad enough in here already.:-?
I got a new coffee maker, Armistead and you're in charge of it. I hope you made enough on the slug bait to buy some coffee and filters.:yep: I spent the last of the petty cash on a mani/peti with a happy ending.:up: That Vietnamese girl is good, let me tell ya.:woot:

Armistead

07-06-14, 03:46 PM

First, while we did exodus from Ubisoft....we remain a core group of Ubirats, our inner core where only a few know the secret handshake.

Seems we did elect you as leader or just figured you were stupid enough to lead us by not leading us, but I think the original rats should vote on your proclamation that the bilge can now be open to the common rat? Should anyone be allowed to be a rat is the question? Now, as a member in full standing, I have benefitted a few with honorary rat membership for a day or so, including all benefits....but I never told them our codes, ritual, secrets, etc....Do we really want all of this to be known is another question? Shouldn't we at least charge a entry fee, better yet...monthly fees?

I was originally voted or took the office of Treasurer.. is the coffee pot an additional office or have I lost my previous office?

Anyways, I think votes should be taken on anyone wanting to be part of your new bilge, with it known to all the Ubirats are in control.

Anyways again, I'll make a list of my complaints and concerns for our next corporate meeting.

I don't think you were voted in as leader and we can sure not vote you in again..

Armistead

07-06-14, 03:48 PM

My first vote is to change the secret handshake.

{Really, whose idea was it we shed our pants and grab and shake each others wankers to start with...}

fireftr18

07-06-14, 04:03 PM

STEED

07-06-14, 04:10 PM

What the hell you going on about here? :-?

Sounds like some sordid back street pub selling beer in boob mugs and filth dirty magazines so filthy they will make your eyes pop out at the filthy state they are in after been dropped in a muddy puddle.

No point calling the police their all at the lodge working on their new doggy wink wink say no more.

Armistead

07-06-14, 04:16 PM

We need to keep the club exclusive to those of us who migrated from Ubisoft. Everyone else can be a welcome guest member with all privileges, except of course our secret codes, rituals, secrets, etc. They don't want to know them anyway.
Armistead, I agree with you about the secret handshake, let's just get rid of it.
Wolferz, I don't remember voting you as leader either, but if you want the long thankless hours, then that's fine by me. I'll take up my usual spot in the corner, and speak up now and then. By the way, I want my ax back.

Now, for first order of business, I propose we put up a memorial picture of the long lost Wernher VonTrapp.

I don't know about getting rid of the secret handshake, just put some time limits on it?

I think I voted Wolferz as leader and that was good enough for him.

Someone gave you an axe?

I agree about a picture of Wern. Just so happens he sent me a baby picture of himself...or is that his self...anyways...one I used in one of my tales of him in the "life of Wern". let's hang it in the head in his memory..

http://i651.photobucket.com/albums/uu235/Armistead1424/wern-2.jpg

Armistead

07-06-14, 04:17 PM

Tango589

07-06-14, 05:16 PM

If you're looking for a willing misfit to join your ranks, I put myself forward.

If I'm not welcome, then sod the lot of you, I'll go and start my own club.:O:

Armistead

07-06-14, 05:33 PM

If you're looking for a willing misfit to join your ranks, I put myself forward.

If I'm not welcome, then sod the lot of you, I'll go and start my own club.:O:

not the attitude to get a deal done...

Feel free to start your own club, but we'll sue if you start using our handshake.

Tango589

07-06-14, 05:42 PM

not the attitude to get a deal done...

Feel free to start your own club, but we'll sue if you start using our handshake.
I thought a certain truculence would help me fit in better. My bad.

FYI, no handshake I came up with would ever involve dropped trousers and waggled wangers, but who an I to judge?

Armistead

07-06-14, 06:06 PM

I thought a certain truculence would help me fit in better. My bad.

FYI, no handshake I came up with would ever involve dropped trousers and waggled wangers, but who an I to judge?

Well, to be a full member with benefits, we do have certain rituals to go through.....It weeds out misfits and builds trust...

Armistead

07-06-14, 08:28 PM

I found the original Ubirat membership, details and other stuff from a few years ago...

Just thought it would be helpful...

Chairman - Armistead

President - Wolferz
Vice President - Werner Von Trapp {AWOL}
Treasurer - MWolfe1963 {AKA Armistead}
Director of Alcohol - Cmdrmoose
Chief Quality Officer {hires hookers/booze tester} Swamprat69
Director of Pubic Affairs - Blowtanks
Dept of Heads {head cleaner} Fireftr18
Director of Marketing - {speeches and spellchecking} -paulhager
Director of Trash - nohunt
Head of Security -{Chairman's Guard} captgeo
Director of Coffee Pot/Pinup Model RatGirl/Nurse/Laundry - donna577

Members in Good Standing
Celeon999
Yooper
Tambor
Loulouis

Members Standing
cgkstealth

Members Sitting {poor standing}
Andypandy
denis4510
Oldfart
merc4ulfate
Bigdog
bubblehead

Honorary Members
{Neal }

Ubirat HALL OF FAME
{None Yet}

{I found our first meeting minutes}

02/31/2012

Come to order
Everyone give the secret handshake
ouch
ouch
ouch
AHHhhh
I can't
Yessss...
Enough with the secret handshake...
AWWW
Dern...
hiccup
Who farted
Anyone got anything to say
Bite me
bring in the girls
We need to order toilet paper
wirebrush works
Use your hand like always

ORDER ORDER!

order what
Beer
Girls
toilet paper

ANYTHING IMPORTANT

Fireftr has a strange rash on his nads
How do you know?
I vote we conclude the meeting {Fireftr18}
Me too
Yea
Burp
Meeting adjourned..

Wolferz

07-07-14, 04:09 AM

http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb295/Wolferz_2007/3-blind-mice-child-group-costume.jpg
From left to right... MWolfe, Wernher, firefiter18.

Talk about your three blind rats!
I would've been in the shot but, somebody had to take the picture and we couldn't afford a professional photographer.

I don't remember who came up with that secret handshake.
{selective memory loss from a stroke} instead of a shake.:huh:

It may have had something to do with the hookers...
http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb295/Wolferz_2007/three_blind_mice1.jpg

and the mickies Swamprat was putting in our beer.:doh:

C'mon in Steed. We like fellows with down under accents.:shucks:

If'n you don't perform the secret handshake Mister Tango, well, I don't blame you. Armistead gets all touchy feely and wants to man hug everybody when we greet new members. Just smack him with a rolled up newspaper or stuff a pretzel in his mouth and he'll calm down. {low blood sugar I think}
Truculence:06: That's aggressively brutal of you to say.

Step back FF, it's my axe now and we need the fire wood.:stare:

Tango589

07-07-14, 04:23 AM

Alright, it sounds like a laugh with the beer, scallywags, ner-do-wells and secret handshake. I want in and promise not to vomit in the pot plants too often.

Wolferz

07-07-14, 04:36 AM

Alright, it sounds like a laugh with the beer, scallywags, ner-do-wells and secret handshake. I want in and promise not to vomit in the pot plants too often.
Done deal!
That'll be $118.14 {cash} for the first month of membership.
Are you any good at bleaching out blood stains? There was an unfortunate accident with a hooker, an axe and the coffee pot in my office. The less said the better.:shifty:

Armistead, we have petty cash now! Get bleach!

That's enough with the secret handshake. The hooker is a recovering voyeur.

vanjast

07-07-14, 05:15 AM

http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb295/Wolferz_2007/three_blind_mice1.jpg

Blind hookers... NICE! makes it more that worth while ...and they seem good with the long range 'hand shaking' - practicing their range techniques with those sticks

Jimbuna

07-07-14, 05:15 AM

You keep an eye on the aft hatch Steve and I'll do my usual and charge in through the conning tower.

Wolferz

07-07-14, 06:30 AM

Who called the johndarms...err seandarms...err the coppers?:-?

It's ok if you boys in blue stay. We need someone to protect the coffee can, uhhh treasury.:up: That Tango guy looks a little shifty. :shifty:Can I get you fellas to run some background checks? Truculent people make me nervous and poor Armistead gets apoplectic because he doesn't handle brutal criticism well.{I reference his stint as a Broadway producer} Another trip to the sanitarium would not be good.:hmmm:

By the way, "worthwhile" is one word, not two.

Apologies vanjast. I'm a spelling Nazi.

Don't say anything about my girlfriends.
There's only one thing that would make them look better...
Drivers licenses issued in 2018.:cool:

PS:
Those aren't sticks, they are personal pleasure devices. Just ask Armistead. Those things have been in his aft hatch numerous times.:huh: The Gerbils were becoming expensive and PETA was sniffing around.

Armistead

07-07-14, 07:28 AM

Wolferz,

You can't just let every Tom, Dick:D and Harry in the Bilge....without proper hazing, indoctrination and rituals. It's only fair we hold a vote. Tango wants in, it must be voted on.

I vote him in... He is now a member in poor standing.

I also have a request. I want to make Attungabungholey {If I misspelled his name, I think we know who I mean} a full member and even appt him to non elected office as our Chief of Foreign Affairs. He can deal with all non Americans. I think he should also take on paulhagers office and do speeches and spellchecing. I love the way he writes, even not understanding it. I plan to get him to start posting for me on FB, write to my wife, etc..

He fully agrees to all rituals:oops:.

Armistead

07-07-14, 07:34 AM

You keep an eye on the aft hatch Steve and I'll do my usual and charge in through the conning tower.

Someone grease the ladder rungs fore and aft...

This is not a revolution this time, we simply have dwindled in numbers due to mismanagement by a president that leads from the rear.. We're just trying to expose ourselves to others that might not know about the bilge.

....but with Steve aft and you fore to watch us, we know our fates are in each others hands....

Rhodes

07-07-14, 08:06 AM

Are you all free masons? :D

Armistead

07-07-14, 08:10 AM

Are you all free masons? :D

I think Wolferz is a Shriner and I belong to local Moose 327

Wolferz

07-07-14, 09:59 AM

Yeah, yeah. Sign up whoever you want.
I'm busy watching pron and vacuuming and you know I hate to be interrupted when I'm cleaning my clock.:stare: This is the best part too. What's behind the green door?

The fez is slimming don't ya think? It doubles as a garbage can too.

vanjast

07-07-14, 12:12 PM

By the way, "worthwhile" is one word, not two.

Apologies vanjast. I'm a spelling Nazi.

No problems... I was suppose to put 'my' between the two :D, but my hands are a few steps behind my brain.. so they forgot.
:arrgh!:

Wolferz

07-07-14, 12:59 PM

No problems... I was suppose to put 'my' between the two :D, but my hands are a few steps behind my brain.. so they forgot.
:arrgh!:

I can relate. Mine are too. Especially when the hands initiate groping mode before the brain can tell them that it's inapropriate.:timeout:

Rhodes

07-07-14, 01:01 PM

What's behind the green door?

Marilyn Chambers, I think!:hmm2:

Wolferz

07-07-14, 01:07 PM

Are you all free masons? :D

Better than being slave masons for the pharaohs.:down:

Wolferz

07-07-14, 01:10 PM

Marilyn Chambers, I think!:hmm2:

I knew there was a room back there. Didn't know it was named Marilyn.:hmmm:
Thanks for spoiling the ending.:nope:

Rhodes

07-07-14, 01:29 PM

Thanks for spoiling the ending.:nope:
:salute:

Tango589

07-07-14, 02:22 PM

That Tango guy looks a little shifty. :shifty:

A little shifty? I'll have you know I'm a LOT shifty. In fact, I was runner-up in the 2010 All England Mr Shifty contest. I was soundly thrashed by some fella by the name of Buna (but that was in the bar after the contest, after he had drunk 6 pints of Old and Nasty, tried to get freaky with the landlords' dog and vomited in the Aspidistra).

mapuc

07-07-14, 02:26 PM

Do I see an upcoming conspiracy to take over the world ? :D

Markus

Jimbuna

07-07-14, 02:54 PM

Do I see an upcoming conspiracy to take over the world ? :D

Markus

Hardly...this is SubSim, not Ubisoft but I do admit to being well up to date with prior history, thanks to two close friends who moderated during the period :know:

Armistead

07-07-14, 03:39 PM

Armistead

07-07-14, 03:44 PM

The two following people have been approved to join the Bilge as members

Actung {Awarded Director of Foreign Affairs}

Someone that calls himself The Hoff. He met all our qualifications and had some great lies to tell.. Member sitting/laying

http://i651.photobucket.com/albums/uu235/Armistead1424/Armistead1424057/images23_zps08d22628.jpg

Wolferz

07-07-14, 03:44 PM

Hardly...this is SubSim, not Ubisoft but I do admit to being well up to date with prior history, thanks to two close friends who moderated during the period :know:

You're married to Ms Kleaneasy?:huh:
Congrats Mister Kleansy.:salute:

If you're alluding to the Battle of El Dorado, we had nothing...ish to do with that.:shifty: We just watched from the bleachers and ate popcorn.

Shift the gears Shifty..uhh Tango.:rock:

Wolferz

07-07-14, 06:12 PM

We need to induct our first Ubirat into the Hall of Fame for 2013.

To qualify

Person must be of outstanding character
Must be a full fledged Ubirat.
Must have numerous accomplishments as an Ubirat

Please enter the persons name, their accomplishments. As Chairmen I get 5 votes, President gets 2 votes, other officers 1 vote, regular members 1/2 vote.....non rats 1/16 of a vote.

I would first like to nominate a person who has numerous accomplishments and of high character. Record wins in SS contest, playwright, storyteller and poet.

I proudly nominate Armistead/AKA MWolfe

You forgot to mention your main character flaw as usual...
.Narcissist extraordinaire par excelle'nce. :-?
You're nobody till somebody loves you but, you think everybody loves you. Including that guy in your mirror.

http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb295/Wolferz_2007/61872-original.jpg

I thought you quit the stage, but here you are again. Trying to get your kiss, kiss bang, bang on with the Hoff.

Same facial expression as above, eh? Do we really want to approve a new member who can't make it to his AA meetings?

Armistead

07-07-14, 07:55 PM

You forgot to mention your main character flaw as usual...
.Narcissist extraordinaire par excelle'nce. :-?
You're nobody till somebody loves you but, you think everybody loves you. Including that guy in your mirror.

"Narcissist extraordinaire par excelle'nce"

I don't know what that means.....Aktung will explain it to me later

fireftr18

07-07-14, 10:31 PM

Seems a lot has happened while I was studying Miss Chambers biology, err, I mean helping Miss Chambers study biology. :03:

Wolferz, I forgot about that picture of us when we had that outing at the park. Was that before Donna joined us? :06:

Someone get the ax away from Wolferz, he doesn't know how to use it, and is going to hurt someone with it. Maybe that's what happened to Wernher. :hmmm:
Armistead, I think we need to open an investigation. :know: Or at least try to get someone to. :O:

And Armistead, I'll vote for you for Ubirat hall of Fame. You have #2 & 3 down. And your character definitely stands out away from everyone else. I still remember that fiasco where you attacked the Hoff, you just had to drag Wernher and Woferz into it with you. I was in my usual seat in the corner watching, wish my mind could forget what my eyes saw that night. :cry:

Aktungbby

07-07-14, 10:48 PM

"Narcissist extraordinaire par excelle'nce"

I don't know what that means.....Aktung will explain it to me later

Simple! keep your Kaleun hat over one eye as you check yourself out in the UZO's reflection over some cloudy ersatz coffee delivered to the con by Olaf the cook! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQZmCJUSC6g (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQZmCJUSC6g) "You walked into the party(Kreigsmarine sendoff) like you were walking onto a yacht( your VIIC)
Your hat strategically dipped below one eye (U rakish beast:O:)
Your scarf it was apricot
(over oilskin weather gear)You had one eye on the mirror(the UZO lens) as you watched yourself gavotte (that 4/4 time folk dance you just learned in a Lorient bistro with that mademoiselle spy from Armentieres:oops: )
And all the girls dreamed that they'd be your partner (if you lived through the next patrol):dead:
They'd be your partner, and...(Especially that big gal on the sendoff band tuba!-all the men tuba players are in Russia with the Sixth Army:doh:)

You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you (on your boat, Kaleun, it's always about you...er...in your mancave anyway till "mama takes the keyboard away!"):Kaleun_Mad:

Armistead

07-07-14, 11:10 PM

I still remember that fiasco where you attacked the Hoff, you just had to drag Wernher and Woferz into it with you. I was in my usual seat in the corner watching, wish my mind could forget what my eyes saw that night. :cry:

Yea, you were in your usual corner seat with your stack of dollar bills and smile.....I'll never forget how you stuffed bills in Wolferz's thong as he did a classic waltz to Y.M.C.A by the Village People..

It was amazing how he kept a 3 step to the beat...

Wolferz

07-08-14, 03:58 AM

Do I see an upcoming conspiracy to take over the world ? :D

Markus

Yes.
We're looking for volunteers.:arrgh!:

Keep it on the down low. The NSA is watching us.:sunny:

Wolferz

07-08-14, 04:12 AM

Yea, you were in your usual corner seat with your stack of dollar bills and smile.....I'll never forget how you stuffed bills in Wolferz's thong as he did a classic waltz to Y.M.C.A by the Village People..

It was amazing how he kept a 3 step to the beat...

I wish I had room for more Williams in my willie sling but, willie takes up a lot of space.
I can't help doing a three step with my third peg leg always in the way.
Sometimes it's hard to tell if you're jealous or just envious. Don't forget Wern's part in that sordid episode.
If you need me, I'll be over at the YWCA.

Armistead

07-08-14, 07:42 AM

HALL OF FAME NOMINATIONS NOW CLOSED!

Prize - All funds in everyones pocket and of course bragging rights.

Nominations were as follows:

Armistead by Armistead seconded by Fireftr.

You can now vote for your favorite nominee per the voting rules.

Tango589

07-08-14, 08:55 AM

Shift the gears Shifty..uhh Tango.:rock:

Cool, I propose this is my new nickname in the Bilge.:yeah:

Armistead

07-08-14, 09:27 AM

Cool, I propose this is my new nickname in the Bilge.:yeah:

How bout

Slippery

That combines Shifty with all the grease, oil and other lubricants used in the bilge

Armistead

07-08-14, 09:34 AM

I wish I had room for more Williams in my willie sling but, willie takes up a lot of space.
I can't help doing a three step with my third peg leg always in the way.
Sometimes it's hard to tell if you're jealous or just envious. Don't forget Wern's part in that sordid episode.
If you need me, I'll be over at the YWCA.

Not jealous or envious at all. I remember that bad patrol off Pearl in 44, when Wern mistook 50 US bombers for Japs and let loose with the 40's. The battering we took, that terrible leak in the bilge when nothing could be found to stuff in it....and you...well, you saved us all.

Way to use your head!

Tango589

07-08-14, 12:06 PM

How bout

Slippery

That combines Shifty with all the grease, oil and other lubricants used in the bilge

I'm not sure about Slippery, I don't really like the connotations of lubricant in the bilge...

Armistead

07-08-14, 12:44 PM

I'm not sure about Slippery, I don't really like the connotations of lubricant in the bilge...

I think Slippery is a good name for the bilge. We have lots of pipes and fittings that constantly need to be greased.

Connotations...

the sort of people you must hang out with.

Anyway, it's up to WOlferz, call yourself Slimy for all I care...

Tango589

07-08-14, 01:07 PM

Hey Armistead:

http://i298.photobucket.com/albums/mm260/tango589/lunch.jpg

:yep:

Armistead

07-08-14, 01:17 PM

donna does the cooking in the bilge, we never go out. It's not that we wouldn't, but Jim and Steve keep us locked up down here most the time.

{BTW...we already have a member that uses the name Slimy, so don't use that one.}

Tango589

07-08-14, 01:31 PM

What's on the menu?

Wolferz

07-08-14, 01:38 PM

What's on the menu?

Bilge soup. Made with the hambone of a Ferret.:smug:mmm mmm!

It's so good for you and TASTY too.:up:

Oh, and if you want to change your name... Sleemo is available.

Tango589

07-08-14, 01:41 PM

I wondered what happened to Dowley, at last we know the truth.

Ps. Is it served with weevil-filled crackers?

Wolferz

07-08-14, 01:47 PM

Hey Armistead:

http://i298.photobucket.com/albums/mm260/tango589/lunch.jpg

:yep:
Jimmy Walker ain't so Dy-no-mite anymore, is he?

Wolferz

07-08-14, 01:49 PM

I wondered what happened to Dowley, at last we know the truth.

Ps. Is it served with weevil-filled crackers?

Don't eat the big ones...
Stick with the small ones. You always want to choose the lesser of two weevils.:rock:

Armistead

07-08-14, 01:52 PM

http://i651.photobucket.com/albums/uu235/Armistead1424/Armistead1424058/06fa395a-b339-4617-ac67-301d8f9509a3_zps8418c8e9.jpg

Wolferz

07-08-14, 01:54 PM

Not jealous or envious at all. I remember that bad patrol off Pearl in 44, when Wern mistook 50 US bombers for Japs and let loose with the 40's. The battering we took, that terrible leak in the bilge when nothing could be found to stuff in it....and you...well, you saved us all.

Way to use your head!

Tweren't nuthin. Just doin my job. I only wish the puffer fish had better things to do than molest me for
sixteen hours straight!

Tango589

07-08-14, 01:57 PM

Oh, and if you want to change your name... Sleemo is available.

Sleemo is good. From now on, my Bilge nickname is Sleemo. Outside the Bilge I shall be referred to as Tango or Mr. 589.:rock:

Armistead

07-08-14, 02:00 PM

Tweren't nuthin. Just doin my job. I only wish the puffer fish had better things to do than molest me for
sixteen hours straight!

As I recall the leak was fixed in 4 hours...

Wolferz

07-08-14, 02:08 PM

As I recall the leak was fixed in 4 hours...

That was after we made port and got hauled up into the dry dock.

That part REALLY HURT!

Armistead

07-08-14, 02:20 PM

That was after we made port and got hauled up into the dry dock.

That part REALLY HURT!

Maybe that wasn't a jellyfish I stepped on after all walking up the dock...

Worse, I gave it to donna to use in the bilge stew...

Oh...Sleemo, here's your introductory lubricant can...Keep in near at all times and always bring it to all secret meetings...

http://i651.photobucket.com/albums/uu235/Armistead1424/Armistead1424061/oilcan_zps4fe54a04.jpg

Tango589

07-08-14, 03:19 PM

How will I know when and where the secret meetings are being held?

vanjast

07-08-14, 04:20 PM

Hey Armistead:

http://i298.photobucket.com/albums/mm260/tango589/lunch.jpg

:yep:
Maybe Parklands/R27 Intersection...that power section in the background
Cape Town obviously (CA registration). There are these guys at every corner -becomes effing irritating.

It's just that they're 'professional bums' that work the streets preying on the unwary... but I must admit this guy has a different angle.
:)

Wolferz

07-08-14, 04:27 PM

How will I know when and where the secret meetings are being held?

We'd tell you but, then we'd have to yadda, yadda, yadda, blah, blah, yackity smackity you.:huh:

It's best you don't know though I'm sure Armistead will spill the beans...
then expect the Nug to clean them up.:yep: After that, our meals will be dicey for awhile. Pack a lunch.

Actually the great Gazoo will pop up with the notice. Probably while you're in the shower.
http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb295/Wolferz_2007/The_Great_Gazoo.png

Armistead

07-08-14, 05:07 PM

How will I know when and where the secret meetings are being held?

Really depends, only the Chairman or the President can call meetings, unless there's an emergency, then anyone can.

Still, they'e no secrets in bilge...we are one, but our secrets {like the secret handshake} must be secret to all those not UBIRATS in the Bilge. We basically just try to keep our secrets from outsiders and moderators...

Now, there are some secrets known only to the directors, but you don't need to know those.

Have you been hazed yet?

Tango589

07-09-14, 05:36 AM

Yes, and I still can't ride my bike.

Wolferz

07-09-14, 09:22 AM

Yes, and I still can't ride my bike.

I see you found our priest.:o

Note to Armistead: Restock the molasses so Fahder Randy doesn't haze us all.

You failed to heed the warning about the lube?

And you thought our constant crazy Ivan's were just another secret ritual?

Tango589

07-09-14, 11:29 AM

I see you found our priest.:o

Note to Armistead: Restock the molasses so Fahder Randy doesn't haze us all.

You failed to heed the warning about the lube?

And you thought our constant crazy Ivan's were just another secret ritual?
I was carrying my can of lubricant, it's what the priest 'hazed' me with...handle first!

I thought the constant Crazy Ivans were a side effect of drinking 'bilge brew': that lethal mixture of coffee, axle grease, bathtub vodka (made with donnas' bath water) and molasses. That stuff is only good for stripping paint or drinking.

Wolferz

07-09-14, 12:27 PM

I was carrying my can of lubricant, it's what the priest 'hazed' me with...handle first!

I thought the constant Crazy Ivans were a side effect of drinking 'bilge brew': that lethal mixture of coffee, axle grease, bathtub vodka (made with donnas' bath water) and molasses. That stuff is only good for stripping paint or drinking.

Crazy Ivan's are for guarding the stern from sneaky Fahder Randy, as I'm sure you've discovered.
Just drink more bilge brew. It dulls the pain, degreases
engines, clears those pesky clogs in the head {due to Nug cuisine} and works well in a hurricane lamp.:yep:

It could also be blamed for Wernher's psychotic break during that 40 cal. debacle.:hmmm:

Don't fall for this trick in the officer's head...
http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb295/Wolferz_2007/MOMentrance_zpsfc00d2ba.jpg
It leads to an aft torpedo tube.
Armistead thinks it's funny.

Tango589

07-09-14, 01:08 PM

I also think it's pretty damn funny!

Tell me more about this intriguing .40cal debacle...

BTW, where is Wernher? The ministry of magic?

Wolferz

07-09-14, 01:25 PM

I also think it's pretty damn funny!

Tell me more about this intriguing .40cal debacle...

BTW, where is Wernher? The ministry of magic?

Armistead mentioned the 40 cal. debacle earlier and it brings back very painful memories for me and I don't wish to relive it yet again if you don't mind.
Wernher could be in there. We haven't opened the stern tubes in awhile because Armistead only charges in head first with guns a blazing and the COB keeps telling us that the aft torpedo room is out of commission due to constipation or some such nonsense. We'll have to get Fahder Randy back there to probe the case the next time we're in for refit in about six months.

Aktungbby

07-09-14, 01:35 PM

the officer's head...
http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb295/Wolferz_2007/MOMentrance_zpsfc00d2ba.jpg

AHEM! This is the officer's head-24 carot solid gold BBY! http://img.timeinc.net/time/2010/10_toilets/gold.jpg Worth more than $29 million. The bathroom was the brainchild of jeweler Lam Sai-wing,:x who was inspired by communist leader Lenin's vision that the most appropriate thing to do with gold would be to build public toilets out of it. The working lavatory boasts a state-of-the-art automatic flushing system. there are 900-gram gold bars embedded in the floor. :yeah: Just 'cause we're bilge rats don't mean we gotta be poor bilge rats!:rock:

Wolferz

07-09-14, 03:00 PM

^ Maybe on your boat.:hmmm: Butt not on the USS Bilge. We got the crappy crapper.:stare:

http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb295/Wolferz_2007/31KEE1lVtKL_AA160_.jpg

This one has a sophisticated flush system too. Just put your lips together and blow.

Armistead

07-09-14, 05:56 PM

I was carrying my can of lubricant, it's what the priest 'hazed' me with...handle first!

I thought the constant Crazy Ivans were a side effect of drinking 'bilge brew': that lethal mixture of coffee, axle grease, bathtub vodka (made with donnas' bath water) and molasses. That stuff is only good for stripping paint or drinking.

He was supposed to use the spout, that's why you always want your can full.....

The stew...you left out Wolferz's ground up testes on the dock that I mistook for a jellyfish or sea snail that ended up in the stew.....Someone needs to check and see if donna used it all or froze some for later use...

Armistead

07-09-14, 06:26 PM

NOTICE:

We have our first HALL OF FAME member voted in by his...er...peers.

Congrats to Armistead.:yeah:

Wolferz

07-09-14, 06:57 PM

NOTICE:

We have our first HALL OF FAME member voted in by his...er...peers.

Congrats to Armistead.:yeah:

Narwhalicist!:-?
Enjoy your honor.:up:

Armistead

07-09-14, 07:13 PM

Narwhalicist!:-?
Enjoy your honor.:up:

I followed all rules.

I opened the floor for nominations, opened voting, etc.....

Not my fault others didn't care to nominate you. This is a fair and legit win.

Wolferz

07-10-14, 09:13 AM

Tango589

07-10-14, 09:18 AM

Cor, the fabled Unobtanium Toilet that belonged to Spargo The Great, the scourge of the Deep! How did you ever get hold of it?

Wolferz

07-10-14, 11:04 AM

Cor, the fabled Unobtanium Toilet that belonged to Spargo The Great, the scourge of the Deep! How did you ever get hold of it?

Theft by deception...

Lookest thou over there --->
Then I ran out the door with it.
The unfortunate side effect was the emergency trip to the core had to be cancelled and Earth's magnetic field collapsed completely and cooked the inhabitants. :sunny:
It's a good thing we live on a submarine.:yeah:
I hope you like fish because that's all we'll be eating from now on.

Armistead

07-10-14, 01:14 PM

http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb295/Wolferz_2007/th-3.jpg

100 year limited lifetime warranty on your trophy.:D

You can sit in it or sit on it to show the rank and file that you're full of sit up to your eyeballs and the rest is sawdust.

Yes, I will take it! The last time I walked into the bilge head I thought more decent to just crap on the floor like everyone else does...

Armistead

07-10-14, 01:16 PM

Theft by deception...

Lookest thou over there --->
Then I ran out the door with it.
The unfortunate side effect was the emergency trip to the core had to be cancelled and Earth's magnetic field collapsed completely and cooked the inhabitants. :sunny:
It's a good thing we live on a submarine.:yeah:
I hope you like fish because that's all we'll be eating from now on.

donna does makes a good tartar sauce

Wolferz

07-10-14, 01:22 PM

donna does makes a good tartar sauce

She even has a belly button to put it in for convenient dipping.:03:

fireftr18

07-10-14, 10:38 PM

Yes, I will take it! The last time I walked into the bilge head I thought more decent to just crap on the floor like everyone else does...

It's just Wolferz. I tasked a newbie to clean it up. I haven't seen him here yet. I suspect her scared of the place.
:Kaleun_Sick:

Armistead

07-11-14, 01:54 AM

It's just Wolferz. I tasked a newbie to clean it up. I haven't seen him here yet. I suspect her scared of the place.
:Kaleun_Sick:
She comes by, but per our rules, she's not allowed to remark, plus she's busy with the cooking.

Wolferz

07-11-14, 07:16 AM

Armistead

07-11-14, 07:28 AM

Flick-a-booga night has been cancelled.
It's snot worth it.

PS:
Armistead,
I stopped crapping in the bilge head floor a month ago.
I've been using your coffee cup instead.

How's that Icrapper working out?

Crap...I thought donna had figured out something to improve her coffee...Oh well, I'm use it to now and not going back to what it was..

Wolferz

07-11-14, 07:36 AM

Crap...I thought donna had figured out something to improve her coffee...Oh well, I'm use it to now and not going back to what it was..

She did. She runs the food through me first and I add it to your coffee.
Must be all that five alarm chili with truffles I like so much. Glad you like it.:yep:

Besides, we feared that the screw face you kept making when taking a sip of joe was going to become permanent. You've enough handicaps already.

Armistead

07-12-14, 02:13 PM

She did. She runs the food through me first and I add it to your coffee.
Must be all that five alarm chili with truffles I like so much. Glad you like it.:yep:

Besides, we feared that the screw face you kept making when taking a sip of joe was going to become permanent. You've enough handicaps already.

Let's just call it the bilge version of Kopi luwak. We just need a name for it.

Wolferz

07-12-14, 05:39 PM

Let's just call it the bilge version of Kopi luwak. We just need a name for it.

Beans with cornbread?:D

nikimcbee

07-12-14, 06:21 PM

Beans with cornbread?:D

Nobody said, there'd be food in this thread? Is that homemade cornbread? Ditch the beans though.

Armistead

07-12-14, 11:05 PM

Beans with cornbread?:D

the texture in the coffee did feel of cornbread....but to think it was brewed in your lower intestine.....

Wolferz

07-13-14, 11:50 AM

Nobody said, there'd be food in this thread? Is that homemade cornbread? Ditch the beans though.

Our sub is our home, so I guess you could call it home made by our home girl.:)

Wolferz

07-13-14, 11:51 AM

the texture in the coffee did feel of cornbread....but to think it was brewed in your lower intestine.....

Was it gritty there, hominy?:O:

Armistead

07-13-14, 09:33 PM

http://i651.photobucket.com/albums/uu235/Armistead1424/Armistead1424058/4a5560da-78fb-440d-b5dd-ecd55a6673c4_zps231c93da.jpg

Wolferz

07-14-14, 03:11 PM

Don't be an old Groucho mister Marx.:O:

That's my job.

Wolferz

07-14-14, 07:08 PM

What did you say?
I couldn't hear over the clicking of those steel ball bearings in your hand.
Should I get the COB to bring some shaft bearing lube from the prop shaft alley? Should quiet those things down a bit.:timeout:

None the less, you showed great fortitude in doing jello shots from her naval base after eating that whole block of cheese.:yep::salute:
I thought your head was stuck in there for a moment.

Armistead

07-14-14, 07:18 PM

fireftr18

07-14-14, 10:21 PM

:Kaleun_Sick:

I think I'll leave for a while. Maybe I'll visit donna in the aft torpedo room. :Kaleun_Cheers:

Wolferz

07-15-14, 09:05 AM

I wasn't stuck, the cheese was stuck to her body. I think when I pulled with my teeth, due to the sweat, it caused a suction on the cheese...Like pulling a rubber band...HEHE...but I finally got it....Looked American, but tasted like Limburger.

An Ubirat always gets that last nip of cheese.:D

:Kaleun_Sick:

I think I'll leave for a while. Maybe I'll visit donna in the aft torpedo room. :Kaleun_Cheers:

We'll send the dancer back there so you don't miss out.:arrgh!:

I think Armistead has been watching the new Weird Al video. He even shows up in it toward the end. :woot:

http://music.msn.com/music/article.aspx?news=877460&ocid=ansent11

Tacky.

fireftr18

07-15-14, 10:24 AM

We'll send the dancer back there so you don't miss out.:arrgh!:

Then I'll definitely go the aft torpedo room. There's no way she'll be able to fit to get there.

Armistead

07-15-14, 10:48 AM

Then I'll definitely go the aft torpedo room. There's no way she'll be able to fit to get there.

We got her through the top hatch with a lot of grease, that aft hatch is the same size. I just wonder if we go on patrol if the nose will stick up out of the water...

Tango589

07-15-14, 11:46 AM

The eye bleach dispenser is empty! Again!

Fear not. After some experimentation, I've achieved good results wit Bilge Brew. Just rinse you eyes in the foul smelling liquid and the drink 2 pints, as fast as you can. Neither your eyes nor brain will be able to process anything for the next 24 hours, which should provide enough time for recovery.:dead:

Wolferz

07-15-14, 01:00 PM

Fear not. After some experimentation, I've achieved good results wit Bilge Brew. Just rinse you eyes in the foul smelling liquid and the drink 2 pints, as fast as you can. Neither your eyes nor brain will be able to process anything for the next 24 hours, which should provide enough time for recovery.:dead:

OW!:Kaleun_Crying: Bottoms Up!:Kaleun_Cheers: See you in manana:Kaleun_Sleep::hulk: All good now.:rock:

Wolferz

07-15-14, 04:18 PM

Something completely different...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hknVoAoyy-k&list=PLF714752F34BE67AC

Turn up your speakers.:D

fireftr18

07-15-14, 09:45 PM

Fear not. After some experimentation, I've achieved good results wit Bilge Brew. Just rinse you eyes in the foul smelling liquid and the drink 2 pints, as fast as you can. Neither your eyes nor brain will be able to process anything for the next 24 hours, which should provide enough time for recovery.:dead:

My doctor gave me something like that last fall. When I finally knew what was going on, I felt slimy and sore in places I aught not be. :hmmm:
I did wake to a smoking hot babe taking care of me, :D and laughing at me. :haha:

Armistead

07-15-14, 09:56 PM

Wolferz

07-16-14, 04:16 AM

I think Wolferz is a failed leader. Once we were a proud bunch of men, but look what's happened to us. Look what's happened to me, one of the most respected members in two forums, now reduced to ....I don't even know.

I'm making plans to bring him down.....and the bilge with it.
"Pride goeth before the fall"

http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb295/Wolferz_2007/T2eC16JzoE9s5nd03MBQnwnlb-Q60_35.jpg
What. me worry?

I think that Wisconsin Orca you hired for the Saturday night strip club has affected you, sir.:doh:

Wolferz

07-16-14, 04:40 AM

We got her through the top hatch with a lot of grease, that aft hatch is the same size. I just wonder if we go on patrol if the nose will stick up out of the water...

Lead ballast is cheaper.
I hear the Germans tried her on a crash dive in a type VII and they're still trying to get the bow out of the mud.:o

The U-boat captain was quoted as saying...

"Das wasser horse ist nein guten"

Jimbuna

07-16-14, 07:11 AM

Armistead

07-16-14, 08:53 AM

I'm sick of the rats Wolferz, your leadership has ruined us.

Not long ago, look at me and Wern after another great patrol, look at donna on my arm, curves, smells good, hair done....and what the hell happened to Wern....I think I know.

http://i651.photobucket.com/albums/uu235/Armistead1424/Armistead1424064/Cary-Grant-Joan-OBrien-Dina-Merrill-Tony-Curtis-Operation-Petticoat_zps6380dd66.jpg

Look at what's left of us. Look at me now in my top bunk! What the hell has happened to donna's once great figure and look at the men full of animal lust, turning on each other. We dress terrible, the bilge smells of cheap tobacco, grease and rotten tacos. What will become of donna?

http://i651.photobucket.com/albums/uu235/Armistead1424/Armistead1424064/da736524-9aaf-4193-af9f-a825453de52b_zps57022ed9.jpg

Notice how many of the rats are gone...rumor is the crew above spiked that
cheap wine they sold us, put us out and came and grabbed several in their sleep. Have you noticed paul, captgeo, nohunt and a few others are even gone. Well, I found this picture of them in straight jackets on deck and on the back a note that said {shark bait} signed by Jimbuna....They used them to fish with....

http://i651.photobucket.com/albums/uu235/Armistead1424/Armistead1424064/s8jackets_zps456102f1.jpg

and Wern, my beloved Wern...last he was seen was bent over in the head throwing up. I stepped on this a week ago and had the head drained of muck....look what I found and it has the same gold tooth that Wern had...Wern Wern Wern....It has to be him and no one cared to look.

http://i651.photobucket.com/albums/uu235/Armistead1424/Armistead1424064/article-2511249-1990C09800000578-529_634x474_zpsfffa5bf9.jpg

Fellow Rats....we've got to change, we can be real men again, but NEVER under Wolferz's leadership. We need a new leader, a non rat that come in and restore our faith in ourselves, get us back on patrol.

Let the cry be..DOWN WITH THE TYRANT WOLFERZ.....

Armistead

07-16-14, 08:56 AM

If you need any help be sure to let me know.

Can he be banned forever? Can't you think of something:hmmm:

Jimbuna

07-16-14, 08:59 AM

Can he be banned forever? Can't you think of something:hmmm:

I've got a studded leather belt you might want to pleasure yourself on him with.

Armistead

07-16-14, 09:03 AM

My doctor gave me something like that last fall. When I finally knew what was going on, I felt slimy and sore in places I aught not be. :hmmm:
I did wake to a smoking hot babe taking care of me, :D and laughing at me. :haha:

Damn it, can you not have some pride in yourself again! That wasn't a hot babe, that was Blowtanks with a wig...You stay so damn drunk you care for nothing...not even why you feel slimy and sore in areas you ought not...Wake up! Join Me!

You were once a proud cook, look in the mirror man....what has happened to you?

Armistead

07-16-14, 09:44 AM

If you need any help be sure to let me know.

Jim, if I can get the bilge cleaned up, get some changes done, say in a month...will we be let out? The men will need reassurances, something in writing from the upper crust. I think it would also be helpful if we clean our act up, we should be allowed to change our name to SubRats instead of Ubirats?

I know the men, fireftr and donna can do it, we just need a ray of hope that our efforts we worthwhile. Let us patrol again! Wouldn't you rather see us posting in the SH4 forum of glorious victories than here in GT from the bilge?

Jimbuna

07-16-14, 09:50 AM

Jim, if I can get the bilge cleaned up, get some changes done, say in a month...will we be let out? The men will need reassurances, something in writing from the upper crust. I think it would also be helpful if we clean our act up, we should be allowed to change our name to SubRats instead of Ubirats?

I know the men and donna can do it, we just need a ray of hope that our efforts we worthwhile. Let us patrol again! Wouldn't you rather see us posting in the SH4 forum of glorious victories than here in GT from the bilge?

That's a big ask but I'll have a word with the rest of the moderation team and try and convince them to remove the black cloth from their heads....would hate to find out at a later date that one of your motley crew were actually innocent of the prefabricated charges.

Armistead

07-16-14, 10:30 AM

Jim has given us hope men, fireftr and donna. So I will move forward. As Chairman, I can't remove Wolferz from power, but per our rules, I can call for a vote of impeachment and nominate a new leader.

I hereby call a vote of all rats to impeach Wolferz. I hereby cast the first vote.

I hereby nominate Aktungbby as President and leader of the Ubi-rats soon to be Subrats.

I know what you're saying men, Aktungbby is a new rat, an outsider, not of full rat rights, but that is exactly why we need him. He fits with us and he has outside connections that he can use to get us out of here and back on patrol.

Aktungbby, the men are behind you:o. Rise UP and take action..........

I first suggest some politic'n and promis'n... what you can do and why.

Aktungbby

07-16-14, 12:15 PM

I hereby call a vote of all rats to impeach Wolferz. I hereby cast the first vote. I hereby nominate Aktungbby as President and leader of the Ubi-rats soon to be Subrats.
I know what you're saying men, Aktungbby is a new rat, an outsider, not of full rat rights, but that is exactly why we need him. He fits with us and he has outside connections that he can use to get us out of here and back on patrol. Aktungbby, the men are behind you:o. Rise UP and take action..........

I first suggest some politic'n and promis'n... what you can do and why. Will honors never cease!:woot:BUT the by-laws of the Bilge rattery are clear;" Only the KING RAT(rattus rattus maximus) may lead determined by the length of his scaly tail! (size matters?!) Said KING RAT to lead all members even in rapidly departing doomed vessels via hawsers of which said fellowship may be crew unless aboard Italian or S. Korean criuise/ferry vessels where the captain has primacy of rapid departure.":o In the end, it's a grim task to find the true KING RAT- by our scaly tails entwined we are!http://i1.wp.com/listverse.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/rat-king.jpg?resize=550%2C445

My new conning tower Emblem as FriggattenRATKapitän: http://us.cdn2.123rf.com/168nwm/vectorshots/vectorshots1210/vectorshots121000204/15759404-scary-and-spooky-rat-vector.jpg

Armistead

07-16-14, 12:25 PM

Aktung

I think you just said you accept the nomination? First, we must dispose of Wolferz the Tyrant by impeachment...{unless you have another way}.

I suggest you encourage and promise the crew some things.

Some good whiskey
Toilet paper
Clean underwear for donna..

We just need 4 votes to impeach Wolferz, 3 now with my vote.

Wolferz

07-16-14, 12:47 PM

I doth smell a mutiny...

MISTER CHRISTIANNNN!:stare:

Bring my cat-o-nine tails. It's time to rip some shirts and put some blaggards in their place.

Walk the plank you scurvy Do..

http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb295/Wolferz_2007/_h768_w1366_m6_ofalse_lfalse.jpg err CAT!

Aktungbby

07-16-14, 01:36 PM

Might I suggest a triumvirate ala Caesar:dead: Pompey:dead: and Crassus:dead:( fell on his sword) or slightly later: Octavian, Lepidus,(retired as Pontifax Maximus) and Mark Antony:dead:(Fell on his sword) ... :03: Rats learn from the masters:O: (At least they all got on the coin of the realm!)http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/8b/Antony_with_Octavian_aureus.jpg/250px-Antony_with_Octavian_aureus.jpg (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Antony_with_Octavian_aureus.jpg) http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/bf/RSC_0002a.jpg/250px-RSC_0002a.jpg (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:RSC_0002a.jpg) Armistead: Best I could do with the funds available. Someone stole money and I think we need to have a hearing soon. Remember how I caught the guy that stole the strawberries....no one gets one on me. ARMIBBY get out your famous metal detector and find some of the above loot just to cover the cheese whiz and nibbles around here.http://us.cdn2.123rf.com/168nwm/ancello/ancello1103/ancello110300482/9182380-toon-mouse.jpg

Armistead

07-16-14, 02:52 PM

Aktung...you think he'll kill himself or are you saying....er....a hit, take out the leader, a member of the family?:hmmm: Normally I would say no. We had rules that we would never attack or kill one another, less we fall into civil war. But I see Wolferz has thrown down the wrench and drawn a line in the muck. He seems to enforce his position by power and threats. Maybe the men are positioning themselves behind him instead of you. Maybe it's time to bare yourself to the men and stand up, so they will ....follow you.

Take charge Aktung, if this doesn't work out, it could be war down here with no chance of escape, taking the bilge to even lower levels.

I'll start a smear campaign against Wolferz.

Armistead

07-16-14, 03:33 PM

My doctor gave me something like that last fall. When I finally knew what was going on, I felt slimy and sore in places I aught not be. :hmmm:
I did wake to a smoking hot babe taking care of me, :D and laughing at me. :haha:

It's time to declare...Make your choice! I deplore you to stand with me against the tyrant Wolferz...

Will you cast a vote of impeachment against him...?

Wolferz

07-16-14, 06:03 PM

Don't make me send my minion...:hmmm:

Socko is not someone to be trifled with. His BO could drop you in your tracks.:o:dead:

Sailor Steve

07-16-14, 07:10 PM

Crassus:dead:( fell on his sword)
No he didn't. Crassus's son Publius committed suicide, but Crassus was killed in a skirmish while trying to negotiate a truce with the Parthians. One legend has it that the Parthians captured him and poured molten gold down his throat. Stories vary as to whether this was done after his death or as the cause of his death.

Armistead

07-16-14, 07:36 PM

Don't make me send my minion...:hmmm:

Socko is not someone to be trifled with. His BO could drop you in your tracks.:o:dead:

once I get the rats sobered up, you'll see an uprising. and there's always plan B if Aktung fails...

Also, Aktung has a new safety film for us...no more of Wolferz's Bugs Bunny repeats

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nknPYKw2QM

Aktungbby

07-16-14, 10:29 PM

No he didn't. Crassus's son Publius committed suicide, but Crassus was killed in a skirmish while trying to negotiate a truce with the Parthians. One legend has it that the Parthians captured him and poured molten gold down his throat. Stories vary as to whether this was done after his death or as the cause of his death.

JEEZ! I KNEW that!:damn: My Amyloid plaque is Romen' around!:o Must have been thinking of the next disaster,#3 IMHO (after Cannae and Carrhae-25% escaped of 7 legions) : 9AD Teutoberger Wald; poor Varus did fall on his sword. RATS! Octavian, by now Augustus, was really pissed off about the three legions-totally wiped out...Rome never had a good German Policy after that!

Wolferz

07-17-14, 05:35 AM

Hmm:hmmm:

Armistead has taken to corrupting the men with boob/cheese pornographics and Aktungbby is giving Roman history lectures, with Augustus ..... guest lecturers no less.:-?
The rats are turning into Turkeys.:timeout:

I'll tell you what boys,
If you want a change for the werst by putting a weiner schnitzel in charge, have at it.
I'll resign if "All" of you can perform the following actions after downing a gallon of Bilge Brew...

Stand on one leg and mule kick for five minutes, while...
Whistling Dixie, while...
Juggling three balloons filled with helium, while...
Chin passing an apple with the St. Paulie girl.
{see photo in post #97}...
http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/showthread.php?t=214375&page=7

And Boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants.

Sorry. Just testing the beat box music I'll play while y'all try to meet those requirements.

A pharmacist mate will be standing by and I'll clear the path to the head, after I fill it with last nights dinner and conveniently forget to flush. There will be some smearing around the rim.:arrgh!:
CRASH DIVE!!!

Jimbuna

07-17-14, 06:41 AM

Armistead

07-17-14, 08:10 AM

Aktung,

Please, Wolferz is out politik'n you? As your advisor, most the rats are American. You have to speak American, not English!

I felt the tide turning against Wolferz and wanted to act when the poker was hot....but if you keep talking about Crassus and Publius, no one will understand except Steve and he ain't a rat. We need 3 more votes for impeach'n and so far we just have one..... I have approached several with no real response. One beloved rat friend even told me he was OK with Wolferz and wouldn't vote.

Keep in mind, you're stuck down here now, if you fail, I doubt your outside connections will help you. No tell'n what Wolferz will do to you.

Sailor Steve

07-17-14, 08:40 AM

Octavian, by now Augustus, was really pissed off about the three legions-totally wiped out...
I will never forget Brian Blessed screaming "Quintillius Varus, WHERE ARE MY EAGLES?"

Armistead

07-17-14, 09:07 AM

Geesh....Aktung would rather be a poor historian than a current leader...

nikimcbee

07-17-14, 09:41 AM

Don't blame me, I voted Steed.

Armistead

07-17-14, 10:13 AM

Don't blame me, I voted Steed.

He wasn't even nominated.....

Wolferz

07-17-14, 11:20 AM

So who's up next?

Pubicus Harris?

Watching you guys attempting to meet all the requirements for my voluntary resignation was most entertaining.
Especially when Armistead missed that puddle of shaft bearing lube I put on the floor and he involuntarily dove into the head. Got yourself a face full of my smear campaign, eh?
:smug: And Aktungbby screaming "Et tu Brute!" when the Bilge brew refused to stay in his alimentary system.
ROTDLMFAO....
.:har::har::har::har:

Anybody else want to challenge? I still have that other Roman invention waiting in the wings...

Concrete booties.:03::arrgh!:

Aktungbby

07-17-14, 11:35 AM

And Aktungbby screaming "Et tu Brute!" when the Bilge brew refused to stay in his alimentary system. The stuff can turn yer toga brown!:Kaleun_Sick:

Tango589

07-17-14, 11:56 AM

The stuff can turn yer toga brown!:Kaleun_Sick:

Don't worry, you can remove the stains with further applications of bilge brew. It's amazing what that stuff can shift. I'm currently in the galley fermenting Bilge Brew Xtra, an even heartier concoction with the inclusion of Swarfega, paint stripper and Agent Orange. As far as stain removal goes, it is rather on the ethnic end of the cleansing spectrum, but it tastes great in a highball glass with ice, lemon and a cherry on top. WARNING: Don't try getting all fancy and put a sparkler in it, it is highly flammable and Donna had all her clothes burnt off in the back-blast! Unfortunately, I was temporarily blinded in the explosion, so didn't get to see anything good.:-?

Armistead

07-17-14, 11:58 AM

Wolferz,

Anyway I can bow out of this thing, maintain my current position, without us coming to blood? Guess you can never trust a non-rat...an English rat at that.

I was just thinking of the men in the bilge, wanting to better us. I didn't realize how prepared you were for any possible takeovers...And then donna, she's starting to look like a man, no figure, hairy legs, sticks, farts...

Simply, I erred, but you know what they say..."to err is human...to..ah, forget is human too?" Something like that..

I just wanted to feel the sun on my face....If you forgive me, I will put an end to this impeachment and we can get back to normal:o

Armistead

07-17-14, 12:00 PM

Don't worry, you can remove the stains with further applications of bilge brew. It's amazing what that stuff can shift. I'm currently in the galley fermenting Bilge Brew Xtra, an even heartier concoction with the inclusion of Swarfega, paint stripper and Agent Orange. As far as stain removal goes, it is rather on the ethnic end of the cleansing spectrum, but it tastes great in a highball glass with ice, lemon and a cherry on top. WARNING: Don't try getting all fancy and put a sparkler in it, it is highly flammable and Donna had all her clothes burnt off in the back-blast! Unfortunately, I was temporarily blinded in the explosion, so didn't get to see anything good.:-?

what a disappointment you turned out to be......so screwed up on bilge brew fumes you couldn't see what I was doing..

It' almost like no one paid me any attention at all.....

Tango589

07-17-14, 12:13 PM

It's almost like no one paid me any attention at all.....
Sorry, were you saying something? I wasn't paying attention.

Tango589

07-17-14, 12:17 PM

Wolferz

07-17-14, 12:34 PM

I thought the life of a bilge rat was going to be a good one, instead I'll we've had is bilge stew, bilge brew, threats of mutiny, history lessons and the worst cheese buffet ever. Oh yes, and me being 'hazed' with my own oil can by the Bilges' padre.

When does the party start?

Lay off the Bilge Brew, son. We're deep into the after party at the moment.:woot:
Sober up ya scallywags.
We just got orders to head out on patrol.

Ahhh, deep water.:up: That should curtail any more of Armistead's shenanigans. :hmmm:
Speaking of which... You have something in an earth tone hue on your chin.:timeout:

Wolferz

07-17-14, 03:44 PM

http://us.cdn2.123rf.com/168nwm/vectorshots/vectorshots1210/vectorshots121000204/15759404-scary-and-spooky-rat-vector.jpgC'mon I was merciful: no rattus rattus and our contribution to the Black Death from me! As for 'padre'??!! Deification of a bilgerat iss verboten!

We only hear newbs screaming, Oh God!, Oh God! when the Padre gets ahold of them. Easily fixed. The transfer paperwork is en route to HQ.
He's going to be the spiritual attache' to the President. I hear he likes his vespers from behind. :D

As for you my dear Armistead,
As you were. Save the rage for the enemas.

Armistead

07-17-14, 04:11 PM

Wolferz....I'm sorrr...sorrrrrr....I was wron......, I erred. I never liked Aktungbby...I consider him a humbug, a man of small capacity, very obstinate, not at all chivalrous, exceedingly conceited, and totally selfish.
His plans were not a fair fight, but a mere murder....I cannot kill a fellow rat, not now, I would rather fall on my sword....

To be honest, I'm not sure anymore of myself, my abilities. I can't spell, I confuse words, my prostate is swollen, I even dribble. My wife looks at me out of the corner of her eye with a look of disgust. Was I ever great to start with is the question?

Please, no punishment....maybe I need to be indoctrinated over.

I EXPOSE myself to you and your domination.......{I'm southern baptist}

Armistead

07-17-14, 04:21 PM

http://us.cdn2.123rf.com/168nwm/vectorshots/vectorshots1210/vectorshots121000204/15759404-scary-and-spooky-rat-vector.jpgC'mon I was merciful: no rattus rattus and our contribution to the Black Death from me! As for 'padre'??!! Deification of a bilgerat iss verboten!

You disgust me entirely! To think I put myself behind you.....You cant even speak American....You're more of a let down than my ex-wife. The betrayal, the evil of it...if I want that I'll go back to the Christian Forum..

Et tu, Aktung, Et tu?

Do I have one friend left....ONE, that will speak on my behalf?

Jimbuna

07-17-14, 04:22 PM

Probably not....are we all done now?

Wolferz

07-17-14, 04:43 PM

Heel,
It's all good. This isn't the first time you've played Larry the Lobster, threatening with your big claws and ultimately flipping that tail to propel you backwards out of harms way.

Be careful next time and don't bite off more cheese than you can chew. Especially with that working girl you hired.
Our English cousins are our allies so try not to get their knickers in a twist.
Jimbuna gets exceedingly teste if you do that.:/\\!!

C'mere ya crazy galoot. You gets a big ol' sloppy Bugs Bunny smooch.:/\\k:

Now, how about getting back on your oar?:yep:

Armistead

07-17-14, 04:48 PM

Thanks Wolferz...and for your hugs of FRIENDSHIP {note Jimbuna}

Just been so much going on down here in the bilge.....I'm gonna go to the head, get some ....clean water and make you a fresh pot of coffee..

Wolferz

07-17-14, 04:56 PM

Armistead

07-17-14, 05:09 PM

Don't worry yourself.
Donna just made me a pot with a happy ending. Woo Hoo!:yeah:

but donna always made coffee for just me...I think youre pushing your leadership a lil far....we hugged and I'm still Chairman with all the power that implies...Let it be a truce.....you can have donna, she's too hairy for me now anyway.....I'll let fireftr take her position under me...

Wolferz

07-17-14, 07:47 PM

but donna always made coffee for just me...I think youre pushing your leadership a lil far....we hugged and I'm still Chairman with all the power that implies...Let it be a truce.....you can have donna, she's too hairy for me now anyway.....I'll let fireftr take her position under me...

You'll remember the price of attempted greatness for a long time to come.

Please note section 10.2-C, paragraph 12 of the Bilge UCMJ in regard to failed attempts at mutiny. Any scallywag rat convicted of such treason on the high seas or while berthed in port will forfeit all perks associated with his/her position. Yes, that means we're taking the gold plated seat off your I-crapper too. It should build morale after we install it on the enlisted head.

The constant; "Who plants his tush on a gold plated toilet seat?... :yeah:This guy!" was starting to become boring. We all thought it would wear off after awhile, but it didn't.:-? At least you don't need to strain your flabby muscles flushing that top of the line auto flushing I-crapper.
Now that I think about it, that award is what started this whole sordid mess in the first place. Any future award nominations must be submitted to me in triplicate along with $118.14 for processing and handling.

Note to all Bilge crew,
Effective immediately. Do not put snot in your footlocker or foot in your snotlocker. It's a health code thang.

That is all.

Armistead

07-17-14, 08:56 PM

I know section 10.2-C, paragraph 12 of the Bilge UCMJ very well....I wrote it and also wrote paragraph 13.

"any member at anytime can bring forth charges of impeachment to members in office without fear under antidiscrimination and whistleblower protection laws; AKA "NO FEAR ACT." If charges of impeachment are found to be false, said filing member is to suffer no more than 30 days punishment as deemed by the B.O.D" Member filing is to be free from intimidation, insult, or ridicule based on race, color, religion, sexual preference - {gay, straight, bi sexual, trans sexual, asexual, multisexual, beastaility, fetish of feet, bodypainting} -, gender, or national origin."

You survived this one, {thanks to Aktungs failures} maybe even more powerful than before...I submit myself to the depths of the bilge for 30 days as a gesture to your power or until the BOD is able to perform it's needed functions.

Wolferz

07-18-14, 06:09 AM

Aktungbby

07-18-14, 10:25 AM

I never liked Aktungbby...I consider him a humbug, a man of small capacity, very obstinate, not at all chivalrous, exceedingly conceited, and totally selfish.:smug: The very(required) definition of a bilgerat rat initiate, as set forth in the CC&R's of the Bilgerat Code; I'm appalled you left out misanthropic; it has taken me decades to become such; having started out with mere bigotry: against lab rats, tunnel rats, THE rat pack, swamp rats and lesser rodentia...all the way to full-fledged Misanthrope!:rock:
...I cannot kill a fellow rat, not now, I would rather fall on my sword....HMMM NOW Where did this fresh idea spring from suddenly?:hmmm: remember: when 'offing' thusly, to consider the gravity of the situation.:O: Don't make a muck of it! The Japs generally have a buddy to keep it tidy!
To be honest, I'm not sure anymore of myself,... I even dribble Honesty is an impermissible virtue in a bilgerat! You may recall at the initiation you are required to show capacity to lie-even unto to yourself-Prevarication and pure hokum are the benchmarks of our fellowship...ie keep telling yourself that sword is a very long one...at our age, any dribble is a good dribble-keep your aim true! :woot:

Armistead

07-18-14, 10:36 AM

Wolferz

07-18-14, 10:48 AM

Aktung, thrown into the pile of forgotten rat skeletons...Maybe Wolferz will show mercy to you. He's like that German officer in that movie that got off saying "I'm merciful." if it makes him feel powerful. Don't forget to kiss the ring when he extends his hand....the ring Aktung...

Anyway, I've got to replace that leaking flange where the sewer keeps leaking out....

You told me you finished that repair a week ago. The sewage leaking into the galley wasn't whetting any appetites for Donna's cooking.
Must be why everything has been served burnt. She's minding the stove from the conning tower couch, like my dear wife does at home.:shifty:
I swear they were both misnamed at birth. Should have been named Peggy instead of Donna.:stare:

Oh well, back to the crap game.

PS: Most of the crew likes to kiss my Precious.

Armistead

07-18-14, 01:44 PM

Had to order real caulking, donna's oatmeal didn't last...

Armistead

07-18-14, 01:47 PM

Didn't you promise the rats a return to patrol....can't you least get us an old S-boat? Losing my sea legs down here, I need to feel the mist in my face, instead of Captgeo's spit when he talks ..

Wolferz

07-18-14, 02:00 PM

Got us a nice shiny new Narwhal.:up: Well, new to us anyways.

First run, of all things, is to haul a load of pig manure to Luzon for the Provost Marshall's garden. Just to keep the Muzzies out of his tomatoes. :roll:

I'm just glad it wasn't another pig boat! Though it would probably smell the same. :-?

Prepare to get underway.

Armistead

07-18-14, 03:06 PM

Great, it's been a long time....Am I the Captain, Exec....I'll be sure to do a complete report..

No such thing as a new Narwhal in 44....{BTW, can you make it a S class, don't have many Narwhal SS}

Tango589

07-18-14, 03:17 PM

Ooh, ooh, ooh, can I blow the ships whistle when we leave?

Wolferz

07-18-14, 05:32 PM

Great, it's been a long time....Am I the Captain, Exec....I'll be sure to do a complete report..

No such thing as a new Narwhal in 44....{BTW, can you make it a S class, don't have many Narwhal SS}
It's a Narwhal. A well used Narwhal.

You want an S boat because you have loads of pictures?

Shaazzaam! Lousy pig boat!

You get second chair this trip and I'll call you number two and you can tell me; "number one, take a number two."

It beats being a red shirt so don't complain.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, can I blow the ships whistle when we leave?

What whistle? Wee doan NEED no Steenking wheestle!
We usually let Armistead fart us out of port.
Do you really want to put on the big sailor pants and pull THAT finger?

Lady and gentlemen. Please observe that the captain has turned on the NO SMOKING, NO OPEN LIGHTS, NO BREATHING signs.

.

Armistead

07-18-14, 06:43 PM

Yes Sar!

Crew has been transported to new ship Sir..
Gear and crew secured.
Torpedoes being loaded Sir
Repairs complete Sir.

Sir, we're bringing Donna, we've cut her hair and with her hairy legs and chest, I think she'll pass as a mess boy Sir...

Bringing Wern's remains for burial at sea...Sir.

I suggest we test the guns, Sir?

We're scheduled for our shakedown cruise tomorrow Sir.

and

http://i651.photobucket.com/albums/uu235/Armistead1424/1f0f3d3c-b70d-4455-a63f-84c94326515c_zps8b6dfd3d.jpg

Wolferz

07-18-14, 07:02 PM

Socko will have his eye on you.:D

Armistead

07-19-14, 07:00 AM

haha....forgot all about Socko..

Wolferz

07-19-14, 07:05 AM

haha....forgot all about Socko..

He hides in your sock drawer... Sockoflage.

Keep a close eye on the tools. We don't need any sockotage.

Tango589

07-19-14, 08:16 AM

We usually let Armistead fart us out of port.
Do you really want to put on the big sailor pants and pull THAT finger?
Only if I can wear a standard issue gas-mask.

Aktungbby

07-19-14, 10:13 AM

ARMISTEAD:....forgot all about Socko.. And just so the Sockorat is clear on his duties...and how high he can and should go! http://www.avclub.com/article/nixon-gets-socked-in-ilaugh-inis-most-famous-and-i-84881 (http://www.avclub.com/article/nixon-gets-socked-in-ilaugh-inis-most-famous-and-i-84881) http://us.cdn2.123rf.com/168nwm/vectorshots/vectorshots1210/vectorshots121000204/15759404-scary-and-spooky-rat-vector.jpg Make sure NO ONE forgets:03:

Wolferz

07-19-14, 03:26 PM

. And just so the Sockorat is clear on his duties...and how high he can and should go! http://www.avclub.com/article/nixon-gets-socked-in-ilaugh-inis-most-famous-and-i-84881 (http://www.avclub.com/article/nixon-gets-socked-in-ilaugh-inis-most-famous-and-i-84881) http://us.cdn2.123rf.com/168nwm/vectorshots/vectorshots1210/vectorshots121000204/15759404-scary-and-spooky-rat-vector.jpg Make sure NO ONE forgets:03:

Good old Sock it to me Tricky Dicky. Successfully got the milhouse away using a Ford.

Not the same Socko unfortunately. Socko doesn't have that much ambition, He's content causing problems where there should be none. Sort of the submarine version of a gremlin with a really nasty disposition.

Wolferz

07-19-14, 04:19 PM

Jimbuna

07-20-14, 05:38 AM

Not the same Socko unfortunately. Socko doesn't have that much ambition, He's content causing problems where there should be none. Sort of the submarine version of a gremlin with a really nasty disposition.

Socko eh? Brings back a few distant memories from the zoo.

http://s1.postimg.org/anaajw81r/image.jpg (http://postimage.org/)http://s13.postimg.org/p52dj64d3/image.jpg (http://postimage.org/)

Wolferz

07-20-14, 06:51 AM

Oh Cod!:timeout:
There he is!

I want hourly checks on the escape trunk and the life raft.
None of us wants to get Tambor198'ed. That's like getting Munsoned, minus the ball return.:huh:

Jimbuna

07-20-14, 06:51 AM

I saw what you did :know:

Wolferz

07-20-14, 11:10 AM

I saw what you did :know:

Your word against mine.
I'd better call Saul.:arrgh!:

Armistead

07-20-14, 01:20 PM

I saw what you did :know:

If he did something, deleted it, but you saw it....isn't it still a bannable offense at your discretion? I know..some may see it as petty, but you know how these things start. I'm sure many would stand by you if you felt the need to take action...

Aktungbby

07-20-14, 01:57 PM

If he did something, deleted it, but you saw it....isn't it still a bannable offense at your discretion? I know..some may see it as petty, but you know how these things start. I'm sure many would stand by you if you felt the need to take action...:Kaleun_Salivating: "The hand that held the dagger....:O: er pugio if yer in yer still in yer toga!http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/4/49/Pu%C3%B1al_%C3%ADbero_antenas_atrofiadas_%28M.A.N. %29_01.jpg/320px-Pu%C3%B1al_%C3%ADbero_antenas_atrofiadas_%28M.A.N. %29_01.jpghttp://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/bve/lowres/business-commerce-corporate_culture-colleagues-co_workers-corporate_ladders-backstabbing-bven900l.jpg
A little filthy lucre for ya! http://www.lundegaard.com/catalog/images/product_images/ratsass2.jpg:woot:'cui bono' BBY:Kaleun_Goofy:

Wolferz

07-20-14, 05:42 PM

If he did something, deleted it, but you saw it....isn't it still a bannable offense at your discretion? I know..some may see it as petty, but you know how these things start. I'm sure many would stand by you if you felt the need to take action...

In my defense, I don't delete anything! I edit.:O:

:Kaleun_Salivating: "The hand that held the dagger....:O: er pugio if yer in yer still in yer toga!http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/4/49/Pu%C3%B1al_%C3%ADbero_antenas_atrofiadas_%28M.A.N. %29_01.jpg/320px-Pu%C3%B1al_%C3%ADbero_antenas_atrofiadas_%28M.A.N. %29_01.jpghttp://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/bve/lowres/business-commerce-corporate_culture-colleagues-co_workers-corporate_ladders-backstabbing-bven900l.jpg
A little filthy lucre for ya! http://www.lundegaard.com/catalog/images/product_images/ratsass2.jpg:woot:'cui bono' BBY:Kaleun_Goofy:

So, ya wanna use a Mickey Mouse shiv on me, eh?:dead:

Thirty pieces of silver is hardly a bargain. Considering Socko has my back.:03:

Jimbuna

07-21-14, 05:53 AM

Your word against mine.
I'd better call Saul.:arrgh!:

LOL :)

If he did something, deleted it, but you saw it....isn't it still a bannable offense at your discretion? I know..some may see it as petty, but you know how these things start. I'm sure many would stand by you if you felt the need to take action...

I love it, you never miss a trick or an opportunity :har:

Bet you wish you were as quick in the who? What? Where? thread :)

Wolferz

07-21-14, 06:39 AM

LOL :)

I love it, you never miss a trick or an opportunity :har:

Bet you wish you were as quick in the who? What? Where? thread :)

Trick this...

http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb295/Wolferz_2007/better-call-saul-episode-101-saul-odenkirk-560.jpg

I have a cease and desist order in the amount of $118.14.

Wolferz

07-21-14, 06:46 AM

SS 118.14, Commander Wolferz- commanding...

http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb295/Wolferz_2007/e82ead7d85146cd1e75e7fd258234c0a.jpg{lefty

{LEFT}
First officer: Lt Cmdr Armistead.
He's the best we could do on short notice.

Armistead

07-21-14, 08:27 AM

LOL :)

I love it, you never miss a trick or an opportunity :har:

Bet you wish you were as quick in the who? What? Where? thread :)

Just wait until I win. Even a blind squirrel will get lucky and find one of those lil nut thingys

Armistead

07-21-14, 09:20 AM

Wolferz

07-21-14, 11:33 AM

Wolferz, I certainly wasn't trying a coup on your leadership. Just want to make sure the bilge stays clean. Plus, we have a patrol coming up and I will do everything to see that you return to port safely..:D

Like you did with poor Wern?:dead:

http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb295/Wolferz_2007/a6577173b4dee05b6989af2c5c05ad46.jpg

Kneecapping a guy just ain't right.

Aktungbby

07-22-14, 11:14 AM

Kneecapping a guy just ain't right. Not if your IRISH! :o http://www.boneandjoint.org.uk/highwire/filestream/14126/field_highwire_article_pdf/0/739.full-text.pdf (http://www.boneandjoint.org.uk/highwire/filestream/14126/field_highwire_article_pdf/0/739.full-text.pdf) Kneecapping is apparently preferred (the Troubles) and the best surgeons are in Ireland...considering the HAIL MARY alternative:dead: and a steel K-nail the length of my own femur alongside two 35 year old chunks of ballistic antimony (.380) I see some room for argument!:har: I can actually laugh about it now:o Justice must occasionally be served and the "quality of mercy is not strained, it droppeth..."(Merchant of Venice)....What's a patella and a one-way ticket to Belfast among bilgerats! keep the caliber small-size matters-:03:

Armistead

07-22-14, 12:50 PM

Actually Wern made it to the bilge, he went missing after he tried to take power...

:o

Wolferz

07-22-14, 02:56 PM

Actually Wern made it to the bilge, he went missing after he tried to take power...

:o

Well, it's very difficult to maneuver on a rolling deck without kneecaps.:huh:

Wern be sleepin' wid da fishes?

fireftr18

07-24-14, 09:30 PM

Wolferz

07-25-14, 06:11 AM

Armistead

07-25-14, 08:31 AM

A lot happens when you take shore leave. Armistead, in a stupor from too much bilge brew, causes all kinds of trouble. Now I know why I'm needed. Even if I don't say much, at least I manage keep the trouble down. Now Armistead, go sit in your corner and be quiet. You've caused enough trouble already. Wolferz and I will be months trying to fix it. I hope donna isn't too mad at you and refuse to stop by now.
:Kaleun_Mad:

I haven't done a thing. We're heading out on patrol, least to we get out to sea, act civilized, even if ya ain't. Wash you clothes, get the wrinkles out. tuck in that gut...lift that chest......and get a haircut. I'm gonna whip you boys back into shape for patrol.

This could be one of our best patrol evers...

Tango589

07-25-14, 09:14 AM

[QUOTE=Armistead;2227861]...tuck in that gut...lift that chest......and get a haircut...QUOTE]

Dang, this feels like he's talking directly to me...:o

I need to do all those things just to look halfway decent. BTW, are there any gym facilities onboard, as I need to lose a paunch I've been cultivating.

Armistead

07-25-14, 09:24 AM

Jimbuna

07-25-14, 09:33 AM

[QUOTE=Tango589;2227871]

Well, first things first, shed your drawers and get in line for your physical!

So the rumours are true!! :o

Tango589

07-25-14, 09:41 AM

Do I have to brace myself for the greasy finger?:eek:

Armistead

07-25-14, 10:00 AM

Do I have to brace myself for the greasy finger?:eek:

Pre- and post-patrol physical examinations are required to determine fitness and who wouldn't want free dental.

Who said anything about using grease?

Aktungbby

07-25-14, 11:11 AM

[QUOTE=Armistead;2227861]...tuck in that gut...lift that chest......and get a haircut...QUOTE]

Dang,... as I need to lose a paunch I've been cultivating.

'cultivated' paunch is redundant:/\\!!:rotfl2:

Tango589

07-25-14, 03:04 PM

Pre- and post-patrol physical examinations are required to determine fitness and who wouldn't want free dental.

Who said anything about using grease?

Oh thank god for that, I thought...never mind.

Armistead

07-25-14, 03:44 PM

Oh thank god for that, I thought...never mind.

You thought what...that the dental exam came right after the prostate exam? Well, you would be right. That's why we don't use grease. Last time people complained of the grease in their mouth....amongst other things.

Tango589

07-25-14, 04:20 PM

I hope I get to brush my teeth after the dental exam, to get rid of the taste of the ... grease?

Also, can I go first so I don't get anyone else's' "grease"?

Wolferz

07-25-14, 05:36 PM

I hope I get to brush my teeth after the dental exam, to get rid of the taste of the ... grease?

Also, can I go first so I don't get anyone else's' "grease"?

We cast lots for shotgun. Yours in abstentia. Your number came up last. Sorry.:arrgh!:

Taking bets on whether he pukes or doesn't.:smug:

swamprat69er

07-25-14, 08:59 PM

Do I have to brace myself for the greasy finger?:eek:
??Finger?? Somehow I don't think he will be using either grease or his finger.:haha:

Armistead

07-25-14, 09:01 PM

I hope I get to brush my teeth after the dental exam, to get rid of the taste of the ... grease?

Also, can I go first so I don't get anyone else's' "grease"?

Yea, we do it on a 3 count....so you can be ready for impact....found works better that way without the butter..

swamprat69er

07-25-14, 09:05 PM

Yea, we do it on a 3 count....so you can be ready for impact....found works better that way without the butter..
Salted butter? Ever heard the saying 'pound salt'? Salted butter is just as good.

Armistead

07-25-14, 09:23 PM

Salted butter? Ever heard the saying 'pound salt'? Salted butter is just as good.

I was told it left a burning in the inner rectum, more so if the herpes was active....

plus salt on my finger makes gives em dry mouth during he following dental exam..

Wolferz

07-26-14, 05:01 AM

Armistead is NOT a doctor or a dentist.

Just thought you might want to know before you get the ten minute prostate exam, followed by the thirty minute oral exam. :huh:

Oh, and be sure he doesn't get the two mixed up.

Tango589

07-26-14, 05:01 AM

Oh well, a couple of slugs of bilge brew beforehand will help numb any discomfort, as well as render my tastebuds inoperative.

A win-win situation!

swamprat69er

07-26-14, 07:30 AM

Oh well, a couple of slugs of bilge brew beforehand will help numb any discomfort, as well as render my tastebuds inoperative.

A win-win situation!
Remember, when his left hand is on your left shoulder, and his right hand is on your right shoulder, .......:huh:

Armistead

07-26-14, 10:26 AM

Oh well, a couple of slugs of bilge brew beforehand will help numb any discomfort, as well as render my tastebuds inoperative.

A win-win situation!

I have no doubt the bilge stew is the cause of the numerous dental issues...

Anyway, I do give you the choice of the middle finger or the thumb..

In fact, I think the bilge crew is so sick and disgusting right now I'm just gonna order everyone a broad spectrum antibiotic and pull all teeth. Frankly, some of your rectums smell better than your breathe....and I've developed a strange rash on my thumb after Swamp's exam...of maybe it was Wolferz's after....Not my fault our leader hasn't provided me with the rubber glove.

Armistead

07-26-14, 11:06 AM

swamprat69er

07-26-14, 11:09 AM

You have been 'certified' ever since I've known you.:har:

Aktungbby

07-26-14, 01:36 PM

You have been 'certified' ever since I've known you.:har:

No problem!:O: ship him to me BBY! :Kaleun_Goofy:He sees ghosts on bridges...he'll fit right in??? :k_confused: Bear will be a little additional 'pet therapy'! :woot: https://yeti-cir-test.s3.amazonaws.com/uploaded/images/2010/12/napahospital01/original/napahospital01_adi_web.jpg

swamprat69er

07-26-14, 01:42 PM

Armistead....They are coming to take you away, haa haa!

Armistead

07-26-14, 02:22 PM

anybody seen the nail clippers..

Wolferz

07-26-14, 04:34 PM

anybody seen the nail clippers..

Lost I saw of them, Donna was clipping the toenails and beaks off the chickens.

Armistead

07-26-14, 04:55 PM

Lost I saw of them, Donna was clipping the toenails and beaks off the chickens.

Thanks

http://i651.photobucket.com/albums/uu235/Armistead1424/Armistead1424079/images35_zps2f16bc9c.jpg

Wolferz

07-27-14, 06:30 AM

Thanks

http://i651.photobucket.com/albums/uu235/Armistead1424/Armistead1424079/images35_zps2f16bc9c.jpg

:huh:If that thumb were on a lesbian you'd be considered "well endowed" :huh:

Armistead

07-27-14, 08:04 AM

Victory for the Bilge.

It is my honor to announce I have scored the first victory for the bilge in the
Who/What/Where thread.

I hearbye wont the titel of "Brains of the Bilge"
Let them laugh at us now....

Jimbuna

07-27-14, 08:52 AM

Armistead

07-27-14, 09:12 AM

How dare you come in the bilge with your rants and clean white clothes.

I expect you to come here with a medal, ribbon or trophy to award me...

Men of the bilge, he is simply mocking me because I gave them a very easy thing to guess, this has nothing to do with my victory. I, me...picked and guessed the hardest item so for in that contest, guessing part and gun. No one else got close, except some dummy that thought he was going to steal my victory. I think I have proven once again I'm the smartest person in the bilge.

Plus, I can recite the complete work of Belloc to you guys while on patrol.

Jimbuna

07-27-14, 10:56 AM

http://s15.postimg.org/i41nmwnmz/image.png (http://postimage.org/)

Aktungbby

07-27-14, 12:48 PM

http://s15.postimg.org/i41nmwnmz/image.png (http://postimage.org/)

It is a bilgerat's dream to be well-forked!:woot:

Armistead

07-27-14, 12:53 PM

Thought he least give us a new bottom-patting poster for our upcoming patrol.

:doh:

I'm getting right tired of being the butt end of the jokes around the forum

Wolferz

07-27-14, 01:01 PM

It is a bilgerat's dream to be well-forked!:woot:

And thumbed!
:timeout:
Unless you hit that Chinese restaurant and find thumbthing Wong.

Tango589

07-27-14, 05:28 PM

Talking of 'Chinese', is there any chance of a change of cuisine round here? I'm not complaining, but the thought of Donna using the same nail clippers on the chickens that Wolferz used on his fungus infested talons is enough to make me lose my appetite (and I've had to sit opposite swamprat69er during meals of wieners, meatballs and spaghetti when he decided to go naked for 'health reasons'):o

Armistead

07-27-14, 05:31 PM

Tango589

07-27-14, 05:51 PM

We're at war with Japan, not the Chinese.
You would never tell, from the horrendous things Donna's doing to those chickens in the name of 'Chinese food'...

Armistead

07-27-14, 06:23 PM

You would never tell, from the horrendous things Donna's doing to those chickens in the name of 'Chinese food'...

because it looks Chinese, don't think that it is....anyway, we'll be in our new boat soon.....just waiting for some test results from the physical and you guys still got to your physical qualifications, push ups, etc...

Tango589

07-27-14, 07:48 PM

Cool, what boat are we being consigned to the bilge of next?

Armistead

07-27-14, 07:52 PM

I think Wolferz said he got us a Narwhal or S boat....Something about delivering some toilet paper to some base yet not known...

But who knows what we'll run into..

Aktungbby

07-28-14, 03:12 PM

Cool, what boat are we being consigned to the bilge of next?

I think Wolferz said he got us a Narwhal or S boat....Something about delivering some toilet paper to some base yet not known...

But who knows what we'll run into..

'NARWHAL MY S!' Lets go with numero UNO you ol' REB! Well make all :subsim:ers over age 60 automatic bilge rats-they're 'nasty ol' cranks' anyhow and will fit right in! The wood seats are good fer chewin too; keeps the teeth gleaming in the candle light!http://us.cdn1.123rf.com/168nwm/dclipart/dclipart1202/dclipart120200363/12491039-rat--halloween-set--vector-illustration.jpgnew logo-teeth AND scaly tail!?http://i1162.photobucket.com/albums/q527/datsun260zyojimbo/Charleston_zps03a5adb3.jpg (http://s1162.photobucket.com/user/datsun260zyojimbo/media/Charleston_zps03a5adb3.jpg.html)T

Armistead

07-28-14, 07:19 PM

Well, 99% of the crew were deemed medically/physically unfit for duty.
Most concerning were the following officers

Wolferz:
Herpes Simplex 1 & 2
Anal Warts{ found in mouth.}
Ingrown Toe Nails
Schizophrenia
42 lbs overweight.

Swampman:
Herpes Simplex 1&2
Scabies
Chancroid - right testicle
Hemorrhoids
General Depression
38 lbs overweight

Fireftr:
Herpes Simplex 2{note: found on upper lip}
Severe Gingivitis
Canker Sores {rectal rim}
Bi-Polar Disorder
28 lbs underweight.

Aktung:
Gingivitis
Vaginsitis {:huh:}
Gonorrhoea
Pubic Lice
38 lbs overweight
Antisocial Personality Disorder
Multiple Personality Disorder
39 lbs overweight

Tango:
Trichomonas
Genital Warts
Gonorrhoea
Herpes Simplex 1 & 2
Canker of the Anus
Scabies
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
Anemic
18 lbs underweight.

Armistead:
Stomach Ulcers
Irritable Bowel Syndrome
Nail Fungus
Herpes 1&2 - Fingernails
Arthritis Thumbs
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
42 lbs underweight

Wern:
Calcium Deficiency Disease
138 lbs underweight

Wolferz

07-29-14, 05:37 AM

Is that Herpes Simplex or Zostrex?

Armistead

07-29-14, 07:52 AM

Is that Herpes Simplex or Zostrex?

both!

Aktungbby

07-29-14, 10:55 AM

You missed 'Herpes Gladiatorium' http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herpes_ gladiatorum (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herpes_ gladiatorum) "it is strongly associated with contact sports (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Contact_sport) — outbreaks (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Outbreak) in sporting clubs (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sporting_club) being relatively common. Other names for the disease are herpes rugbiorum or "scrumpox" (after rugby football (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rugby_football)), "wrestler's herpes" or "mat pox" (after wrestling (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wrestling)). In one of the largest outbreaks ever among high-school wrestlers at a four week intensive training camp, HSV was identified in 60 of 175 wrestlers." I wrestled, 7 years, played rugby, 10 years, and came from MN where it was prevalent. But try telling your wife that...:k_confused:I need a Hamm's:Kaleun_Cheers:If were all crankin' madly down in our lil' Hunley, could be a problem...:Kaleun_Party:

Armistead

07-29-14, 07:27 PM

We have found the source...

Wolferz

07-30-14, 07:31 AM

Mary J Bilge crew,

Re: Retention,

All disqualifying physical and medical conditions have been waived.

Report to the SS 118.14 currently berthed at pier 69, San Diego, Ca.

Once you pipe aboard and get settled in, I want the entire sub repainted. See the base quartermaster and draw the brushes and the fifty shades of gray I have ordered. Sub is to be painted in a tiger stripe camouflage pattern. Bring all onboard equipment up to spec.

Luzon needs that load of pig slop ASAP! So, get it done yesterday.

Wolferz

07-31-14, 11:18 AM

When there's work to be done.

Typical. :roll:

Armistead

07-31-14, 11:50 AM

Tango589

07-31-14, 12:10 PM

I heard it involved lewd and indecent behaviour with livestock.:o

Wolferz

07-31-14, 01:43 PM

Sir,

I think you made a mistake by calling the men to work. I'm gonna tell them there's a party with booze and free women aboard SS 118.14, then we call pull out and whip em into shape.

Also, Fireftr got arrested last night and currently in the brig. I'll see what the charges are.

I'm gonna store Wern under your bunk....

Attach a catheter hose to the jug so I don't have to get up to go pee.:arrgh!:

FF was probably impersonating a fireman again and trespassing in someone's tree.:hmmm: He always uses that saving the cat schtick when he wants to play peeping ToM. I hope it wasn't the admiral's daughter again.

Armistead

07-31-14, 01:54 PM

I heard it involved lewd and indecent behaviour with livestock.:o

yep, it was the admiral's daughter....

Wolferz

07-31-14, 02:46 PM

yep, it was the admiral's daughter....

The only girl I know that ended up on a See-&-Say.

The cow goes Mooooo.

Aktungbby

08-01-14, 12:18 AM

I heard it involved lewd and indecent behaviour with livestock.:oOr deadstock;:dead: bilgerats ain't particular! http://us.cdn1.123rf.com/168nwm/dclipart/dclipart1202/dclipart120200363/12491039-rat--halloween-set--vector-illustration.jpg

Attach a catheter hose to the jug so I don't have to get up to go pee. Why so technical? DEPENDS will do nicely! and they'll provide a little padding on that wooden crank seat too!:03:

Wolferz

08-01-14, 12:35 AM

We Bilge Rats might have bigger balls... if more of us knew how to dance.:yep:

swamprat69er

08-02-14, 04:04 PM

The sheep are GREAT! Nice curly hair to tangle your fingers in so they can't run away. There are boots supplied for their hind legs.
http://s261.photobucket.com/user/swamprat69er/media/SH4/sheepboots_zps47d60309.jpg.html

Aktungbby

08-02-14, 05:23 PM

http://i261.photobucket.com/albums/ii61/swamprat69er/SH4/sheepboots_zps47d60309.jpg^otherwise know as 'Wellies' when Tango's a' gittin' lucky 'a rackin' da' lamb!!" "Why did the ram jump off the cliff? He didn't see the ewe turn.!??" Wolfertz :We Bilge Rats might have bigger balls... if more of us knew how to dance speaking of which: you've made me hungry:http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/images/20100510-nastybits-deepfriedtesticles.JPGgrilled lamb testicles BBY:yeah:

fireftr18

08-02-14, 08:13 PM

yep, it was the admiral's daughter....

It's good to get in good with the Admiral. Make the old man happy that someone is paying attention to his daughter. A little sacrifice goes a long way.

Tango589

08-03-14, 04:46 AM

http://i261.photobucket.com/albums/ii61/swamprat69er/SH4/sheepboots_zps47d60309.jpg^otherwise know as 'Wellies' when Tango's a' gittin' lucky 'a rackin' da' lamb!!" "Why did the ram jump off the cliff? He didn't see the ewe turn.!??" speaking of which: you've made me hungry:http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/images/20100510-nastybits-deepfriedtesticles.JPGgrilled lamb testicles BBY:yeah:

Don't you bring me into this, those rumours are completely unfounded and were spread with the sole intention of besmirching my good character!:nope:

swamprat69er

08-03-14, 05:41 AM

I heard it involved lewd and indecent behaviour with livestock.:o

You are the one that threw the livestock into the conversation. Remembering what their warm bodies were like, were you?

Wolferz

08-03-14, 11:25 AM

We're Bilge Rats, not Sheep molesters.:-?

Aktungbby

08-03-14, 11:49 AM

Don't you bring me into this, those rumours are completely unfounded and were spread with the sole intention of besmirching my good character!:nope: Now that's just cruel and wrong ...and you've made me hungry again! (stuffed sole BBY):O:

http://c1.tacdn.com/img2/x.gif
http://c1.tacdn.com/img2/x.gif (http://www.tripadvisor.com/LocationPhotoDirectLink-g53449-d3389186-i100657204-Central_Diner_Grille-Pittsburgh_Pennsylvania.html#100657150)
http://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/05/ff/e8/34/crab-stuffed-broiled.jpg

You are the one that threw the livestock into the conversation. Remembering what their warm bodies were like, were you? Thanks for the defense! 'hoist with his own petard' he is!