British Football Thread (all divisions)

[BossMark]

Another embarrassing result for that team of mine :nope:

[Jimbuna]

yeah, must admit even I was a little surprised.

[Jimbuna]

Invitation:

Members of SubSim have been invited to Liverpool FC's end of season party. Dress code is strictly 70's and 80's style only. Free bar, however terms and conditions apply...only Bitters available, no doubles or trebles. Also drinks will be served in small glasses as no cups are available. Rafa Benitez will be providing entertainment with his famous party trick; making £200 million disappear into thin air with nothing to show for it.

RSVP

[TarJak]

You'll fit right in Jim. :O:

[Jimbuna]

Never...not as long as Tight Mike owns the club.

[Jimbuna]

TOON actually score three but end up with a 3-3 draw and Hammers are hammered 3-1 by Southampton.

To put the icing on the cake....Mackems lose 1-0 to QPR.

[BossMark]

TOON actually score three but end up with a 3-3 draw and Hammers are hammered 3-1 by Southampton.

To put the icing on the cake....Mackems lose 1-0 to QPR.
And Leeds won, and the scum can only get a draw against Burnley :haha::haha:

[BossMark]

Van Gaal's 3-5-2 is working a treat

3 Games Played
5 Goals Scored/Conceded
2 Points

:rotfl2::rotfl2::rotfl2::rotfl2::rotfl2:

[Jimbuna]

Almost time to watch the Spurs game :cool:

[BossMark]

Daley Blind is set to be named Manchester United captain..

Talk about D.Blind leading the blind

[Jimbuna]

Liverpool beat Spurs 3-0.....a pretty good game.

Villa beat Hull 2-1 just the Leicester v Arsenal game left but yours truly will be at the graft.

[Jimbuna]

Man United signing Di Maria and Falcao is like giving someone who needs heart surgery fake breasts.

It look's nice but isn't what's needed.

[BossMark]

I've just seen Danny Welbeck in a pub in Newcastle.

He's not signing for them or anything, it's just where his last shot landed.

[Jimbuna]

Well he certainly wouldn't be found in Leeds then :)

[BossMark]

Arsene Wenger is currently undergoing a medical at Arsenal after agreeing to pay £16 million for Man United's Danny Welbeck.

[Jimbuna]

BREAKING: Kaka spotted at Elland Road.

http://s22.postimg.org/6xq9822wh/image.jpg (http://postimage.org/)

[BossMark]

After Arsenal's £16 million bargain signing completed his full medical last night, the physio had some shocking news:

'Mr Wenger, er, I don't quite know how to say this ... I've thoroughly examined him, and I'm afraid this isn't Daniel Sturridge.'

[Jimbuna]

Arsenal didn't train today. Danny Welbeck brought a league winners medal with him and the squad took turns holding it.

[Jimbuna]

Michael Chopra's opted to play for India & leave his betting issues behind him

"It'll be an honour to play in Friday's 2-0 loss to China"

[BossMark]

Just seen Roy Hodgson doing a press conference loose his cool anybody got a clue what borrocks means?

[Jimbuna]

Watching the Women's World Cup reminded me of when I was first learning the controls to FIFA.

[BossMark]

According to Jack Wilshire, he reckons in two years time our younger players will be much older.

Playing for the England football team must make you more intelligent than other people.

[Jimbuna]

Roy Hodgson has told Rooney to increase his dribbling in the second half.

If the Swiss keep slipping on it, we've got half a chance.

[Jimbuna]

Gareth Bale said that the Andorra pitch was the worst he's ever played in and that he was lucky not to be injured.

"It really made it difficult for me to dive," He added.

[BossMark]

Manchester United looking good at 4-0 but they will face tougher opposition than QPR,

Such as the M.K Dons............................oh wait.

[Jimbuna]

Same old same old for the TOON...thrashed 4-0 at Southampton (who sold their quality players pre-season).

The quicker Ashley sells up and Pardew goes the better.

[Jimbuna]

Leeds United have been hit with a massive bill from the government.

They have a spare room that they never use.

[Jimbuna]

TOON come back from behind twice against Hull, thanks to Cisse.

[BossMark]

A great win by the mighty whites against Huddersfield in the west Yorkshire derby:D:D

[Jimbuna]

City v Chelsea should be a good game....I'll get the first half in before going to work.

[BossMark]

Is it just me or do Liverpool seem to have lost their bite this season?

[BossMark]

Okay so Man U let in 5 goals today. But in their defence.

Oh that's right, they haven't got one.

[Jimbuna]

Tonight televised game is Wigan v Ipswich...not sure if I'll be watching that.

[BossMark]

http://i1224.photobucket.com/albums/ee374/rothwellwhite1/882_zps1aff2701.jpg

[Jimbuna]

http://s25.postimg.org/cob3li50v/image.jpg (http://postimage.org/)

[BossMark]

Another bad result for the Toon, how long as Pardew got left Jim?

[Threadfin]

Well Ashley made a blunder when he signed Pardiola up to a 8-year deal didn't he? How he could have thought this was a wise move escapes me, but to sack him now means he'll be paying two gaffers for years to come. But I don't know if there is a worse manager in the League. He has to go.

Newcastle may be a bit unbalanced, but they have some good players. With Pardew in charge though they will never improve. I'd sack him today. But who do you appoint? Curbishley is probably odds on at 5 to 1 :D

[Jimbuna]

Another bad result for the Toon, how long as Pardew got left Jim?

Hard to tell, him being a friend of Ashley but premiership survival is the only thing that matters to the owner, obviously because of the income from Sky etc.

Well Ashley made a blunder when he signed Pardiola up to a 8-year deal didn't he? How he could have thought this was a wise move escapes me, but to sack him now means he'll be paying two gaffers for years to come. But I don't know if there is a worse manager in the League. He has to go.

Newcastle may be a bit unbalanced, but they have some good players. With Pardew in charge though they will never improve. I'd sack him today. But who do you appoint? Curbishley is probably odds on at 5 to 1 :D

I believe there is a clause in Pardews contract stipulating a maximum payout of £1.5 million (small change to Ashley).

Curbishley has been out of top flight management for too long now but on the other hand...you never know what Ashley is thinking.

[Threadfin]

Well it was a joke as Curbishley always pops up in the odds to be next manager.

And Ashley hired Joe "F'in" Kinnear, several times, so ya never know.

[Jimbuna]

Not forgetting the 'wise' man of football.

[Jimbuna]

"Flesh-eating virus set to hit Spain before the end of October!"

In other news, Luis Suarez makes his Barcelona debut later this month.

[BossMark]

The January transfer window should be interesting, I hear Ebola is coming to England my money is him signing for Chelsea or Man City but he sounds like the sort of player that could also turn up at Newcastle Or West Ham.

[Jimbuna]

Estonia should provide stiffer opposition than San Marino did the other night.

[BossMark]

Have not watched an England since that scouse idiot was made captain and I refuse to watch them as long as he holds that position and the the idiot who made him captain is still the manager....

[Jimbuna]

Not much different from watching a Shrek movie :)

[BossMark]

Not much different from watching a Shrek movie :)
Shreck films are more entertaining than watching boring England :yep:

[Jimbuna]

Could go through the qualifiers unbeaten then exit the competition without a win.

[BossMark]

In before Jim

Southampton 8 mackems 0 :rotfl2::rotfl2::rotfl2::rotfl2::rotfl2:

[Jimbuna]

Not to forget the TOON won their first game :rock:

The mackems eh? :har::har::har::har::har::har::har::har:

One for every goal :rock:

[BossMark]

Sunderland will now officially be the biggest catastrophe to leave Southampton since the Titanic.

[Jimbuna]

Sunderland players have blamed the kitchen staff at their training ground, complaining that before the Southampton game they eight nothing.

[BossMark]

I was doing a comedy gig and I was asked if I knew any football jokes.

"I now nothing about football, I wouldn't know where to start, " I replied,

"You'll need to get on the A19 then, " a voice from the crowd shouted, "it will take you to Sunderland. "

[Jimbuna]

A man's body was found in the Tyne yesterday. He was dressed in a Sunderland shirt, mini-skirt, fishnets, suspender belt and high heels.
Police have removed the shirt to save the family embarrassment.

[Jimbuna]

A Geordie and a mackem get into a nasty car accident. Both vehicles are really wrecked, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the Mackem says, "So you're a Geordie, that's interesting. I'm a Sunderland fan... Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left but, fortunately, we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."

The Geordie replied, "I totally agree - this must be a sign from God!" He went on, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink it, to celebrate the fact we are alive and kicking?"

He hands the bottle to the Mackem who nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes few big swigs from the bottle, then hands it back to the Geordie. The Geordie takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the Mackem. The Mackem asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The Geordie replies, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the police..."

[BossMark]

Sports News: Late victory for Manchester United as they beat Chelsea 1-1

[Jimbuna]

Mackems defeat to Arsenal puts them into the bottom three.

Ah, home sweet home.

[Jimbuna]

Mike Ashley has to all intents and purposes taken effective control of Rangers after giving them an emergency loan of £2 million.

Never realised they were still in a financial rut.

[BossMark]

Apparently Rangers fans are not happy that Mike Ashley's 2 million pound loan was accepted by the board.

They'll be even more pissed off when they find out he borrowed the money from Wonga.

[Jimbuna]

Rangers boss Ally McCoist keen to avoid Celtic in League Cup.

Rangers manager Ally McCoist admits he hopes to avoid a draw against Celtic after his side beat St Johnstone 1-0 to reach the League Cup semi-finals.
Their Glasgow rivals take on Partick Thistle in their quarter-final on Wednesday.
"When you get to the semis, you can't really pick and choose," said McCoist.
"We all know who the favourites will be to pick up the domestic trophies, so in that respect I would take anybody but Celtic."

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/29812195

[BossMark]

Chelsea have uncharacteristically started doing what cost them the Premier League title last season.

Dropping points against smaller teams.

[Jimbuna]

TOON win at City :sunny:

[Jimbuna]

TOON climb into top half of the league after beating Liverpool :rock:

[BossMark]

Liverpool's 1-0 defeat to Newcastle today simply confirms how toothless their attack has been since Luis Suarez moved to Barcelona.

[Jimbuna]

When the subject of his 24-year-old striker was presented to him on Thursday, Rodgers batted the question away, per David Maddock of the Mirror:

"Not Mario again! Next question, think of a better question."

[BossMark]

Stevie Gerrard is set to be rested ahead of tonight's big game against Real Madrid. Liverpool sources say he is concentrating fully on not slipping up against Chelsea at Anfield on Saturday.

[Jimbuna]

Didn't help them any.

[Jimbuna]

David James, the former England goalkeeper, is to auction off thousands of items he has collected over the years.

I'm guess most of the items will be the balls he collected from the back of the net.

[BossMark]

Nigel Farage would like to congratulate Manchester City on their desire and commitment of getting out of Europe,

[BossMark]

I watched a documentary called 'Football: The Beautiful Game'.

It was presented by Peter Beardsley and Matt Le Tissier.

[BossMark]

Language barrier, poor morale and no money - the challenges facing David Moyes at Real Sociedad.

It will just be like being back at Old Trafford then.

[Jimbuna]

The English FA have said England may boycott the next world cup by not turning up.


Again...

[BossMark]

Calling Wayne Rooney an England great, is the same as calling Jimmy Savile a great babysitter.

[Jimbuna]

Did you hear about the Conservative MP who was found dead in a Leeds United strip?
The police had to dress him up in women's underwear in order to save his family from the embarrassment.

[Jimbuna]

TOON climb to fifth in the Premiership after beating QPR :sunny:

[BossMark]

Liverpool need to bring Bruce Grobbelaar back, at least he could predict their results

[Jimbuna]

http://s8.postimg.org/tbodgz4cl/image.jpg (http://postimage.org/)

[Jimbuna]

John Neal: Ex-Wrexham, Chelsea and Middlesbrough boss dies.

RIP

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/30174224

[Jimbuna]

Porn studios have more clean sheets than Liverpool FC

[BossMark]

That one pitch invader tonight at the Spurs game went past more players than Soldado has in the whole season.

[BossMark]

Super Leeds 2 Derby 0 hope this is the season turnaround :D

[BossMark]

David Beckham involved in car crash.

Hospital reveal brain scan proves inconclusive.

[Jimbuna]

Leeds United: Everyone awaiting Cellino’s next move...

We have today received a notice from the Football League disqualifying Mr Cellino from being a director of Leeds United Football Club until 18 March 2015. The club is in the process of taking legal advice on the reasoning of the decision. In the interim, the club notes that nothing has changed since the decision of the Football League’s Professional Conduct Committee in April 2014. The steps that the League wishes the club to take – to remove Mr Cellino only to re-appoint him in three months’ time - will be destabilising for the club, its supporters and sponsors and cannot be in the best interests of any party.
http://www.leedsunited.com/news/article/17lmx2d2rjwmm1q44i8yxgxjpv/title/club-statement-football-league-response

[BossMark]

As to what I think of the football at this moment in time is unprintable on these forums bastards have it in for Leeds for years now.

[Jimbuna]

Time to start supporting a real club like Wednesday or United then :)

[BossMark]

Time to start supporting a real club like Wednesday or United then :)
I would rather have a red hot poker inserted up my bottom....

[Jimbuna]

I would rather have a red hot poker inserted up my bottom....

Whatever turns you on I suppose :)

[BossMark]

Santa: What do you want for Christmas?

Boy: I want a dragon?

Santa: Come on be realistic

Boy: OK I want Newcastle to win the league...

Santa: What colour dragon do you want?

[Jimbuna]

Q: What have General Pinochet and Leeds United have in common?
A: They both round people up into football stadiums and torture them.

[Jimbuna]

Mario Balotelli has apologised for the pathetic, racist joke.

So have Liverpool...

[BossMark]

The FA are set to ban Balotelli for 10 matches for his racist Instagram message

Liverpool declined to comment but the other 19 clubs are preparing to appeal the ban

[Jimbuna]

Little known fact: 'Balotelli' is the Italian word for
the French word 'Ngog'. Translates into English as 'Heskey'.

[Jimbuna]

Premier League leaders Chelsea have suffered their first defeat of the season after they were beaten 2-1 by Newcastle in a dramatic encounter at St James’ Park :sunny:

[BossMark]

The FA cup 3rd round draw as a very interesting tie

Mackems v Leeds and hopefully payback time for 1973

[Jimbuna]

Certainly hope so but sadly I doubt it.

[Jimbuna]

The last time Liverpool won the league, Jon Flanagan's mum & dad were still just brother and sister.

[BossMark]

I was just reading Brendan Rodgers report on the unacceptable state of Liverpool.

But enough about Trip Advisor, time to read the sport.

[Jimbuna]

Q: How do you stop a Liverpool supporter from beating his wife? A: Dress her in an Arsenal jersey!

[Jimbuna]

Former league side Hereford have been suspended from all football activities for failure to disclose documentation.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/30417349

Not really all that surprising, the club have been in a mess for a few years now.

[Jimbuna]

Ally McCoist offers his resignation from Rangers.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/30451727

[BossMark]

Thierry Henry's retirement means he will now go down in history

As Ireland's most hated man since Oliver Cromwell

[BossMark]

Manchester United have bid £20m for Miranda.

There's no way she'll be funnier than their current defence.

[Jimbuna]

It's so difficult to win at Anfield, even Liverpool can't win there.

[BossMark]

Thierry Henry has joined the team at Sky Sports.

Let's see how he handles it.

[Jimbuna]

Tyne Wear derby today :sunny:

[BossMark]

Tyne Wear derby today :sunny:
Newcastle to win 3-1.

[BossMark]

Sunderland's Lee Cattermole gets more cards than I do at Christmas time.

[BossMark]

Newcastle to win 3-1.
Soz Jim looks like I jinxed the toon.

[Jimbuna]

In the words of Niall Quinn on Sky Sports at the end of the game...."Newcastle have had the game pinched off them".

[Jimbuna]

TOON beat Everton 3-2 to remain in top half of the Premiership table :cool:

[BossMark]

Steven Gerrard is going to be releasing a book about his time at Liverpool, it doesn't have a title yet!

[Jimbuna]

Best of luck to Steven Gerrard, who's retired from not winning the World Cup to concentrate on not winning the Premier League.

[BossMark]

So Steven Gerrard's birthday falls on the same day as the FA Cup final.
What a cracking send off it would be if someone could get him a ticket.

[Jimbuna]

Champions League football for the Liverpool players tonight.

They are all going round to Steven Gerrard's to watch it on Sky Sports 2.

[BossMark]

Liverpool are interested in Ched Evans, but a spokesman for Mr Evans said his name has been tarnished enough.

[Jimbuna]

A burglary was recently committed at Sunderland's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a red carpet.

[BossMark]

ISIS executed 13 football fans by firing squad for watching Iraq play Jordan on TV in Islamist-controlled Mosul.

They would have had an extra 7 minutes if they were Man Utd fans.

[Jimbuna]

I met a fairy today who granted me one wish. "I want to live forever," I said.
"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that."
"Fine," I said, "I want to die when West Brom win the premier league."
"You crafty bugga!" said the fairy.

[U-15]

I met a fairy today who granted me one wish. "I want to live forever," I said.
"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that."
"Fine," I said, "I want to die when West Brom win the premier league."
"You crafty bugga!" said the fairy.

Hey Jimbuna,
Don't get upsetting the Baggies fans; one of em's a mate of mine, the other one isn't :o

[Jimbuna]

Hey Jimbuna,
Don't get upsetting the Baggies fans; one of em's a mate of mine, the other one isn't :o

I think Leeds would have been a better choice of club to use :)

[U-15]

I think Leeds would have been a better choice of club to use :)

Nah.
More fun in teasing the nearest rivals; like you with Newcastle / Sunderland rivalry.

Which reminds me of this:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-1088198/Molineux-Wolves-rivals-written-thanks-Birmingham-supporting-brickie.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-1088198/Molineux-Wolves-rivals-written-thanks-Birmingham-supporting-brickie.html)

Even I had to have a laugh at the time.

Got to go, some serious subbing to do.
All the best

[Jimbuna]

^ Awesome!! :har:

[BossMark]

Annoying result for Manchester United, an FA Cup replay at home to Cambridge doesn't help their title chall-

Their Champions Leag-

Their League Cu-

Their pitch.

[BossMark]

In my day, a single stamp would cost you twenty pence.

Nowadays, it's a three match ban.

[Jimbuna]

Carver now interim manager till end of season is no doubt an Ashley ploy to save giving a newly appointed manager any funds during the transfer window.

Soon be heading for the lowly depths Leeds have sunk to if we're not careful :nope:

[BossMark]

The number of alleged incidents of racism and other discrimination in football trebled last season.

But it's been good too see Ron Atkinson getting out more since his retirement.

[Jimbuna]

"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat."

[BossMark]

I was amazed when overhearing a comment about the Celtic, Rangers match, a reference was used, about the best football player in the world.

Then I realised the word that was used was messy.

[Jimbuna]

TOON must win at Hull today if Carver wants to be seriously considered for the managerial position on a permanent basis.

[Skybird]

Getting back from the winter break, Bayern Munich yesterday got creamed by Wolfsburg with a 4:1 :haha: that had the Munich keeper letting the ball pass as often as in the whole first half of the season together. First defeat of the season for Guardiola's Überteam. So, the Bavarians still can be beaten. What a relief.

Back to the main program.

[BossMark]

TOON must win at Hull today if Carver wants to be seriously considered for the managerial position on a permanent basis.
Didnt they batter the codheads 3-0 :D

[Jimbuna]

Didnt they batter the codheads 3-0 :D

They sure did :cool: but sadly, the mackems beat Burnley as well :shifty:

[BossMark]

My eight year old son was playing football in the garden when he tripped over his own feet. He screamed and thrashed about like he had been battered.

I was so proud, my son is going to be a Chelsea player someday.

[Jimbuna]

Rangers Feeder Club?? What Did Geordies Ever Do To Deserve This?

http://www.utd111.co.uk/blog/2015/02/04/rangers-feeder-club-what-did-geordies-ever-do-to-deserve-this/?

[Jimbuna]

Harry Redknapp resigned as manager as QPR yesterday.

Apparently he resigned last week but its taken his pet bulldog a while to write the letter of resignation for him.

[Jimbuna]

TOON draw with Stoke after they're (Stokes) lucky 90th minute equaliser.

[BossMark]

TOON draw with Stoke after they're (Stokes) lucky 90th minute equaliser.
West Ham suffered the same fate also to the scum.....

[BossMark]

I phoned my gran today and said, "How's you and grandad?"

She said, "I'm fine, but your grandad was really suffering last night."

I said, "Why, what was wrong with him?"

She said, "He went to St James Park to watch Newcastle"

[Jimbuna]

Mackems get beaten 2-0 at home by managerless QPR :sunny:

Leeds continue to flounder in 17th position in the minor/second rate Championship league.

[BossMark]

Andrex have ditched their famous puppies in favour of a far more realistic advertising campaign to sell their product.

Negotiations are already under way for a sponsorship deal with Manchester United.

[Jimbuna]

Watched the Man U game last night and thought PNE were a tad unlucky.

[BossMark]

UEFA are said to be shocked at the footage involving racist Chelsea fans.

They didn't know the club had enough fans to fill a train.

[Jimbuna]

Totally disgusting as a matter of fact and an incident that won't help the UK in footballing terms for many a year to come.

[Jimbuna]

John Terry. Putting the 'mates' in 'team mate's wives' since 1998.

[BossMark]

Chelsea have banned 3 racists from Stamford bridge.

However, a 4th has been offered a 1 year extension to continue captaining the club.

[Fubar2Niner]

John Terry. Putting the 'mates' in 'team mate's wives' since 1998.

Chelsea have banned 3 racists from Stamford bridge.

However, a 4th has been offered a 1 year extension to continue captaining the club.


:har::har::har:

Sad state of affairs eh chaps.

Fubar2Niner

[Jimbuna]

:har::har::har:

Sad state of affairs eh chaps.

Fubar2Niner

Rgr that :yep:

[BossMark]

H\T Smoggies 0 Leeds 1 :D

[Jimbuna]

H\T Smoggies 0 Leeds 1 :D

So far so good but if I were a gambling man I'd say there is only one of those two with a realistic chance of promotion this season.

[BossMark]

So far so good but if I were a gambling man I'd say there is only one of those two with a realistic chance of promotion this season.
So do I and its the one that's about 70 miles from me.

[BossMark]

World Cup final just before Christmas, that's my presents all sorted then. I'll pop in Sports Direct half way through November and buy half price England regalia for everyone, back of the net!

[BossMark]

So Qatar 2022 is going to be held in November and December.

Or for England, just November

[Jimbuna]

Fifa says it will not pay compensation to clubs and leagues unhappy about plans to play the 2022 Qatar World Cup in November and December.
It also said no apology was necessary for the scheduling of the tournament, which will disrupt a number of leagues.

No surprises there then.

I'd love to see the European countries refuse to participate but I doubt that will happen either.

[Threadfin]

What a farce.

Qatar wins the WC on the strength of it's bid. OK, I know. On the strength of their boundless riyals.

But let's pretend that the WC was awarded on the strength of their bid. Cooling technology. Cooling technology! Yes it was to make the Qatari outdoors in July feel like a breezy spring day. Everyone walking around in windbreakers, the fan zones and the stadia would be refreshing oases. That's what FIFA told us just a few months ago.

Except it was all a sham, and who believed it anyway? Sepptic Splatter stood upon his altar and told us all how wonderful it would be.

But he knew all along it was a farce and a sham. And now? Oh we have to move the WC to winter. Why? Too hot in the summer. Well, no ****. But dozens of WC voters are millions richer aren't they? Oh that's right. Strength of bid. Got it.

A thousand indentured workers have died building these stadia. Bet they would have liked the cooling technology to be the first thing built eh? How many more? There are still 7 years to go....

FIFA has to be the most corrupt organization in the world. The Garcia Report. Yes, finally! An independent investigation in to 'alleged' corruption in the voting process. And what did we learn upon it's release? Oh, right, it wasn't released. But FIFA was kind enough to provide us with a summary. Aren't they sweet?

The FIFA summary from Splatter lackey Hans-Joachim Eckert reassured us that of course there was no corruption in the Qatar and Russia bids. We knew it all long didn't we? And besides, it was really the England and Australia bids that were shady. This of course had nothing to do with the fact that those nations were critical. Nah.

FIFA will still make it's billions, and not reinvest it except in their own pockets. Every football club league be damned, just suck it up and rearrange your schedules. Don't bat an eye that your sponsors and TV rights holders might complain and be expecting renumeration. FIFA has plenty of money. Oh right. Well, do your best. It's the freakin' World Cup!

The single best thing that could happen to world football would be for Sepp Blatter to keel over face first in his lobster caviar frittata.

Figo? Yep, seems about right. Wish I had a vote....

[Jimbuna]

^ Agreed :yep:

[BossMark]

The English FA have complained that the knock-out stages of the 2022 World cup could be held over Christmas, a time when players want to be at home with their families.

I can't see a problem myself.

[Jimbuna]

Looks like Adam Johnson could be in deep doo doo :hmmm:

Adam Johnson arrested on suspicion of sex with girl, 15

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-31702374

[BossMark]

Looks like Adam Johnson could be in deep doo doo :hmmm:



http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-31702374
Oh dear dear me :hmm2:

[BossMark]

Looks as if Adam Johnson's career is now back where it began.

Scoring in the local under 15's.

[Jimbuna]

Mackems have sacked Poyet.

[Oberon]

knock-out stages

I see in the rags at the local supermarket this morning that Rooney is preparing himself for them. :yep:

[BossMark]

UKIP certainly don't mess about.

We haven't even had the elections yet, and England is already out of Europe.

[Jimbuna]

I see in the rags at the local supermarket this morning that Rooney is preparing himself for them. :yep:

LOL :)

[Jimbuna]

I seen a young Liverpool fan crying after the match today. I stopped and asked him to tell me what was the Mata.

[BossMark]

I've heard that Steven Gerrard has been offered a new part in a film... the sequel to "Gone in Sixty Seconds".

[Jimbuna]

Just heard that Girls Aloud are playing Newcastle in August.

They are expected to win 3-0

[BossMark]

So Jihad John is a Man Utd fan.........


At least the police know he's definitely not in Manchester then!!

[Jimbuna]

Wear/Tyne derby today...two terribly out of form teams and I'm not too hopeful but would take a draw right now.

[Jimbuna]

Mackems won 1-0, the TOON had one shot on goal during the whole match :stare:

[Jimbuna]

I bumped into a man crying uncontrollably outside a department store in Liverpool yesterday and all he could go on about was how he hates this time of year, dressing up in a ridiculous red outfit and embarrassing himself in front of thousands of people.

I said, "Look, Mr. Gerrard, you chose to play for Liverpool."

[Jimbuna]

TOON lose a fifth consecutive game....time for Ashley and his cockney mafia to vacate I reckon.

[BossMark]

When I heard that Jurgen Klopp wanted a break from football I spotted the clue immediately,

. . . so I went straight to the bookies and put my money on him joining Newcastle

[Jimbuna]

Could be interesting to see how many of the TOON boycott tomorrows game against Spurs.

It'll need almost 30,00 detractors to match Leeds paltry attendance average :smug:

[Jimbuna]

Chelsea beat Manure 1-0 taking them ten points clear and needing only twio wins from their remaining six games.

It's all over bar the shouting.

[Jimbuna]

TOON after being 0-1 down at half time, levelled but now trail 1-2...same old, same old.

[BossMark]

Liverpool had better start rifling through the Argos catalogue to find Steven Gerrard an alternative birthday present.

[Jimbuna]

TOON after being 0-1 down at half time, levelled but now trail 1-2...same old, same old.

Final score 1-3 and unsurprisingly Shley wasn't there to see his favourite club beat the team he owns.

[BossMark]

It appears the video of Raheem Stirling inhaling laughing gas was a fake.
It turns out what actually happened was that Brendan Rogers showed up at Raheems house asking him to sign a new contract because Liverpool would be Premier league Champions next season.
Upon hearing this Raheem fell into fits of laughter and passed out.

[Jimbuna]

TOON still need at least four points to guarantee Premiership survival.

[Jimbuna]

TOON lose 2-3 at home to Swansea despite taking the lead first.

Relegation is not yet out of the question.

[Jimbuna]

People in the north east are living in fear right now. Don't worry, there's not a killer on the loose, just Alan Shearer knocking on doors and giving out free Newcastle tickets.

[BossMark]

So it's 25 years ago today Liverpool clinched their last English league title.

Funny how they don't mention this much.

[Jimbuna]

I went in to Sports Direct to ask if they had any of those big fat white mugs.

I was told no. He has gone to watch Newcastle.

[Jimbuna]

New record for the TOON...eighth successive league defeat, 0-3 to Leicester and two men sent off.

Poor Ashley must be watching the value of his investement draining away....and rightly so, the little smug and fat gentleman that he is.

[Jimbuna]

http://i.imgur.com/BVw59oM.jpg

[BossMark]

All the League winners this season begin with the letter `B` Conference North - Barrow. Conference South - Bromley. Conference - Barnet, League Two - Burton. League One - Bristol City. Championship - Bournemouth. Premier League - Boring Chelsea.

[Jimbuna]

I drove through Newcastle today, all I saw were road signs for Darlington, Doncaster, Leeds, York, Hartlepool, Bradford, Grimsby, Scarborough, Carlisle.
Nice to see the travelling away Toon Supporters being pointed in the right directions for seasons to come.

[Jimbuna]

Just heard a load of people will be crying at the end of Liverpools last home game of the season today....

Same as last year then.

[BossMark]

Promises to be a moving and iconic day at Anfield as one of Liverpool best players in recent memory has his final home game.

This day is all about one man.

Goodbye Glen Johnson.

[BossMark]

Best of luck to Steven Gerrard, who retired in 2014 from the England international scene after not winning the World Cup and is now retiring from the Liverpool team in 2015 after not winning the Premier League.

What a great double

[Jimbuna]

TOON need a win against West Ham to stay up....I'm expecting Hull to get a win against Man Utd.

[Jimbuna]

"Cesc Fabregas......... Shots on target.......1"

Shame it was at Chris Brunt's head.

[BossMark]

Steven Gerrard will become a "great manager" when he retires from playing, according to ex-Liverpool boss Gerard Houllier.

The Bootle branch of Lidl already has a reserved parking space with his name on it.

[Jimbuna]

I was watching Anfield legends on TV last night.

I love silent movies.

[BossMark]

Apparently Raheem Sterling has taken a leaf out of Prince's book. He is now known as £

[Jimbuna]

Man. Utd. are looking to sign some Dutch Ould-Chikh.

Don't tell Colleen Rooney.

[Jimbuna]

Mackems draw at Arsenal so the third relegation spot will be filled by either the TOON or Hull.

[Jimbuna]

Off downstairs to see if the TOON can avoid relegation.

[Jimbuna]

TOON beat West Ham 2-0 to avoid relegation and the icing on the cake was a finishing position above the mackems.

On a downside, Ashley has stated he is not going to sell the club.

[BossMark]

Steven Gerrard has had the worst ending for a Captain since the titanic!

[Jimbuna]

Smoggies lost to the Canaries for the final premiership slot :hmmm:

:har:

[BossMark]

http://i1224.photobucket.com/albums/ee374/rothwellwhite1/bossmarks%20pictures/6120ef19-6f7e-4aa9-822d-edfb36d120cb_zpsydttqe35.jpg

[Jimbuna]

Young Newcastle fan filmed roaring his team to a crucial victory v West Ham.

LOUD AND PROUD :sunny:

http://www.101greatgoals.com/gvideos/fan-cam/young-newcastle-fan-filmed-roaring-his-team-to-a-crucial-victory-v-west-ham-video/?

[Jimbuna]

The New Mission Statement For Newcastle and Mike Ashley’s first ever interview on Sky Sports on Saturday.

http://www.nufcblog.com/2015/05/26/the-new-mission-statement-for-newcastle/

I'll take him by his word as I hope the TOON supporters will but this must be his last chance.

[BossMark]

The World cup may have to be voted on again for the host nations of the 2018 and the 2022 competing.

Let's hope England's bribe can compete this time.

[BossMark]

Congratulations to Scotland on being the first country to come out and state they'll be boycotting the next world cup.

[Jimbuna]

'I'm Blatter, and I'm aspiring to take over the world': Scandal-hit 'Thifa' boss mocked as Dr Evil and other villain in hilarious web memes.

[BossMark]

The only way that FIFA will get the message is if teams start to boycott the major championships.
The idea seems to have caught on and I was proud to see Aston Villa refuse to play in the FA Cup Final.

[Jimbuna]

Looks like the next TOON manager will be either Patrick Vieira, Steve McClaren or Remi Garde.

[veenee]

The idea seems to have caught on and I was proud to see Aston Villa refuse to play in the FA Cup Final.

LOL!

[BossMark]

Absolutely thrilled about what has happened in football, it has the whole world talking and laughing and every club will have a sigh of relief.


Brendan Rodgers is staying at Liverpool.

[BossMark]

As a reward for the winners and runners up of this year's FA cup, Arsenal and Aston Villa have been allowed to start the next premiership season in 1st and 2nd place.

[Jimbuna]

McClaren is looking like the favourite for the TOON job :doh:

[BossMark]

Congratulations to Steve McClaren on becoming Newcastle manager. Apparently he on a zero hours contract but can have all the Sports Direct mugs he wants.

[Jimbuna]

Supposedly been given a £50 million war chest.

[BossMark]

Raheem Stirling playing for England is about as much use as a zebra crossing in grand theft auto.

[Jimbuna]

QPR are wanting £15 million for Charlie Austin :nope:

[BossMark]

Bobby Charlton is England's leading goalscorer with 49 goals.

Famed for playing in the red of Manchester United, his embarrassing attempts at hiding his baldness, and his relationship with his 75 year old lover, Wayne Rooney is now only one goal behind.

[Jimbuna]

If Newcastle can get two good strikers in this summer, it seems very likely that they would sell Papiss Cisse, and there’s news today in the Mail today that Newcastle may do just that.

[BossMark]

If Newcastle can get two good strikers in this summer, it seems very likely that they would sell Papiss Cisse, and there’s news today in the Mail today that Newcastle may do just that.
In the Mail :hmm2:

[BossMark]

Jack Wilshere has been fined £40,000 by the FA for calling Tottenham Hotspur crap.

He was then fined another £40,000 for saying water is wet.

[Jimbuna]

Newcastle are in advanced talks with Wolfsburg for 6'5" striker Bas Dost.

[BossMark]

The Chinese chef at Anfield has been told that he must have someone with him in the kitchen at all times.

The memo was headed "You'll never wok alone".

[Jimbuna]

The Sun claims that Palace are ready to make a move for goalkeeper Tim Krul. Early reports said the Dutch stopper was wanting his wages to rise to £50,000-a-week if he moved to Selhurst Park - which was a potential stumbling block - but the Sun claim that they would be willing to offer the Magpies’ number one that.

[BossMark]

England have scored an own goal against Norway in the Women's World Cup.

Resulting in huge celebrations from the England bench, until it was explained to them.

[Jimbuna]

Wolfsburg coach Dieter Hecking has advised Bas Dost to stay at the club despite reported interest from Newcastle United.

[Jimbuna]

Trabzonspor join the race for Newcastle striker Papiss Cisse.

[Jimbuna]

Ian Cathro is set to be appointed as Newcastle head coach Steve McClaren's assistant.

[BossMark]

Former England footballer Geoff Thomas is cycling the Tour De France route for a cancer charity, where, for some of the ride, he will be joined by Lance Armstrong.

Now, some will say that by participating, reminders of a shameful episode in the history of sport will risk discrediting a worthy cause.

But I say, Geoff Thomas played for England, no point trying to pretend he didn't.

[Jimbuna]

West Ham to beat Liverpool and Newcastle in second Ligue 1 raid for £14million defender. West Ham are hoping to secure their second major summer signing from France in the shape of AS Monaco man Aymen Abdennour.

[Jimbuna]

This week, Steve Black is expected to be confirmed as part of Steve McClaren’s backroom staff at Newcastle United taking up the post of Conditioning Coach.

[BossMark]

England's women's team have a tough World Cup semi final match against Japan.

They want to use the 'park the bus' tactic but sadly no player can do it.

[Jimbuna]

*In the spirit of giving due recognition and appropriate respect*

England Womens Team reached a World Cup semi-final for the first time in their history as victory over hosts Canada set up a tie with reigning champions Japan.

Congratulations ladies, I'm confident many a football fan wished their favourite football team could emulate such an achievement.

[BossMark]

Petr Cech has completed his move from Chelsea to Arsenal, when asked if he thought it would take time to adapt, he said " of course, playing with only 4 defenders instead of 10 will be a real challenge"

[Jimbuna]

Despite no confirmation as yet on his new NUFC contract, the media in Wales are reporting that Cardiff City want to take Sammy Ameobi on loan next season.

[Jimbuna]

Newcastle players to return to training on Wednesday with no new signings imminent...same old, same old :nope:

[Jimbuna]

Mitrovic snubs Roma for Newcastle.

http://www.football-italia.net/68985/mitrovic-snubs-roma-newcastle?

[BossMark]

Congratulations to Fabian Delph on his big money move to Manchester City Reserves

[Jimbuna]

Newcastle United forward Papiss Cisse could be on the move this summer, with reports claiming the forward has agreed personal terms with Turkish outfit Trabzonspor.

[BossMark]

I've just realised I've got quite a lot in common with Fabian Delph.

We'll both be playing the same amount at Manchester City.

[Jimbuna]

Well Leeds certainly won't be.

[Jimbuna]

Endorsed by the big man...

Alan Shearer welcomes Aleksandar Mitrovic to Newcastle

http://www.themag.co.uk/2015/07/alan-shearer-welcomes-aleksandar-mitrovic-to-newcastle/?

[Jimbuna]

Looks like the Charlie Austin deal is far from dead but QPR will need to lower their asking price.

http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/newcastle-united-boss-steve-mclaren-advised-sign-fantastic-goalscorer-charlie-austin-1512045?

[Jimbuna]

Newcastle United have been credited with an interest in 21-year-old Taylan Antalyali of Genclerbirligi.

http://whatculture.com/sport/newcastle-linked-with-21-year-old-turkish-midfielder.php?

[BossMark]

Delph injured after 18 minutes of debut.

A Man City spokesman has said that they aren't too bothered, he was only signed to meet FIFA regulations, anyway.

[Jimbuna]

Chancel Mbemba confirms his move to Newcastle United on Instagram.

Chancel Mbemba has all but confirmed his move to Newcastle United after the Congolese international responded positively to a ‘Welcome to Newcastle’ message on Instagram, though, the club seems to be taking their sweet time in announcing the transfer of the highly rated defender from Anderlecht.

http://www.thickaccent.com/2015/07/25/chancel-mbemba-confirms-his-move-to-newcastle-united-on-instagram/?

[BossMark]

Celtic played fk Qarabag of Azerbaijan in the champions league qualifiers last night.

For those of you wondering "who?"

They are a third world football team playing in a war ravaged pre industrial area of Europe noted for gang war, religious genocide and the second best stadium in Glasgow.

[Jimbuna]

Behind closed doors Gateshead friendly to help Newcastle decide on transfer
A match been arranged behind closed doors against Gateshead on Sunday to help make a decision on whether to sign Ivan Toney.

http://www.themag.co.uk/2015/08/behind-closed-doors-gateshead-friendly-to-help-newcastle-decide-on-transfer/?

[Jimbuna]

Sunderland start off the way they finished last season, losing 4-2 at Leicester.

TOON are currently drawing 2-2 against Southampton with five minutes remaining.

[Jimbuna]

Final score 2-2....I'd have taken that before the game.

[Jimbuna]

Chelsea club doctor Eva Carneiro will no longer be the match day physio after she annoyed Jose Mourinho during the game against Swansea.

Medical experts predict a massive decrease in Chelsea players needing treatment for groin injuries until she's reinstated.