Ask the next Person a Question

[Jimbuna]

The quickest.

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

[Gerald]

No, unless there is a wedding gift

What do you find the salmon somewhere?

[TarJak]

Lemon curry?

When will he ever learn?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. When he is given everything he needs and more

Q. If you see a red door do you want to paint it black?

[Gerald]

I open the door and enters.

Is your car your everything?

[Jimbuna]

A. When he is given everything he needs and more

Q. If you see a red door do you want to paint it black?

Preferably white.

What is shaved ice? Did it have hair on it before it was shaved?

[The Enigma]

Cant tell, it has already melted.

Is there a reason why Jim ignored the post from Vendor?

[TarJak]

He's getting on a bit and can't read as well as he used to.:O:

What will Vendor do in retribution?

[u crank]

Attack by sea.

How will Jim defend England?

[Sailor Steve]

Lend-Lease.

Do the Americans have to do everything?

[WernherVonTrapp]

No, a lot of stuff is done by China now.

Where does "Fine China" come from?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. Japan, they still make quality items.

Q. What type of bird nest is used in soup?

[Jimbuna]

A homeless bird.

What is the diameter of a square?

[TarJak]

Double the square of it hypotenuse.

Can you snap the straps on an algebra?

[Sailor Steve]

Yes, but the alge will surely have her revenge.

Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?

[Jimbuna]

TarJak

What is the speed of dark?

[The Enigma]

Obvious much faster then the speed of light.

Is it safe to put a flying saucer into a dish washer?

[WernherVonTrapp]

Sure, if it's small enough to fit.


Are there really only two peas in a pod?

[u crank]

Depends on the size of the pod.

How far can you cast a pod?

[Jimbuna]

far enough to deny any participation.

What kind of fruit is in Juicy Fruit gum?

[TarJak]

The juicy kind.

Who does as they say and not as they do?

[u crank]

Very few I'd say.

Can you mean what you say if you say what you mean?

[WernherVonTrapp]

You can if you're Horton hatching the egg.:D
"an elephant's faithful, one hundred per cent!"

If humans get Elephantiasis, what do elephants get?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. Poached! :nope:

Q. Is a mouse really unafraid of an elephant?

[Feuer Frei!]

Of course it is.

Are you behind on your mortgage repayments?

[Jimbuna]

Haven't had a mortgage for nearly five years now...thank God.

What makes cheese so confidential that we actually need cheese shredders?

[HundertzehnGustav]

Human lack of confidence in their own abilities.

ever had a hard drive Crash?

[Fubar2Niner]

Twice ........... Fortunately there were no injuries.

Why should I never teach my granny to suck eggs?

Best regards.

Fubar2Niner

[WernherVonTrapp]

Because she probably knows more than you do.:D


How old does an apple have to get before becoming a Granny Apple?

[soopaman2]

At least 2 worms in it (like the cartoons)

Why is it a thunderstorm in Oklahoma will produce a horrid tornado, but the same storm in NJ will just be noisy?

[Jimbuna]

Global warming.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

[STEED]

Crackers and cheese.

Is America the land of big meat eaters?

[soopaman2]

Crackers and cheese.

Is America the land of big meat eaters?


Yes, we invented BarBQ, the only way to eat. I defy anyone in the world to outcook an American when it comes to meat.


Why do egg farts smell so bad?

[Fubar2Niner]

Because egg yolks are impregnated with essence of brussel sprout.

If I laugh last will I laugh longest?

Best regards.

Fubar2Niner

[Jimbuna]

Only if the person who started laughing before you stops first.

What's the sound a name makes when it's dropped?

[Fubar2Niner]

Kerrrrrplunk!!!

If I'm a yankie doodle dandie, yankie doodle do or die. What should I do... erm die ????

Best regards.

Fubar2Niner

[soopaman2]

Only if the person who started laughing before you stops first.

What's the sound a name makes when it's dropped?

Sounds like a body dropping from a high building, like a sack of wet laundry hitting the floor.

How many ships did it take to transport the entire Legion to Carthage?

[Fubar2Niner]

If the ark took two of everything, it couldn't have been many.

Why didn't Achillies where armour plated boots?

Best regards.

Fubar2Niner

[Jimbuna]

There weren't any in his size.

What's the synonym for thesaurus?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. Language reference book, onomasticon, reference book, storehouse of words...

Q. If the left wing think that they are always right, why are they so sinister?

[WernherVonTrapp]

Because they have to use the right side of their brain to flap.


What is the opposite of antithesis?

[Jimbuna]

Mother-in-law

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

[STEED]

Nothing as it has not evolved into a new life form yet.

When it dose, what will it's first words be?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. Mama

Q. Can a cheese grater only grate cheese?

[Sailor Steve]

Yes. When you use it to grate potatoes it turns into a potato grater.

What magic tricks do you know?

[frau kaleun]

Well, as of a couple seconds ago I know how to turn a cheese grater into a potato grater. :O:

What shall we do with a drunken sailor?

[u crank]

I believe one recommendation is "give him a hair of the dog that bit him".

Why do they call it the poop deck?

[Jimbuna]

Because it originates from the original term 'the stern deck'.

When cows laugh, does milk come out of their noses?

[Mittelwaechter]

True for red french cows with a winking eye.

Let's assume I show you three white hats and two red hats.
There are three chairs in a row, one behind the other. Two of your friends have a seat behind you while you sit on the first chair.
I put everyone of you a hat on, but you can't see its colour. No one is allowed to turn his head or touch his hat. Keep your face forward, don't move.

Everyone sees the hat/s of the one/s in front of him, but not his own or the hats behind him. You see nothing.
I ask both of your friends what the colours of their hats are, but they could not tell me.
So I ask you - on the first chair:
Please explain to me, how you know the colour of your hat? No one tells you.

[WernherVonTrapp]

Please explain to me, how you know the colour of your hat?
It was a wild guess.


What was the Mad Hatter so mad about?

[u crank]

Please explain to me, how you know the colour of your hat? No one tells you.

Not enough info. The two friends must say what they see in order for me to make a deduction.


What was the Mad Hatter so mad about?

He couldn't guess what color his hat was.

Can you wear more than one hat?

[TarJak]

Of course but only if you have two heads.

Can you see the other side?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. Depends if there is a mirror in front of you, so that you can see the colours of the hats.

Q. Is there a mirror that you can look into to see the hats?

[GilligansBoat]

A: No there isn't as far as I know...
Q; Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? :salute:

[STEED]

Because it melts it.


Have you ever wondered what a hedgehog sandwich would be like?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. It would taste of chicken apparently.

Q. Do porcupines taste of Pork?

[Mittelwaechter]

"Three hats in a row" is an example for a conclusion out of given facts and logic thinking - without direct observation.

a: Number 3 will know the colour of his own hat, if he sees the two red hats in front of him.

b: Number 2 knows he doesn't wear a red hat, if he sees a red hat in front of him. (Otherwise number 3 would have known his own colour)

c: Number 1 is sure to wear a white hat, because none of his friends was able to determine their own colour (following a and b).

:D

[u crank]

"Three hats in a row" is an example for a conclusion out of given facts and logic thinking - without direct observation.

a: Number 3 will know the colour of his own hat, if he sees the two red hats in front of him.

But only if they are red. If they are white or red and white then it's a guess.

:D

[Jimbuna]

A. It would taste of chicken apparently.

Q. Do porcupines taste of Pork?

I hope so...I'm cooking one tonight.

When day breaks who fixes it?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. Same person who is up the crack of Dawn.

Q. When the sun sets is it solid or like jelly?

[Red October1984]

The sun doesn't set. The Earth turns.

Did anybody miss me?! :O:

[TarJak]

No Who are you again?

Why are people so unkind?

[WernherVonTrapp]

Because they hear too many News stories.


What kind are you?

[Red October1984]

Kind? :hmmm: I don't know.

Should I?

[Feuer Frei!]

Kind? :hmmm: I don't know.

Should I?

You should always be kind to your Mother.

Are you an extrovert or an introvert? In general.

[WernherVonTrapp]

It depends on how I feel at the time.


Are you endomorph or ectomorph?

[Jimbuna]

Neither, I'm mesomorph.

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

[The Enigma]

The dogs of course.

How come a catfish likes to be in the water, while a cat doesn't?

[Mittelwaechter]

Crossbreeding a fish and a cat results in a dominance of the fish. That's why the catfish don't meow and lack the fur.
The cats try to break this dominance by eating fish.

Who was the first one saying: "This is my land!"?

[Jimbuna]

God

When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. The word does not go anywhere, just becomes less visible to the unenlightened.

Q. Were pencils ever made of lead?

[WernherVonTrapp]

Yes, if you include the lead-based paint in the manufacturing process.

Does a Pencil Pusher sells pencils illicitly?

[Red October1984]

Depends....how many do you want?

What about Pens? :hmmm:

[Jimbuna]

What about them?

When night falls who picks it up?

[STEED]

Dawn dose. :O:

Do you still use a VHS Video recorder/player?

[Feuer Frei!]

Do you still use a VHS Video recorder/player?

What's that? (No).


A fight to the death between Batman and Superman. Who wins and why?

[The Enigma]

The undertaker. Why, that's obvious....

Is there a bottom in a bottomless pit?

[STEED]

What's that?


I give you...

http://www.lvp.ro/img/VHS-recorder.jpg
And these went in them...

http://valuestockphoto.com/downloads/15316-2/retro_vhsvideo.jpg

The good old days when they built something to last unlike now.

[Jimbuna]

The undertaker. Why, that's obvious....

Is there a bottom in a bottomless pit?

Not sure...care to jump into one and let us know.

When people lose weight, where does it go?

[Red October1984]

To America. :wah:

Why are we so lazy?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. Perhaps because our forefathers did all the hard work for us, and now most are living a decedent and self serving life without sacrifice.:hmmm:

Q. Will our decadence be our downfall, like the Roman empire?

[Jimbuna]

I doubt it...the UK is already knackered.

When something fades in the sunlight, where did the colours go?

[Red October1984]

The atmosphere.

What do you do when you're bored?

[Jimbuna]

Read your posts.

When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to?

[u crank]

Factory settings.

If the clock keeps ticking how can you run out of time?

[Red October1984]

DEADlines

But I'm alive...

Right?

[Jimbuna]

Only got your word for that.

Wish I knew the answer to what makes some people tick.

[Spiced_Rum]

A. The sound of their pacemaker, perhaps.

Q. Can a pacemaker cause a strip search at the airport?

[Jimbuna]

Depends on how sexy looking it is.

When we say our mind wanders - where does it go?

[WernherVonTrapp]

That depends on the nature of the wandering.

Is it aimless, or focused?

[Jimbuna]

More like determined I'd say.

When you put a sheet over your head for Halloween, are you a ghost or a mattress?

[Mittelwaechter]

I allways add a pointed hood and go as KKK.

Who skipped the light fandango?

[WernherVonTrapp]

Procol Harum.

Who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp, who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong?

[STEED]

What?

Can the next person answer the question above?

[u crank]

What?

Can the next person answer the question above?

The Edsels.

Ever drive one?

[Jimbuna]

Never

Where are the germs that cause 'good' breath?

[WernherVonTrapp]

Waiting for a new pair of genes to arrive.

Does anyone have bad breadth?

[Jimbuna]

Only other people.

Where are we going? And what's with this hand basket?

[STEED]

Jim your shopping with the wife spending your pension...BTW don't trip over the ball & chain.

Is jim shopping in Harrods?

[soopaman2]

Only other people.

Where are we going? And what's with this hand basket?

I keep my dildos and Slim Jims in it. And you do not need to know where we are going. ;)
Why is farting in an elevator funny?

[Sailor Steve]

It's not.

Why do you think fart jokes are funny at all?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. Because all humans fart, regardless of race, creed, sex, social status, etc. It unites us all.


A man farts in a crowded elevator. An irate passenger taps him on the shoulder and says "Excuse me, you just farted in front of my wife!", to which the first man replies "Hey sorry, I didn't know it was her turn first."


Q. If we did not fart, would we explode?

[WernherVonTrapp]

Well, we certainly would burp more often.

Would flatulence serve as a euphemism for farting?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. Possibly, although "more tea vicar/father/padre" would also serve.

Q. How much gas does the average 'bottom burp' expel?

[STEED]

Good question, I will get back to you with my study after carrying out research on the subject which will take 10 years.

So who do you think can fund my research?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. The EU, they waste money on all sorts of stupid projects. :down:

Q. Will the UK have to pay more into the EU to cover your research, or will the rebate be reduced? :/\\!!

[STEED]

EU!!!...I don't want their dirty money! :stare:

UK is up for sale..Mmm looks like I will have to ask the Arabs. :har:


How rich are the Arabs these days? :hmmm:

[u crank]

Pretty rich. They got this stuff called oil.

Is Olive Oyl still dating Popeye?

[Red October1984]

Who?

Should I know?

[u crank]

Who?

Should I know?

:har:

Google is your friend.:yep:

[Mittelwaechter]

No, Olivia is eventual with Bluto. They run a spinach farm.


Why didn't Noah kill those damn two mosquitos?

[WernherVonTrapp]

Because one was a male; that left only one biting mosquito for all those
animals. It probably never came near his living space.:O:

Do Mosquitos fly reconnaissance missions?

[Red October1984]

Well I'm covered in bug bites so I'm sure they do if they're able to find me this well. :O:


Do you have sufficient repellent? :hmmm:

[u crank]

It does if it's a de Havilland.

What do mosquitoes do with that blood?

[WernherVonTrapp]

Photograph it I suppose.


What else could the pilot do with it?

[Red October1984]

Drop it out the window on the way over the Channel :hmmm:

Who would ever do such a thing?

[garren]

Drop it out the window on the way over the Channel :hmmm:

Who would ever do such a thing?


Amanda Bynes.

What's the sexiest thing a woman can wear?

[BossMark]

A sexy nurses uniform :D


Why does it rain so much in the UK?

[Oberon]

Because of Travis

What the heck are you doing up at 5:47am?

[Red October1984]

What are YOU doing up at 0547? :hmmm:

Do you like Time Zones?

[Oberon]

What are YOU doing up at 0547? :hmmm:

Do you like Time Zones?

About as much as Task Force and Raptor do.

What the heck are you doing up at past midnight?

[Red October1984]

I'm always up to at least 0200 in the Summertime. :up:

I like night time. :shucks:

Where's Waldo? :hmmm:

[Jimbuna]

Looking over your shoulder and trying to get some rest.

Where did Webster look up the definitions when he wrote the dictionary?

[Red October1984]

Wikipedia

Who came up for the idea of a wallet? :hmmm:

[STEED]

George W Bush

Is my answer wrong?

[Jimbuna]

Most likely :)

Where do they get Spring water in the other 3 seasons?

[WernherVonTrapp]

They buy it bottled.

Do you get better drinking well water?

[Jimbuna]

That depends on who or what is at the bottom of the well.

Where does the fire go when the fire goes out?

[WernherVonTrapp]

That too depends, on the type of fire.

Are we talking relationships?

[Herr-Berbunch]

No.

Do you need to talk about your relationship?

[WernherVonTrapp]

No, I have many good relationships with many good people.

Do you?:O:

[STEED]

Maybe if I'm paid by the minute. :hmmm:

If London hits :sunny:80:sunny: next week should jim streak at Wimbledon?

[Herr-Berbunch]

Not after the last time.

Have you ever streaked?

*just for the record, I've been chucked out of the British High Commission in Singapore for naked swimming* :D

[Jimbuna]

No but I've nicked two in my time.

Where does the white go when the snow melts?

[STEED]

Joins the wash for another white wash enquiry.

Have you ever landed face first in yellow snow?

[Jimbuna]

Thankfully...no.

Where does your lap go when you stand up?

[WernherVonTrapp]

It goes along for the ride.

Can one survive their final stand?

[Jimbuna]

Only if your adequately supported.

Where is Old Zealand?

[Red October1984]

Somewhere over the rainbow.

What is the capital of Assyria?

[Jimbuna]

Assyrianopolus.

Which is the other side of the street?

[u crank]

The one your not standing on.

If you're not street wise, what are you?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. Possibly you have road sense.

Q. Where did the term for sideburn (facial hair) come from?

[frau kaleun]

Ambrose Burnside.

Why do we call them sideburns and not burnsides?

[u crank]

The General couldn't get a copyright.

Ever invent anything?

[WernherVonTrapp]

It's still on my "Things to do" list.


Ever reinvent an invention?

[Red October1984]

Yeah. I got sued.

Have you ever been sued?

[TarJak]

Never.

Where can I find good staff?

[frau kaleun]

Gandalf carries quite a nice one but getting it from him may be difficult.

Surely you wouldn't part an old man from his walking stick?

[Red October1984]

I would....and don't call me Shirley!

Who else would kick a cane out from under Gandalf?

[Jimbuna]

Anyone who is a nasty pasty.

Who killed the Dead Sea?

[Sailor Steve]

Nobody. The coroner's inquest ruled accidental death by evaporation.

Why is there no Lake Inferior?

[Jimbuna]

Because no lake would own up to having a name like that.

Who opened that first 'oyster' and said "My, my, my. Now doesn't 'this' look yummy!"

[WernherVonTrapp]

The same person who first lost a tooth after biting down on the pearl.

We know Mother Of Pearl, so whose the father?

[Jimbuna]

Mr Pearl Diver

Who was the first person to see an egg come from a chicken's butt and think, "I'll bet that would be good to eat?

[Red October1984]

The same guy who first discovered cow's milk.


When do the British celebrate Independence?

[STEED]

The day we hold a revolution.

Will it happen?


I say no, over to you what you think..

[WernherVonTrapp]

If it does, the sun will neither rise nor set on the British Empire.

Are revolutions perpetual or do they eventually lose momentum?

[Jimbuna]

Depends how hard you push them.

Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

[WernherVonTrapp]

The first poor chap born with that particular speech impediment.

Why do only English speaking people pronounce it "lisp"?

[TarJak]

The first poor chap born with that particular speech impediment.

Why do only English speaking people pronounce it "lisp"?

Because they don't know the German word for it.

How do you know if you have a lisp?

[Jimbuna]

I simply check I don't have my denture in :)

Why are all blackboards called that when some of them are green?

[STEED]

They are not jim...PC MADNESS RULES OK.

Chalk boards or wipe boards. Black boards is racist!


Is your country hot on Political Correctness?

[Jimbuna]

Your kidding me...surely?

Why are America's parks administered by the Department of the Interior?

[Red October1984]

Because. We can't do anything right with the tax money.

Anybody else live in the woods?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. I am surrounded by woodland but do not go into the woods because of all the bear crap left lying around by Yogi and his friends.

Q. What are the bear necessities of life?

[fireftr18]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=9ogQ0uge06o

If Spiced Rum stops feeding his bears, would they still poop in his woods?

[Sailor Steve]

A good backscratching tree tops my list.

[edit] Oops, sorry firedude. Bearly caught my misteak in time.

No, they'd probably do it in his living room.

Am I wrong?

[u crank]

Pawsably.

Do polar bears sweat?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. Yes, when they see Eskimos out hunting them.

Q. What does an Eskimo gets when he sits in his igloo for too long?

[TarJak]

Cold arse cheeks.

How cold is yours now?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. If sitting up in the Artic my polaroids would be giving me hell.:03: Currently sitting in the attic (the bears are downstairs in the lounge) and my pelt covered chair is warm and toasty.

Q. How stratchy does an tree/post need to be to make a bear happy?

[TarJak]

It depends on how much he can bare the itch.

Do the bears in your living room try to mate with your chair?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. No, the pelts are cat [insert appropriate innuendo]. And I keep the chair out of sight in case they are tempted.:smug:

Q. If you dropped a cat with peanut butter spread over its back from the fourth floor, would it land on its feet or its back?

[fireftr18]

Depends on how expensive the carpet is.

Is Spiced Rum feeding his cat to his bears?

[TarJak]

Only for the pelts.

If it's raining cats and dogs, is it pelting down?

[Red October1984]

Why would I know?

Are you feeding it to the bear?

[WernherVonTrapp]

I throw it all to my dogs.

Do you still wear "Dr.Denton's"?

[TarJak]

No but I still wear Dr. Martens.

Do you wear Doc's?

[Jimbuna]

No, I wear my own.

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor, but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

[The Enigma]

Because they (the builders) know that they need to build a fourteenth floor on top of it.


Will it ever become clear what will happen next?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. Only when the veil of fate is pulled aside to reveal the view.

Q. Do you want to have foresight?

[Jimbuna]

Only when it's too late.


Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

[Red October1984]

Only when it's too late.


Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Because this is America and we have to learn the hard way.

Do they do that in England also?

[WernherVonTrapp]

Have to ask the British.

Do you use recycled toilet paper?:o

[Spiced_Rum]

A. Each sheet has two sides. Using an old almanac cut up into squares and hanging from a peg inside the old outdoor dunny is a form of recycling, and gives you something to read at the same time.:cool:

Q. How do they make toilet paper so soft?

[Jimbuna]

They soak it in urine first.

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?

[WernherVonTrapp]

Because hemorrhoids are indigenous, asteroids are extraterrestrial.


Do hemorrhoids cause piles, or is it vice-versa?

[TarJak]

You can get piles of haemorrhoids but not haemorrhoids of piles.

What can we do to stop the pain?

[Tchocky]

Arse transplant. Beware the donor arse may reject you.


Would our feelings be hurt by such a betrayal?

[WernherVonTrapp]

My backside is always insulting me, but I take it with a grain of salt-substitute.

If you cannot hear and you fart in the woods, and no one else is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. Even if there is no-one to hear it, the pesky bears will smell it!

Q. Would the wind from a fart knocking a butterfly off course, cause a typhoon somewhere else in the world?

[Feuer Frei!]

No.

Why would you even ask that? (:))

[Jimbuna]

Only he knows the answer to that.

Why are highways build so close to the ground?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. It costs less. Also stops vertigo.

Q. What is the sound of the underground?

[STEED]

Too easy...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwVqOs3Aess


Can you stick your fist up a ducks arse and make money?

[BossMark]

Depends on how tight the duck is


Do you think the duck would mind?

[STEED]

http://file005.bebo.com/mediuml/2006/02/10/23/20492911a282824031b619740952ml.jpg
No I enjoy it...

Is orville kinky?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. Kinky or perverse depends on if you use a feather or the whole duck!

Q. Is a feather duster kinky, or is it just the way the maid uses it?

[Jimbuna]

Oh I think the maid plays a major part.

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

[Fubar2Niner]

A In case the plane hits the water upside down

Q Why does a woman need a 50" £2000 tv to watch soap ???

Best regards.

Fubar2Niner

[STEED]

Short sighted cow.

Oops that's torn it...STEED is sexist pig. :haha:

OK option two...keeping up with the Joane's.



Who the heck are these Joane's?

[Jimbuna]

I prefer to keep up with the Jones's

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. So they can drive to the rest of the US when the bridge is complete.

Q. Can some of the interstate in Hawaai be used as a runway for aircraft like other parts if the US?

[The Enigma]

Can't tell. I couldn't find Hawaai on any map.
[@Spiced_Rum: I couldn't resist]


Why claim UK inhabitants there are 8 days in a week, while there are actually only 7 days in a week?

[WernherVonTrapp]

Because they include a "hard day's night" in their workweek.


Why does a "Leap Year" have only one extra day in it, instead of an extra year?

[Jimbuna]

Probably not a very good jumper.

Why are violets blue and not violet?

[WernherVonTrapp]

Because not all Roses are red either.:D

What if a Violet, Rose to the occasion?

[Jimbuna]

Better watch out for the barbs on the stem then.

Why are you expected to slow down in a speed zone?

[The Enigma]

If you didn't you could miss the sign "Speed Zone"

What is a waiter waiting for?

[Fubar2Niner]

A A tip usually ;)

Q Why don't bulldogs have horns

[The Enigma]

Because they bark, that's why.

Is it OK to use Duck tape on ducks?

[Fubar2Niner]

Only if they're leaking

If music is the food of love, what is the food of hop picking

[WernherVonTrapp]

A hopper uses gasoline.


Doesn't it?:hmm2:

[TarJak]

Not if its electric.

Where can I get an electric hopper?

[Jimbuna]

From the hopper shop.

Why aren't there ever any guilty bystanders?

[TarJak]

They have the good sense to run away before the rozzers arrive.

What's your credit card number and VCC?

[Jimbuna]

123 456 789....666

Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free?

[STEED]

Bat poo dose not restore hair lost so I will stick to shampoo.


Remember the good old days when dog poo turned white?

[Jimbuna]

Your parents lied when they told you it was ice cream.

Why can't you make another word using all the letters in "anagram"?

[BossMark]

Because I am thick and cant spell :oops:


Why do we moan when its cold and still moan when its hot?

[STEED]

Because we are British. :DL


Is it time for the flat cap army take power in the UK?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. No, Andy Capp is and friends are far too lazy to go out to work, and would leave it to Flo to sort out whilst they drink, play snooker, darts and race pidgeons.:yep:

Q. What about if it was the flat cap wearing horse and hounds set?

[STEED]

Nah..there bloody Toffs


Are Scotsmen well hung with there meat & two veg? :hmmm:

[Fubar2Niner]

Not sure... I never hung one.

If Cameron walks a mile in my shoes, will he buy a new pair from JD?

Best regards.

Fubar2Niner

[Jimbuna]

More likely he'll wait until someone donates him a pair.



Why can't we tickle ourselves?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. Because that would be less fun.

Q. Why are feet so ticklish?

[Jimbuna]

Because they're closely related to the armpits.

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. Helath and safety.

Q. Why is a flight data recorder called a black box when it is orange?

[Jimbuna]

The inventor was colour blind.

Why did the pot call the kettle black?

[The Enigma]

Racism, pure racism I would say.

When stand on your head while eating, how come the food will still end up in your stomach?

[STEED]

All to do with Aliens looking up your bottom.

Are the French a load of dirty sods who don't wash?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. Qui.

Q. Why are French waiters all called Garcon?

[Jimbuna]

They all share the same parentage.

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

[Spiced_Rum]

A. They were all too busy enjoying the roasted unicorn.

Q. Where did the flood water go?

[STEED]

I bottled it and sold it.

Killer Fog, what's that all about?

[TarJak]

Its all about to creep up on you and then you'll find out.

Where can I get Ashes tickets?

[WernherVonTrapp]

Get pulled over for speeding and when the cop gives you a ticket, put a match to it. See if that works.:D

Ashes to ashes, funk to: What?

[u crank]

Funky.

Can Major Tom hear anything?

[BossMark]

Only from ground control


Why is this?




@ TarJak
http://www.ecb.co.uk/tickets/tickets-lords,225,BP.html

[Jimbuna]

Because.

Why do ballet dancers dance on their toes? Why doesn't the company just hire taller dancers?

[STEED]

Tall people were all shot years ago for looking down on the rest of us.

Have you ever met a nice south african?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v439zTOJVho

[Fubar2Niner]

No but I have seen a elephant fly!

Why can't I win the bloody lottery?

[STEED]

It's rigged against those you hate the Tories.

Have you ever taken a piss in a phone booth?

[Jimbuna]

No but I've locked up a fair few that have...of both genders.

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

[BossMark]

Because it means no bloody what so ever :haha:


Have you ever farted and followed through with no toilet in the near distance? :haha:

[Jimbuna]

Of course not and mind your manners young man!! :stare:



http://img833.imageshack.us/img833/6305/liaranimatedanimationli.gif

Why do flamingos stand on only one leg?

[STEED]

Because they are odd balls.

Are you member of the radical white ice cream liberation front?

[TarJak]

No.

Are you?

[STEED]

Yes..Hate that yellow stuff.


Have you taken a bath in whipped cream?

[TarJak]

No, but my tounge has.

Have you ever had a tongue bath?