I Dont Understand It

GoldenRivet · 09-12-09, 08:15 PM

My wife of seven years has a sister.

this sister, at age 28 has had every opportunity to go to school, get an education, become a nurse at the local hospital's expense... and was even guaranteed a job before even completing the nursing program.

Yet... she has more or less abandoned her daughter and son... and has fallen in with a crowd of lowlifes, druggies, thugs, thieves, gangsters and the like.

my in-laws, who are good successful people, wish to take custody of the children... as their mother seems to want nothing to do with them... she only wants to use them as something to hold over my in-laws heads.

she has removed her beloved children (my niece and nephew, her parents grand kids) from the scenery of our life and hidden them away from the family because we dont support her lifestyle.

she refuses to return anyone's calls, and nobody knows for certain where the children (ages 3 and 7) are living or what those conditions are.

what i don't understand.

why do people associate themselves with thugs and criminals and druggies as she has done?

why do people who have every opportunity to become winners... cast away those opportunities in favor of being losers?

it would seem to me that most people in their late 20s would want to have a nice home or apartment, and have nice cars, and make a decent living and live a stable "good life", and provide for their children... guaranteeing as much as possible that the children have a promising or bright future.

what i dont understand is what is so appealing about the vagabond, bong water soaked lifestyle of sleeping in one slum apartment one night and some run down meth lab the next night and spending the night with a random "friend" another night in what is arguably the most disgusting, trashy, run down apartment complex in town?

I dont understand.

when i was in my very early 20's... all i wanted to do was live on that "ritzy" side of town... own a nice car... have a loving and reliable wife... have a nice yard and a job capable of supporting it all.

Some might call it the "American Dream" but its not exclusive to America so its not fair to call it that... i call it a normal, productive, upstandign life.

its no fantasy

anyone can do it

one just has to get an education, and spend time "building their empire"...

and every day i see kids - not unlike my sister in law - with head to toe gang colors, bandannas over their faces, hats turned sideways and crooked, pants down to their knees with underwear hanging out... covered in tattoos of various vulgarities and piercings of various sizes and shapes too many to count all over their arms, legs and even their faces.

i just want to walk up and ask such people...

"Do you really expect the world to take you seriously?"

you and I both know that the world does NOT take such individuals seriously.

but what is it?

do they fear success?

do they fear that they wont look "cool"?

are they simply lazy?

stupid?

my family is near the end of their rope... child protective services is of little or no help... all we can do is speak to relatives, friends of the family and whoever will speak to us willingly to peice together the intricate parts of this puzzle my sister and law has laid out before us.

in the end.

to hell with my sister in law... in the 7 years i have been married into this family she has been a thorn.

the real victims are these children... who, according to the pictures on myspace are being taught things like gang signs, and how to dress like thugs and drug dealers.

i pray for a swift solution which places these children on a path of dignity, grace, education and a quality lifestyle.

09-12-09, 08:56 PM

She may not understand how you think its so cut and dry.

Sounds like she was being pressured a fair bit into being a nurse, maybe she didn't want to and didn't know what she wanted to be?

Most likely she fell into her lifestyle and doesn't know how to get out.

(Edit: woo 1337 posts)

GoldenRivet · 09-12-09, 08:59 PM

so far as im aware... she has wanted to be a nurse since graduating high school.

no matter what she wants to be for a living... that has nothing to do with it.

the choice is hers to make the life she wants, and it is her responsibility to care for her kids... not drop them off at a stranger's house and forget them.

Freiwillige · 09-12-09, 09:17 PM

Sounds like a drug problem to me. Sounds like a meth problem. If that is the case than her fate is most likely sealed as the drug and its cravings become more important that family, God, Friends (In the real sense and not the trash she associates with).

Statistically the odds are against her getting off of Meth as it really is a life ruining drug. I have been to rehab centers and counseling with my Ex-wife who had a pre existing Meth problem from the Age of 11. People that use Meth regularly can quit, they just cannot stay quit and some trigger in their life will usually suck them back in within 6 months. I have learned the hard way that a perfectly normal trustworthy person can flip and disapear for weeks at a time only to call on your help when they hit bottom and usually after you spend alot of your personall life helping them up and building trust again when you least expect it they are gone, and usually they take anything of yours that is valuable with them.

Meth=death and as far as having any sort of normal life its almost 100% fatal.

FIREWALL · 09-12-09, 10:03 PM

First off John my heart go's out to you and her family.

I could give you the answer but I doubt you want to hear it.

That also is the part that's sad.

GoldenRivet · 09-12-09, 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FIREWALL

I could give you the answer but I doubt you want to hear it.

I could guess

who knows what will come of this

09-13-09, 12:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Freiwillige

its cravings become more important that family, God, Friends (In the real sense and not the trash she associates with).

What in Tartaros does religion have to do with this?

Quote:

There is no "pat" answer. Drugs screw up lives, and your seeing it. But ultimately, while I can sympathize with those caught in such a web, it was their CHOICE to step into it. So that sympathy has its limits.

Well honestly its not the drugs that screw up lives its lack of moderation and self control that screws up lives, though if you take meth or heroin your pretty much an idiot.

Schroeder · 09-13-09, 04:36 AM

I'm afraid I can't really say anything that would help solving the problem, but I wanted to let you know that my thought's are with you on this. That is really a nasty situation.

09-13-09, 04:37 AM

Quote:

What in Tartaros does religion have to do with this?

Thats easy, methamphetamine + religion = Ted Haggard.
Then again I do know people who have found religion good in getting off the downward spiral.

As for this topic GoldenRivet, there is only really one way . It may not be pleasant and it will cause lots of trouble with the family(but that exists anyway by the sounds of it).
Your in-laws will have to get their daughter reported to child welfare as an unfit mother and have the children made wards of court by the State and taken into care.
Then apply as next of kin(unless the childrens father who you do not mention applies) for legal guardianship.
It is a long process which can be complicated and expensive, and may not even get the desired result, but unless they can get a voluntary agreement with their daughter it is the only viable option.

Kapt Z · 09-13-09, 06:02 PM

GR, you state that child protective services were of little or no help.....

What did they say?

Seems to me that given their mother's behavior, the kids are being subjected to neglect and probably dangerous environments. Would a case worker be at least able to open a investigation to decide if your and the family's fears are of merit?

As to the reason she has 'chosen' this path? Damned if I know.

FIREWALL · 09-13-09, 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kapt Z

GR, you state that child protective services were of little or no help.....

What did they say?

Seems to me that given their mother's behavior, the kids are being subjected to neglect and probably dangerous environments. Would a case worker be at least able to open a investigation to decide if your and the family's fears are of merit?

As to the reason she has 'chosen' this path? Damned if I know.

To your post. GR and family need to do something for the kids sake.

And I know he will.

GoldenRivet · 09-13-09, 08:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kapt Z

GR, you state that child protective services were of little or no help.....

What did they say?

Seems to me that given their mother's behavior, the kids are being subjected to neglect and probably dangerous environments. Would a case worker be at least able to open a investigation to decide if your and the family's fears are of merit?

As to the reason she has 'chosen' this path? Damned if I know.

they interviewed the grand parents and "talked" with sister in law.

they found out where the children were "abandoned" and allowed the grandparents to go under sheriff escort to the residence of this stranger. It couldnt be labeled an abandonment case because sister in law claimed that she was out of town looking for a job and had left the kids with a friend for the remainder of the month.

when the children encountered the grandparents they were happy to see them.

the question was

"Do you want to go and stay with grandma and grandpa?"

it was explained that it would be a long time before their mom would come back for them... however the kids had been lied to.

the kids naively said

"mommy is coming to get us tomorrow... when she comes to get us we will come stay with you, but mommy said not to leave here with anyone."

the sheriff said that was all he could do at that point. since the kids elected to stay and wait for their mother the grandparents had to leave the individuals property immediately.

it would be another 2 weeks before "mommy" came and got the kids.

this was about a month and a half ago.

now we have learned that there is a custody battle between the sister and law - and a random boyfriend who is not the biological father of the children.

drug testing supposedly was commenced on both the mother and this "boyfriend" on Thursday or Friday.

no further news other than my in-laws have gotten themselves a lawyer.

Wolfehunter · 09-13-09, 08:36 PM

So this stranger boyfriend from your sister in law is trying to take the kids away from you all?

Wow.

Good news that your side is fighting the good fight.. between the two others.

FIREWALL · 09-13-09, 09:15 PM

Good for the in-laws.

A lawyer is the fastest and best way at this point.

Just don't let up. Follow this up.

claybirdd · 09-14-09, 12:03 AM

It takes a combination of tough love and letting her hit rock bottom. Then once she has lost everything, she needs a loving family to help her put the pieces back together in the right order. Thats what it took for me though it was cocain and I didnt have children or a wife.

I REALLY hope things get better and my primary concern would be the children.

09-12-09, 08:15 PM	#1
GoldenRivet Subsim Aviator Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 8,726 Downloads: 146 Uploads: 0	I Dont Understand It My wife of seven years has a sister. this sister, at age 28 has had every opportunity to go to school, get an education, become a nurse at the local hospital's expense... and was even guaranteed a job before even completing the nursing program. Yet... she has more or less abandoned her daughter and son... and has fallen in with a crowd of lowlifes, druggies, thugs, thieves, gangsters and the like. my in-laws, who are good successful people, wish to take custody of the children... as their mother seems to want nothing to do with them... she only wants to use them as something to hold over my in-laws heads. she has removed her beloved children (my niece and nephew, her parents grand kids) from the scenery of our life and hidden them away from the family because we dont support her lifestyle. she refuses to return anyone's calls, and nobody knows for certain where the children (ages 3 and 7) are living or what those conditions are. what i don't understand. why do people associate themselves with thugs and criminals and druggies as she has done? why do people who have every opportunity to become winners... cast away those opportunities in favor of being losers? it would seem to me that most people in their late 20s would want to have a nice home or apartment, and have nice cars, and make a decent living and live a stable "good life", and provide for their children... guaranteeing as much as possible that the children have a promising or bright future. what i dont understand is what is so appealing about the vagabond, bong water soaked lifestyle of sleeping in one slum apartment one night and some run down meth lab the next night and spending the night with a random "friend" another night in what is arguably the most disgusting, trashy, run down apartment complex in town? I dont understand. when i was in my very early 20's... all i wanted to do was live on that "ritzy" side of town... own a nice car... have a loving and reliable wife... have a nice yard and a job capable of supporting it all. Some might call it the "American Dream" but its not exclusive to America so its not fair to call it that... i call it a normal, productive, upstandign life. its no fantasy anyone can do it one just has to get an education, and spend time "building their empire"... and every day i see kids - not unlike my sister in law - with head to toe gang colors, bandannas over their faces, hats turned sideways and crooked, pants down to their knees with underwear hanging out... covered in tattoos of various vulgarities and piercings of various sizes and shapes too many to count all over their arms, legs and even their faces. i just want to walk up and ask such people... "Do you really expect the world to take you seriously?" you and I both know that the world does NOT take such individuals seriously. but what is it? do they fear success? do they fear that they wont look "cool"? are they simply lazy? stupid? my family is near the end of their rope... child protective services is of little or no help... all we can do is speak to relatives, friends of the family and whoever will speak to us willingly to peice together the intricate parts of this puzzle my sister and law has laid out before us. in the end. to hell with my sister in law... in the 7 years i have been married into this family she has been a thorn. the real victims are these children... who, according to the pictures on myspace are being taught things like gang signs, and how to dress like thugs and drug dealers. i pray for a swift solution which places these children on a path of dignity, grace, education and a quality lifestyle. __________________

09-12-09, 08:59 PM	#3
GoldenRivet Subsim Aviator Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 8,726 Downloads: 146 Uploads: 0	so far as im aware... she has wanted to be a nurse since graduating high school. no matter what she wants to be for a living... that has nothing to do with it. the choice is hers to make the life she wants, and it is her responsibility to care for her kids... not drop them off at a stranger's house and forget them. __________________

09-12-09, 10:03 PM	#5
FIREWALL Eternal Patrol Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: CATALINA IS. SO . CAL USA Posts: 10,108 Downloads: 511 Uploads: 0	First off John my heart go's out to you and her family. I could give you the answer but I doubt you want to hear it. That also is the part that's sad. __________________ RIP FIREWALL I Play GWX. Silent Hunter Who ???

09-13-09, 04:36 AM	#8
Schroeder Navy Seal Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Banana Republic of Germany Posts: 6,170 Downloads: 62 Uploads: 0	I'm afraid I can't really say anything that would help solving the problem, but I wanted to let you know that my thought's are with you on this. That is really a nasty situation. __________________ Putting Germ back into Germany.

09-13-09, 08:36 PM	#13
Wolfehunter Crusty Capt. Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 2,752 Downloads: 40 Uploads: 25	So this stranger boyfriend from your sister in law is trying to take the kids away from you all? Wow. Good news that your side is fighting the good fight.. between the two others. __________________

09-12-09, 08:56 PM	#2
Rilder Stowaway Posts: n/a Downloads: Uploads:	She may not understand how you think its so cut and dry. Sounds like she was being pressured a fair bit into being a nurse, maybe she didn't want to and didn't know what she wanted to be? Most likely she fell into her lifestyle and doesn't know how to get out. (Edit: woo 1337 posts)

09-12-09, 09:17 PM	#4
Freiwillige The Old Man Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Phx. Az Posts: 1,458 Downloads: 24 Uploads: 0	Sounds like a drug problem to me. Sounds like a meth problem. If that is the case than her fate is most likely sealed as the drug and its cravings become more important that family, God, Friends (In the real sense and not the trash she associates with). Statistically the odds are against her getting off of Meth as it really is a life ruining drug. I have been to rehab centers and counseling with my Ex-wife who had a pre existing Meth problem from the Age of 11. People that use Meth regularly can quit, they just cannot stay quit and some trigger in their life will usually suck them back in within 6 months. I have learned the hard way that a perfectly normal trustworthy person can flip and disapear for weeks at a time only to call on your help when they hit bottom and usually after you spend alot of your personall life helping them up and building trust again when you least expect it they are gone, and usually they take anything of yours that is valuable with them. Meth=death and as far as having any sort of normal life its almost 100% fatal.

09-13-09, 06:02 PM	#10
Kapt Z Grey Wolf Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: ...somewhere in the swamps of Jersey. Posts: 909 Downloads: 157 Uploads: 0	GR, you state that child protective services were of little or no help..... What did they say? Seems to me that given their mother's behavior, the kids are being subjected to neglect and probably dangerous environments. Would a case worker be at least able to open a investigation to decide if your and the family's fears are of merit? As to the reason she has 'chosen' this path? Damned if I know.

09-13-09, 09:15 PM	#14
FIREWALL Eternal Patrol Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: CATALINA IS. SO . CAL USA Posts: 10,108 Downloads: 511 Uploads: 0	Good for the in-laws. A lawyer is the fastest and best way at this point. Just don't let up. Follow this up. __________________ RIP FIREWALL I Play GWX. Silent Hunter Who ???

09-14-09, 12:03 AM	#15
claybirdd Frogman Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Pulaski Tennessee Posts: 290 Downloads: 32 Uploads: 0	It takes a combination of tough love and letting her hit rock bottom. Then once she has lost everything, she needs a loving family to help her put the pieces back together in the right order. Thats what it took for me though it was cocain and I didnt have children or a wife. I REALLY hope things get better and my primary concern would be the children.