Bernard Saves Christmas (Balz)

Brag · 12-19-08, 01:42 PM

Lt. FritZ Gwitz writes:

We were scheduled to leave on patrol on 20 December, however, while working on the electric circuits, Bernard managed to cook the port side generator buss. The yard electricians said the boat would not be able to sail for a week.

That is how we ended up spending Christmas in Lorient.

Balz ordered a Christmas tree placed on the conning tower and sent Bernard into town to get decorations.

An hour later, Bernard returned empty handed. "There are no Christmas decorations left anywhere." He explained. "The merchants say there is a war going on."

"Of course there is a war," Balz said. "Haven't you noticed?" He pointed at all the other U-boats decorated for the holiday. "They have trees and lights and look pretty. Look at us. Just a tea cozy on top of the periscope. When I give you a job to do, you must complete the task. You will have the boat ship-shape for Christmas by tomorrow!"

Balz went off to BDU headquarters. Bernard walked in circles on the dock, clutching his head. "What to do, what to do." He mumbled.

"Improvise." I suggested.

Bernard smiled. "What a great idea. "I'll borrow the choir and inspired by the hoochie-woochie, I'll have our U-boat rigged for Christmas action."

Singing carols, Bernard and the choir labored all night.
In the morning we had the prettiest submarine in the harbor.

Red, gold, blue sparkled from the tree., garlands hung from its branches and a chicken tea cozy crowned the top.

The crew formed on deck and stood at attention when Balz marched in.

Bernard saluted. "Das Boot iss ready for holiday inspection, Herr Kaleun."

"Very well. I must compliment you for a superb job done. Lets take a close look."

"Thank you, Herr Kaleun. You are a great inspiration."
"I expect you to be hugely inspired by my leadership. Ach, I love the smell of pine," Balz said as he climbed to the conning tower.

He took a close look at the decorations. "Hand grenades?"
"Yes Herr Kaleun, We painted them different colors while singing Christmas hoochie-woochie."

"And what is this made of?" Balz fingered a white chain wrapped around the tree.
"It's detonating cord."
Great improvisation. Great intiative. We shall commence the festivities--light the tree."

Bernard lit a match and set the tree on fire.

As grenades exploded, Balz and the rest of the crew dove overboard.

We had our Christmas dinner served in bed in the hospital while recovering from hypothermia.

Balz, the U-123 Twirling Choir, and Brag, wish all Subsimmers a joyous Holiday!

Jimbuna · 12-19-08, 02:05 PM

Quote:

and a chicken tea cozy crowned the top.

:rotfl:

Tachyon · 12-19-08, 02:11 PM

Jingle Balz , Jingle Balz, Jingle all the way....

Task Force · 12-19-08, 04:35 PM

yet again. another good story Brag. Only Bernard would decorate a u boat with grenades.

lol

Sailor Steve · 12-19-08, 07:39 PM

:rotfl:

And after the damage to the boat and recovery time for the crew, they just might be spending St. Valentine's day in port as well.

A Very Super Market · 12-19-08, 07:41 PM

Grr... I envy their luck.

Laufen zum Ziel · 12-19-08, 08:49 PM

I still think you should have him bunk in the aft tube for
situations like this.

Brag · 12-20-08, 11:07 AM

Supermarket, Welcome to the Balz Club!
Laufen, don't fall off that camel.
Steve, a Valentine's Day Massacre?

Jimbuna · 12-20-08, 03:34 PM

Soooooo......is Bernard going to be the turkey this Xmas :hmm:

Sailor Steve · 12-20-08, 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brag

Steve, a Valentine's Day Massacre?

:rotfl:

"Honest, Herr Kaleun, I didn't know it was loaded!"

richardphat · 12-20-08, 11:21 PM

Nice christmas holiday !

Torp III · 12-21-08, 01:49 AM

"Just a tea cozy on top of the periscope":rotfl: :rotfl:

This right here got me started LMAO

Thank you Brag for another Baltz vs. Bernard

You also have a great Holiday Season.

coronas · 12-21-08, 05:54 AM

Great tale, Brag! When a Christmas film about?

Rhodes · 12-21-08, 08:05 AM

Ahahahahahhahaha :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Merry Christmas Balz!!!

12-21-08, 10:30 AM

Great story there Brag, I'm still laughing pretty damn hard!!

12-19-08, 01:42 PM	#1
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	Bernard Saves Christmas (Balz) Lt. FritZ Gwitz writes: We were scheduled to leave on patrol on 20 December, however, while working on the electric circuits, Bernard managed to cook the port side generator buss. The yard electricians said the boat would not be able to sail for a week. That is how we ended up spending Christmas in Lorient. Balz ordered a Christmas tree placed on the conning tower and sent Bernard into town to get decorations. An hour later, Bernard returned empty handed. "There are no Christmas decorations left anywhere." He explained. "The merchants say there is a war going on." "Of course there is a war," Balz said. "Haven't you noticed?" He pointed at all the other U-boats decorated for the holiday. "They have trees and lights and look pretty. Look at us. Just a tea cozy on top of the periscope. When I give you a job to do, you must complete the task. You will have the boat ship-shape for Christmas by tomorrow!" Balz went off to BDU headquarters. Bernard walked in circles on the dock, clutching his head. "What to do, what to do." He mumbled. "Improvise." I suggested. Bernard smiled. "What a great idea. "I'll borrow the choir and inspired by the hoochie-woochie, I'll have our U-boat rigged for Christmas action." Singing carols, Bernard and the choir labored all night. In the morning we had the prettiest submarine in the harbor. Red, gold, blue sparkled from the tree., garlands hung from its branches and a chicken tea cozy crowned the top. The crew formed on deck and stood at attention when Balz marched in. Bernard saluted. "Das Boot iss ready for holiday inspection, Herr Kaleun." "Very well. I must compliment you for a superb job done. Lets take a close look." "Thank you, Herr Kaleun. You are a great inspiration." "I expect you to be hugely inspired by my leadership. Ach, I love the smell of pine," Balz said as he climbed to the conning tower. He took a close look at the decorations. "Hand grenades?" "Yes Herr Kaleun, We painted them different colors while singing Christmas hoochie-woochie." "And what is this made of?" Balz fingered a white chain wrapped around the tree. "It's detonating cord." Great improvisation. Great intiative. We shall commence the festivities--light the tree." Bernard lit a match and set the tree on fire. As grenades exploded, Balz and the rest of the crew dove overboard. We had our Christmas dinner served in bed in the hospital while recovering from hypothermia. Balz, the U-123 Twirling Choir, and Brag, wish all Subsimmers a joyous Holiday! __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

12-19-08, 02:11 PM	#3
Tachyon Captain Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: India Posts: 514 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Jingle Balz , Jingle Balz, Jingle all the way.... __________________ My propellor is faster than yours!!!

12-19-08, 04:35 PM	#4
Task Force Rear Admiral Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: SPACE!!!! Posts: 10,142 Downloads: 85 Uploads: 0	yet again. another good story Brag. Only Bernard would decorate a u boat with grenades.lol __________________ Task Force industries "Taking control of the world, one mind at a time"

12-19-08, 07:39 PM	#5
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	:rotfl: And after the damage to the boat and recovery time for the crew, they just might be spending St. Valentine's day in port as well. __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

12-19-08, 07:41 PM	#6
A Very Super Market The Old Man Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Deep in the Wild Canadian suburbs. Posts: 1,468 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Grr... I envy their luck. __________________ The entire German garrison of Vanviken, right here in your thread!

12-19-08, 08:49 PM	#7
Laufen zum Ziel Eternal Patrol Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Hiding on the bottom Posts: 1,783 Downloads: 853 Uploads: 457	I still think you should have him bunk in the aft tube for situations like this. __________________ RIP Laufen zum Ziel

12-20-08, 11:07 AM	#8
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	Supermarket, Welcome to the Balz Club! Laufen, don't fall off that camel. Steve, a Valentine's Day Massacre? __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

12-20-08, 03:34 PM	#9
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,473 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Soooooo......is Bernard going to be the turkey this Xmas :hmm: __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-20-08, 11:21 PM	#11
richardphat Seasoned Skipper Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 682 Downloads: 17 Uploads: 0	Nice christmas holiday !

12-21-08, 01:49 AM	#12
Torp III Gunner Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Lost Posts: 94 Downloads: 94 Uploads: 0	"Just a tea cozy on top of the periscope":rotfl: :rotfl: This right here got me started LMAO Thank you Brag for another Baltz vs. Bernard You also have a great Holiday Season. __________________ "Patience is a virtue" Loose Lips Sink Ships

12-21-08, 05:54 AM	#13
coronas Ace of the Deep Join Date: May 2005 Location: Asturias, España Posts: 1,168 Downloads: 39 Uploads: 0	Great tale, Brag! When a Christmas film about? __________________

12-21-08, 08:05 AM	#14
Rhodes Silent Hunter Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Figueira da Foz, Portugal Posts: 4,515 Downloads: 110 Uploads: 0	Ahahahahahhahaha :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: Merry Christmas Balz!!! __________________ http://www.flickr.com/photos/16416646@N05/

12-21-08, 10:30 AM	#15
-SWCowboy. Stowaway Posts: n/a Downloads: Uploads:	Great story there Brag, I'm still laughing pretty damn hard!!