The Perfect U-boat Commander

[Jimbuna]

"I need a packet of Senior Service cigarettes."

Now that ent memories definitely brings back adolescent memories

[Brag]

"A Jolly goot iffninkz, chaps," Balz addressed the British spies, "Shall we make a threesome against this nest of Jerry spies?"
British Spy One nodded thoughtfully. "Your Eton accent is slightly off, old boy."
"I´ve eaten earlier without an accident," Balz replied, "But I´ll join you for some fish and chips and a pint of bitter."
"They don't have fish and chips in this God forsaken boozer," Spy Two said. Then the two British spies began whispering into each other's ears.
Balz turned to Bernard. "Tell the froo froo man to signal what he hears." With aprehention, he watched Bernard follow his orders.
The froo froo man nodded and got out his signal flags and began transmitting.
A R E Y O U S U R E W E W A N T T O K I L L T H I S I D I O T
W E S T I L L D O N T H A V E A L I C E N C E B U T L E T S K I L L H I M A N Y W A Y.
HaJi Baba Jimbuna entered Rick's with a camel in tow. "Camels, fresh camels."
"What are you doing here?" Balz asked.
"I brought you an escape camel."
"But you are hawking him,"
"No, I´m disguising him as a cigarette. "



Will the British spies succeed in their intencions?
Can Balz escape riding a cigarette?
Don´t miss the next exciting instalment--Smoke Gets in Your Eyes

[danasan]

Hi Brag,

I'm glad to find Balz still in good condition.

It took me some time to read all the Balz stuff. Now I claim to feel pretty well informed - and infected. I can't play any SH3 GWX without thinking of

"Einz, zwei, hoochie woochie" "kaboom" or tea cozies any more.

Well done!

My all time favorite sentence:

---8220;I landed to fornicate with the chicken tea cozy.---8221; from Balz of Arabia

[Brag]

Originally Posted by

[SIZE=3

My all time favorite sentence:[/SIZE]

“I landed to fornicate with the chicken tea cozy.” from Balz of Arabia

Thanks for reminding me about Birdnard! He hasn´t appeared for some time.

[Brag]

I can't smoke a camel," Balz said.
Haji Baba Jimbuna shrugged. "This is a lucky camel."
"Only Americans smoke Luckys."
Haji Baba Jimbuna clutched his head. "You are stupider than that bird that flies around you."
Balz smiled remembering the loyal albatross who liked warm climates. "How is Birdnard?"
"You ask the worst questions at the worst time. Your life is in danger. The Brits will soon get a license to kill."
"You, of all the gin joints in the world, you had to bring a camel in here." Rick came over straightening his dinner jacket.
Haji Baba Jimbuna salaamed Rick "I would have arrived on my magic carpet if it wasn´t in the carpet shop for a change of threads."
I wish I had more lines to speak. Rick thought.
Haji Baba Jimbuna turned toward Balz. "Get on the camel and sneak out of the back door."
" Must say good bye to Frau Kaleun," Balz said, worrying what would happen to her in the clutches of Rick the American. He handed Haji Baba Jimbuna the reins. "I need to dress the part."
"Oh well. Dress the part or part the dress. But hurry!"
(The following clip includes the action in London at His Majesty´s Secret Service HQ and preparations to send 003 on his nefarious mission)





Disguized as The Red Shadow, Balz mounts the camel and heads for the rear exit.

[frau kaleun]

Originally Posted by Brag

worrying what would happen to her in the clutches of Rick the American

I am intrigued by this subplot, and would like to subscribe to its newsletter.

[Sailor Steve]

Poor Rick.

[Jimbuna]

[Brag]

Schramm ordered another drink as he watched Balz get on a camel and leave via the kitchen door.

Louis Le Flic clapped his hands. "Time to round up the usual suspects."
A whistle blew in the street. A mob of gendarmes stormed into the club and began herding people out- A wave of alarm coursed through Schramm´s body. The Gendarmes were herding his crew out. "Hey!" he yelled at Louis. "Those are not your usual suspects."
Louis sneered. "They are wearing fezzes. That's pretty usual around here."
"But we need to go whale watching in the morning."
"Our jail has splendid cells with views of the ocean."
Schramm felt at a loss. Nothing like this was covered in the naval academy. He had to find Balz!
"You look in need of a camel," Haji Baba Jimbuna said, as he approached with a camel in tow.
The camel kneeled. Schramm vaulted onto the camel. The camel rose. Schramm crashed into a crystal candelabra.
Rick came running. Of all the gin joints in the world, you had to chose mine to create destruction..
"You´re lucky it wasn't Balz." Haji Baba Jimbuna laughed.
Schramm galloped through the kitchen. The perfect submarine commander must know when to escape. He told himself while plates crashed to the floor and cooks yelled.
Outside, the stars twinkled in a familiar pattern. The airport beacon flashed its green and amber signal- Orion was on the two o'clock position. Schramm knew he was traveling SSE. But, he had no idea which way Balz had gone.
"I wonder where Balz has gone," frustrated, Schramm said out loud.
"It's the hoochie woochie," the camel answered.
Schramm let go of the reins and fell on the gravelly ground.
He shook his head, dusted himself off and cautiously approached the camel who had stopped and kneeled.
"Camel, how come you can talk?
"Einz zwei, hoochie wochie. I am from Camelot."


The crew is in jail
Double oh three is on his way to kill Balz
Frau Kaleun has been unable to get Sam to play As Time Goes By
Talking camels are treacherous
What will happen next?

Stay glued to your screen as this exciting drama unfolds.

[Jimbuna]

LOL

[danasan]

I' ll better stay tuned here.

All these still unanswered questions...

But I am a bit unsatisfied of Frau Kaleun has been unable to get Sam to play "As Time Goes By" Will there be a happy end on this? Even more questions...

[Jimbuna]

Originally Posted by danasan

I' ll better stay tuned here.

All these still unanswered questions...

But I am a bit unsatisfied of Frau Kaleun has been unable to get Sam to play "As Time Goes By" Will there be a happy end on this? Even more questions...

[danasan]

I played that one, but it isn't the same to me as if Brad had made The Frau say to Sam: " " (kind of wordplay, you know)

[Jimbuna]

What your missing is....it was frau playing the piano

[Brag]

"A camel from Camelot," Schramm said in wonder.
"Blewlewlewlew, " The camel said in Camelese.
"We need to find Balz."
"Thataway," The Camel pointed his nose east.
Schramm mounted the camel.
The camel remained kneeling.
"Let´s go!" Schramm yelled.
" That'll be fifty francs."
"Ridiculous, how can one pay a camel?"
"I eat fifty frank notes."
Schramm fed a note to the camel. "Let´s go."
The camel did not budge.
"I´ve paid you, you, you cheating moron."
"I´m not cheating." The camel turned his nose to the west. "There he is, standing in the full glory of his heroic posture."
Schramm directed his gaze to the west. Balz stood on a rise silhouetted against the starry sky.
Schramm kicked the camel. Let´s go to Balz."
"OK, now that I have an address, we can go." The camel stood and trotted toward Balz.
"My whole crew is in jail," Schramm said.
"Ummm., we need to rescue them," Balz answered. He then whistled.
Ali Baba and his forty thieves came out of an olive grove.

Half an hour later, they all stood in front of the jail. Ali Baba said. "Now what?"
"We will have a prisoner exchange," Balz answered. "Your guys go into jail and Schramm´s crew comes out."
"You´re crazy!" Ali Baba exclaimed. "We are thieves, not jail birds."
"There is plenty to steal inside. You can start with the jail warden´s watch. There are beds, blankets, recovered loot, striped uniforms, antique torture racks, shoes, lots of keys"
"Are you sure?
Balz patted Ali Baba's shoulder. "Once you're in, you are in."


Will Balz's scheme succeed and the crew of U-321 be liberated?
Don´t miss the next thrilling episode.