Life aboard a submarine

10-11-06, 08:42 PM

I found this description of how it is to live on a submarine someplace, but I cannot remember where. If you know the author please inform me and I will give that submariner proper credit:

First of all fix up a shelf in your closet. Take the door off of the hinges. 6 hours after you go to sleep have your wife come by rip open the curtain and shine a light in your eyes and say "Sorry, wrong rack".
Eat only food that you get out of can and have to add water to. Also empty out your refrigerator and turn the temperature down to turn the refrigerator into a freezer. Get rid of all fresh fruit and vegetables.
Spend as much time as you can indoors, stay out of direct sunlight. Go to work only before sunrise and come home after sunset.
Repeat back everything that is said to you.
Sit in your car for six hours at a time with the motor running, Keep those hand on the wheel. But don't leave your driveway.
Put Lube Oil in your humidifier instead of water. Set it on High.
Don't watch movies except in the middle of the night. Have your family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different one.
For you old mechanics, Set your lawn mower in the middle of the living room while its running, Only for six hours a day.
Have the paperboy give you a haircut.
Take hourly readings on your water and your electric meters. But only for a six hour period.
Sleep with your dirty laundry.
Invite guests but don't prepare enough food for them, make sure the food is cold. Limit the time they sit at the table to 10 minutes.
Buy a trash compactor, use it only once a week. Store the rest of the garbage in your bathroom.
Wake up at midnight every night and make a peanut-butter sandwich, use stale bread, better yet make your own bread but cut 3 inch thick slices and use these. Optional: warm up some canned ravioli or cold soup.
Make your family a week long menu with out knowing what food is in the cabinets.
Set your alarm clock for various times at night, adjust the volume for the maximum, When it goes off jump up out of bed, get your clothes on as fast as you can, run outside and grab the garden hose.
Once a month take apart every appliance completely and then put it back together again.
Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for 5 or six hours before drinking it.
Invite at least 85 people you don't really like and have them stay for a couple of months.
Store your eggs in the garage for two months and then cook a dozen each morning.
Have a fluorescent lamp installed under your coffee table and then lie underneath it to read books.
Put a complicated lock on your basement door and wear a key around your neck.
When making cakes, prop up one side of the pan and then use extra icing to level it off.
Every so often, Yell "EMERGENCY DEEP", run into the kitchen, and sweep all pots, pans and dishes off of the counters and onto the floor, and then yell at your wife for not having the place "Stowed for Sea".
Put on the headphone to your stereo (don't plug them in), go to the stove and stand in front of it. Say (to no one in particular) "Stove manned and ready" stay there for 3 or 4 hours. Say (once again to no one in particular) "Stove secured", then roll up your headphone cord and put them away.
Pull out your refrigerator and clean behind it for 4 hours and then put it back when you are done. Have your wife come and check on you every 10 minutes with a flashlight to see how your are doing.
When doing you laundry fill it only 1/3 full, sit in front of your washing machine in your underwear and read a book or magazine you've read at least 5 times in the last week. When the wash is done, only run the dryer for half the normal time.

Ducimus · 10-11-06, 09:05 PM

An oldie but goodie.

Incubus · 10-11-06, 10:48 PM

That's pretty funny! Wow, it really makes me wonder how those squids can put up with it for so long :hmm: .

P_Funk · 10-13-06, 12:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Incubus

That's pretty funny! Wow, it really makes me wonder how those squids can put up with it for so long :hmm: .

It's called Liquor and Porn.

AVGWarhawk · 10-13-06, 10:53 AM

I think you could best describe life on a U-boat as thus. Have a bowel movement. Do not clean yourself up. Do this repeated action daily for 4 weeks. See how many friends you make in that 4 week period of doing this action

GraylingSTS(SS) · 10-11-06, 11:42 PM

It would be much funnier if it wasn't so damned accurate!

Hylander_1314 · 10-13-06, 12:40 AM

Reminds me of the one that a B-17 pilot said when asked how to make the B-17 sim more realistic.

Set your computer up in a deep freeze set at - 60 degrees F.

Dress in layers to where you can barely move.

Drink a quart of whiskey as you fly to simulate the effects of high altitude.

And if your game locks up or crashes, well it's just part of the regular break downs that occurred.

10-11-06, 08:42 PM	#1
Albrecht Von Hesse Stowaway Posts: n/a Downloads: Uploads:	Life aboard a submarine I found this description of how it is to live on a submarine someplace, but I cannot remember where. If you know the author please inform me and I will give that submariner proper credit: First of all fix up a shelf in your closet. Take the door off of the hinges. 6 hours after you go to sleep have your wife come by rip open the curtain and shine a light in your eyes and say "Sorry, wrong rack". Eat only food that you get out of can and have to add water to. Also empty out your refrigerator and turn the temperature down to turn the refrigerator into a freezer. Get rid of all fresh fruit and vegetables. Spend as much time as you can indoors, stay out of direct sunlight. Go to work only before sunrise and come home after sunset. Repeat back everything that is said to you. Sit in your car for six hours at a time with the motor running, Keep those hand on the wheel. But don't leave your driveway. Put Lube Oil in your humidifier instead of water. Set it on High. Don't watch movies except in the middle of the night. Have your family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different one. For you old mechanics, Set your lawn mower in the middle of the living room while its running, Only for six hours a day. Have the paperboy give you a haircut. Take hourly readings on your water and your electric meters. But only for a six hour period. Sleep with your dirty laundry. Invite guests but don't prepare enough food for them, make sure the food is cold. Limit the time they sit at the table to 10 minutes. Buy a trash compactor, use it only once a week. Store the rest of the garbage in your bathroom. Wake up at midnight every night and make a peanut-butter sandwich, use stale bread, better yet make your own bread but cut 3 inch thick slices and use these. Optional: warm up some canned ravioli or cold soup. Make your family a week long menu with out knowing what food is in the cabinets. Set your alarm clock for various times at night, adjust the volume for the maximum, When it goes off jump up out of bed, get your clothes on as fast as you can, run outside and grab the garden hose. Once a month take apart every appliance completely and then put it back together again. Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for 5 or six hours before drinking it. Invite at least 85 people you don't really like and have them stay for a couple of months. Store your eggs in the garage for two months and then cook a dozen each morning. Have a fluorescent lamp installed under your coffee table and then lie underneath it to read books. Put a complicated lock on your basement door and wear a key around your neck. When making cakes, prop up one side of the pan and then use extra icing to level it off. Every so often, Yell "EMERGENCY DEEP", run into the kitchen, and sweep all pots, pans and dishes off of the counters and onto the floor, and then yell at your wife for not having the place "Stowed for Sea". Put on the headphone to your stereo (don't plug them in), go to the stove and stand in front of it. Say (to no one in particular) "Stove manned and ready" stay there for 3 or 4 hours. Say (once again to no one in particular) "Stove secured", then roll up your headphone cord and put them away. Pull out your refrigerator and clean behind it for 4 hours and then put it back when you are done. Have your wife come and check on you every 10 minutes with a flashlight to see how your are doing. When doing you laundry fill it only 1/3 full, sit in front of your washing machine in your underwear and read a book or magazine you've read at least 5 times in the last week. When the wash is done, only run the dryer for half the normal time.

10-13-06, 10:53 AM	#5
AVGWarhawk Lucky Jack Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: In a 1954 Buick. Posts: 28,253 Downloads: 90 Uploads: 0	I think you could best describe life on a U-boat as thus. Have a bowel movement. Do not clean yourself up. Do this repeated action daily for 4 weeks. See how many friends you make in that 4 week period of doing this action __________________ “You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.” ― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road

10-11-06, 11:42 PM	#6
GraylingSTS(SS) Bosun Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Kentucky, USA Posts: 62 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	It would be much funnier if it wasn't so damned accurate! __________________ Only two types of ships in my Navy, submarines and targets!

10-13-06, 12:40 AM	#7
Hylander_1314 Sea Lord Join Date: May 2006 Location: 5 Miles Inland West Of Lake Huron Posts: 1,936 Downloads: 139 Uploads: 0	Reminds me of the one that a B-17 pilot said when asked how to make the B-17 sim more realistic. Set your computer up in a deep freeze set at - 60 degrees F. Dress in layers to where you can barely move. Drink a quart of whiskey as you fly to simulate the effects of high altitude. And if your game locks up or crashes, well it's just part of the regular break downs that occurred. __________________ A legislative act contrary to the Constitution is not law. -John Marshall Chief Justice of the Supreme Court ---------------------

10-11-06, 09:05 PM	#2
Ducimus Rear Admiral Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 12,987 Downloads: 67 Uploads: 2	An oldie but goodie.

10-11-06, 10:48 PM	#3
Incubus Planesman Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 195 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	That's pretty funny! Wow, it really makes me wonder how those squids can put up with it for so long :hmm: .