In need of some personal advice

Rose · 10-10-06, 09:45 PM

Ok, so I know this is a Subsim forum, and not some hangout for the emotionally troubled... but I know we're a real tight community here, and I thought maybe you guys (and girls) could lend a kid some advice. Hell, I've even seen people ask for marriage help

, so I reckon I'll give it a shot. Either that, or I'll turn out to be a complete fool. So here goes:

One of my closest friends (and the closest at my school), James, is getting into a bit of trouble (in my view at least). He is a great kid... never drinks and only been high a few times. He's hilarious, has alot of friends, and frankly, he doesn't need to get involved with that stuff. We hang out alot and always have a good time going to movies, skiing in the park, going to his country house, etc.

I got really down when I learned he first smoked weed, because I knew it would only lead to more things like that in the future, and his innocence went *poof* in an instant (clish'e and corny, I know, but I can't think of anything better).

At the end of last year, he started becoming the friend of this real fast kid (gets absolutely blitzed and trashed every weekend). This kid is in the group of kids who think they're real cool, get ****ed up every weekend, then talk about their experiences the whole rest of the week (you know, the "cool" clique... every school has one.). They think they're awesome, and they let everyone know it.

So anyway, my friend James and this kid have been innocent mates until something I found out tonight. When I asked James if he could hang out Friday, I learned he got invited to go out by some kids in this group, including the "fast" kid I mentioned earlier. I was absolutely devastated to say the least. I'm afraid he's gonna get completely ****ed up with this group, and he's gonna want to keep going back for more. I don't want it to get to his head, being with these people and getting trashed. I want to still be able to go to a normal movie with him and just chill.

I mean, we're 15... I've been trashed and stoned; had my fun. So of course, it was inevitable that when I spoke with him tonight, and expressed my worry about him getting involved with this group, James pulls out the "Oh stop patronizing me" card, "It's not like you haven't been wasted before," he told me. But you see, that wasn't my point. I am honestly worried about him. And this is different. These people he might hang out with are different, like I told you. I'm afraid he'll get so involved with these kids that he'll forget about his real mates. The very thought of it scares me.

I just don't want him to wind up in a hospital or end up having sex with some girl he just met that night. It's just not like him... he's destined for much better things. He's really a great kid... and I'm worried. Literally worried sick.

Sure, it plays out like a soap opera and I sound like a 7th grade girl... call it puberty if you will... And if no one responds I'll look like an utter fool and I'll just delete this... But I just would like your opinions, you know, on how to cope with this and maybe what to say to James. I just need to do everything in my power to try to stop this.

Yes, there are starving kids in Africa, war in the Middle East, and other terrible things happening in the world that are infinitely more important than this. I know Steve's situation isn't even comparable to this... but right here and right now, this is the most important thing to me. Go ahead, call me selfish, but even if no one responds, it feels good just to get this off my chest

.

I'm just scared I might lose someone very dear to me.

Thanks everyone, this rant is officially over --

"Rose"

Tchocky · 10-10-06, 09:49 PM

You'll have to be careful here, it looks like he's rather reactive. Maybe remind him not to do anything stupid (leaving it vague could help) and then let him make up his own mind?

Camaero · 10-11-06, 12:55 AM

I don't think you can do anything yet. If you try to tell him not to, then he will just get upset and do it anyway. Just warn the fellow and let him know that you are concerned. He has to make up his own mind from there.

Some people need to hit rock bottom before they realize they are in a bad way. Sadly, sometimes they don't get a second chance.

I know someone who has had their entire life slip away from one night of taking meth. He almost killed a few others and he is now locked away. He was only 18 too. He didn't get a second chance.

Actually, there is someone who can do a lot to stop it. His parents. Have his father give him a good swift kick in the ass.

kiwi_2005 · 10-11-06, 01:57 AM

Are you his mother? If not let him be. Hes telling you to back of so back off. Tell him how you feel about what hes doing, and then leave it as that. Hopefully he will get sick of what hes doing and your be able to tell him "I told you so"

Keep an eye on him but dont interfere.

cobalt · 10-11-06, 02:05 AM

well first off, you're worrying too much. this kind of thing can be settled with a little sit down conversation. let him go out and have his fun, we all do. and being your guys ages, its time to experiment. most importantly, when you talk to him have him understand his priorities first, above partying. its not all that terrible of a thing, its what kids do. as long as it doesnt become a problem, he should be just fine.

The Avon Lady · 10-11-06, 02:27 AM

Quick advice:

1. You're a friend. Try to influence him for the better.

2. Don't let him drag you down with him, if all fails.

3. You're young. Look ahead.

The Noob · 10-11-06, 02:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Camaero

Actually, there is someone who can do a lot to stop it. His parents.

I have to say that i doubt this. How old is James?

Anything over 15 and the "Parent Time" is over. He will just tell them to *BLEEP* off, like he telled you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Camaero

Have his father give him a good swift kick in the ass.

A good demonstation of "Parent Violence", a thing that should be forwned upon. I am sick of stone-aged retards justifying it.

MothBalls · 10-11-06, 02:33 AM

Take the post you wrote.

Print it out.

Give it to your parents and talk to them about it. If not them, a teacher, friends parents, someone you can trust and feel comfortable discussing it with.

If he's really your friend, the worse thing you could do would be to do nothing. It sounds like you may lose him as a friend anyway if he continues down this path, so you really don't have anything to lose, but everything to gain.

mog · 10-11-06, 03:29 AM

I think that if you ask him to stop partying, or stop hanging around with those people, or even tell him you are worried about him, he will despise you. There's no real way to say those things without sounding pathetic to him. I would just let it go. You will drift apart, but in a few years time when he is more mature, and getting completely hammered has lost its novelty, you may end up very good friends once more.

Skybird · 10-11-06, 06:00 AM

List your options. Examine your possebilities of realistical influence on him. Do not dream, do not wish, don't mix up what is with what you want it to be, examine it honestly, and try to leave out your ego. Practice those options that you find to be practicable. Beyond that - learn to accept, and let things rest that are beyond your control or influence. You can't do more than what you can do - and often people do that and find out later that that already had been too much, caused more harm then good. Honestly, your posting gives me the impression it all is more about something on YOUR mind, not so much about him. Nichts für ungut, good luck.

10-10-06, 09:45 PM	#1
Rose Grey Wolf Join Date: May 2006 Location: New York City Posts: 966 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	In need of some personal advice Ok, so I know this is a Subsim forum, and not some hangout for the emotionally troubled... but I know we're a real tight community here, and I thought maybe you guys (and girls) could lend a kid some advice. Hell, I've even seen people ask for marriage help , so I reckon I'll give it a shot. Either that, or I'll turn out to be a complete fool. So here goes: One of my closest friends (and the closest at my school), James, is getting into a bit of trouble (in my view at least). He is a great kid... never drinks and only been high a few times. He's hilarious, has alot of friends, and frankly, he doesn't need to get involved with that stuff. We hang out alot and always have a good time going to movies, skiing in the park, going to his country house, etc. I got really down when I learned he first smoked weed, because I knew it would only lead to more things like that in the future, and his innocence went poof in an instant (clish'e and corny, I know, but I can't think of anything better). At the end of last year, he started becoming the friend of this real fast kid (gets absolutely blitzed and trashed every weekend). This kid is in the group of kids who think they're real cool, get **ed up every weekend, then talk about their experiences the whole rest of the week (you know, the "cool" clique... every school has one.). They think they're awesome, and they let everyone know it. So anyway, my friend James and this kid have been innocent mates until something I found out tonight. When I asked James if he could hang out Friday, I learned he got invited to go out by some kids in this group, including the "fast" kid I mentioned earlier. I was absolutely devastated to say the least. I'm afraid he's gonna get completely **ed up with this group, and he's gonna want to keep going back for more. I don't want it to get to his head, being with these people and getting trashed. I want to still be able to go to a normal movie with him and just chill. I mean, we're 15... I've been trashed and stoned; had my fun. So of course, it was inevitable that when I spoke with him tonight, and expressed my worry about him getting involved with this group, James pulls out the "Oh stop patronizing me" card, "It's not like you haven't been wasted before," he told me. But you see, that wasn't my point. I am honestly worried about him. And this is different. These people he might hang out with are different, like I told you. I'm afraid he'll get so involved with these kids that he'll forget about his real mates. The very thought of it scares me. I just don't want him to wind up in a hospital or end up having sex with some girl he just met that night. It's just not like him... he's destined for much better things. He's really a great kid... and I'm worried. Literally worried sick. Sure, it plays out like a soap opera and I sound like a 7th grade girl... call it puberty if you will... And if no one responds I'll look like an utter fool and I'll just delete this... But I just would like your opinions, you know, on how to cope with this and maybe what to say to James. I just need to do everything in my power to try to stop this. Yes, there are starving kids in Africa, war in the Middle East, and other terrible things happening in the world that are infinitely more important than this. I know Steve's situation isn't even comparable to this... but right here and right now, this is the most important thing to me. Go ahead, call me selfish, but even if no one responds, it feels good just to get this off my chest . I'm just scared I might lose someone very dear to me. Thanks everyone, this rant is officially over -- "Rose"

10-10-06, 09:49 PM	#2
Tchocky Navy Seal Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 5,874 Downloads: 6 Uploads: 0	You'll have to be careful here, it looks like he's rather reactive. Maybe remind him not to do anything stupid (leaving it vague could help) and then let him make up his own mind? __________________ [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

10-11-06, 12:55 AM	#3
Camaero The Old Man Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: USA, Massachusetts Posts: 1,477 Downloads: 18 Uploads: 0	I don't think you can do anything yet. If you try to tell him not to, then he will just get upset and do it anyway. Just warn the fellow and let him know that you are concerned. He has to make up his own mind from there. Some people need to hit rock bottom before they realize they are in a bad way. Sadly, sometimes they don't get a second chance. I know someone who has had their entire life slip away from one night of taking meth. He almost killed a few others and he is now locked away. He was only 18 too. He didn't get a second chance. Actually, there is someone who can do a lot to stop it. His parents. Have his father give him a good swift kick in the ass. __________________

10-11-06, 01:57 AM	#4
kiwi_2005 Eternal Patrol Join Date: May 2004 Location: Aeoteroa Posts: 7,382 Downloads: 223 Uploads: 1	Are you his mother? If not let him be. Hes telling you to back of so back off. Tell him how you feel about what hes doing, and then leave it as that. Hopefully he will get sick of what hes doing and your be able to tell him "I told you so" Keep an eye on him but dont interfere. __________________ RIP kiwi_2005 Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

10-11-06, 02:27 AM	#6
The Avon Lady Über Mom Join Date: May 2005 Location: Jerusalem, Israel Posts: 6,147 Downloads: 5 Uploads: 0	Quick advice: 1. You're a friend. Try to influence him for the better. 2. Don't let him drag you down with him, if all fails. 3. You're young. Look ahead. __________________ "Victory will come to us from the wombs of our women." - Houari Boumedienne, President of Algeria, Speech before the UN, 1974

10-11-06, 02:05 AM	#5
cobalt Commander Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 440 Downloads: 21 Uploads: 0	well first off, you're worrying too much. this kind of thing can be settled with a little sit down conversation. let him go out and have his fun, we all do. and being your guys ages, its time to experiment. most importantly, when you talk to him have him understand his priorities first, above partying. its not all that terrible of a thing, its what kids do. as long as it doesnt become a problem, he should be just fine.

10-11-06, 02:33 AM	#8
MothBalls Ace of the Deep Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 1,012 Downloads: 20 Uploads: 0	Take the post you wrote. Print it out. Give it to your parents and talk to them about it. If not them, a teacher, friends parents, someone you can trust and feel comfortable discussing it with. If he's really your friend, the worse thing you could do would be to do nothing. It sounds like you may lose him as a friend anyway if he continues down this path, so you really don't have anything to lose, but everything to gain.

10-11-06, 03:29 AM	#9
mog Medic Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Sydney Posts: 163 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	I think that if you ask him to stop partying, or stop hanging around with those people, or even tell him you are worried about him, he will despise you. There's no real way to say those things without sounding pathetic to him. I would just let it go. You will drift apart, but in a few years time when he is more mature, and getting completely hammered has lost its novelty, you may end up very good friends once more.

10-11-06, 06:00 AM	#10
Skybird Soaring Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: the mental asylum named Germany Posts: 42,612 Downloads: 10 Uploads: 0	List your options. Examine your possebilities of realistical influence on him. Do not dream, do not wish, don't mix up what is with what you want it to be, examine it honestly, and try to leave out your ego. Practice those options that you find to be practicable. Beyond that - learn to accept, and let things rest that are beyond your control or influence. You can't do more than what you can do - and often people do that and find out later that that already had been too much, caused more harm then good. Honestly, your posting gives me the impression it all is more about something on YOUR mind, not so much about him. Nichts für ungut, good luck. __________________ If you feel nuts, consult an expert.