In need of some personal advice
 

Ok, so I know this is a Subsim forum, and not some hangout for the emotionally troubled... but I know we're a real tight community here, and I thought maybe you guys (and girls) could lend a kid some advice. Hell, I've even seen people ask for marriage help :D, so I reckon I'll give it a shot. Either that, or I'll turn out to be a complete fool. So here goes:

One of my closest friends (and the closest at my school), James, is getting into a bit of trouble (in my view at least). He is a great kid... never drinks and only been high a few times. He's hilarious, has alot of friends, and frankly, he doesn't need to get involved with that stuff. We hang out alot and always have a good time going to movies, skiing in the park, going to his country house, etc.

I got really down when I learned he first smoked weed, because I knew it would only lead to more things like that in the future, and his innocence went *poof* in an instant (clish'e and corny, I know, but I can't think of anything better).

At the end of last year, he started becoming the friend of this real fast kid (gets absolutely blitzed and trashed every weekend). This kid is in the group of kids who think they're real cool, get ****ed up every weekend, then talk about their experiences the whole rest of the week (you know, the "cool" clique... every school has one.). They think they're awesome, and they let everyone know it.

So anyway, my friend James and this kid have been innocent mates until something I found out tonight. When I asked James if he could hang out Friday, I learned he got invited to go out by some kids in this group, including the "fast" kid I mentioned earlier. I was absolutely devastated to say the least. I'm afraid he's gonna get completely ****ed up with this group, and he's gonna want to keep going back for more. I don't want it to get to his head, being with these people and getting trashed. I want to still be able to go to a normal movie with him and just chill.

I mean, we're 15... I've been trashed and stoned; had my fun. So of course, it was inevitable that when I spoke with him tonight, and expressed my worry about him getting involved with this group, James pulls out the "Oh stop patronizing me" card, "It's not like you haven't been wasted before," he told me. But you see, that wasn't my point. I am honestly worried about him. And this is different. These people he might hang out with are different, like I told you. I'm afraid he'll get so involved with these kids that he'll forget about his real mates. The very thought of it scares me.

I just don't want him to wind up in a hospital or end up having sex with some girl he just met that night. It's just not like him... he's destined for much better things. He's really a great kid... and I'm worried. Literally worried sick.

Sure, it plays out like a soap opera and I sound like a 7th grade girl... call it puberty if you will... And if no one responds I'll look like an utter fool and I'll just delete this... But I just would like your opinions, you know, on how to cope with this and maybe what to say to James. I just need to do everything in my power to try to stop this.

Yes, there are starving kids in Africa, war in the Middle East, and other terrible things happening in the world that are infinitely more important than this. I know Steve's situation isn't even comparable to this... but right here and right now, this is the most important thing to me. Go ahead, call me selfish, but even if no one responds, it feels good just to get this off my chest :D.

I'm just scared I might lose someone very dear to me.

Thanks everyone, this rant is officially over --

"Rose"

You'll have to be careful here, it looks like he's rather reactive. Maybe remind him not to do anything stupid (leaving it vague could help) and then let him make up his own mind?

I don't think you can do anything yet. If you try to tell him not to, then he will just get upset and do it anyway. Just warn the fellow and let him know that you are concerned. He has to make up his own mind from there.

Some people need to hit rock bottom before they realize they are in a bad way. Sadly, sometimes they don't get a second chance.

I know someone who has had their entire life slip away from one night of taking meth. He almost killed a few others and he is now locked away. He was only 18 too. He didn't get a second chance.

Actually, there is someone who can do a lot to stop it. His parents. Have his father give him a good swift kick in the ass.

Are you his mother? If not let him be. Hes telling you to back of so back off. Tell him how you feel about what hes doing, and then leave it as that. Hopefully he will get sick of what hes doing and your be able to tell him "I told you so"

Keep an eye on him but dont interfere.

well first off, you're worrying too much. this kind of thing can be settled with a little sit down conversation. let him go out and have his fun, we all do. and being your guys ages, its time to experiment. most importantly, when you talk to him have him understand his priorities first, above partying. its not all that terrible of a thing, its what kids do. as long as it doesnt become a problem, he should be just fine.

Quick advice:

1. You're a friend. Try to influence him for the better.

2. Don't let him drag you down with him, if all fails.

3. You're young. Look ahead.

I have to say that i doubt this. How old is James?

Anything over 15 and the "Parent Time" is over. He will just tell them to *BLEEP* off, like he telled you.

A good demonstation of "Parent Violence", a thing that should be forwned upon. I am sick of stone-aged retards justifying it.

Take the post you wrote.

Print it out.

Give it to your parents and talk to them about it. If not them, a teacher, friends parents, someone you can trust and feel comfortable discussing it with.

If he's really your friend, the worse thing you could do would be to do nothing. It sounds like you may lose him as a friend anyway if he continues down this path, so you really don't have anything to lose, but everything to gain.

I think that if you ask him to stop partying, or stop hanging around with those people, or even tell him you are worried about him, he will despise you. There's no real way to say those things without sounding pathetic to him. I would just let it go. You will drift apart, but in a few years time when he is more mature, and getting completely hammered has lost its novelty, you may end up very good friends once more.

List your options. Examine your possebilities of realistical influence on him. Do not dream, do not wish, don't mix up what is with what you want it to be, examine it honestly, and try to leave out your ego. Practice those options that you find to be practicable. Beyond that - learn to accept, and let things rest that are beyond your control or influence. You can't do more than what you can do - and often people do that and find out later that that already had been too much, caused more harm then good. Honestly, your posting gives me the impression it all is more about something on YOUR mind, not so much about him. Nichts für ungut, good luck. ;)

I say get high with him! :|\\

You only live once and your friend is fearing the growing up and getting old crowd!

You do understand that the moment we're born is also the moment we begin to die, right?!?

Live life to the fullest and don't be afraid of exploration! You're a kid for God's sake, do it now before you're too old and when the consequences to your actions get you in a lot more trouble!

Relax, your mate will grow out of it, we all do ...eventually :roll:
I don't get smashed as often as I used to, but still every now and then. All work and no play makes jumpy a dull fellow :x
So long as he's not doing the hard stuff let him get on with it- he'll only resent it if you interfere too much. Besides (if you'll pardon the bluntness) you're both still kids; all too soon 'growing up' will mean something completely different when you're out in the big wide world supporting yourself and you'll have responsibilities whether you like it or not. Why make that happen any sooner than it has to?
Enjoy (within sensible reason ofcourse) what time you have left free of lifes myriad burdens.
In my experience true friends don't have to attempt to browbeat their mates into doing the right thing, to be propper friends. Better to be there for when people occasionally fall down and need picking up. Where time and changing teenage social circles advance as quickly as the weather, propper mates can pick up where they left off as though it were yesterday.

I think you have guts posting this here! Kudos to you, mate, you sound like you really care about your friend, and you are even willing to look "stupid" to do so! (It it not stupid posting this here, and you are NOT stupid, rose!!:D) When i was young, i was just like your friend. those who cared about me, said the same things you are saying. i wouldnt listen, because i had found my "place" in life........ The guys i hung out with, never demanded anything from me, i felt i was someone special, and the partying and drugs wasnt far away, fighting, even carried weapons, because we were "cool".... Then i realized: Im not going to be 15-16 years old all my life...im going to grow up, be an adult, maybe have a family.. those guys that i call "my friends": is this the people i want to have hanging around my kids?? I managed to break free due to real friends that never gave me up. they always was there for me, and i could thrust them. they understood, and they didnt make fun of me and my recent doings. Your friend needs you, all the way. Let him know you are there for him. Take him skiing in Aspen, just to get away, learn him to play SHIII, its better to be addicted to subs than drugs!

I respect you, mate, for telling this story in public. I hope everything works out! :rock:

Isn't it interesting how much of our personality is revealed by all the different answers that we are giving to Rose' intial question...? :D

You can still be friends, but wouldn't it be better to be friends on crack! :yep:

I say, "Friends don't let friends do drugs......alone"! :rock: :|\\