Bracing Schplatta Kaboom (BALZ)

[Brag]

15 November 1940
On our third day of patrol, Balz announced we were crossing Tanker Alley. We did several listening dives but heard nothing.

I was napping while we ran on the surface.
"Brace of ships sighted." The shout came from the bridge. Within seconds I was off my bunk and racing up the ladder.
"Bernaard," I tried to say calmly., "what do you mean a brace?"
"A onezie twozey of ships, Herr Leutnant."
"And what do you mean by that?"
"A ship up front of the one in the back who is behind the one up front."
"Where are they?" I barked at the nonsense spouting Fahnrich.
"In the water," Herr Leutnant."
"What´s going on?" Balz climbed onto the bridge. He wore golden silk pajamas and carried his action Teddy bear under his arm. The Teddy bear wore a small tea cozy.

By this time I made out the two tankers 250 degrees about three thousand meters away.
"Gun crew on deck," Balz ordered. He then turned to me. You will schplatta kaboom the first ship first before schplatta kabooming the second ship second."
"Schplatta kaboom? I asked, confused.
"Yes," Balz answered. You aim so the round goes schplatt in the water and then kabooms against the hull."
" I think I should calibrate the gun sight before we start schplatt kabooming," Bernard suggested.
"You will hold the action Teddy bear with both hands until the ship behind the ship upfront of the ship behind has sunk. Then, you will take Action Teddy Bear below and and put it to sleep."
Bernard took the Teddy bear from Balz. "You mean you want me to snuff the nice Teddy?"