Message in a Lifejacket (BALZ)

[Brag]

From Lt- Schmenck's Diary.

12 May 1940

Our aft torpedo room is flooded. We sit at a sharp angle, the stern touching bottom. One of the electric motors is out of service. Damage in rear and forward battery compartments. The enemy destroyer knows our exact position, its lethal depth charges keep adding damage. We are going to die.

I will wrap this diary in a life jacket. Maybe someone will find it.

We left Wilhelmsaven on the Same day as Wesserubung and met Sharnhorst and Gneisenau. A magnificent sight. Our patrol assignment was just off the Shetlands, so we missed all the Norwegian action.

At the Shetlands the weather was atrocious. We heard a lot of warships but saw none.
After five days, Balz laid course for what he calls Loners´ Lane, changed his chicken tea cozy for a parrot one, and intensified choir practice.

"The secret of finding ships to sink lies in the precise juxtaposition of the hoochie woochie," He declared.

In Loners' Lane we neither heard or saw a single ship. Balz ordered Bernard to transfer all his bazaar medals from the burgundy smoking jacket to his new silver one. "One must show class when one is going to Tanker Alley," Balz said as we headed southwest of England.

There we found a convoy. It took us three attempts to position ourselves for an attack. We sunk a medium and a large freighter.

On the next attack, Balz scanned the convoy. "Not one single ship worthy of my heroic efforts is left in this miserable convoy," He grumbled.
Bernard approached the TDC. "Can I fire a torpedo then?"
"No, you fulminating idiot." Balz turned the periscope. "Oh, oh, here comes something to further my heroic career. Astern emergency!"
"Astern emergency to forward your career?" Bernard asked.
"Flood tubes one, two, three!"
"You always say, one ship, one torpedo."
"Two degree spread., zero gyro angle."
"Staaand by. Los!"
Balz stepped back from the periscope as three torpedoes wooshed out. "Einz, zwei, drei, Hoochie woochie. Everyone say good bye to a Southampton cruiser."

Duty twirlers twirled and the Attack Quartet sang Glory to Balz. A few seconds later, three explosions rumbled across the water.

"A satisfying badakaboom boom, boom." Balz sat on the chart box." Take her down to one hundred fifty meters."

We then returned to Loners' Lane and sunk three ships in 24 hours.

"This is as good as it gets here," Balz said. "We will go to Bonus Corner and then back to Wily to celebrate my greatness."

I Bonus Corner is when things went wrong. A destroyer spotted us and came pinging. Its first DC attack sent us to the bottom.

We have a superb damage control crew and they managed to control most leaks. By using flank speed, Balz was able to rise the boat to 70 meters and avoid the DCs. But the destroyer was relentless. Each pass caused more damage- At less than flank speed the boat went to the bottom. We were finished.

Then, something strange happened. A freight passed very close to our position and the destroyer lost us. Once the destroyer was gone, the flooding of the aft torpedo room was repaired just in time for us to raise to periscope depth and sink a medium freighter.

Balz received a Knight's Cross, but his request for a type IX boat was again denied.

[Gerald]

but it must bring more GRT to get a new boat,and no party more and strange mix of tea and coffee,

[HW3]

Has not the magnificent Balz yet learned one must bribe his superiors with booty from his victims to get what he wants?

[papa_smurf]

A very close for the Kreigsmarine hero

[Jimbuna]

all his bazaar medals

LMAO

[Brag]

The U-boat Waffe commander had his icy stare fixed on Balz. The greatest hero of the Kriegsmarine stood at attention, but wasn´t going to be intimidated and stared right back.
"Why in the hell should I give you command of a type IX?" the admiral asked.
"Because of the acoustics, Herr Admiral."
"The type VII is just as quiet."
"My choir sounds better in the IX, I have tested it. The sound definitely improves in a IX."
Doenitz tapped the eraser of a pencil on his desk. "Choir?"
"Yes, Herr Admiral. It sings hoochie woochie. Can I now have a type IX sumbie?"
"No."
"But I have sunk a cruiser and have the Ritter Kreuz, I would look much better and more heroic in a type IX. You really should let me have one."
"No! and why are you carrying a shopping bag? You know, officers don't carry things in public, it is unsightly."
"I carry my medals and some tea cozies inside. If I presented you with a ducky tea cozy, can I have a IX?"
"No."
"A chicken one?" Balz reached inside his bag.
"Raus, raus, raus." Doenitz bellowed.

[Gerald]

sing and invite him to the boat, and then you will get everything........probably

[frau kaleun]

Originally Posted by Brag

If I presented you with a ducky tea cozy, can I have a IX?"
"No."
"A chicken one?"

[HW3]

Oh great magnificent Balz, I said booty, not cozy. You have to show him you are a great pirate, as well as a great kaleun, before you get a type IX.

[Brag]

Originally Posted by HW3

Oh great magnificent Balz, I said booty, not cozy. You have to show him you are a great pirate, as well as a great kaleun, before you get a type IX.

Balz read the message, grunted and placed it on his small desk. "Bernaaard," he called.
Huffing, Bernard came into the compartment.
Balz regaled Bernard with his piercing squint. "You have 'til the end of this patrol to knit one hundred booties for Admiral Doenitz."

[HW3]

[frau kaleun]

[Sailor Steve]

Oh, I'm sure Der Onkel will be greatly pleased with that.

[Gerald]

What should I say, I do not have words ..

[desirableroasted]

Being in Balz's Navy is an honor... but it sort of creeps me out, too.