Book Recommendation

[GoldenRivet]

I was cruising the local bookstore and a bright yellow book caught my eye entitled "Emails from an A**hole" by John Lindsay



The basic idea behind the book is simple: The author of the book seeks out the internet (Craigslist mostly) in search of overly moronic want ads, he then assumes the role of the a**hole - creating a fake name, persona and email address with which he can harass the ads creator for posting such a stupid ad.

The book had me in stitches... it was hilarious from cover to cover, here is an excerpt from the book

-------

"Children's Story Teller"

Beth's Original Ad

"Im looking for a friendly, entertaining storyteller to tell stories to children at an afternoon halloween party. You will be telling stories for an hour or two. Pay is $40."

Now before we get to the e mail exchanges, lets just start with one simple lesson... Never EVER EVER look for a random stranger on the internet to deal with your children in any way shape or form.

From: Mike
To: Beth

Re: Ad for story halloween story teller

Hello,

Im writing in response to your ad looking for a kid's story teller for your halloween party. I have a lot of great, scary stories that your children should love. if you are still looking for a storyteller I'm your man!

Thanks,

Mike

----

From: Beth
To: Mike

Re: Ad for story halloween story teller

I do still need a storyteller! We are having a party for the neighborhood kids that starts around 4pm and will last until everyone is ready to trick-or-treat. I only need you to tell stories for about an hour. Most of the kids are in the 5-10 year age group so the stories should be scare, but appropriately scary. I will pay you $40 for the hour and you can help yourself to food and drinks. Do you think you have enough stories to last an hour?

Beth

----

From: Mike
To: Beth

Re: Ad for story halloween story teller

I absolutely have a lot of storyes to tell. I did three tours in Vietnam and have a ton of stories about it. $40 is reasonable. What kind of drinks will you have? I'm a scotch man myself, so if you have at least a 20 year old single malt Glenfiddich, that would be great.

----

From: Beth
To: Mike

Re: Ad for story halloween story teller

I want you to tell the kids halloween related scary stories, not scary war stories. for example... headless horseman / ghost stories etc. Can you tell any of those? Seeing as it is a childrens party i wont be serving scotch... rather soda and juices.

----

From: Mike
To: Beth

Re: Ad for story halloween story teller

Not a problem. I have just the story for your party; my grandchildren love it. its called "The headless VC" and it took place on October 31st 1970. I'll go into more details at the party but to give you the gist of it, our squad was sent out on a routine patrol late on halloween eve. It was seemingly normal until we came under heavy fire. Walked right into a Fu**in' ambush. Enemy small arms fire was ripping us to shreds. The guy next to me got his leg torn off by an RPG explosion. The fu**in thing landed right on my pap, covered me in blood. before i knew it, Charlie was right on top of me. He was charging me with his bayonet so i had to act fast. Figures... my M-16 jammed on me so i grabbed the closest weapon i could find. It was an M-79 grenade launcher. I shot that grenade right through the middle of his fu**in head! It ripped his head clean off the shoulders and spewed blood all over the place. To my astonishment, even without a fu**in head, that damned VC body ran another 10 feet at full sprint before falling to the ground. Must have been some wierd nerve reaction or something, kinda like when a snake gets cut in half and keeps slithering. Anyhow thats the short version of the story of the headless VC.

I have enough to fill an hour or two, here are some summaries of my other stories

* the exhilarating story of the first time i slit a VC throat

* The time i got shot in the leg and had to pull the bullet out with my knife

* The time one of my men blew up a hut full of children with a white phosphorus grenade.

* the time i accidentally blew a horse to tiny pieces with a claymore mine.

I'll only have time to tell a few of these, and i recommend the story about the kids and the white phosphorus grenade... its amazing how that sh*t burns all the way through to the bone.

Pick some out and ill be happy to come tell them.

---

From: Beth
To: Mike

Re: Ad for story halloween story teller

Mike, No thanks. Those stories are waaaaaay to profane and graphic even for my tastes. I dont know how old your grandkids are but those stories would surely traumatize the children at my party!

---

From: Mike
To: Beth

Re: Ad for story halloween story teller

Beth,

My grandkids are 5 and 7 and they have no problem with these stories.

I apologize... I didnt realize the kids at your party were a bunch of pu$$ies. If they cant deal with a fun little war story then i dont think they are being raised properly. if you want i can bring over my service pistol. its a colt .45 1911. That'll put some hair on their little chests! I'll even let the boyes fire it off in the backyard or the basement if you have one. I also have a Makarov that i got off a dead VC officer i will be willing to let the girls have a go at - i have found that girls SUCK at shooting guns, but the Makarov is a smaller caliber weapon so they shouldnt have a problem.

Now, Ammo aint cheap, especially with the talk about gun laws and sh*t... throw in an extra $30 and i can get a box of .45 rounds.

cant wait to meet you and the kids.

Mike

----

From: Beth
To: Mike

Re: Ad for story halloween story teller

you sir, are delusional!!! I thought i was clear before but let me repeat myself... I dont want you near my party!!!!