Knowledge (BALZ)

Brag · 10-22-09, 04:02 PM

Balz removed the paper wrapped around Birdnard’s leg and read:

SECRET

From: Admiralty Berlin
To: Former Cadet Johan Sebastian Balz

13 August 1932

The Admiralty thanks JSB for offering to further Germany’s interests in the Persian Gulf and Arabian Sea areas.

You are hereby accepted into the Kriegsmarine with the rank of Lt. z. S. and assigned to the Office of Intelligence. Your mission is to give military support to our political and diplomatic efforts to assist King Faisal of Iraq to gain indepence from the British Empire.

You are to proceed building the commerce raider Balz Akhbar with maximum speed and take command of said vessel the moment it is completed.

Bear in mind that if you get captured, we have never heard of you or your stinking, disgusting, abominable pirate schemes.

Commander XXX

Balz smiled. “Excuse me, gentlemen. I have to write a letter.” He then said to Birdnard, “Go to the kebab place’s garbage pile and eat quickly. I need you to deliver a missive to Tehran.”
Birdnard flew off, to gorge himself with lobster the kebabers threw away.
Balz wrote:

Hi Hitler!
I’ve heard the depression is really bad in Germany and that you lost the election to that frumpy Hindenburg.
If you want a job, I am preparing a commerce raider and need a good corporal to drill 40 thieves and one albatross who wants to fornicate with my duck tea cozy. I can send a magic carpet to fetch you as soon as I learn how to get it started.

Balz sealed the letter and whistled for Birdnard.

Three days later, Haji Babajimbuna had a carpet spread in front of his shop. “ This is a perfect model for you,” he said to Balz. “A starting handle doesn’t work on carpets. So, here is a coffee grinder.” Jimbuna handed Balz a large commercial coffee grinder. “You place it here,” he pointed at the head of the carpet. “Now we add some coffee.” Jimbuna poured 10 kilos of coffee into the grinder. “Okay, turn.”
Balz turned the wheel of the coffee grinder. After two minutes he stopped and wiped the sweat off his forehead. “It won’t start.”
“Keep grinding,” Jimbuna said as he poured the ground coffee into a keg.
Then minutes later, Balz stopped grinding. “It still won’t start.”
“Don’t worry, we have plenty of coffee left. I’ll be right back. ” Jimbuna hefted the coffee keg and went into his shop where he had a new sign up.
“What does that sign say?” Balz asked Birdnard who was pecking on a lobster.
“It says, freshly arrived ground coffee.”

Jimbuna returned with another bag of coffee.
“Hey, get one of your assistants to start the carpet, Call me when you have it running.” Balz readjusted the tea cozy on his head. “I’ll be at the brass worker’s shop I need to have a froo-froo made.”
Jimbuna dumped the coffee bag on the ground. “What’s a froo-froo?”
“It is my secret weapon I will install on my ship. One needs to keep up with the latest modern technology.”
“Froo-froo doesn’t sound very technical.”
“You can twirl a froo-froo.”
“Ooooh,” Jinbuna said, obviously impressed. “A twirling froo-froo?”
“I will have two installed, one for port and one for starboard, with a trained froo-froo operator for each.”
Ali Baba and his forty Desert Scouts arrived leading a herd of camels loaded with carpets and brass lamps.
“Just in time, just in time,” Jimbuna said and ran to open the doors to his warehouse.
The forty Desert Scouts and their camels disappeared inside.

Five minutes later a troop of Trucial States Scouts rode in mounted on camels. The leader waved his saber. “Have you seen Ali Baba and his forty thieves?”
Afraid that a premature arrest of his future crew would delay his project, Balz shook his head. “I’m busy with froo-froo. I’ve seen nothing, I’ve heard nothing, I know nothing.”
“You don’t know too much.” The leader of the Trucial Scouts pointed his saber at Balz. “We shall see what else you don’t know.” He turned to his men. “Arrest that man and find out what he knows about what he doesn’t know.”
“I know I don’t know. So how can I know what I don’t know if I don’t know?”
“We know we have subtle and exquisite ways to know that you know of what you don’t know.”
A number of Trucial Scouts dismounted and grabbed Balz.

Next week: Froo-froo

Red Heat · 10-22-09, 04:32 PM

Outstanding Story and so original, Brag!

The best part:

"Five minutes later a troop of Trucial States Scouts rode in mounted on camels. The leader waved his saber. “Have you seen Ali Baba and his forty thieves?”
Afraid that a premature arrest of his future crew would delay his project, Balz shook his head. “I’m busy with froo-froo. I’ve seen nothing, I’ve heard nothing, I know nothing.”
“You don’t know too much.” The leader of the Trucial Scouts pointed his saber at Balz. “We shall see what else you don’t know.” He turned to his men. “Arrest that man and find out what he knows about what he doesn’t know.”
“I know I don’t know. So how can I know what I don’t know if I don’t know?”
“We know we have subtle and exquisite ways to know that you know of what you don’t know.”
A number of Trucial Scouts dismounted and grabbed Balz."

P.S. Oh all so outstanding performance from Jimbuna too!

U-46 Commander · 10-22-09, 05:41 PM

Been looking forward to this! Thanks Brag!

Sledgehammer427 · 10-22-09, 10:53 PM

I said froo-froo too many times. It sounds weird now.

Laufen zum Ziel · 10-23-09, 11:03 AM

Always involved in every thing.

coronas · 10-23-09, 12:34 PM

“I know I don’t know. So how can I know what I don’t know if I don’t know?”
I only know I know nothing.

Jimbuna · 10-23-09, 03:37 PM

10-24-09, 01:09 AM

Cool story.
Jimbuna just sold me some coffee.
I hope it doesn't come with froo froo.

Jimbuna · 10-24-09, 09:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snestorm

Cool story.
Jimbuna just sold me some coffee.
I hope it doesn't come with froo froo.

LOL

Brag · 10-24-09, 07:25 PM

Haji Baba Jimbuna's coffee is ground by honest sweat and protected from methanol emmisions of the grinding crew.

sunvalleyslim · 10-25-09, 08:53 PM

outstanding froo-froo story Brag..........

Red Heat · 10-26-09, 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sunvalleyslim

outstanding froo-froo story Brag..........

Brag · 10-27-09, 07:41 AM

Staaand by for more froo froo coming out tomorrow.

Eins, zwei--Looooos mit hoochie-woochie!

Jimbuna · 10-27-09, 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brag

Staaand by for more froo froo coming out tomorrow.

Eins, zwei--Looooos mit hoochie-woochie!

Perhaps even the latest picture of Haji Baba Jimbuna and his concubine

Brag · 10-27-09, 05:37 PM

We anxiusly await Hajibaba Jimbuna's pictures of concubinage.

10-22-09, 04:02 PM	#1
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	Knowledge (BALZ) Balz removed the paper wrapped around Birdnard’s leg and read: SECRET From: Admiralty Berlin To: Former Cadet Johan Sebastian Balz 13 August 1932 The Admiralty thanks JSB for offering to further Germany’s interests in the Persian Gulf and Arabian Sea areas. You are hereby accepted into the Kriegsmarine with the rank of Lt. z. S. and assigned to the Office of Intelligence. Your mission is to give military support to our political and diplomatic efforts to assist King Faisal of Iraq to gain indepence from the British Empire. You are to proceed building the commerce raider Balz Akhbar with maximum speed and take command of said vessel the moment it is completed. Bear in mind that if you get captured, we have never heard of you or your stinking, disgusting, abominable pirate schemes. Commander XXX Balz smiled. “Excuse me, gentlemen. I have to write a letter.” He then said to Birdnard, “Go to the kebab place’s garbage pile and eat quickly. I need you to deliver a missive to Tehran.” Birdnard flew off, to gorge himself with lobster the kebabers threw away. Balz wrote: Hi Hitler! I’ve heard the depression is really bad in Germany and that you lost the election to that frumpy Hindenburg. If you want a job, I am preparing a commerce raider and need a good corporal to drill 40 thieves and one albatross who wants to fornicate with my duck tea cozy. I can send a magic carpet to fetch you as soon as I learn how to get it started. Balz sealed the letter and whistled for Birdnard. Three days later, Haji Babajimbuna had a carpet spread in front of his shop. “ This is a perfect model for you,” he said to Balz. “A starting handle doesn’t work on carpets. So, here is a coffee grinder.” Jimbuna handed Balz a large commercial coffee grinder. “You place it here,” he pointed at the head of the carpet. “Now we add some coffee.” Jimbuna poured 10 kilos of coffee into the grinder. “Okay, turn.” Balz turned the wheel of the coffee grinder. After two minutes he stopped and wiped the sweat off his forehead. “It won’t start.” “Keep grinding,” Jimbuna said as he poured the ground coffee into a keg. Then minutes later, Balz stopped grinding. “It still won’t start.” “Don’t worry, we have plenty of coffee left. I’ll be right back. ” Jimbuna hefted the coffee keg and went into his shop where he had a new sign up. “What does that sign say?” Balz asked Birdnard who was pecking on a lobster. “It says, freshly arrived ground coffee.” Jimbuna returned with another bag of coffee. “Hey, get one of your assistants to start the carpet, Call me when you have it running.” Balz readjusted the tea cozy on his head. “I’ll be at the brass worker’s shop I need to have a froo-froo made.” Jimbuna dumped the coffee bag on the ground. “What’s a froo-froo?” “It is my secret weapon I will install on my ship. One needs to keep up with the latest modern technology.” “Froo-froo doesn’t sound very technical.” “You can twirl a froo-froo.” “Ooooh,” Jinbuna said, obviously impressed. “A twirling froo-froo?” “I will have two installed, one for port and one for starboard, with a trained froo-froo operator for each.” Ali Baba and his forty Desert Scouts arrived leading a herd of camels loaded with carpets and brass lamps. “Just in time, just in time,” Jimbuna said and ran to open the doors to his warehouse. The forty Desert Scouts and their camels disappeared inside. Five minutes later a troop of Trucial States Scouts rode in mounted on camels. The leader waved his saber. “Have you seen Ali Baba and his forty thieves?” Afraid that a premature arrest of his future crew would delay his project, Balz shook his head. “I’m busy with froo-froo. I’ve seen nothing, I’ve heard nothing, I know nothing.” “You don’t know too much.” The leader of the Trucial Scouts pointed his saber at Balz. “We shall see what else you don’t know.” He turned to his men. “Arrest that man and find out what he knows about what he doesn’t know.” “I know I don’t know. So how can I know what I don’t know if I don’t know?” “We know we have subtle and exquisite ways to know that you know of what you don’t know.” A number of Trucial Scouts dismounted and grabbed Balz. Next week: Froo-froo __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

10-22-09, 04:32 PM	#2
Red Heat Ace of the Deep Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Portugal Posts: 1,093 Downloads: 267 Uploads: 0	Outstanding Story and so original, Brag! The best part: "Five minutes later a troop of Trucial States Scouts rode in mounted on camels. The leader waved his saber. “Have you seen Ali Baba and his forty thieves?” Afraid that a premature arrest of his future crew would delay his project, Balz shook his head. “I’m busy with froo-froo. I’ve seen nothing, I’ve heard nothing, I know nothing.” “You don’t know too much.” The leader of the Trucial Scouts pointed his saber at Balz. “We shall see what else you don’t know.” He turned to his men. “Arrest that man and find out what he knows about what he doesn’t know.” “I know I don’t know. So how can I know what I don’t know if I don’t know?” “We know we have subtle and exquisite ways to know that you know of what you don’t know.” A number of Trucial Scouts dismounted and grabbed Balz." P.S. Oh all so outstanding performance from Jimbuna too! __________________ "There is three kinds of man: the living, the death, and those who are at Sea." Plato

10-22-09, 05:41 PM	#3
U-46 Commander Lieutenant Join Date: May 2008 Location: The absolutely most exciting state!! Iowa! Posts: 251 Downloads: 53 Uploads: 0	Been looking forward to this! Thanks Brag! __________________ "Loved By Few, Hated By Many, Respected By All."-The U-boats.

10-22-09, 10:53 PM	#4
Sledgehammer427 PacWagon Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Drinking coffee and staring at trees in Massachusetts Posts: 2,908 Downloads: 287 Uploads: 0	I said froo-froo too many times. It sounds weird now. __________________ Cold Waters Voice Crew - Fire Control Officer Cmdr O. Myers - C/O USS Nautilus (SS-168) 114,000 tons sunk - 4 Spec Ops completed V-boat Nutcase - Need supplies? Japanese garrison on a small island in the way? Just give us a call! D4C!

10-23-09, 11:03 AM	#5
Laufen zum Ziel Eternal Patrol Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Hiding on the bottom Posts: 1,783 Downloads: 853 Uploads: 457	Always involved in every thing. __________________ RIP Laufen zum Ziel

10-23-09, 12:34 PM	#6
coronas Ace of the Deep Join Date: May 2005 Location: Asturias, España Posts: 1,168 Downloads: 39 Uploads: 0	“I know I don’t know. So how can I know what I don’t know if I don’t know?” I only know I know nothing. __________________

10-23-09, 03:37 PM	#7
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,481 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	__________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-24-09, 01:09 AM	#8
Snestorm Stowaway Posts: n/a Downloads: Uploads:	Cool story. Jimbuna just sold me some coffee. I hope it doesn't come with froo froo.

10-24-09, 07:25 PM	#10
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	Haji Baba Jimbuna's coffee is ground by honest sweat and protected from methanol emmisions of the grinding crew. __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

10-25-09, 08:53 PM	#11
sunvalleyslim Ace of the Deep Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, Ca Posts: 1,142 Downloads: 267 Uploads: 0	outstanding froo-froo story Brag.......... __________________ Crew member/ decommission member TM2(SS)(SD) 3/68-7/70 DIESEL BOATS FOREVER USS SEGUNDO (SS398)

10-27-09, 07:41 AM	#13
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	Staaand by for more froo froo coming out tomorrow. Eins, zwei--Looooos mit hoochie-woochie! __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/ Last edited by Brag; 10-27-09 at 08:22 AM.

10-27-09, 05:37 PM	#15
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	We anxiusly await Hajibaba Jimbuna's pictures of concubinage. __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/