The Trap (BALZ)

[Brag]

Lt. Fritz Gwitz writes:
In our last episode we have seen that our hero had become a great leader of pirates and had just met Mariana The Pearl of Labuan. This meeting had a strong effect on Balz because Mariana, Lord Brooke’s daughter had a strong effect on all men, Seeing this beauty was like drinking a strong cup of coffee, except that with a strong cup of coffee one didn’t feel dizzy. Balz stuttered as if he had drunk a very hot cup of coffee that paralyzed his speech.

He fell on one knee and proposed.
“Oh, dear Balz.” She sighed. “You wear funny bunny ears. How could I marry a man like that?”

Balz made a chopping gesture with both hands. “But I am a romantic pirate.”
Mariana looked up into the sky and sighed again. “Sandokan is my pirate. He has fierce eyes and a fierce beard and wears a turban. “I you had a fierce beard, maybe I could consider yoou.”
Balz stood and said, “Au revoir, That means see you in French when I’m not speaking German or Italian.”

He ran to the market and bought a goat. No sooner had money exchanged hands, Balz, using the ancient art of goat flipping, flipped the goat on its back and began shaving it. Finished, he took the goat hairs to the customs house, where he dipped the white goat hairs in black ink. He then he dipped the black hairs in glue and attached the hairs to his face.

Balz rushed back to the harbor park. He was slightly delayed as he had to jump over large pipes laid out by city workers who were building a modern drainage system.

In the park Mariana was walking in the opposite direction than when Balz had seen her earlier. She also twirled her parasol in the opposite direction. This amazed Balz. “Ach, such perfect twirling.” He took a deep breath and approached Mariana. “How do you like my new goatee?” he asked.

Mariana laughed her crystalline laugh that made Balz dizzy. “My dear Balzie, the hairs of your nose grow very fast.”

Balz felt his face. Indeed, in his haste he had attached the goat hairs to his nose instead of his chin.

At that moment, Pereira arrived. “Mes enfants, he said in French because he didn’t say it in Portuguese. “Behold the sight of our intrepid governor.”
“Oh, that’s my father. Mariana said and ran away.

Balz scanned the blue waters of the harbor. On a steam launch, the governor dressed in an admiral’s uniform was proceeding toward his four-masted paddlewheel cruiser bristling with guns. The great ship belched smoke from its stack.

Pereira said, “Lord Brooke will now block your exit from the harbor.”
“Oh, oh,” Balz said.

Pereira pointed inland. “You better escape overland, now!”
“Oh, oh,” Balz said. This oh, oh was triggered by two thousand Indian Army Sepoys deploying east of the town. Balz’s keen powers of observation came into play. His escape route by sea was blocked. His escape route by land was blocked, too. Balz sensed there was no escape.

“Meo filho,” Pereira said, shaking his head. “As we say within certain sporting circles, you’ve had the green banana.” Pereira pointed at a group of workers assembling a scaffold. “How I love to watch hangings.”



Next week: The Trap Closes.

[Torp III]

Is this where Bernard shows up as a "Hanging Farting Green Banana" ?

[Laufen zum Ziel]

Stay away from me babe or else.

[sunvalleyslim]

I believe there's a possibility that Balz will escape..........Perhaps beneath the sea.........

[Bosje]

suspense as well as humor, arrrr

[papa_smurf]

Can't wait for the next installment

[Rhodes]

"Meu filho" Brag, not "Meo"

[Jimbuna]

Balz rushed back to the harbor park. He was slightly delayed as he had to jump over large pipes laid out by city workers who were building a modern drainage system.

Priceless

[Brag]

Originally Posted by Rhodes

"Meu filho" Brag, not "Meo"

Of course it was the Portuguese Pereira who said meo. Our brilliant Balz would have never made such grivious mistake.

An example of Balz's brilliant Portuguese: Fado do hoochie-woochie

[Robert Fulton]

Danke. Danke.

[Sailor Steve]

There's no suspense here. Obviously Balz escaped, or Gwitz wouldn't have anything to write about. And since Gwitz is writing about his hero, the great Balz, then young Balz must have escaped or else Gwitz would be writing about some no-name he knew long ago, and since Gwitz is writing about the current Hero of the Kriegsmarine then young Balz obviously must have escaped.

It's obvious, isn't it?

[Brag]

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

There's no suspense here. Obviously Balz escaped, or Gwitz wouldn't have anything to write about. And since Gwitz is writing about his hero, the great Balz, then young Balz must have escaped or else Gwitz would be writing about some no-name he knew long ago, and since Gwitz is writing about the current Hero of the Kriegsmarine then young Balz obviously must have escaped.

It's obvious, isn't it?

Lt. Fritz Gwitz writes:

Dear Kaleun Sailor Steve,

As a practitioner of suspensic literary writing I haff been commisioned by Capt. Balz after I was commissioned in the Kriegsmarine, to write a super suspensic biography of the grand hero of the Kriegsmarine.

I would like (whether I like it or not) to point at the following supersusppensic fact confronting our hero at this stage of his biographic position.

He could get captured and suspended from a rafter in Lord Brooke's dungeon.

My dear, sir. I don't know how one could get more suspencific than that

Fritz Gwitz, Lt. Kriegsmarine

[coronas]

I'm very "suspencific" too.
Great adventure, Brag!

[Kpt. Lehmann]

Very suspencifical indeed!!!
I especially liked the part about COFFEE!!!

[Brag]

Originally Posted by Kpt. Lehmann

Very suspencifical indeed!!!
I especially liked the part about COFFEE!!!

<------ Kapt Lehman's official coffee drinking , grounds filtering lip and teeth position.