Redneck Poetry

Jimbuna · 05-10-09, 03:04 PM

The National Poetry Contest had come down to two, a Yale graduate and a redneck from Texas. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu."

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan;
Men on camels, two by two
Destination Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.

Frame57 · 05-10-09, 03:08 PM

Git er done....

sunvalleyslim · 05-10-09, 03:51 PM

YeeeHaw.....

JALU3 · 05-11-09, 03:17 AM

Both good for different reasons, but award goes to the Texan, IMHO.

bookworm_020 · 05-11-09, 04:39 AM

Jimbuna · 05-11-09, 06:18 AM

Redneck Billy Joe and redneck Mary Sue are joined in holy matrimony.
They spend their wedding night at the Motel 6 Honeymoon Suite in
Parthenon, Arkansas. They've abstained from the big deed until this
very night. Just as Billy Joe is about to make love to his new wife
for the first time, she stops him.

"Wait, Billy Joe. I just thought you should know... this ain't just
our first time. It's my first time ever. I'm a virgin. I been savin'
myself just for you."

"Whut you say, Mary Sue?"

"I said, I'm a virgin. One hunnert percent cherry. Just for you on our
weddin' night."

"Yore a VIRGIN!?!" He asked somewhat shocked.

"That's right. Please be gentle."

"Gentle? Gentle my ass. I'm outta here!" With that, Billy Joe pulls up
his pants, hard-on and all, and leaves his virgin bride lying alone
and naked. He slams the door, gets in his pickup, and drives home.

"Paw! Paw! Wake up! Yore not gonna believe this!"

"Huh? Billy Joe, whut the hell you doin' here? It's 3am on yore
weddin' night! Why the hell ain't you and that purty new wife of yours
in a haystack somewhere doing it like rabbits?"

"Paw, I wuz all set to do just that, when Mary Sue up and tells me
that she's a virgin!"

"A VIRGIN?"

"That's right, Paw. One hunner percent cherry. As soon as she told
me, I got the hell outta there as fast as I could!"

"Well, son, lemme tell you, you did the right thing... Cuz if she
ain't good enough fer her own fam'ly, she certainly ain't good enough
for ours."

05-10-09, 03:04 PM	#1
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,446 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Redneck Poetry The National Poetry Contest had come down to two, a Yale graduate and a redneck from Texas. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu." First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said: Slowly across the desert sand Trekked a lonely caravan; Men on camels, two by two Destination Timbuktu. The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited: Me and Tim a huntin' went. Met three whores in a pop up tent. They was three, and we was two, So I bucked one, and Timbuktu. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

05-10-09, 03:08 PM	#2
Frame57 Sea Lord Join Date: May 2008 Location: 1300 feet on the crapper Posts: 1,860 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	Git er done.... __________________ "My Religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble minds." Albert Einstein

05-10-09, 03:51 PM	#3
sunvalleyslim Ace of the Deep Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, Ca Posts: 1,142 Downloads: 267 Uploads: 0	YeeeHaw..... __________________ Crew member/ decommission member TM2(SS)(SD) 3/68-7/70 DIESEL BOATS FOREVER USS SEGUNDO (SS398)

05-11-09, 03:17 AM	#4
JALU3 Grey Wolf Join Date: May 2007 Location: 11SMS 98896 10565 Posts: 756 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Both good for different reasons, but award goes to the Texan, IMHO. __________________ "The Federation needs men like you, doctor. Men of conscience. Men of principle. Men who can sleep at night... You're also the reason Section Thirty-one exists -- someone has to protect men like you from a universe that doesn't share your sense of right and wrong." -Sloan, Section Thirty-One

05-11-09, 04:39 AM	#5
bookworm_020 Navy Seal Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Sinking ships off the Australian coast Posts: 5,966 Downloads: 1 Uploads: 0	__________________ "There is always one person in any organization who knows whats going on, That person must be fired"

05-11-09, 06:18 AM	#6
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,446 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Redneck Billy Joe and redneck Mary Sue are joined in holy matrimony. They spend their wedding night at the Motel 6 Honeymoon Suite in Parthenon, Arkansas. They've abstained from the big deed until this very night. Just as Billy Joe is about to make love to his new wife for the first time, she stops him. "Wait, Billy Joe. I just thought you should know... this ain't just our first time. It's my first time ever. I'm a virgin. I been savin' myself just for you." "Whut you say, Mary Sue?" "I said, I'm a virgin. One hunnert percent cherry. Just for you on our weddin' night." "Yore a VIRGIN!?!" He asked somewhat shocked. "That's right. Please be gentle." "Gentle? Gentle my ass. I'm outta here!" With that, Billy Joe pulls up his pants, hard-on and all, and leaves his virgin bride lying alone and naked. He slams the door, gets in his pickup, and drives home. "Paw! Paw! Wake up! Yore not gonna believe this!" "Huh? Billy Joe, whut the hell you doin' here? It's 3am on yore weddin' night! Why the hell ain't you and that purty new wife of yours in a haystack somewhere doing it like rabbits?" "Paw, I wuz all set to do just that, when Mary Sue up and tells me that she's a virgin!" "A VIRGIN?" "That's right, Paw. One hunner percent cherry. As soon as she told me, I got the hell outta there as fast as I could!" "Well, son, lemme tell you, you did the right thing... Cuz if she ain't good enough fer her own fam'ly, she certainly ain't good enough for ours." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!