Men are just happier

AVGWarhawk · 04-30-09, 01:45 PM

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

04-30-09, 01:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AVGWarhawk

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Damn dwarves, bloody bastards keep trying to build an Obisidan farm in the basement and a Lava Moat around the house.

:rotfl:

FIREWALL · 04-30-09, 02:05 PM

The day he said " I Do " He meant " I'm Doomed "

Digital_Trucker · 04-30-09, 02:37 PM

See signature for current feelings about marital relationships

Edit : That's gonna look kinda odd next week when I change the Carlin quote, so for future clarification:

Quote:

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.

Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

George Carlin

Jimbuna · 04-30-09, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

Absolutely priceless

:rotfl:

Platapus · 04-30-09, 05:47 PM

Men and women think of marriage differently

The man is thinking of her, the alter, and the aisle.
The woman is thinking: aisle alter him

It is a phonetic joke.... and not a very good one at that.

However, Marriage is like a three ringed circus

First there is the engagement ring
Second there is the wedding ring
Finally there is the suffering

<rimshot>

04-30-09, 01:45 PM	#1
AVGWarhawk Lucky Jack Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: In a 1954 Buick. Posts: 28,261 Downloads: 90 Uploads: 0	Men are just happier MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE NICKNAMES If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale. BATHROOMS A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items. ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. SUCCESS A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does. DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing! __________________ “You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.” ― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road

04-30-09, 02:05 PM	#3
FIREWALL Eternal Patrol Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: CATALINA IS. SO . CAL USA Posts: 10,108 Downloads: 511 Uploads: 0	The day he said " I Do " He meant " I'm Doomed " __________________ RIP FIREWALL I Play GWX. Silent Hunter Who ???

04-30-09, 05:47 PM	#6
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,373 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Men and women think of marriage differently The man is thinking of her, the alter, and the aisle. The woman is thinking: aisle alter him It is a phonetic joke.... and not a very good one at that. However, Marriage is like a three ringed circus First there is the engagement ring Second there is the wedding ring Finally there is the suffering <rimshot> __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.