November 1918 (BALZ!)

[Brag]

After the death in 1917 of Balz’s father, Balz’s uncle, Friedrich Balz said, “we can’t have orphans in this family. In the navy they will beat the crap out of you if you don’t stop dancing the hoochie woochie in that silly sailor suit.”

On 10 November 1918 cadet Johan Sebastian Balz presented himself aboard the battle cruiser Bayern. “I wonder why no one cheered my arrival,” he said while unpacking his kit in the cadet’s mess.

“Because you’re lower than whalescheisse,” one of the senior cadets answered.
“But I speak mandarin and dance the hoochie woochie. “I can even speak Mandarin while dancing the hoochie woochie and speak Portuguese while not speaking French.. I bet you can’t speak German while speaking English.” With his finger, Balz poked the senior cadet in the stomach.

“Grab him and teach him a lesson,” the senior cadet said and straightened his jacket.

The other cadets beat the crap out of Balz.

After the beating, Balz washed his face, unpacked his seabag and said: “After this war is over, I will not hire any of you for my choir, which will perform in Moscow, London, Paris and Rio de Janeiro.”

“Do you have a choir?” One of Balz’s messmates asked.

“No, you’re all fired.”
“But we never even sang.”
“Ah, you understand hoochie woochie. If you take that senior cadet and beat the crap out of him, I shall consider to integrate all of you into Balz’s world famous Hoochie Woochie and Twirling choir. You will sing It’s a Long Way to Tiperari in Picadilly”

Hearing the noise coming out of the cadet mess, the sailors of the Second Division thought a mutiny had started and held a Communist Party meeting.
“What are the cadets doing?” Asked one of the sailors.
“They started the hoochie woochie and are twirling.”
“The sign for the revolution has come,” said the party secretary.

From Wilhelmshaven to Kiel mutiny raged in the Imperial Navy as the war ended.

As a number of officers were led to the stern deck to be shot, Balz said, You can’t shoot them until you place them in the right order. The number one officer must be placed in front of the number three officer who must stand behin number two will be ahead of number ten but behind number one.”

“And who are you?” asked a beefy Bootsman .
“I am the chairman of the prophylactic community of subversive cadets in charge off orderly officer elimination by the numbers.” He pointed at the ship’s gunnery officer and scratched his head. “See, he is in the wrong place. he should be number five. But he is in front of number seventeen who should be in front of number eighteen but way back of number three.”
“You are trying to fool us with mathematics.”
Balz assumed a heroic pose and like Napoleon stuck his hand inside his short cadet jacket “And we have orders to sail to the Firth of Forth and give the ships to the English.”
“The fifth of fourth?”
“Better ask one of the officers, they know geographical math.”
“They will be shot in three minutes.”
“Now it is you who is using numbers. That’s not revolutionary. We must use anarchic mathematics like two and two is ninety seven.”
“Why would be ninety seven and not seventy three?”
“Because of the Marxist theory of Pavlovian reflexes of the lumpy proletariat.”
“We must shoot the officer to make and example of them,” the beefy Bootsman argued.
“An example to whom?” Balz asked.
“To the other officers.”
“But if you shoot them there won’t be any officers left to show an example to.”

An agitated group of sailors came aboard. The leader of this group read from a piece of paper.“The Central Committee has decided that the officers be spared until our fleet is presented to the British , We need to sail to the Firth of Forth and there we will demand revolutionary recognition.”

When the officers were released, the captain said, “Raise the anchor.”
The Bootsman secretary of the Central Committee said, “Once the Sailor’s and Workers plenum has approved the order, raise the anchor.”
Watching the mess of orders, counter orders and arguments going on in the sailors’ Committees, Balz thought, The navy really needs someone like me to get it sorted out.”


Next Balzgragraph soon

The Firth of Forth and the aftermath of the German surrender.

[Laufen zum Ziel]

Well done. Now I know what an addict feels like when he/she goes without a fix for a while.

[bookworm_020]

Nice to see that Baz can raise havoc wherever he goes!

[Sailor Steve]

:rotfl:

So our 'umble 'ero was directly responsible for the great mutiny and the grand scuttling? Who woulda thunk it? Are the Brits going to give him a medal?

[Task Force]

Nice to see Balz is back!

[papa_smurf]

Ahhhh, its great to have Balz back