Men's pearls of wisdom

Jimbuna · 12-05-08, 03:42 PM

1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I don't remember, what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing......

15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.

16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, ' Don 't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!!

Send to the men who need a laugh and the women with a good sense of humor.

Sailor Steve · 12-05-08, 03:47 PM

:rotfl:

I have an excellent memory (ouch!).

MothBalls · 12-05-08, 04:01 PM

Then you have the advantage for number 11.

Digital_Trucker · 12-05-08, 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MothBalls

Then you have the advantage for number 11.

This coming from a guy named Moth Balls:rotfl

sorry couldn't help myself)

MothBalls · 12-05-08, 04:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimbuna

Men's pearls of wisdom

I always thought these were men's pearls of wisdom.

12-05-08, 04:11 PM

Those are great Jim, thanks for sharing!!

Sailor Steve · 12-05-08, 04:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MothBalls

Then you have the advantage for number 11.

Ouch! Again.

Hylander_1314 · 12-05-08, 04:43 PM

Mine was number 17.

Jimbuna · 12-05-08, 05:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by -SWCowboy.

Those are great Jim, thanks for sharing!!

Your welcome Russ.....just don't go showing em to the wife

MothBalls · 12-05-08, 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimbuna

Quote:

Originally Posted by -SWCowboy.

Those are great Jim, thanks for sharing!!

Your welcome Russ.....just don't go showing em to the wife

or you'll end up in the doghouse

12-05-08, 06:53 PM

Added that to my favorites MothBalls

You could've found me there on Valentines Day... I completely forgot all about it, didn't even remember to get my wife a gift.

Don't worry Jim, you're secrets are safe with me!

Jimbuna · 12-05-08, 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by -SWCowboy.

Don't worry Jim, you're secrets are safe with me!

YA WHAAAAAT!!

August · 12-05-08, 07:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MothBalls

Then you have the advantage for number 11.

Mothballs; A glass half full kind of guy!

magic452 · 12-06-08, 12:19 AM

MY wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?"I said, "Dust.."

And then the fight started

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a scale. And then the fight started

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so,
I took her to a gas station..

And then the fight started

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and comeback later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started...

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get so-o-o-o stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then, if your are not Happy :hmm:which one are you?'. And then the fight started.. :p

Kapitan_Phillips · 12-06-08, 03:29 AM

lmao!

12-05-08, 03:42 PM	#1
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,453 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Men's pearls of wisdom 1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I don't remember, what I chose. 2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. 3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects. 4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...' 5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together. 6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth. 7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly. 8. Virginity can be cured. 9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity. 10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. 11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small. 12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy. 13. Q: What's an Australian kiss? A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under. 14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing...... 15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life? A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't. 16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A: Breasts don't have eyes. 17. Despite the old saying, ' Don 't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!! Send to the men who need a laugh and the women with a good sense of humor. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-05-08, 03:47 PM	#2
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	:rotfl: I have an excellent memory (ouch!). __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

12-05-08, 04:43 PM	#8
Hylander_1314 Sea Lord Join Date: May 2006 Location: 5 Miles Inland West Of Lake Huron Posts: 1,936 Downloads: 139 Uploads: 0	Mine was number 17. __________________ A legislative act contrary to the Constitution is not law. -John Marshall Chief Justice of the Supreme Court ---------------------

12-06-08, 03:29 AM	#15
Kapitan_Phillips Silent Hunter Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Swansea Posts: 3,903 Downloads: 204 Uploads: 0	lmao! __________________ Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into.

12-05-08, 04:01 PM	#3
MothBalls Ace of the Deep Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 1,012 Downloads: 20 Uploads: 0	Then you have the advantage for number 11.

12-05-08, 04:11 PM	#6
-SWCowboy. Stowaway Posts: n/a Downloads: Uploads:	Those are great Jim, thanks for sharing!!

12-05-08, 06:53 PM	#11
-SWCowboy. Stowaway Posts: n/a Downloads: Uploads:	Added that to my favorites MothBalls You could've found me there on Valentines Day... I completely forgot all about it, didn't even remember to get my wife a gift. Don't worry Jim, you're secrets are safe with me!

12-06-08, 12:19 AM	#14
magic452 Sea Lord Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Reno Nevada USA Posts: 1,860 Downloads: 85 Uploads: 0	MY wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?"I said, "Dust.." And then the fight started My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds." I bought her a scale. And then the fight started When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.. And then the fight started After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and comeback later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started... I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get so-o-o-o stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then, if your are not Happy :hmm:which one are you?'. And then the fight started.. :p