War Diary (Balz)

Brag · 11-13-08, 04:12 PM

Lt. Fritz Gwitz writes:
23 February 1941
U-123, position BE39

After racing all morning to intercept a convoy we sat down for lunch. Again, it was dried, wrinkled sausages and sour kraut. Balz stared at his plate without eating.
"You're not eating," Bernard commented.
"I'm busy," Balz answered. "I am reading my sausage."
"Who wrote you a sausage?" Bernard asked.
"I don't know, it's written in Arabic." Balz ran the point of his knife along a wrinkle on the sausage. "It looks like a poem."
"Convoy is approaching," the sound man reported.
"I'll read my sausage later. Action stations!" Balz donned his rooster tea cozy and burgundy smoking jacket with medals.
I took a quick look through the observation scope and began the attack plot. A huge, fat convoy of large ships approached with several tankers in the middle.
"We shall have a hoochie woochie day," Balz said after he ordered the attack periscope down. "Flood tubes one through four."

"Lead escort has changed course to north."
Balz raised the periscope and muttered. "Scheisse. All the bastards, the whole convoy changed course. Stand by to fire one and two. There, range, three thousand two hundred meters. Mark--fire one. Range three thousand six hundred meters, Mark, fire two. Dive to one hundred meters."
Balz sat on the chart box and shook his head. With luck, we'll hit a large freighter and a medium one. That bastard escort is coming toward us. I'm sure he has seen the wake of our fish. I hate those steamers. Now, bring me my sausage, I need something to read while the torpedoes cross the Atlantic."
Cookie brought Balz a sausage.
"This is a different sausage. I want the one written in Arabic, not Sanskrit."
"We don't have Arabic sausage writers aboard." Cookie squirmed and his hands shook.
"Torpedo treffer!"
Taking advantage that Balz's attention was on the soundman, Cookie placed the plate on our commander's lap and took off for the galley.
Balz went to the hydrophone station and chewed on the sausage absentmindedly while he listened to the hydrophone. He then turned toward me. "Write in the War Diary:
While attacking convoy at great distance, first torpedo missed due to a badly written sausage. Second torpedo missed its intended target but hit a medium tanker. The tanker sank despite our lack of Arabic sausage writers. This is another indication of my superior skill even when burdened by a sausage illiterate crew.

Fr8monkey · 11-13-08, 04:51 PM

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

THat made my day.

Arabic sausages...

bookworm_020 · 11-13-08, 05:09 PM

Does the next instalment tells us what was written on the sausage?:hmm: It could help Germany win the war!

Fr8monkey · 11-13-08, 10:24 PM

I'm waiting for a someone to make a uniform mod of a burgundy smoking jacket.

I think that would

!!

Bosje · 11-14-08, 04:49 AM

made me think of this:

~2:30 onwards

Brag · 11-14-08, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bosje

made me think of this:

~2:30 onwards

That's a funny one. :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

papa_smurf · 11-14-08, 03:35 PM

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Here we go again................................

Sledgehammer427 · 11-14-08, 06:25 PM

good stuff...

next time i have to do a school paper, i will use Balz as one of my personal heroes!

Brag · 11-14-08, 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sledgehammer427

good stuff...

next time i have to do a school paper, i will use Balz as one of my personal heroes!

Plagiarist, but go ahead and shock your teachers

Graf Paper · 11-14-08, 09:44 PM

"Arabic" sausages! :rotfl:

Will this lead to divination by reading the sauerkraut? :hmm:

I'd love to see a uniform mod with Balz's smoking jacket...and tea cozy... too!

Jimbuna · 11-15-08, 09:48 AM

LOL :rotfl:

Brag · 11-16-08, 09:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Graf Paper

"Arabic" sausages! :rotfl:

Will this lead to divination by reading the sauerkraut? :hmm:

I'd love to see a uniform mod with Balz's smoking jacket...and tea cozy... too!

Graf,
You have a dangerous mind.

sunvalleyslim · 11-16-08, 03:25 PM

Hot Balz of Sausage................:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Graf Paper · 11-16-08, 03:34 PM

That's why I sleep with a padlock on my forehead. Keeps the bugger from getting out and into mischief when I can't keep an eye on him.

More Balz, please!

(that sounds so wrong when said out loud.

)

Jimbuna · 11-16-08, 03:47 PM

11-13-08, 04:12 PM	#1
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	War Diary (Balz) Lt. Fritz Gwitz writes: 23 February 1941 U-123, position BE39 After racing all morning to intercept a convoy we sat down for lunch. Again, it was dried, wrinkled sausages and sour kraut. Balz stared at his plate without eating. "You're not eating," Bernard commented. "I'm busy," Balz answered. "I am reading my sausage." "Who wrote you a sausage?" Bernard asked. "I don't know, it's written in Arabic." Balz ran the point of his knife along a wrinkle on the sausage. "It looks like a poem." "Convoy is approaching," the sound man reported. "I'll read my sausage later. Action stations!" Balz donned his rooster tea cozy and burgundy smoking jacket with medals. I took a quick look through the observation scope and began the attack plot. A huge, fat convoy of large ships approached with several tankers in the middle. "We shall have a hoochie woochie day," Balz said after he ordered the attack periscope down. "Flood tubes one through four." "Lead escort has changed course to north." Balz raised the periscope and muttered. "Scheisse. All the bastards, the whole convoy changed course. Stand by to fire one and two. There, range, three thousand two hundred meters. Mark--fire one. Range three thousand six hundred meters, Mark, fire two. Dive to one hundred meters." Balz sat on the chart box and shook his head. With luck, we'll hit a large freighter and a medium one. That bastard escort is coming toward us. I'm sure he has seen the wake of our fish. I hate those steamers. Now, bring me my sausage, I need something to read while the torpedoes cross the Atlantic." Cookie brought Balz a sausage. "This is a different sausage. I want the one written in Arabic, not Sanskrit." "We don't have Arabic sausage writers aboard." Cookie squirmed and his hands shook. "Torpedo treffer!" Taking advantage that Balz's attention was on the soundman, Cookie placed the plate on our commander's lap and took off for the galley. Balz went to the hydrophone station and chewed on the sausage absentmindedly while he listened to the hydrophone. He then turned toward me. "Write in the War Diary: While attacking convoy at great distance, first torpedo missed due to a badly written sausage. Second torpedo missed its intended target but hit a medium tanker. The tanker sank despite our lack of Arabic sausage writers. This is another indication of my superior skill even when burdened by a sausage illiterate crew. __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

11-13-08, 04:51 PM	#2
Fr8monkey Captain Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 518 Downloads: 62 Uploads: 0	:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: THat made my day. Arabic sausages... __________________ NASA's budget in 2011... $19 billion. Result: Hi-resolution images from 127 million miles away. AT&T's budget in 2011... $20 billion. Result: Still can't get any signal from my bathroom.

11-13-08, 05:09 PM	#3
bookworm_020 Navy Seal Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Sinking ships off the Australian coast Posts: 5,966 Downloads: 1 Uploads: 0	Does the next instalment tells us what was written on the sausage?:hmm: It could help Germany win the war! __________________ "There is always one person in any organization who knows whats going on, That person must be fired"

11-13-08, 10:24 PM	#4
Fr8monkey Captain Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 518 Downloads: 62 Uploads: 0	I'm waiting for a someone to make a uniform mod of a burgundy smoking jacket. I think that would !! __________________ NASA's budget in 2011... $19 billion. Result: Hi-resolution images from 127 million miles away. AT&T's budget in 2011... $20 billion. Result: Still can't get any signal from my bathroom.

11-14-08, 04:49 AM	#5
Bosje Seasoned Skipper Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 732 Downloads: 89 Uploads: 0	made me think of this: ~2:30 onwards __________________ And when an 800-ton Uboat has you by the tits... you listen!

11-14-08, 03:35 PM	#7
papa_smurf Ocean Warrior Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: High Peak, Derbyshire Posts: 2,851 Downloads: 33 Uploads: 0	:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: Here we go again................................ __________________

11-14-08, 06:25 PM	#8
Sledgehammer427 PacWagon Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Drinking coffee and staring at trees in Massachusetts Posts: 2,908 Downloads: 287 Uploads: 0	good stuff... next time i have to do a school paper, i will use Balz as one of my personal heroes! __________________ Cold Waters Voice Crew - Fire Control Officer Cmdr O. Myers - C/O USS Nautilus (SS-168) 114,000 tons sunk - 4 Spec Ops completed V-boat Nutcase - Need supplies? Japanese garrison on a small island in the way? Just give us a call! D4C!

11-14-08, 09:44 PM	#10
Graf Paper Ace of the Deep Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Pacific Northwest United States Posts: 1,146 Downloads: 41 Uploads: 2	"Arabic" sausages! :rotfl: Will this lead to divination by reading the sauerkraut? :hmm: I'd love to see a uniform mod with Balz's smoking jacket...and tea cozy... too! __________________ Still sailing the high seas, hunting convoys with those who join me.

11-15-08, 09:48 AM	#11
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,473 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	LOL :rotfl: __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

11-16-08, 03:25 PM	#13
sunvalleyslim Ace of the Deep Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, Ca Posts: 1,142 Downloads: 267 Uploads: 0	Hot Balz of Sausage................:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: __________________ Crew member/ decommission member TM2(SS)(SD) 3/68-7/70 DIESEL BOATS FOREVER USS SEGUNDO (SS398)

11-16-08, 03:34 PM	#14
Graf Paper Ace of the Deep Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Pacific Northwest United States Posts: 1,146 Downloads: 41 Uploads: 2	That's why I sleep with a padlock on my forehead. Keeps the bugger from getting out and into mischief when I can't keep an eye on him. More Balz, please! (that sounds so wrong when said out loud. ) __________________ Still sailing the high seas, hunting convoys with those who join me.

11-16-08, 03:47 PM	#15
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,473 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	__________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!