Happy Birthday Bernard! (Balz)

Brag · 09-26-08, 08:28 AM

Note: Lt. Kalb has been transferred to Flensburg where he will be attending the commanders' course.

He has been replaced by Lt. Fritz Gwitz.

Lt. Gwitz writes:
I must say that life on U-123 takes a certain amount of getting used to. The commander walks around the boat constantly tapping the hull with a tuning fork. The boat must be properly trimmed and tuned, he says. We also have a choir. Before starting choir practice, Balz hits the tuning fork over Bernard's head. I would write more about Balz but you wouldn't believe it.

We were on the tenth day of our patrol following a course, which Balz claimed would yield great tanker tonnage. All we got was abysmal weather. A radio message arrived and we chased a convoy , estimating intercept at 0500 hours.
The night was as dark as Churchill's love for Germany. We dove and immediately had sound contact with the convoy.
After listening for a few minutes, Balz made a grandiose gesture. "We are in splendid position for a magnificent Balz attack"We will hear the lovely sound of our boom-booms disemboweling the Englanders' vessels. And listen to the moan of tortured hulls singing their last hoochie-woochie."

Half-hour later, Balz raised the periscope, took a quick look and lowered it. "We're about to enter inside the screen." He adjusted his bunny tea cozy on his head and signaled for the choir to twirl silently. Yes, he wears a foil-lined tea cozy to avoid hearing Der Fuhrer's and Chirchill's speeches.
Ping, ping, ping. The rapid staccato from a destroyer stabbed through the hull. The choir stopped twirling. Frozen in place, its members looked fearfuly around.
"What is that?" Balz asked.
"Pinging," I said.
"How very observant."
We could now hear the racing of the escort's engines.
"Ahead flank. Ten degrees starboard rudder!"
The destroyer rumbled overhead.
We are finished, I thought.
With an expression of terror on his face, Bernard stuttered, "Wa-wa-wasserbomben."
Balz frowned. "Wawawasserbomben? It that a new Englander weapon?"
"Wa-wasserbomben."
"Make up your mind if they are wa or the wawa model."
Explosions reverberated nearby, but far enough not to shake us.
"Depth one five zero."
"New Englanders are not in the war, Herr Kaleun." I said, trying to be helpful.
"Thank you for keeping me well informed."
We were at 40 meters when the destroyer came by again.
"Choir, twirl to confuse the enemy."
Open mouthed I watched the choir twirl. "Does that help, Herr Kaleun?"
"Of course it does. Rotating minds work better than idle minds."
Rotating minds, I wrote it down in my notebook so I'd remember to think about it.
"Wa-wasserbomben." Bernard announced.
"And the wawasserbomben, einz, zwei, drei--hop" Balz did a little dance shuffling his bunny slippers. "Und das Hoochiehoochiewoochie und der wawawawasser boom-boom."
Depth charges exploded in the distance.
Baltz looked at me. "Leutnant Gwitz, what's the first thing you do when you have leaks overhead?"
"I open my umbrella, Herr Kaleun."
"At least you are not as stupid as Bernard." Balz chuckled. "Happy birthday, Bernard. You'll be one year older when I kill you."
* * *

Brag, Balz and the crew of U-123 thanks Dowly, the Finnish Ferret, for the creation of Bernard three years ago.

meduza · 09-26-08, 09:09 AM

:rotfl::rotfl:

papa_smurf · 09-26-08, 09:38 AM

Question is, will Balz make it to his 2nd birthday?

coronas · 09-26-08, 11:59 AM

Happy Birthday, Bernard! I hope you are 50 years older when Balz kill you.

Dowly · 09-26-08, 12:01 PM

GODDAMMIT!

http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/showthread.php?t=142476

Jimbuna · 09-26-08, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by papa_smurf

Question is, will Balz make it to his 2nd birthday?

Today is his 3rd birthday

Brag · 09-26-08, 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimbuna

Quote:

Originally Posted by papa_smurf

Question is, will Balz make it to his 2nd birthday?

Today is his 3rd birthday

Quote:
Originally Posted by papa_smurf
Question is, will Balz make it to his 2nd birthday?

Today is his 3rd birthday

The sequence ends with Bernard disguised as a farthing cake.

Jimbuna · 09-26-08, 12:52 PM

I'm not too sure about that candle mind :hmm:

onelifecrisis · 09-26-08, 01:57 PM

:rotfl:
Another goodun, Brag.

Task Force · 09-26-08, 02:04 PM

Happy birthday bernard. I hope bernard gets that studdering issue fixed.:rotfl

anouther good one brag)

Kipparikalle · 09-26-08, 02:18 PM

A beer for your foolings Bernard

Just like in the good ol' times!

U-46 Commander · 09-26-08, 08:26 PM

I shall have to try writing about the adventures of the U-48, only they might not be funny as the great Balz.

Sailor Steve · 09-26-08, 11:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimbuna

Quote:

Originally Posted by papa_smurf

Question is, will Balz make it to his 2nd birthday?

Today is his 3rd birthday

I think he meant will Balz make it to his own (not Bernard's) 2nd birthday?

Task Force · 09-26-08, 11:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimbuna

Quote:

Originally Posted by papa_smurf

Question is, will Balz make it to his 2nd birthday?

Today is his 3rd birthday

I think he meant will Balz make it to his own (not Bernard's) 2nd birthday?

Proably.

Jimbuna · 09-27-08, 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimbuna

Quote:

Originally Posted by papa_smurf

Question is, will Balz make it to his 2nd birthday?

Today is his 3rd birthday

I think he meant will Balz make it to his own (not Bernard's) 2nd birthday?

Probably

09-26-08, 08:28 AM	#1
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	Happy Birthday Bernard! (Balz) Note: Lt. Kalb has been transferred to Flensburg where he will be attending the commanders' course. He has been replaced by Lt. Fritz Gwitz. Lt. Gwitz writes: I must say that life on U-123 takes a certain amount of getting used to. The commander walks around the boat constantly tapping the hull with a tuning fork. The boat must be properly trimmed and tuned, he says. We also have a choir. Before starting choir practice, Balz hits the tuning fork over Bernard's head. I would write more about Balz but you wouldn't believe it. We were on the tenth day of our patrol following a course, which Balz claimed would yield great tanker tonnage. All we got was abysmal weather. A radio message arrived and we chased a convoy , estimating intercept at 0500 hours. The night was as dark as Churchill's love for Germany. We dove and immediately had sound contact with the convoy. After listening for a few minutes, Balz made a grandiose gesture. "We are in splendid position for a magnificent Balz attack"We will hear the lovely sound of our boom-booms disemboweling the Englanders' vessels. And listen to the moan of tortured hulls singing their last hoochie-woochie." Half-hour later, Balz raised the periscope, took a quick look and lowered it. "We're about to enter inside the screen." He adjusted his bunny tea cozy on his head and signaled for the choir to twirl silently. Yes, he wears a foil-lined tea cozy to avoid hearing Der Fuhrer's and Chirchill's speeches. Ping, ping, ping. The rapid staccato from a destroyer stabbed through the hull. The choir stopped twirling. Frozen in place, its members looked fearfuly around. "What is that?" Balz asked. "Pinging," I said. "How very observant." We could now hear the racing of the escort's engines. "Ahead flank. Ten degrees starboard rudder!" The destroyer rumbled overhead. We are finished, I thought. With an expression of terror on his face, Bernard stuttered, "Wa-wa-wasserbomben." Balz frowned. "Wawawasserbomben? It that a new Englander weapon?" "Wa-wasserbomben." "Make up your mind if they are wa or the wawa model." Explosions reverberated nearby, but far enough not to shake us. "Depth one five zero." "New Englanders are not in the war, Herr Kaleun." I said, trying to be helpful. "Thank you for keeping me well informed." We were at 40 meters when the destroyer came by again. "Choir, twirl to confuse the enemy." Open mouthed I watched the choir twirl. "Does that help, Herr Kaleun?" "Of course it does. Rotating minds work better than idle minds." Rotating minds, I wrote it down in my notebook so I'd remember to think about it. "Wa-wasserbomben." Bernard announced. "And the wawasserbomben, einz, zwei, drei--hop" Balz did a little dance shuffling his bunny slippers. "Und das Hoochiehoochiewoochie und der wawawawasser boom-boom." Depth charges exploded in the distance. Baltz looked at me. "Leutnant Gwitz, what's the first thing you do when you have leaks overhead?" "I open my umbrella, Herr Kaleun." "At least you are not as stupid as Bernard." Balz chuckled. "Happy birthday, Bernard. You'll be one year older when I kill you." * * * Brag, Balz and the crew of U-123 thanks Dowly, the Finnish Ferret, for the creation of Bernard three years ago. __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/ Last edited by Brag; 09-26-08 at 09:21 AM.

09-26-08, 09:09 AM	#2
meduza Ace of the Deep Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: on patrol Posts: 1,035 Downloads: 40 Uploads: 0	:rotfl::rotfl: __________________

09-26-08, 09:38 AM	#3
papa_smurf Ocean Warrior Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: High Peak, Derbyshire Posts: 2,851 Downloads: 33 Uploads: 0	Question is, will Balz make it to his 2nd birthday? __________________

09-26-08, 11:59 AM	#4
coronas Ace of the Deep Join Date: May 2005 Location: Asturias, España Posts: 1,168 Downloads: 39 Uploads: 0	Happy Birthday, Bernard! I hope you are 50 years older when Balz kill you. __________________

09-26-08, 12:52 PM	#8
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,500 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I'm not too sure about that candle mind :hmm: __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

09-26-08, 12:01 PM	#5
Dowly Lucky Jack Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Finland Posts: 25,052 Downloads: 32 Uploads: 0	GODDAMMIT! http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/showthread.php?t=142476

09-26-08, 01:57 PM	#9
onelifecrisis Maverick Modder Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: England Posts: 3,895 Downloads: 65 Uploads: 3	:rotfl: Another goodun, Brag. __________________ Freedom of speech - priceless. For everything else there's Mastercard.

09-26-08, 02:04 PM	#10
Task Force Rear Admiral Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: SPACE!!!! Posts: 10,142 Downloads: 85 Uploads: 0	Happy birthday bernard. I hope bernard gets that studdering issue fixed.:rotflanouther good one brag) __________________ Task Force industries "Taking control of the world, one mind at a time"

09-26-08, 02:18 PM	#11
Kipparikalle Samurai Navy Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Finland Posts: 580 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	A beer for your foolings Bernard Just like in the good ol' times!

09-26-08, 08:26 PM	#12
U-46 Commander Lieutenant Join Date: May 2008 Location: The absolutely most exciting state!! Iowa! Posts: 251 Downloads: 53 Uploads: 0	I shall have to try writing about the adventures of the U-48, only they might not be funny as the great Balz. __________________ "Loved By Few, Hated By Many, Respected By All."-The U-boats.