25 Ways to Be a Good Republican

[Enigma]

While we're engaging in hackery...

Touche! (From your friendly local registered Independent.)

25 Ways to Be a Good Republican


1. You have to believe that trade with Cuba is wrong, because it’s a communist country. But trading with China and Vietnam is justifiable.


2. You have to believe that the public has a right to know about Clinton and Monica, but Bush needed to censor those 28 pages from the Congressional 9/11 report because there are just some things Americans don’t need to know.


3. You believe that government should restrict itself to just the powers named in the Constitution – which includes banning gay marriages and censoring the internet


4. You have to believe that Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney was doing business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a we-can’t-find-Bin Laden diversion


5. You have to believe that waging war with no exist strategy was wrong in Vietnam, but right in Iraq


6. You believe that tobacco’s link to cancer and global warming are “junk science”, but Creationism should be taught in schools

7. You have to believe that universal health care is wrong, and that HMO’s and insurance companies only have your best interests at heart


8. You have to believe that the best way to fight terrorism is to alienate our allies and then demand their cooperation and money


9. You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don’t have condoms they won’t have sex


10. You have to believe that the best way to encourage military morale is to praise the troops overseas while cutting their VA benefits


11. You have to believe that you love Jesus and Jesus loves you – and Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and liberals


12. You have to be against a woman’s right to choose, but support the murder of millions by air strike


13. “Standing Tall for America” means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India so you can get products from WalMart


14. You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don’t pray to Allah or Buddha


15. You have to believe that government should stay out of people’s lives, but needs to punish anyone caught having private sex with the same gender


16. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own


17. You have to believe the ACLU is bad, because it supports the Constitution, but you support the NRA wholeheartedly


18. You have to believe that we actually went to war in Iraq to find WMD’s because they were a clear and present threat to the United States


19. You have to believe Bill Clinton getting a blowjob in the Oval Office is appalling, but Newt Gingrich serving his wife with divorce papers on her deathbed is A-OK.


20. You have to believe that Fox News is fair and balanced


21. You’re not ashamed to tell everyone you believe in God, but feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, and doing unto others as we would have others do unto us sounds like socialism


22. You have to believe that Clinton inhaling once is the sign of moral defect, while Bush’s drinking and driving was excusable because he was young


23. You have to believe that spending money on the war in Iraq is more important then fighting the drug dealers and gang members whom are harming American’s


24. You have to believe that it is much more important to know about all the dirt in a candidates past, then it is to listen to his beliefs and political ideas – unless of course he is a Republican


25. You have to believe that this message was authored by a left-wing pinko socialist bleeding heart liberal.

[Blacklight]

I'm Blacklight and I approve this message.

[UnderseaLcpl]

Originally Posted by Enigma

While we're engaging in hackery...

Touche! (From your friendly local registered Independent.)

25 Ways to Be a Good Republican


1. You have to believe that trade with Cuba is wrong, because it’s a communist country. But trading with China and Vietnam is justifiable.

Evidently to be an independent you must believe this even though a democratic president (Kennedy) imposed it and another democratic prez strengthened it (Clinton)

2. You have to believe that the public has a right to know about Clinton and Monica, but Bush needed to censor those 28 pages from the Congressional 9/11 report because there are just some things Americans don’t need to know.

And you have to believe that this is unique to one party.

3. You believe that government should restrict itself to just the powers named in the Constitution – which includes banning gay marriages and censoring the internet

And to be a liberal you must believe that government not restrict itself to the constitution, period. Also, one must consider FDR's administration a "high-point" in American Political History.

4. You have to believe that Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney was doing business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a we-can’t-find-Bin Laden diversion

and to be a liberal, you must think that genocide is acceptable and you know something about WMDs or Iraq's history of being involved with them.

5. You have to believe that waging war with no exit strategy was wrong in Vietnam, but right in Iraq

But to be a liberal you have to forget that U.S. involvement in both World Wars was under liberal leadership, and you have to believe that it was justified.

6. You believe that tobacco’s link to cancer and global warming are “junk science”, but Creationism should be taught in schools

But to be a liberal you must believe that tobacco-usage is not a person's right, global warming is man-made, and that we should have a public education system that for some bizarre reason, thinks that the government should have anything to do with education to begin with.

7. You have to believe that universal health care is wrong, and that HMO’s and insurance companies only have your best interests at heart

And to be a liberal you have to believe that government has your best interests at heart, despite being comprised of people.

8. You have to believe that the best way to fight terrorism is to alienate our allies and then demand their cooperation and money

But to be a liberal you need only believe that fighting everything can be done by demanding the AMerican people's cooperation and money.

9. You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don’t have condoms they won’t have sex

Just like people that don't have guns won't kill each other, and people that don't have freedom won't hurt themselves.

10. You have to believe that the best way to encourage military morale is to praise the troops overseas while cutting their VA benefits

Whereas liberals know that belittling their accomplishments and politicizing the war won't hurt them a bit in the form of political pressure and ridiculous Rules of Engagement.

11. You have to believe that you love Jesus and Jesus loves you – and Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and liberals

But to be liberal you need only believe that everyone hates you and there should be a law to stop it.

12. You have to be against a woman’s right to choose, but support the murder of millions by air strike

But to be Liberal you only have to believe that airstrikes in Republican wars have caused more deaths than abortion in the U.S. alone. (I'm not even totally pro-life mind you, I just hate silly arguments)

13. “Standing Tall for America” means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India so you can get products from WalMart

"Doing what's best for America" means interfering with business so the corporations that outsourced smelly factories and crappy jobs will just move the whole operation somewhere else.

14. You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don’t pray to Allah or Buddha

Even though liberal education policy gave schools the power to determine that in the first place

15. You have to believe that government should stay out of people’s lives, but needs to punish anyone caught having private sex with the same gender

You believe government should punish/regulate every other aspect of their lives

16. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own

You believe that liberal politicians are somehow different from successful capitalists

17. You have to believe the ACLU is bad, because it supports the Constitution, but you support the NRA wholeheartedly

You have to believe that the ACLU has anything to do with the Constitution, but you think gun laws will affect criminals better than drug laws do.

18. You have to believe that we actually went to war in Iraq to find WMD’s because they were a clear and present threat to the United States

You have to believe that any war is about anything besides money or power

19. You have to believe Bill Clinton getting a blowjob in the Oval Office is appalling, but Newt Gingrich serving his wife with divorce papers on her deathbed is A-OK.

You have to believe that politicians should have power that allows their morality to affect the nation.

20. You have to believe that Fox News is fair and balanced

You have to believe anything big brother tells you

21. You’re not ashamed to tell everyone you believe in God, but feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, and doing unto others as we would have others do unto us sounds like socialism

And to be a liberal you have to believe that we have hungry, naked people in this country and that people should not be allowed to decide whether or not they care, despite the efforts of private charity.

22. You have to believe that Clinton inhaling once is the sign of moral defect, while Bush’s drinking and driving was excusable because he was young

You have to grasp at straws.

23. You have to believe that spending money on the war in Iraq is more important then fighting the drug dealers and gang members whom are harming American’s

You have to believe that the drug war is not a failure with more casualties and at infinitely greater cost than the war in Iraq. While you're at it, throw in the War on Poverty.

24. You have to believe that it is much more important to know about all the dirt in a candidates past, then it is to listen to his beliefs and political ideas – unless of course he is a Republican

or conversely, if he is a Democrat.

25. You have to believe that this message was authored by a left-wing pinko socialist bleeding heart liberal.

You have to believe that this message was authored by a left wing pinko socialist bleeding heart liberal who says he is "independent"




That whole thing was a bit harsh, I know, I hope it can be taken in good humor.

I remain a Republican voter when no libertarians are on the ticket because I believe the GOP will not destroy the country as quickly.

[Enigma]

I just hate silly arguments

Which, I assume, is why you just made 25 of them. :rotfl:

[UnderseaLcpl]

Originally Posted by Enigma

Which, I assume, is why you just made 25 of them. :rotfl:

Good stab But while I must admit that I would only make a lackluster attempt to defend social conservatism, I would welcome a challenge to my beliefs on constitutionalism and economic freedom. The proof is "in the pudding" so to speak, and this world is full of pudding.

So tell me Enigma, ( a fitting name as the reasons for your apparent political position are just that to me) how would you like to see the country run?

[Skybird]

25 Ways to Be a Good Republican

...casting one's vote 25 times...

[Sailor Steve]

Nothing wrong with a good poke in the ribs...or the eye. There are people fond of taking one side or the other and insisting that they're right and only their jabs are worth laughing about. I see enough pokes at liberals, and a lot of them are good. This was from the other side, and it was pretty funny too.

[1480]

Originally Posted by Skybird

...casting one's vote 25 times...

Only in Chicago, and most have death certificates....

[antikristuseke]

Meh, this thread is just as lame as the 12 step one by SUBMAN1

[Digital_Trucker]

Originally Posted by antikristuseke

Meh, this thread is just as lame as the 12 step one by SUBMAN1

but not as lame as that post

[antikristuseke]

Actualy, i have to agree with that whole heartedly.

[Digital_Trucker]

Originally Posted by antikristuseke

Actualy, i have to agree with that whole heartedly.

And I have to admit, after the fact, that mine was just as lame and give you a for not making me by reminding me of that fact

[Neptunus Rex]

26. You have to believe that Democrats are Socialists that won't admit it.

[AVGWarhawk]

27. Stop reading what it takes to be a good Democrate.

[Neptunus Rex]

27. Stop reading what it takes to be a good Democrate.

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Aw, hell. I give up.