Night Vision (Balz)

[Brag]

Night Vision

Lt. Kalb writes:
18 September 1940
U-123

Our first patrol out of Lorient started off well. We had a good transit to the Gulf of Cadiz and the weather held while we were on station. For a week we stalked a number of ships and sank them with the deck gun. It looked like we would get record-breaking tonnage.

Nearing noon Balz was holding choir practice, swinging his head and letting the bunny ears of his tea cozy flap to the rhythm of his new march, the Einz Zwei Hoochie-woochie.

"Ship sighted," the yell came from the bridge.
A few minutes later, we were at periscope depth. Balz looked at Bernard. "Since we have only one shell left what does your great military mind tells what should we do?"
Bernard scratched his head and closed his eyes as if concentrating. He lifted his finger and announced, "We practice the one ship one shell, technique."
"Brilliant." Balz removed the tea cozy from his head and whacked, Bernard with it. "Up periscope."

Balz peered into the scope, did a 360 degree sweep. He frowned, looked at his watch, and did another sweep. "Navigator, what time is it?"
"Eleven fifty three, Herr Kaleun."
Balz looked puzzled. "You mean eleven , not twenty three hundred, right?"
"Jawhol, Herr Kaleun, approaching noon."
"Then why in the devil I can' t see a thing?"
"Oh, that's my patented new dust-cover," Bernard said. He reached over and removed electrical tape from the periscope eyepiece."
"You nitwit," Balz growled. He peered into the scope again. "I still can't see a thing."
"That's because the outside lens is taped also," Bernard replied.
"Why …would you…do something …like that?" Balz asked while his face turned the color of blood.
"To protect your night vision, Herr Kaleun."