Balz Returns From Patrol

[Brag]

Lorient, 18 February 1941

As the dockside band was preparing to start playing, Admiral Doenitz asked, "What's that noise?"
"It's U-104, Herr Admiral," Captain Schlaffer answered.
Doenitz leaned forward to see better. Schlaffer grabbed him before the admiral fell into the water.
"What are they doing?"
"The deck crew is singing the Hoochie-woochie and twirling, Herr Admiral.
The band struck the Kadetten Marsch.
U-104 slid along the dock with the foredeck and aftdeck crews twirling.
"What are they wearing?" the admiral asked.
"Tea cozies, Herr Admiral."
As soon as the gangway was in place, Doenitz boarded the U-Boat and was greeted by Balz. "Herr Admiral, I am happy to see you came to be honored by my triumphal arrival. That's very hoochie-woochie."
"I brought you an Iron Cross second class."
"What? Me, the great German hero getting a lousy second class thing?"
"That's because you lost your good medals at that party before you left. By the winds of GWX you must earn all your medals again. Besides, when you had a type VII you never came home with less than one hundred thousand tons. Now you have a big boat and you come back with only fifty-nine thousand. And what's that on your head?"
"A tea cozy, Herr Admiral."
Doenitz turned to Schlaffer. "Tell those Ministry of Propaganda chaps to stop filming and burn the film."