Holiday Season Bastards!

[Brag]

Lt. Otto Kalb writes:

U-502, 30 December 1941.

We sailed from Lorient at 2100 hrs. of 24 December 1941. Being Christmas eve, our torpedoes were festooned with Christmas drawings and slogans like: Peace on earth, Merry Christmas from us to you. Greetings to people of good will, Jingle bombs, Rudolf the Red Nosed Torpedo, usw. Full of Christmas spirit, the choir sang the Heilige Nacht Hoochie Woochie as we departed.

The conning tower had a Christmas tree with an effigy of Bernard hanging by the neck..

Ordered to patrol south of Freetown, we had an uneventful transit of the Bay of Biscaya and on 30 December we received a report of a large convoy 500 kms. WNW of Lisbon.

We were in perfect position to intercept.

A dive at noon revealed the convoy had changed course and we needed to race ahead of it for an attack shortly after sunset.

"Excellent convoy to finish the year with a boom-boom," Balz said.

At sunset, we were in perfect position at battle stations, periscope depth, silent running, doing two knots and like pigs heading into the roaster the convoy approached straight for us. The captain reported several large ships and a Black Swan zig-zagging in the lead.
"Down Scope."
Balz plotted the Swan's progress from reports by the sound man. It was going to pass close, but not too bad.
"This is going to be a 30, maybe 40 thousand ton hoochie woochie," Balz said.
The Black Swan was getting closer, but the relative bearing kept changing. The miss would be about two hundred meters.
In the zentralle, it was as quiet as tomb.
"Bearing 340, steady 340, steady 340," the hydrophone man announced in high pitched whisper.
"Sheisse-hoochie," Balz murmured.
"Bearing steady--"
Ping, ping, ping. We could also hear accelerating engines.
"Dive!"
Metal screached as the hull of the Black Swan scraped the conning tower.
"Wasserbomben."
"Ahead flank, rudder 20 degrees starboard."
This was the end.
Almost immeditely, explosions shoock the boat like I've never seen before.
"Damage control, report."
""No damage to report"
"Dive to two hundred meters."
What the hell? screw noises approaching again, our depth is 17 meters.
"That's a second bastard," Balz said.
No escaping this time.
The Swan's engines roared overhead. Another perfect pass. Where did that bastard come from?
The final hoochie-woochie has arrived. At this depth we were dead meat.
"Wasserbomben."
Babooba, barrroombubooba. Explosions rumbled together. The boat shook, rocked and rolled.

Our boot began to respond and head for the ordered depth at good speed. The first Black Swan made its approach. At flank speed, we made so much noise, the Swan had no trouble dropping his ashcans on our boot. But 60 meters depth was better than twelve.
The moment, DCs started exploding Balz ordered a 20 degree wiggle-waggle, which we completed as the last Dc's exploded.
"Speed one knot."

I don't know why we weren't killed, let alone escaped without damage. Silently, we crept away to give the enemy hell in this promising new year. But how did that Black Swan discovered us, is a bothersome question.:hmm:

[papa_smurf]

That was one lucky escape, and I think that Black Swan must of heard someone..... *cough* Bernard *cough*.....................

[Sailor Steve]

:rotfl:

Sure, blame poor Bernard. Balz makes enough noise on his own to attract the entire RN.

[Jimbuna]

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

:rotfl:

Sure, blame poor Bernard. Balz makes enough noise on his own to attract the entire RN.

LMAO

[Kaleu. Jochen Mohr]

what do you want with all tho medals, that makes a hell of a noise you know :p

[sunvalleyslim]

Balz lives to fight another day............

[NiclDoe]

Originally Posted by Kaleu. Jochen Mohr

what do you want with all tho medals, that makes a hell of a noise you know :p

He sure does and also singing on his boat surprsingly does not break the glass on his boat.

[Kaleu. Jochen Mohr]

Originally Posted by NiclDoe

He sure does and also singing on his boat surprsingly does not break the glass on his boat.

its been replaced by plastic becouse they know how terrible his singing is and dont want glass in they're face

[Brag]

J.S. Balz writes:

What? Someone dares to criticize my wonderful meliferous voice? I have as rich a baritone as my stash of renown. I can also sing tenor better than Ezio Pinza or Ferucio Tallarini. But of course, my musical mastery is in conducting choral singing.

Now listen to this: Oh soleeeeeeeeeeeee mio, oh hoooooooochie wooooooochieee . . . Good, no?

Of course, with our declaring war on the USA, my performance on Broadway must be delayed. I'm writing to the Berlin Staat's Opera to book a Hoochie-Woochie concert there.

But, at the moment I'm busy positioning myself to exterminate a Freetown convoy

Kptlt. Johan Sebastian Balz the Adorable and Magnificent.

[Kaleu. Jochen Mohr]

Originally Posted by Brag

Oh soleeeeeeeeeeeee mio, oh hoooooooochie wooooooochieee

AAAAH! MY EARS

[papa_smurf]

Now listen to this: Oh soleeeeeeeeeeeee mio, oh hoooooooochie wooooooochieee . . . Good, no?

Is it me, or do I hear dogs howling in the distance?

[NiclDoe]

Originally Posted by Kaleu. Jochen Mohr

its been replaced by plastic becouse they know how terrible his singing is and dont want glass in they're face

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: also If you sing any louder or longer the crew might want to throw you in the water with the sharks.

[Kaleu. Jochen Mohr]

Originally Posted by NiclDoe

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: also If you sing any louder or longer the crew might want to throw you in the water with the sharks.

first of all, i know i sing terriblme so i dont sing in the first place (unlike nuts)
second, they wont throw me overboard becouse it will be them who will be overboard

[U49]

Originally Posted by Brag

But how did that Black Swan discovered us, is a bothersome question.:hmm:

Sooooooooooo! :hmm:

Those smart englishman have outwitted the great Kpt. Balz?, eh?
More sparkling intellect? Better eyesight? Less sleepy, eh?

And most important: A convoy full of cigars for Mr. Churchill to help him think about another trick against those nasty german subs.

:rotfl:

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by papa_smurf

Is it me, or do I hear dogs howling in the distance?

OWWWOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo.