Letter to BDU (not a poll)

[Brag]

J.S. Balz writes:

Lorient, 15 May 1941

After the respectul request to have an adequately grandiose reception at the docks for the return of the supreme hero that I am. Upon my docking in Lorient it was the same old band, dock idlers and tired nurses from the night shift who met my boat. May I respectfully suggest a modest choir of about a 100 voices be assembled for my next victrious arrival and to supplement the band with more musicians. Handel's Mesiah would be an appropiate piece to perform when I step ashore.

I also respectfully request a type IXC boat. My stinking, puke infested U-53 is not an adequate boat to travel to New York where I want my choir to perform on Broadway. This would be a good will tour to impress the Americans. After they get to know me and my fame extends into their vast hinterland, I'm sure they will be happy to change the name of that island on the Hudson river to Balzhattan. It would be nice to have a U-Boat base there. Sailing from New York it will be easy to interdict convoys originating in Canada.

Tomorrow I'm driving to Brest and see why the American consulate has not yet approved my visa.

Respectfully submitted,
Kptlt. J.S. Balz (The Magnificent).

P.S. When are you promoting me to Kk? It is about time, I'm famous, a Kaleun of great renown. And I'm great.