Kptlt. Johan Sebastian Balz Reports.

[Brag]

Letter to Mom

04 August 1940
Dear Mutti!

This is your wonderful son Johan writing. After a patrol where I once again displayed my superior skills as a U-boot Kommandant, we are in Lorient.

You can be proud of yourself for raising such a fine specimen as myself. During the patrol I sank 9 British ships including one Revenge type Schlagshiff, thus keeping the seas free of the British vermin. Germans can sleep peacefully because of me.

I have finished half of the Meet me in Balzimore you Hoochie Wochie song. And started on another one, Du alein bist meine Hoochie Woochie.

Some people say I should not name all my songs with Hoochie Woochie but this way I have brand recognition.

I went to the American Consulate in Brest inquiring about a visa, so I can go to Broadway after the war and stage my musical Springtime for Hitler, you Hoochie Woochie. They were very nice and even offered me a job in Naval Intelligence.

I must close now as I'm going to a party where I will regal my friends with stories about my great exploits. They'll love it

Your spectacular son,
Kptlt. Johan Sebastian Balz.

[Gezoes]

You sir are a riot :rotfl:

Zee war veel soon be over!

[Foghladh_mhara]

Originally Posted by Brag

Letter to Mom

04 August 1940
Dear Mutti!

This is your wonderful son Johan writing. After a patrol where I once again displayed my superior skills as a U-boot Kommandant, we are in Lorient.

You can be proud of yourself for raising such a fine specimen as myself. During the patrol I sank 9 British ships including one Revenge type Schlagshiff, thus keeping the seas free of the British vermin. Germans can sleep peacefully because of me.

I have finished half of the Meet me in Balzimore you Hoochie Wochie song. And started on another one, Du alein bist meine Hoochie Woochie.

Some people say I should not name all my songs with Hoochie Woochie but this way I have brand recognition.

I went to the American Consulate in Brest inquiring about a visa, so I can go to Broadway after the war and stage my musical Springtime for Hitler, you Hoochie Woochie. They were very nice and even offered me a job in Naval Intelligence.

I must close now as I'm going to a party where I will regal my friends with stories about my great exploits. They'll love it

Your spectacular son,
Kptlt. Johan Sebastian Balz.

11 Oct 1940

Dearest Johan

Delighted you are still doing such sterling service for the Fatherland. I am so proud of your achievements. I showed your latest letter to Herr Schmidt in the post office and he expressed much joy at the way you have turned your life around after that unfortunate incident. You are indeed the most successful son of the town, so much so that at the latest town meeting Herr Gruber proposed that all mentions of bestiality be stricken from your official records. Isn't that good news?
Your songs have always brought me great pleasure and you have a great voice regardless of what your father says. Talking of hoochies young Gretchen from the factory was here last week and says to tell you she is late but then she has always been a lazy girl so that doesn't surprise me. She is putting on some weight as well.

I shall write again

Mutti

[Brag]

Originally Posted by Foghladh_mhara

11 Oct 1940

Dearest Johan

Delighted you are still doing such sterling service for the Fatherland. I am so proud of your achievements. I showed your latest letter to Herr Schmidt in the post office and he expressed much joy at the way you have turned your life around after that unfortunate incident. You are indeed the most successful son of the town, so much so that at the latest town meeting Herr Gruber proposed that all mentions of bestiality be stricken from your official records. Isn't that good news?
Your songs have always brought me great pleasure and you have a great voice regardless of what your father says. Talking of hoochies young Gretchen from the factory was here last week and says to tell you she is late but then she has always been a lazy girl so that doesn't surprise me. She is putting on some weight as well.

I shall write again

Mutti

Fogh,:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: --I almost fell off my chair laughing

[sunvalleyslim]

My beloved Johan,
I hope all is well with you out there in that cold Atlantic sea. I hope that Hoochie Woochie scarf I made you is keeping you warm. I saw your mother at the factory yesterday. For some reason she called me lazy, for being late. But I told her that I'm always on time for the factory. how could she get the idea that I'm Lazy? Who knows!
You have gone just days and already I miss you. I miss your songs and your voice. Your voice was such that you could easily call my fathers swine in from the far trough. How they squealed with delight when you sang your Hoochie Woochie songs you made up. Father says you'll make a fine Hog Caller when you come back from the War.
I told your mother that I was late, but before I could tell her why, the next tank was all ready rolling up on the line. I was going to tell her that I was late sending a package to Erik Wolfgang Von Laetzch. Your old friend from school. Remember he's the one that always called you "BB Balz". He is in the fifth Panzer Corp, as a Tank Commander. When he comes home for leave, he always smells soo much better than you.
It's always exciting talking with him, and he never calls me Bernard in his sleep. He always wants to roll in the hay, instead of that silly game of yours "Up Periscope"
Well Gotta go, father says I need to work more cause I'm gaining weight and there's hardly any food.............Good Luck My Herr "BB", and see you soon........Love Grecthen

[Brag]

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[Brag]

14 August 1940

Dear Fuhrer,

I was formidably inspired by your warm reception, coffee and especially the cake.
Now, preparing my boot and crew to go meet the enemy I feel rejuvenated by our meeting.

Like Siegfrid, Dietrich von Bern, and other heroes of our ancient past I intend to raise above the petit burgeous and soar into the lofty heights of Germanic heroism and do my simple duty. You could have not chosen a better man than myself for the task ahead.

I love hearing you say in your speeches, "Ein Reich, ein Volk." May I suggest you add more impact to your oratory by saying, "Ein Reich, ein Volk, ein hoochie woochie?"

Your devoted and best officer,

Kptlt Johan Sebastian Balz.