U Boat Humor

kwikpoppa · 03-09-07, 03:29 PM

A joke told by Seaman Joseph Roost,currently on 2nd patrol aboard U1 somewhere near Irish coast:

A seaman and petty officer survive an attack and are washed ashore on a remote island inhabitted by primitive natives.They are apprehended and taken back to their village where they are confronted by the local witchdoctor.
the witchdoctor asks the seaman:
"You wantem ROO ROO or death?"
To this the seaman asks
"What the hell is ROO ROO?"
"We doem up the arse" replies the witchdoctor.
So the seaman thinks about this a moment or two and decides,well Im only 23 years old and I aint ready to die just yet......
"Ill take ROO ROO" he replies.
So a few natives seize him and drag him into the brush.....
The witchdoctor turns to the petty officer and asks him
"whattem you want?,ROO ROO or death!"
The petty officer is a proud man and a dedicated Nazi
"Ill take Death you SWINE!" he defiantly exclaims
To this the witchdoctor replies
"Very well, Death by ROO ROO"

kwikpoppa · 03-09-07, 04:10 PM

Fuuniest crewmembers name:Bruno Gottaschidtz

leeclose · 03-09-07, 04:17 PM

Knock Knock!Who's there? U-boat. U-boat who? U-boat can play with me today

or

A couple was touring a shipyard area in a coastal city of Italy when they saw a strange looking craft. They stopped and asked a worker, "Sir, it that a U-boat?
"No," he replied, shesa belonga to da goverment."

Biggles · 03-09-07, 04:28 PM

Knock knock!

leeclose · 03-09-07, 04:37 PM

who's There?:hmm:

Biggles · 03-09-07, 04:39 PM

Thor.

leeclose · 03-09-07, 04:40 PM

Thor who(i'm gonna regret this i know it):hmm:

Biggles · 03-09-07, 04:42 PM

THOR PEDO!

leeclose · 03-09-07, 04:51 PM

shoulda seen that coming

:rotfl:

Biggles · 03-09-07, 04:53 PM

hehe.....I didn't made that one up though. No idea who it was, but it was a long time ago....

kwikpoppa · 03-09-07, 04:58 PM

Seaman Rudolp Nass ,currently on patrol somewhere off Irish coast,U1:
Reports that while on leave he managed to aquire the use of a car and enlisted the company of a very attractive blonde named Gretchen.
While parked somewhere near the docks at Wilhelmshaven things got kinda hot and heavy.
"Want to get in the back seat?"he reportedly asked
"NO, Id rather stay up here with you" she replied.
Blondes ya gotta luvem.

leeclose · 03-09-07, 05:05 PM

This is a scene from dad's army every Brit over the age of 30 will understand:

German U-boat Captain: I am making notes, Captain, and your name will go on the list; and when we win the war you will be brought to account.
Captain Mainwaring: You can write what you like, You're not going to win the war!
U-boat Captain: Oh yes we are.
Mainwaring: Oh no you're not.
U-boat Captain: Oh yes we are!
Pvt. Pike: [Singing] Whistle while you work, Hitler is a twerp, he's half-barmy, so is his army, whistle while you work!
U-boat Captain: Your name will also go on the list! What is it?
Mainwaring: Don't tell him, Pike!
U-boat Captain: Pike!

kwikpoppa · 03-09-07, 10:03 PM

Lol at seaman Josef Roost who wanted to know if Winston Churchill and WC Fields are the same person.They do resemble each other a bit.....

Brag · 03-09-07, 10:53 PM

1940. Joe thee shark swam forlonly in the Pacific looking for something to eat. He ran into Herman the shark who looked lively and robust. After greeeting each other, Herman said, "You look skinny , my friend."
"Times are tough,"
"Go to the Atlantic, follow a U-boat. After a while, the U-boat will fire a torpedo and there will be plenty to eat."
Joe followed Herman's advice.
A year later the two friends meet again.
Herman said, "Joe, what's the matter, you look skinny and weak. Diddn't you find any U-boats?"
Oh, it was just like you said: I followed a U-boat. Torpedo, blast. I went for this big fat sailor who looked yummy. His clothes were all tore up. I was going to take a bite and read the tatoo on his chest. It read Britania roles the waves."
"So?" Herman asked.
Joe grimaced. "I couldn't eat that sh*t"

Morts · 03-10-07, 12:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brag

1940. Joe thee shark swam forlonly in the Pacific looking for something to eat. He ran into Herman the shark who looked lively and robust. After greeeting each other, Herman said, "You look skinny , my friend."
"Times are tough,"
"Go to the Atlantic, follow a U-boat. After a while, the U-boat will fire a torpedo and there will be plenty to eat."
Joe followed Herman's advice.
A year later the two friends meet again.
Herman said, "Joe, what's the matter, you look skinny and weak. Diddn't you find any U-boats?"
Oh, it was just like you said: I followed a U-boat. Torpedo, blast. I went for this big fat sailor who looked yummy. His clothes were all tore up. I was going to take a bite and read the tatoo on his chest. It read Britania roles the waves."
"So?" Herman asked.
Joe grimaced. "I couldn't eat that sh*t"

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

03-09-07, 03:29 PM	#1
kwikpoppa Bosun Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: ft payne,ala. Posts: 68 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	U Boat Humor A joke told by Seaman Joseph Roost,currently on 2nd patrol aboard U1 somewhere near Irish coast: A seaman and petty officer survive an attack and are washed ashore on a remote island inhabitted by primitive natives.They are apprehended and taken back to their village where they are confronted by the local witchdoctor. the witchdoctor asks the seaman: "You wantem ROO ROO or death?" To this the seaman asks "What the hell is ROO ROO?" "We doem up the arse" replies the witchdoctor. So the seaman thinks about this a moment or two and decides,well Im only 23 years old and I aint ready to die just yet...... "Ill take ROO ROO" he replies. So a few natives seize him and drag him into the brush..... The witchdoctor turns to the petty officer and asks him "whattem you want?,ROO ROO or death!" The petty officer is a proud man and a dedicated Nazi "Ill take Death you SWINE!" he defiantly exclaims To this the witchdoctor replies "Very well, Death by ROO ROO"

03-09-07, 04:17 PM	#3
leeclose Grey Wolf Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Scotland Posts: 879 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Knock Knock!Who's there? U-boat. U-boat who? U-boat can play with me today or A couple was touring a shipyard area in a coastal city of Italy when they saw a strange looking craft. They stopped and asked a worker, "Sir, it that a U-boat? "No," he replied, shesa belonga to da goverment." __________________ “There are only two kinds of naval vessels - submarines, and targets.” Uber-Boot Dev Team

03-09-07, 04:28 PM	#4
Biggles Silent Hunter Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Sweden (I'm not a Viking...) Posts: 3,529 Downloads: 5 Uploads: 0	Knock knock! __________________

03-09-07, 04:37 PM	#5
leeclose Grey Wolf Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Scotland Posts: 879 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	who's There?:hmm: __________________ “There are only two kinds of naval vessels - submarines, and targets.” Uber-Boot Dev Team

03-09-07, 04:39 PM	#6
Biggles Silent Hunter Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Sweden (I'm not a Viking...) Posts: 3,529 Downloads: 5 Uploads: 0	Thor. __________________

03-09-07, 04:10 PM	#2
kwikpoppa Bosun Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: ft payne,ala. Posts: 68 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Fuuniest crewmembers name:Bruno Gottaschidtz

03-09-07, 04:40 PM	#7
leeclose Grey Wolf Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Scotland Posts: 879 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Thor who(i'm gonna regret this i know it):hmm: __________________ “There are only two kinds of naval vessels - submarines, and targets.” Uber-Boot Dev Team

03-09-07, 04:42 PM	#8
Biggles Silent Hunter Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Sweden (I'm not a Viking...) Posts: 3,529 Downloads: 5 Uploads: 0	THOR PEDO! __________________

03-09-07, 04:51 PM	#9
leeclose Grey Wolf Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Scotland Posts: 879 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	shoulda seen that coming :rotfl: __________________ “There are only two kinds of naval vessels - submarines, and targets.” Uber-Boot Dev Team

03-09-07, 04:53 PM	#10
Biggles Silent Hunter Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Sweden (I'm not a Viking...) Posts: 3,529 Downloads: 5 Uploads: 0	hehe.....I didn't made that one up though. No idea who it was, but it was a long time ago.... __________________

03-09-07, 04:58 PM	#11
kwikpoppa Bosun Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: ft payne,ala. Posts: 68 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Seaman Rudolp Nass ,currently on patrol somewhere off Irish coast,U1: Reports that while on leave he managed to aquire the use of a car and enlisted the company of a very attractive blonde named Gretchen. While parked somewhere near the docks at Wilhelmshaven things got kinda hot and heavy. "Want to get in the back seat?"he reportedly asked "NO, Id rather stay up here with you" she replied. Blondes ya gotta luvem.

03-09-07, 05:05 PM	#12
leeclose Grey Wolf Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Scotland Posts: 879 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	This is a scene from dad's army every Brit over the age of 30 will understand: German U-boat Captain: I am making notes, Captain, and your name will go on the list; and when we win the war you will be brought to account. Captain Mainwaring: You can write what you like, You're not going to win the war! U-boat Captain: Oh yes we are. Mainwaring: Oh no you're not. U-boat Captain: Oh yes we are! Pvt. Pike: [Singing] Whistle while you work, Hitler is a twerp, he's half-barmy, so is his army, whistle while you work! U-boat Captain: Your name will also go on the list! What is it? Mainwaring: Don't tell him, Pike! U-boat Captain: Pike! __________________ “There are only two kinds of naval vessels - submarines, and targets.” Uber-Boot Dev Team

03-09-07, 10:03 PM	#13
kwikpoppa Bosun Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: ft payne,ala. Posts: 68 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Lol at seaman Josef Roost who wanted to know if Winston Churchill and WC Fields are the same person.They do resemble each other a bit.....

03-09-07, 10:53 PM	#14
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	1940. Joe thee shark swam forlonly in the Pacific looking for something to eat. He ran into Herman the shark who looked lively and robust. After greeeting each other, Herman said, "You look skinny , my friend." "Times are tough," "Go to the Atlantic, follow a U-boat. After a while, the U-boat will fire a torpedo and there will be plenty to eat." Joe followed Herman's advice. A year later the two friends meet again. Herman said, "Joe, what's the matter, you look skinny and weak. Diddn't you find any U-boats?" Oh, it was just like you said: I followed a U-boat. Torpedo, blast. I went for this big fat sailor who looked yummy. His clothes were all tore up. I was going to take a bite and read the tatoo on his chest. It read Britania roles the waves." "So?" Herman asked. Joe grimaced. "I couldn't eat that sht" __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away* Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/