A Balz Upper Christmas (BALZ)

Brag · 12-16-10, 01:45 PM

"Do you feel low and depresed?" Bernard asked.
Bals sat on his bunk. "I was happily napping until you woke me up with your stupid question."
"I couldn´t ask the question without waking you up," Bernard said.
"Impressive logic. Why couldn´t wait ´til I was awake and cheerfully smiling and singing a happy hoochie woochie and then ask if I was deressed?"
"Because I had to report that 100% of the crew are depressed and I didn´t know if you were depressed or not while you were sleeping I need to know so that I can report when you wake up."
"Are you depressed?" Balz asked.
"Yes, I am," Bernard answered.
Balz smiled. "Good, you can go to the officers´mess and write a suicide note. Then, call the base doctor and book yourself an autopsy.
"Can I report that 100% of the crew are depressed?"
"Why in the hell should they be depressed?"
Bernard shifted his weight from one foot to another. "No Christmas leave, no Christmas tree."
"What a bunch of whimps." Balz stretched on his bunk. "Have them sing Santa Claus is Bombing The Town. That will cheer them up."
"They should have a Christmas tree," Bernard said.
"I remember the last tree you have arranged. You are not allowed to get close to it. You can admire it only from the dock."

U-321 was the best decorated U-boat in the harbor. Not only it had a Christmas tree on the conning tower but had decorations strung out from the extended attack periscope to bow and stern. The crew stood in formation on the dock.
Balz checked that Bernard was in the formation and said, "Light the tree."
Bernard pulled the trigger on the flame thrower.

The tree burned, grenades that hung as deorations exploded. The detonating cord strung from the periscope exploded. The two gold color mines on deck blew up.

Have a great bang up Christmas, you lot.

Herr-Berbunch · 12-16-10, 02:15 PM

Great stuff.

Rhodes · 12-16-10, 02:16 PM

Xmtas with bernard!

Merry Christmas Brag, Balz!

Missing Name · 12-16-10, 09:39 PM

I wonder which would do more damage to a destroyer hull, a fruitcake or Bernard's head.

Gerald · 12-16-10, 09:48 PM

Merry Christmas Brag, and hope that Balz can get some peace and quiet, now on weekends

frau kaleun · 12-16-10, 11:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Missing Name

I wonder which would do more damage to a destroyer hull, a fruitcake or Bernard's head.

I think Bernard's head qualifies as a piece of a fruitcake, so the question is probably moot.

And: Merry Christmas, Balz, you old pirate you.

Gargamel · 12-16-10, 11:32 PM

FK, did you hang mistletoe in your tank for this year?

Gerald · 12-16-10, 11:38 PM

It was four years ago she had a tree, if I read right, so she's probably not as up to date on the tree front,

frau kaleun · 12-17-10, 08:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gargamel

FK, did you hang mistletoe in your tank for this year?

When you have a tank, you don't need mistletoe.

Jimbuna · 12-17-10, 08:03 AM

Quote:

Santa Claus is Bombing The Town

All the best matey

papa_smurf · 12-17-10, 06:24 PM

Just for Balz this festive season:

Gargamel · 12-17-10, 10:02 PM

12-16-10, 01:45 PM	#1
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	A Balz Upper Christmas (BALZ) "Do you feel low and depresed?" Bernard asked. Bals sat on his bunk. "I was happily napping until you woke me up with your stupid question." "I couldn´t ask the question without waking you up," Bernard said. "Impressive logic. Why couldn´t wait ´til I was awake and cheerfully smiling and singing a happy hoochie woochie and then ask if I was deressed?" "Because I had to report that 100% of the crew are depressed and I didn´t know if you were depressed or not while you were sleeping I need to know so that I can report when you wake up." "Are you depressed?" Balz asked. "Yes, I am," Bernard answered. Balz smiled. "Good, you can go to the officers´mess and write a suicide note. Then, call the base doctor and book yourself an autopsy. "Can I report that 100% of the crew are depressed?" "Why in the hell should they be depressed?" Bernard shifted his weight from one foot to another. "No Christmas leave, no Christmas tree." "What a bunch of whimps." Balz stretched on his bunk. "Have them sing Santa Claus is Bombing The Town. That will cheer them up." "They should have a Christmas tree," Bernard said. "I remember the last tree you have arranged. You are not allowed to get close to it. You can admire it only from the dock." U-321 was the best decorated U-boat in the harbor. Not only it had a Christmas tree on the conning tower but had decorations strung out from the extended attack periscope to bow and stern. The crew stood in formation on the dock. Balz checked that Bernard was in the formation and said, "Light the tree." Bernard pulled the trigger on the flame thrower. The tree burned, grenades that hung as deorations exploded. The detonating cord strung from the periscope exploded. The two gold color mines on deck blew up. Have a great bang up Christmas, you lot. __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

12-16-10, 02:15 PM	#2
Herr-Berbunch Kaiser Bill's batman Join Date: May 2010 Location: AN72 Posts: 13,203 Downloads: 76 Uploads: 0	Great stuff. __________________

12-16-10, 02:16 PM	#3
Rhodes Silent Hunter Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Figueira da Foz, Portugal Posts: 4,515 Downloads: 110 Uploads: 0	Xmtas with bernard! Merry Christmas Brag, Balz! __________________ http://www.flickr.com/photos/16416646@N05/

12-16-10, 09:39 PM	#4
Missing Name Seasoned Skipper Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Westun New Yahk Posts: 748 Downloads: 131 Uploads: 0	I wonder which would do more damage to a destroyer hull, a fruitcake or Bernard's head. __________________ Largest target sunk with deck gun: Japanese auxiliary cruiser, 15000 tons Largest engaged: HMS Nelson. Results inconclusive. Read Brag's stuff

12-16-10, 09:48 PM	#5
Gerald SUBSIM Newsman Join Date: May 2008 Location: Close to sea Posts: 24,254 Downloads: 553 Uploads: 0	Merry Christmas Brag, and hope that Balz can get some peace and quiet, now on weekends __________________ Nothing in life is to be feard,it is only to be understood. Marie Curie

12-16-10, 11:32 PM	#7
Gargamel Lucky Sailor Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Rome Posts: 4,273 Downloads: 81 Uploads: 0	FK, did you hang mistletoe in your tank for this year? __________________ Luck is a residue of Design.

12-16-10, 11:38 PM	#8
Gerald SUBSIM Newsman Join Date: May 2008 Location: Close to sea Posts: 24,254 Downloads: 553 Uploads: 0	It was four years ago she had a tree, if I read right, so she's probably not as up to date on the tree front, __________________ Nothing in life is to be feard,it is only to be understood. Marie Curie

12-17-10, 06:24 PM	#11
papa_smurf Ocean Warrior Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: High Peak, Derbyshire Posts: 2,851 Downloads: 33 Uploads: 0	Just for Balz this festive season: __________________

12-17-10, 10:02 PM	#12
Gargamel Lucky Sailor Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Rome Posts: 4,273 Downloads: 81 Uploads: 0	__________________ Luck is a residue of Design.