A Balz Upper Christmas (BALZ)
 

"Do you feel low and depresed?" Bernard asked.
Bals sat on his bunk. "I was happily napping until you woke me up with your stupid question."
"I couldn´t ask the question without waking you up," Bernard said.
"Impressive logic. Why couldn´t wait ´til I was awake and cheerfully smiling and singing a happy hoochie woochie and then ask if I was deressed?"
"Because I had to report that 100% of the crew are depressed and I didn´t know if you were depressed or not while you were sleeping I need to know so that I can report when you wake up."
"Are you depressed?" Balz asked.
"Yes, I am," Bernard answered.
Balz smiled. "Good, you can go to the officers´mess and write a suicide note. Then, call the base doctor and book yourself an autopsy.
"Can I report that 100% of the crew are depressed?"
"Why in the hell should they be depressed?"
Bernard shifted his weight from one foot to another. "No Christmas leave, no Christmas tree."
"What a bunch of whimps." Balz stretched on his bunk. "Have them sing Santa Claus is Bombing The Town. That will cheer them up."
"They should have a Christmas tree," Bernard said.
"I remember the last tree you have arranged. You are not allowed to get close to it. You can admire it only from the dock."

U-321 was the best decorated U-boat in the harbor. Not only it had a Christmas tree on the conning tower but had decorations strung out from the extended attack periscope to bow and stern. The crew stood in formation on the dock.
Balz checked that Bernard was in the formation and said, "Light the tree."
Bernard pulled the trigger on the flame thrower.

The tree burned, grenades that hung as deorations exploded. The detonating cord strung from the periscope exploded. The two gold color mines on deck blew up.

http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/905...hpiratevi9.gifhttp://img87.imageshack.us/img87/905...hpiratevi9.gif

Have a great bang up Christmas, you lot. :woot::woot::woot:

Great stuff. :rotfl2:

:haha::haha::haha: Xmtas with bernard!

Merry Christmas Brag, Balz!

I wonder which would do more damage to a destroyer hull, a fruitcake or Bernard's head.

:yeah:

Merry Christmas Brag, and hope that Balz can get some peace and quiet, now on weekends :salute:

I think Bernard's head qualifies as a piece of a fruitcake, so the question is probably moot. :O:

And: Merry Christmas, Balz, you old pirate you. :D

FK, did you hang mistletoe in your tank for this year?

It was four years ago she had a tree, if I read right, so she's probably not as up to date on the tree front, :O:

Feliz Navidad, Brag! :arrgh!:
:salute:

When you have a tank, you don't need mistletoe. :O:

Yup, can't see any here

http://ugly-christmas-decorations.co...decoration.jpg

By popular demand, here are the lyrics.

You better watch out,
You better not cry,
Better not smoke,
I'm telling you why:
Santa Claus is bombing the town.

He's making a list,
And aiming it twice;
Gonna find out
Who's infested with lice.
Santa Claus is bombing the town.

He sees you when you're drinking.
He knows when you're drunk.
He knows if you've been bad or good,
So be quick for hoochie´s sake!

Oh, you better watch out!
You better not cry.
Better not woochie,
I'm telling you why:
Santa Claus is bombing the town.:D :()1: :D

LOL :DL

It just gets better.

Cheers, Brag, have a good holiday :()1: