Officers' Club (Balz)

[Brag]

Officers' Club

Lt Kalb writes:

25 September 1940

It was still early and I was enjoying the spaciousness and solitude of the bar at the Château Dardinaq. After a patrol, it's a real pleasure to be able to reach out without touching something. Or not having some stinking bod right next to you. I read the newspaper and sipped on a citron presse. I was not happy when I heard the clicking of footsteps in the hallway.

The door flew open. Bernard Marched in, followed by Balz, who had a Walter P38 pistol in his hand and pointed at Bernard's head.
"Order ten cognacs," Balz growled.
Bernard approached the bar. "Ten cognacs, please."
"In French, you nitwit."
"Les ten cognacs, si'l vous plate."
The barman, poured Remi Martin into snifters and lined up ten cognacs on the bar.
"Pay the man," Balz said through clenched teeth, still pointing the pistol at Bernard. "Now, take a glass and place it on your head." Balz took a few steps backward, and said to the barman, "Now you can admire my superior marksmanship."
Balz took aim and fired.
The glass flew off Bernard's head.
"Haha, that was hoochie woochie. I am like a modern Wilhelm Tell. Except that Tell was Swiss so he shot at apples. Applause please, Monsieur le barman."
The barman clapped loudly and his face began to regain color.
"For the next round, grab un outre cognac and hold it with your teeth."
Balz reached for the bar, took a glass and downed it in one gulp. "This is to improve my aim." Balz grimaced. "Turn sideways, you dolt. I'm not going to kill you 'til later."
Bernard turned sideways to Balz.
"Just looking at you makes my hand shake. I Need to steady my aim." He took another glass off the bar and gulped it down. "Ach, that's better. Observe how the great Balz practices the great art of cognac pistolmanship. Oh you hoochie-woochie, all I need is to miss by a centimeter and all my problems are over. Sorry Admiral, I was aiming at the glass, honest.
"Einz, zwei, hoochie-woochie." Balz fired. The glass shattered. "Aha, this is fun. Viva la hoochie-woochie." He twirled and did a sort of tap-dance.
Taking advantage of Balz's distraction, Bernard shot for the back door, yelling,"Air raid, alaaaarm."
Balz pocketed his pistol, leaned on the bar and pointed at the remaining glasses. "If this glass is in front of the other glasses, are the other glasses behind the front one?"
"Mais oui, monsieur."
"How about if I say the glasses not in front are behind the front glass, because the front glass is not behind the glass that is behind the front glass?"
"That is correct. Monsieur."
"Glad to hear you agree and express adequate admiration for my superior intellect."
"Will the monsieur, not go after his friend?" The barman asked in a hopeful tone while wiping the counter.
"No need. That bastard never fails to get aboard my submarine. Now, if the last glass is not in front of the penultimate glass . . .

[Jimbuna]

[U-46 Commander]

LOL:rotfl:

Really enjoy your stories!

[Brag]

Originally Posted by U-46 Commander

LOL:rotfl:

Really enjoy your stories!

Thank you, U-46

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by jimbuna

I don't have a drinking problem. I drink, I get drunk, I fall down. No problem.

[mcf1]

Another great story. I really enjoyed it.

[SandyCaesar]

*collapses in admiration for the Great Balz's skills*

Nice work, Brag! I'm trying to get ahold of Kingmaker, but no joy...ah, well. One day.

[onelifecrisis]

Originally Posted by Brag

"Order ten cognacs," Balz growled.
Bernard approached the bar. "Ten cognacs, please."
"In French, you nitwit."
"Les ten cognacs, si'l vous plate."

:rotfl:

[Brag]

Originally Posted by SandyCaesar

*collapses in admiration for the Great Balz's skills*

Nice work, Brag! I'm trying to get ahold of Kingmaker, but no joy...ah, well. One day.

Sandy,

You can order Kingmaker through the Subsim Store. On top of the forum page there is a Quick Links link. Click on that and you are inthe store.
Subsim is linked to Amazon and you'll have it in 3 days.
or clicke here: Submarines games new for sale

Or you can order it in any Borders bookstore or independent book stores.

[U-46 Commander]

Hopefully someone is compiling all these stories into a book, so that we can each have the story of the Kriegsmarine's greatest hero, Johann Balz!!

[coronas]

Great and funny read, Brag!
Barman: A round of cognacs for everybody!!!

[Brag]

Originally Posted by coronas

Great and funny read, Brag!
Barman: A round of cognacs for everybody!!!

Salud, amigo!
Thanks everyone for the comments. They are always appreciated.
Meanwhile, Balz is back on patrol and stuff is happening.

[NealT]

Excellent.....

But.....

What is, "the penultimate blass"?

[Brag]

Originally Posted by NealT

Excellent.....

But.....

What is, "the penultimate blass"?

Thanksfor the catch, Neal--corrected it.

Then . . . Maybe Balz should drink from a Balz brandy blass.

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by U-46 Commander

Hopefully someone is compiling all these stories into a book, so that we can each have the story of the Kriegsmarine's greatest hero, Johann Balz!!

Go to the top of the page. Click on 'Search'. Click on 'Advanced Search'. Under Keywords type in 'Balz'. Under User Names type in 'Brag'. Under Search In Forum(s) click on 'Silent Hunter III'. Start at the bottom of the list on the last page. You can then copy and paste every post to WordPad, and have them all from the beginning for your very own.