Parenting Question; 20+ but doesn't want to leave

Shady Bill · 10-19-22, 02:19 PM

I searched for a parenting thread where I could place this. I couldn't find one. My apologies if I missed it.

My question is this;

My 20+ year old daughter, all my 20+ year old nieces and nephews (I am talking 22-23 year old "men")...they seem to think its okay to live at home
and not move out??

When I turned 18, many moons ago, first thing kids back then wanted to do is get together with some friends, rent a place. Be independent. Eat pizza 3x a week..

Kids nowadays seem to want to just live at home with mom and dad?? Is this because of covid school shutdowns? Do your kids show this behavior?

I have a 23 year old guy visiting my daughter every day...he greets me, and just marches up to her room. He still lives at home with his mom and dad

He likes singing to the TV show "Glee" with her. And sometimes he wears pink pants. Not salmon. Pink. The kid works construction mind you...

My wife explains to me since she is an adult, I can't stop her from having a boyfriend.

I get this...but when do these kids move out already?? You can't really kick them out. But grown children nowadays don't seem to want to leave the nest??

Anyone else have this madness going on at their homes?

mapuc · 10-19-22, 02:32 PM

First thing that came to my mind was the Adams Family.

Now to the more serious thing.

I lived with my little sister and my mom until I was finish education and just before my military time. Thereafter I have been living on my own.

Is it easy to find apartment where you live ?
Is these apartment cheap-Here I'm thinking 1 bedroom, kitchen, living room and toilet ?

I grew up with 4 sisters-We were 5 in all and I was 15 years old when my parents went through a divorce.

Markus

Shady Bill · 10-19-22, 02:37 PM

Yea that is the crazy thing. These are grown kids with jobs. They could all afford to live on their own....they just don't seem to want to, this generation of kids. They don't want to be on their own and fly like little birds should. It is so strange.

Skybird · 10-19-22, 02:41 PM

Maybe not read too much into it. More focus on whether or not the "kid" has a goal, is oriented toward something, or ther eis a pragmatic reason for staying at home.

Lets not forget, the economic situation in many places is not inviting, often it simply is unaffordable compared pot the situation 30 years ago, financially, for yung people to finance their own household while still doign job training, university or whatever.

Its also different in different countries. Mentality-wise, but nowadays again also money-wise. And there cna be so many other reasons. Unavailable and thus extremely expensive housing options only.

If she has a goal, a target that simply pragmatically requires or recommends top not move out for a tmeprory move that enbvertehless costs money, then that is okay, I ticked this way myself, too.

If she however is lazy and does not care about her future - then that is something else, and I will not interfere with your internal family issues then.

These are toublesome times, and money and its devaluation, unavailability becomes a real threat. I can understand that the young people today deep in themselves feel kind of fear of leaving the nest that sheltered them for so long. The young ones have it much more difficult today than my generation 37 years back (my Abitur was 1985).

mapuc · 10-19-22, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shady Bill

Yea that is the crazy thing. These are grown kids with jobs. They could all afford to live on their own....they just don't seem to want to, this generation of kids. They don't want to be on their own and fly like little birds should. It is so strange.

This makes it easier for you, even it gonna hurt.

Arrange a family meeting where you explain for your kids that they have 6 month to find them a home of the own-Cause now you want to live the rest of your life with your wife alone

And you could add that you and you wife(Better have a talk with her first about this) has been planning on selling the house and buy a smaller one.

That is what I would do-It would hurt me in my hearts.

Markus

Shady Bill · 10-19-22, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mapuc

This makes it easier for you, even it gonna hurt.

Arrange a family meeting where you explain for your kids that they have 6 month to find them a home of the own-Cause now you want to live the rest of your life with your wife alone

And you could add that you and you wife(Better have a talk with her first about this) has been planning on selling the house and buy a smaller one.

That is what I would do-It would hurt me in my hearts.
Markus

Sort of like an intervention? Hmmm might be good idea...

Worse of all, my wife promotes this behavior. She *loves* that the kids want to stay with their parents, and all the family events and such.

Skybird · 10-19-22, 02:53 PM

Careful with smashing porcellaine prematurely and maybe unnecessarily. First find out what the motivation of her is, her medium-time plan.

And dont tell her you want her to move out because you want to sell the hpouse, if you dont. The loss of trust may hurt your inner-fmaily relaitons for loign time, maybe forever. In families, one should not lie to the other, its the family...!

Shady Bill · 10-19-22, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skybird

Lets not forget, the economic situation in many places is not inviting, often it simply is unaffordable compared pot the situation 30 years ago, financially, for yung people to finance their own household while still doign job training, university or whatever.

She works very hard, has a little first job. She takes college classes online, at night. All very admirable.

The problem with this generation often is that they watch TV and music videos and other online obscenities, and they all believe they one day will own their own fortune 500 companies, drive Bentley's and become rich. I guess until they do so, they feel they can live under their parents' roof...even if that means being at home at age 23+...it all is getting out of hand.

Shady Bill · 10-19-22, 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skybird

And dont tell her you want her to move out because you want to sell the hpouse,

Oh I would never sell my property.

I just want to live on my property, with my wife. Like it was before kids.

Adult kids in the house is weird after a while.

mapuc · 10-19-22, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shady Bill

Sort of like an intervention? Hmmm might be good idea...

Worse of all, my wife promotes this behavior. She *loves* that the kids want to stay with their parents, and all the family events and such.

It is of course very important that your kids doesn't feel they aren't welcome after they leave your home to live by their own.

It's important they know they are always welcome, but it is time for them to stand on their own legs.

I would say that you have a person to person talk with your wife-Where you explain for her what your standpoint is and you are planning on "Kicking" them out.

I could be wrong in my ideas-I'm a loner have never been married or does not have kids.
So it's easy for me sitting here and give advice.

I hope you will find another man with same problem and how he/they solved it.

Markus

Shady Bill · 10-19-22, 03:02 PM

Did you know men will ask girls to become engaged to get married, while both people still live at home! Did you know this goes on in the US? Does it elsewhere?

Rockstar · 10-19-22, 03:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shady Bill

I searched for a parenting thread where I could place this. I couldn't find one. My apologies if I missed it.

My question is this;

My 20+ year old daughter, all my 20+ year old nieces and nephews (I am talking 22-23 year old "men")...they seem to think its okay to live at home
and not move out??

When I turned 18, many moons ago, first thing kids back then wanted to do is get together with some friends, rent a place. Be independent. Eat pizza 3x a week..

Kids nowadays seem to want to just live at home with mom and dad?? Is this because of covid school shutdowns? Do your kids show this behavior?

I have a 23 year old guy visiting my daughter every day...he greets me, and just marches up to her room. He still lives at home with his mom and dad

He likes singing to the TV show "Glee" with her. And sometimes he wears pink pants. Not salmon. Pink. The kid works construction mind you...

My wife explains to me since she is an adult, I can't stop her from having a boyfriend.

I get this...but when do these kids move out already?? You can't really kick them out. But grown children nowadays don't seem to want to leave the nest??

Anyone else have this madness going on at their homes?

What the hell do you mean you can’t kick them out? When I was 15 years old. I was told by my father I had better have a plan because I was not invited to remain home after high school. Though he was kind enough to buy the plane ticket out for me though, helped with some bills too. But that soon dried up.

I said the same thing to my daughter. Get the hell out, find a job, get your own place. I initially helped with some of the bills and she is now on her own.

mapuc · 10-19-22, 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shady Bill

Did you know men will ask girls to become engaged to get married, while both people still live at home! Did you know this goes on in the US? Does it elsewhere?

I can only speak for myself here.

If I had a daughter age 23 still living at home with me and my wife and she is getting married-
Then I would say to her kindly..
Sweetheart you are getting married now. A new door opens for you and your husband
I think you two should live this life of your own-Find a little house where you can live and raise your children.

Markus

u crank · 10-19-22, 03:15 PM

I knew this guy years back and we were talking about this very thing. Frank told me what his high school graduation present was.

An empty suitcase.

Shady Bill · 10-19-22, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockstar

What the hell do you mean you canÂ’t kick them out?

You can still do that man?

My wife keeps saying I will get arrested. I tell her that you can't be arrested for asking a grown child to leave the home of course.

I don't mind my 20 year old daughter to live at home still. Even though she could afford to live with a girlfriend or something. But the 23 year old man-child boyfriend visiting every night is getting out of hand.

I own a small sailboat, and have considered "boating accident" for the kid but the wife stopped that also.

10-19-22, 02:19 PM	#1
Shady Bill Silent but not deadly Join Date: Oct 2022 Location: Somewhere north of AN34 Posts: 171 Downloads: 16 Uploads: 0	Parenting Question; 20+ but doesn't want to leave I searched for a parenting thread where I could place this. I couldn't find one. My apologies if I missed it. My question is this; My 20+ year old daughter, all my 20+ year old nieces and nephews (I am talking 22-23 year old "men")...they seem to think its okay to live at home and not move out?? When I turned 18, many moons ago, first thing kids back then wanted to do is get together with some friends, rent a place. Be independent. Eat pizza 3x a week.. Kids nowadays seem to want to just live at home with mom and dad?? Is this because of covid school shutdowns? Do your kids show this behavior? I have a 23 year old guy visiting my daughter every day...he greets me, and just marches up to her room. He still lives at home with his mom and dad He likes singing to the TV show "Glee" with her. And sometimes he wears pink pants. Not salmon. Pink. The kid works construction mind you... My wife explains to me since she is an adult, I can't stop her from having a boyfriend. I get this...but when do these kids move out already?? You can't really kick them out. But grown children nowadays don't seem to want to leave the nest?? Anyone else have this madness going on at their homes?

10-19-22, 02:32 PM	#2
mapuc CINC Pacific Fleet Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Denmark Posts: 20,537 Downloads: 37 Uploads: 0	First thing that came to my mind was the Adams Family. Now to the more serious thing. I lived with my little sister and my mom until I was finish education and just before my military time. Thereafter I have been living on my own. Is it easy to find apartment where you live ? Is these apartment cheap-Here I'm thinking 1 bedroom, kitchen, living room and toilet ? I grew up with 4 sisters-We were 5 in all and I was 15 years old when my parents went through a divorce. Markus __________________ My little lovely female cat

10-19-22, 02:41 PM	#4
Skybird Soaring Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: the mental asylum named Germany Posts: 42,615 Downloads: 10 Uploads: 0	Maybe not read too much into it. More focus on whether or not the "kid" has a goal, is oriented toward something, or ther eis a pragmatic reason for staying at home. Lets not forget, the economic situation in many places is not inviting, often it simply is unaffordable compared pot the situation 30 years ago, financially, for yung people to finance their own household while still doign job training, university or whatever. Its also different in different countries. Mentality-wise, but nowadays again also money-wise. And there cna be so many other reasons. Unavailable and thus extremely expensive housing options only. If she has a goal, a target that simply pragmatically requires or recommends top not move out for a tmeprory move that enbvertehless costs money, then that is okay, I ticked this way myself, too. If she however is lazy and does not care about her future - then that is something else, and I will not interfere with your internal family issues then. These are toublesome times, and money and its devaluation, unavailability becomes a real threat. I can understand that the young people today deep in themselves feel kind of fear of leaving the nest that sheltered them for so long. The young ones have it much more difficult today than my generation 37 years back (my Abitur was 1985). __________________ If you feel nuts, consult an expert.

10-19-22, 02:53 PM	#7
Skybird Soaring Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: the mental asylum named Germany Posts: 42,615 Downloads: 10 Uploads: 0	Careful with smashing porcellaine prematurely and maybe unnecessarily. First find out what the motivation of her is, her medium-time plan. And dont tell her you want her to move out because you want to sell the hpouse, if you dont. The loss of trust may hurt your inner-fmaily relaitons for loign time, maybe forever. In families, one should not lie to the other, its the family...! __________________ If you feel nuts, consult an expert.

10-19-22, 03:15 PM	#14
u crank Old enough to know better Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Prince Edward Island Posts: 11,744 Downloads: 136 Uploads: 0	I knew this guy years back and we were talking about this very thing. Frank told me what his high school graduation present was. An empty suitcase. __________________ “Two possibilities exist: either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.” ― Arthur C. Clarke

10-19-22, 02:37 PM	#3
Shady Bill Silent but not deadly Join Date: Oct 2022 Location: Somewhere north of AN34 Posts: 171 Downloads: 16 Uploads: 0	Yea that is the crazy thing. These are grown kids with jobs. They could all afford to live on their own....they just don't seem to want to, this generation of kids. They don't want to be on their own and fly like little birds should. It is so strange.

10-19-22, 03:02 PM	#11
Shady Bill Silent but not deadly Join Date: Oct 2022 Location: Somewhere north of AN34 Posts: 171 Downloads: 16 Uploads: 0	Did you know men will ask girls to become engaged to get married, while both people still live at home! Did you know this goes on in the US? Does it elsewhere?