The Bilge - Page 84

Aktungbby · 05-29-15, 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aktungbby

As chief of the boat, I protest; your farts are held 'in reserve' for blowing ballast ONLY.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Armistead

... Preacher looked at me and said " do you seek salvation?" and I replied with a firm "yes i do" hoping to get some fresh air as several said "amen".

Preacher thought healed and praised the Lord. A few of my youth friends caught on and to escape, they came to the alter too. Preacher said the spirit was moving, but we knew it was much more than the spirit.
With all the fuss on our side the aisle, those on the other side weren't to be outdone. We had one old fat black lady in the church, one was allowed. She was like a spiritual lady, people listened to her. When the fart hit her, she hollered out "da angels done broke the 7th seal, judgement day is here!" so that really got people stirred up.

The Lord does work in mysterious ways!

Well there it all is on second reading: I've had an Epiphany! As long as the boat's Padre, Tango, is at hand to elicit salvation and redeem the Bilge, Armistead may bestow his 'blessing' at will.

The anus cannot be heinous if it's in the service of the Lord! No wonder they're called 'Pews'!

Eichhörnchen · 05-29-15, 11:56 AM

"Oooooh...!"

Was that just the worst pun I ever heard?

Wolferz · 05-29-15, 03:02 PM

I thought it was P U s.

Yeah, what do I know?

Tango589 · 05-30-15, 04:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aktungbby

As long as the boat's Padre, Tango, is at hand to elicit salvation and redeem the Bilge...

Mate, this tub is well beyond redemption. All I can do is offer up the good word and give benediction to the sail hatch (and bless it with Holy Bilge Oil) to make sure it opens readily when Wolferz decides to leave the head, causing a great stink to rise up throughout the boat.

Armistead · 05-30-15, 11:15 AM

Pews. I like it.

Wolferz · 06-02-15, 05:49 PM

http://www.msn.com/en-us/video/wonde...rmtC?ocid=iehp

Eichhörnchen · 06-03-15, 01:34 AM

I don't have to knock myself out like that these days, Wolferz...

Wolferz · 06-11-15, 02:10 PM

Effective immediately, all crew members will report to Aktungbby's barber.
Ya gotta love that BIlgerat hair cut I came across

I mean....there it was!

now for a little electric tape on my nipples and one of your toothy earings

__________________

Aktungbby · 06-11-15, 03:14 PM

GREAT! Now we'll B entangled by our scaly tails .....and our hair queues!

Wolferz · 06-15-15, 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aktungbby

GREAT! Now we'll B entangled by our scaly tails .....and our hair queues!

It's the only way to keep this motley crew from going AWOL.

Chaining them to the oars proved to be a horrible mistake when the normal bodily functions kicked in.

Aktungbby · 06-15-15, 05:44 PM

Quote:

Chaining them to the oars proved to be a horrible mistake when the normal bodily functions kicked in.

C'mon! that's how we kept each other's toes warm! Of course the bright side was you finally made it out of the head and got some sun for a change!

Wolferz · 06-16-15, 05:22 AM

If you want something done right!!!...

Somebody (Armistead!) needs to go fetch Donna before the SP's catch up with her.
I have received a disturbing report that she is running drunk amok and apologizing while putting boots to nads at a local Golf Tournament.

Wear your Cod Piece.

Kaptlt.Endrass · 06-16-15, 10:35 AM

Finally back after God knows how long. I'm glad to see it hasn't changed one damned bit.

While we're speaking of flatulence, I must say that, while my own stink to high heaven, provided I eat right, I am the only one to ever have to smell them, which completely takes the fun out of it.

No, the reward goes to my 15-year old German Shepherd mix, who will (I kid you not) sit in front of a fan pointed at my family and I as we watch television, let loose a god-awful fart, and walk away as if nothing happened.

Wolferz · 06-16-15, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kaptlt.Endrass

Finally back after God knows how long. I'm glad to see it hasn't changed one damned bit.

While we're speaking of flatulence, I must say that, while my own stink to high heaven, provided I eat right, I am the only one to ever have to smell them, which completely takes the fun out of it.

No, the reward goes to my 15-year old German Shepherd mix, who will (I kid you not) sit in front of a fan pointed at my family and I as we watch television, let loose a god-awful fart, and walk away as if nothing happened.

My female German Shepherd would frequently do the same thing.
That's when I realized the origin of the phrase...
Payback's a bitch.

I trust you had a refreshing leave of absence.

Aktungbby · 06-16-15, 03:45 PM

Quote:

I have received a disturbing report that she is running drunk amok and apologizing while putting boots to nads at a local Golf Tournament.

Well those Well-linked Country Club kahunas dimpled cajones

only require one type of stiff putter....the one on the Kangaroo bag.

05-29-15, 11:56 AM	#1247
Eichhörnchen Starte das Auto Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: The Fens Posts: 17,468 Downloads: 5 Uploads: 0	"Oooooh...!" Was that just the worst pun I ever heard? __________________

05-29-15, 03:02 PM	#1248
Wolferz Navy Seal Join Date: May 2007 Location: On a mighty quest for the Stick of Truth Posts: 5,963 Downloads: 52 Uploads: 0	I thought it was P U s. Yeah, what do I know? __________________ Tomorrow never comes

05-30-15, 11:15 AM	#1250
Armistead Rear Admiral Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: on the Dan Posts: 10,880 Downloads: 364 Uploads: 0	Pews. I like it. __________________ You see my dog don't like people laughing. He gets the crazy idea you're laughing at him. Now if you apologize like I know you're going to, I might convince him that you really didn't mean it.

06-02-15, 05:49 PM	#1251
Wolferz Navy Seal Join Date: May 2007 Location: On a mighty quest for the Stick of Truth Posts: 5,963 Downloads: 52 Uploads: 0	A day in the life of Eich... http://www.msn.com/en-us/video/wonde...rmtC?ocid=iehp __________________ Tomorrow never comes

06-03-15, 01:34 AM	#1252
Eichhörnchen Starte das Auto Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: The Fens Posts: 17,468 Downloads: 5 Uploads: 0	I don't have to knock myself out like that these days, Wolferz... __________________

06-11-15, 02:10 PM	#1253
Wolferz Navy Seal Join Date: May 2007 Location: On a mighty quest for the Stick of Truth Posts: 5,963 Downloads: 52 Uploads: 0	New haircut regulation... Effective immediately, all crew members will report to Aktungbby's barber. Ya gotta love that BIlgerat hair cut I came across I mean....there it was! now for a little electric tape on my nipples and one of your toothy earings __________________ __________________ Tomorrow never comes

06-11-15, 03:14 PM	#1254
Aktungbby Gefallen Engel U-666 Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: On a tilted, overheated, overpopulated spinning mudball on Collision course with Andromeda Galaxy Posts: 30,066 Downloads: 24 Uploads: 0	GREAT! Now we'll B entangled by our scaly tails .....and our hair queues! __________________ "Only two things are infinite; The Universe and human squirrelyness?!! Last edited by Aktungbby; 06-11-15 at 06:16 PM.

06-16-15, 05:22 AM	#1257
Wolferz Navy Seal Join Date: May 2007 Location: On a mighty quest for the Stick of Truth Posts: 5,963 Downloads: 52 Uploads: 0	Storming out of the head... If you want something done right!!!... Somebody (Armistead!) needs to go fetch Donna before the SP's catch up with her. I have received a disturbing report that she is running drunk amok and apologizing while putting boots to nads at a local Golf Tournament. Wear your Cod Piece. __________________ Tomorrow never comes

06-16-15, 10:35 AM	#1258
Kaptlt.Endrass Sonar Guy Join Date: Feb 2014 Location: No Longer On A Big Grey Floaty Thing Posts: 395 Downloads: 116 Uploads: 0	Finally back after God knows how long. I'm glad to see it hasn't changed one damned bit. While we're speaking of flatulence, I must say that, while my own stink to high heaven, provided I eat right, I am the only one to ever have to smell them, which completely takes the fun out of it. No, the reward goes to my 15-year old German Shepherd mix, who will (I kid you not) sit in front of a fan pointed at my family and I as we watch television, let loose a god-awful fart, and walk away as if nothing happened. __________________ "That flag and I are twins, born in the same hour from the same womb of destiny. We cannot be parted in life or in death; so long as we float, we shall float together." As much as I dislike it sometimes, I'm a tin can sailor, through and through.