Being Romantic

[Platapus]

Originally Posted by Armistead

I''m just not romantic, makes me feel silly.

Then, simply you are doing it wrong. Don't confuse being romantic with the actions of demonstrating romance. There may be specific ways of demonstrating romance that you don't like. Then you don't have to do them. Find other ways of demonstrating romance that don't make you feel silly.

Geez, we've been married about 18 years, who needs romance at our age.

First suggestion is to get rid of that attitude. Romance has zero to do with logic. Who needs romance at your age? Well for one, your wife does. And to an extent larger than you may realize, you need it.

Romance is like a fungus, it grows upon itself. OK, maybe that was not the optimum visual but you get the idea.

Romance is simply the plan to remove the following from a relationship.

1. Feeling being taken for granted. Protip: Whether you do or do not take your wife for granted has absolutely nothing to do with this. It is completely irrelevant and immaterial as they say on TV. The only thing that matters is whether your wife feels that you are taking her for granted.

Implementation: Thank her for stuff that she really should not need to be thanked for. Express appreciation for her doing "what is expected". Show gratitude for the ordinary.

2. Feeling like the "conquest" is over. Do you find your wife still attractive enough to pursue her if you were not already married. Hint: The answer is yes. You know it. You need to let her know it... and not just when you want a piece. Show her, in no uncertain terms, that you would prefer being around her more than being around any other woman.

Implementation: Touching. The Womenfolk dig and like touching. Not just grabbing a handful of goodies. Just a light touch on the arm/hand when you are out in public. As a guy who is naturally not a touchy guy, it took me a long time to learn this. Look at her. Look at her as if you are a guy looking at the woman he loves (which you is). Not a pervy look. A look that shows her that you are looking at her as a person.

Your wife, after 18 years, knows you. Knows you pretty well. Already knows that you have difficulties expressing romance. Don't try to fool her. If you were to suddenly start waxing poetically with arms of flowers, she would know it was contrived. The key to expressing romance is small and often. Be sincere. If you can fake that you got it made.

It is not the diamond rings or the cruise vacation. Those are nice. It is not the Roses on Valentines day or the expensive jewelry on her birthday. Those are anticipated. Its the little things that you do; not because of a date on a calender, but the things you do because every day with her is a special day.

Every day with her is a special day.


The best part about romance is that no one other than your wife would be aware of it. So there is no need to feel silly. Nothing I suggested requires anything to be purchased. In my opinion, romance and buying stuff don't really go together.

You wife wants to feel connected to you. Not just sexually, but intellectually, emotionally, economically, (add a few dozen more similar words). Your wife completes you and that's a pretty nice thing she does.

Let her know that you know that she knows... wait. You want her to know that you know that she knows.. damn. Just fricking tell her!!

You do have one advantage. You are a man. Society and your wife set some incredibly low standards when it comes to romance. This is one aspect of life where you get credit just for trying. Some may say that in romance it is ONLY that you are trying that matters.

In a woman's heart, there is nothing larger than the small stuff. Nothing is more important to hear that that which does not need to be said.

Good luck with it. I am also approaching 18 years with The Frau. I have been in your shoes (BTW wash your socks once in a while huh). I have made a lot of mistakes and actually done some good things romance wise. But I try. I keep trying. And for some odd reason, that seems enough to her.