2012 Subsim Fantasy Football Reports

[Gut Wrench]

RECORD BREAKERS
Week 2 and the leaders break free.


Week Two in the 2012 Subsim Fantasy Football. And what a difference seven days can make. We'll tell you about the Australian team who set a record last week, only to choke on it this week. We'll find out why the other Australian team couldn't have won against a record breaking score, and we'll have all the results of yet another Monday Night rewrite with four games hanging on the result.

But before we do that, we'll tell you about the most important thing you can do this week.

DONATE TO SUBSIM.

Back to the football.

Last week, there was no stopping the Taipans. This week, they couldn't get anyone healthy. With three different players either injured or ruled out at game time (Garcon - WR, Forte - RD Hernandez - TE) the Taipans just couldn't muster enough points against the Ghost Monkeys. Even with the Monkeys QB Tom Brady not performing well, the Monkeys were able to slay the Taipans 94 - 77 and go to 2-0.

Last week we were talking about the Taipans record - well a week in football is a long time as Coach Casey and the Guns of Hochuli put up a league record 176.86, smashing the previous record of the Ghost Moneys 2011 166 points. Let's not overlook the fact that the Tarjackistan Torpedoes after a "wild" draft put up a very respectable 114 point to establish themselves as the best damm 0-2 team in the league.

Where we have one soaring team, we must look at the other end and ask the question, "when are the Dogs gonna be let out?" The Wild Boston Terriers - a once glorious franchise has slumped to find themselves 0-2 and at the bottom of the ladder after being scratched by the Black Cats 101 - 55. Coach McBee will find himself in the doghouse shortly if he doesn't find the W's.

The weeks thriller were divisional rivals Green Beans and the Reapers. Coach Chad with just one running back left on Monday night, Willis McGahee needed all 113 yards and both rushing touchdowns to overcome the Reapers in the final two minutes of the game. Final score: Green Beans 116 Reapers 113.

Overseas, in the first home game of the year, with a sell out crowd that the game was moved to the recently used London Olympic Stadium, Mr. Chris and the Helmand Nighthawks carve out another win to go to 2 - 0 against Every Given Sunday. The Nighthawks, who disappointed last year, look strong enough to take over the Surface Skimmer Division.

In the Subsimmer division, Coach Gargamel and the Drunk Monkeys have quietly squeaked out two wins to share the divisional lead after defeating the Broncolo's 83 - 78. The Drunker of the two Monkey teams have our match of the day next week when they travel to play against the record holding Guns of Hochuli.

After two weeks of games in the championship, here's how the division leaders look.

There are four undefeated teams at 2-0 , two in each division. The Drunk Monkeys hold a narrow lead over the Black Cats in Sub Simmers division, while in the Surface Skimmers, the Helmand Nighthawks jump to a solid divisional lead of the Drunk Monkeys. All four of these teams can jump another game clear of the division with wins next week.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 172 yards rushing, 2 rushing TD's, 3 receptions and 25 years, helping his team to a all time record score of 177 points with his contribution of 29.85, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Reggie Bush of the Guns of Hochuli the Week Two MVT.

[Chad]

I can't believe we, the Green Beans, pulled out a W last night. Tony G and Willis McGahee really pulled through

[TarJak]

Here's hoping I can scrape together a win against the kitty Kats.

[CaptainHaplo]

I'd rather ya didn't Tarjak! Though with the Giants playing the Panthers this week, it may be the week I am hurting - too many players on both teams. Either a defense is going to suck, or the individual players will. Still struggling on how I am going to juggle that for the best benefit.

[nikimcbee]

Now this is like golf right, lowest score wins?

[nikimcbee]

Where we have one soaring team, we must look at the other end and ask the question, "when are the Dogs gonna be let out?" The Wild Boston Terriers - a once glorious franchise has slumped to find themselves 0-2 and at the bottom of the ladder after being scratched by the Black Cats 101 - 55. Coach McBee will find himself in the doghouse shortly if he doesn't find the W's.

I'm the MN Twins of FF.

I guess I could be the Cubs or the Astros.

[Gargamel]

So I'm going need you come in on sunday mkay mr romo?

I'm going to need like 4 or maybe even 5 nfl passing records to win this week.

[Gut Wrench]

RECORD SCORES CONTINUE
...except for the WBT.

Week Three in the 2012 Subsim Fantasy Football. By mid Sunday afternoon this week was looking like a snooze fest, and if you turned off the international broadcast of the Subsim Fantasy Football League, you probably missed one the wildest and Gut Wrench-ing (did you like how I slipped that in?) afternoons we've ever seen in football...except for the Wild Boston Terriers.

But before compare Monkeys and Doggies, we'll tell you about the most important thing you need to do this week.

DONATE TO SUBSIM.

Back to the less important stuff.

Last week, the Guns of Hochuli coming off a first round loss put up a history record score. This week , they were matched up against the league leading Drunk Monkeys who were ready to show their bare bottoms to the division and scamper away. Apparently, no one told the Gunners they were huge underdogs as they showed that last weeks score was no fluke. The Guns of Hochuli humiliated the Drunk Monkeys, to be the first team to create havoc in the Surface Skimmers division. Final score Guns of Hochuli 116 - Drunk Monkeys 72.

But they weren't the only baboons that had their ass beaten red this week. In one of the biggest upsets of the season so far, in a high scoring Sunday afternoon shoot out, Coach Mookie and the Ghost Monkeys were squawking early Sunday Night against the overpowering Green Beans. At the hand of Joe Flaco (QB) the Beans were able to crawl their way back, despite the fact that they started the Patriot defense. If Flaco scored, their defense lost points. The Beans, using what is now referred to as Tarjackistan Torpedo Rule (confuse your opponent from from the start) somehow managed to hold on to win 134 - 123.

After the game Coach Mookie was seen in the dressing room trying to extract a banana from between his pride and courage. "We should have had this one. We don't know how much damage this does to us dropping us to 2-1, but rest assured, this is one we let get away."

And speaking of the Torpedoes, they very nearly got their first win of the season of the season as Aaron Rodgers (QB) of the Black Cats forgot what league was in. With a narrow 7 point margin at the start of Monday Night, you would expect him to light up the board with 2, maybe 3 miles of passing. By half time, Rodgers was already -2 points, and if he continued, the Torpedoes would get the biggest surprise of the season (after selecting a Defense in the first round). Somehow, last years best QB managed to get to positive figures by the fourth quarter and hang on. Black Cats get a win they should never have and advance to a precarious 3-0 and one game clear of the entire league.

In the Surface Skimmers division, the Australian Taipans found themselves being outscored by the biggest score of the week (again) as Every Given Sunday gave them a lesson in football. EGS came into the weekend favored by almost 30 points, but that wasn't enough as they sliced and diced the Taipans for the biggest blow out of the week, 141 - 73. The win elevates EGS to 1-2 and the loss drops the Taipans, who two weeks ago were leading the league, to last place in the division.

Coach Pioneer of the Taipans will clearly be sharing the front pew at church with McBee and the Wild Boston Terriers. The WBT, at 0-2 going into this week needed the win at all costs to stay in touch with the division. Even with Coach Ryan leaving Laurent Robinson (WR) on the bench for the Broncolo's, the WBT needed more out of their Monday starters then the game offered. The WBT suffer their third straight loss 79 - 108 and drop to their knees at 0-3, and the bottom of the league.

Across the pond in London, Mr Chris and his 2-0 Helmand Nighthawks welcomed the 0-2 reapers to town looking for a easy win. The Nighthawks will have to wait till next week as the Reapers served them up a point scoring onslaught. As the Nighthawks failed to get any of their receivers to double figures, the Reapers systematically worked the field to eventually run out winners 107 - 51. The loss by the Nighthawks cost them the league lead.

So, with the season a third of the way done, lets work out the mess that stands before us.

In the Surface Skimmers division, the loss by the Nighthawks drops them back into a three way divisional tie at 2-1, with the remainder of the division at 1-2. This division looks like they will take wins and losses from each other, and potentially eliminate possibly two of the strongest teams from the playoffs. This division is till up for grabs.

The Sub Skimmers division is a little easier to dissect - this week. The Black Cats remain the only unbeaten team at 3-0 and lead the division by a game. One game back sit the the Guns of Hochuli, the highest scoring team in the league, with both the Broncolo's and the Drunk Monkeys. The Tarjackistan Torpedoes and the Wild Boston Terriers are fighting out first pick for next year at 0-3.

In week three, the match of the day will be a little Monkey on Monkey action, as the Drunk ones take on the Ghost ones.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 183 yard receiving, 11 yards rushing, and 1 touchdown for 29.70 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present A.J. Green of Every Given Sunday the Week Three MVT.

[CaptainHaplo]

Black Cats get a win they should never have

.

I didn't see any replacement officials in the Cats/Torpedo game!
A game the Black Cats shouldn't have won? Really? We had a -2 on defense and left 22 points on the bench just on that alone. Yet we still won by double digits (15+).

*channels Rodney Dangerfield*
"We gets no respect, I tell ya, no respect!"

The Nighthawks will have to wait till next week

Nope - they gotta wait 2 weeks for their next win!

[Gut Wrench]

MONKEYS IN A CAT FIGHT
...Dogs sniffing at their tail.

Week Four in the 2012 Subsim Fantasy Football. This week, we'll give you the 411 on which Monkey dominates the other, we'll break down the spanking that the league leader got, we'll tell you which team remains win less, and, we'll tell you about the 1-3 teams the league has the most to worry about.

But before we do anything, we'll tell you about the most important thing you need to do this week.

NOMINATE SUBSIM FF REPORTS FOR THIS YEARS "BEST OF SUBSIM".


We start this week with the "Monkey See Monkey Do" edition of Fantasy Football, as the two teams who couldn't come up with their own names, took turns to spank each other in the Match of the Week. Mookie and the Ghost version of the Two Monkeys started early on Thursday night with Dennis Pitta (TE) who apparently got lost between the concession stand and the dressing rooms. He scored a big fat 0 for the night, but did manage to score with one of the cheerleaders Taking full advantage of the opportunity, Coach Gargamel put his own high scoring TE in Martelius Bennett, who apparently did not score as well with the cheerleaders but did manage to get on the field for 1 point. Brian Hartline was the destroyer for Gargamel, and by Monday night, Demarco Murray was putting the icing on the cake. Drunk Monkeys exert species dominance over the Ghost Monkeys 116 - 92.

There they were, the league leaders sitting one game clear of everybody, and the Black Cats were looking smug and purring. Someone forgot to tell the Helmand Nighthawks who flew in to deliver a dose of British hospitality to the puddy-cats. The Nighthawks, showing resurgence in the Surface Skimmers division, outplayed, out scored and skinned the Cats 137 - 88 to not only legitimize the Nighthawks playoffs aspirations, but to close up the Sub Simmers division. Cats choke themselves into a three way furball at 3-1 that's just purr-fect for rest of the division.

After suffering a week one 1 loss, Coach Casey and the Guns of Hochuli have put up sizable scores. This week they came up against the Australian Taipans, who arguable have more injuries than anyone else in the league. The Taipans have had 4 TE's in 4 weeks, and replacement WR's and RB's for the last three weeks. The Guns of Hochuli knew they were in a fight when late Sunday the Taipans came back from a 40 point deficit to lead going into Sunday night. In a scratchy outcome, the Guns of Hochuli may have gotten the win 125 - 109, but the Taipans are the first of two losing records teams that this reporter thinks no one can take lightly.

The other losing record team that is finally starting to show some grit are the Wild Boston Terriers. This week, the Terriers needed to stop the 3 game losing streak, just to stay in contention for the play offs. (Yes, I am already talking about play offs.) The WBT were matched against the 1-2 Every Given Sunday, who despite their losses have the third highest scoring offense in the league. Coach McBee, seen at several churches, synagogues and mosques this week (so as not to play favorites) had his prayers answered as the Doggies get their first W of the season by defeating EGS 113 - 106.

Still looking for their first W of the season, and it wasn't to be this weekend, are the Tarjackistan Torpedoes. The Tarjackers with their first round draft pick of the 49ers defense is now not looking so funny as the Niners gave him 34 points. In a late high scoring match against Surface Skimmers divisional leaders Green Beans, the veritable boys needed everything from their QB Joe Flaco to amass 148 points. Late Monday night the Tarjackers fell short, lamenting that their first win got away if Randy Moss (WR) and Roy Helu (RB) had not scored a big fat zero. Final score in a shoot out, the Green Beans 148 Tarjackistan Torpedoes 122 which would have won them half of every other game this weekend.

The biggest surprise of this weekend games was the match up between the Bronolco's (2-1) and the Reapers (1-2). The Broncolo's under QB RG3 and Michael Turner (RB) ever so quietly amassed an impressive 141 points to the Reapers 92. Of significance from this games is that the Broncolo's win cracked the bell shape curve on statistics for the league. After the first three weeks it was looking as though 95-99 points would be the average score to ensure a win. The win by the Broncolo's at an exceptional above average score, couple with the outrageous high scores in the first three weeks, has now pushed that average as high as 108, but as we saw this week, two teams scored above that mark and still lost.

So after four weeks and a third of the season gone, here's how the two divisions look.

In the Sub Simmers, the loss by the Black Cats drops them back into a four way cat fight at 3-1 with the Guns of Hochuli, Broncolo's, and Drunk Monkeys. They sit two games clear of the Wild Boston Terriers and the first pick of next years draft, the Tarjackistan Torpedoes. (Who was talking about wins and losses being taken from the division?)

Over in the Surface Skimmers, the Greens Beans and the Helmand Nighthawks sit at 3-1, one game clear of the Ghost Monkeys. Every Given Sunday, The Taipans and the Reapers sit one game back at 1-3.

In week five, the Drunk Moneys return to our match of the day, but this time from across the pond where the Helmand Nighthawks will host to see which team may take the league lead. With several other key inter divisional games going on, anything can happen, and we'll be right there to make sure you get all the gossip on which player didn't score.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 118 yard rushing, 37 yards receiving , and 1 touchdown for 22.75 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Marshawn Lynch of the Wild Boston Terriers the Week Four MVT.

[CaptainHaplo]

Nighthawks - well played!

[nikimcbee]

Moments after the game, Jerry Jones and Tony go out for icecream.

[mr chris]

Thanks buddy, The Nighthawks needed that after last weeks shambolic performance.

[TarJak]

Wished I'd been able to make some changes before the match. Not a bad score though with two players sitting on their hands doing nothing. Time to make some changes methinks.

[nikimcbee]

Originally Posted by TarJak

Wished I'd been able to make some changes before the match. Not a bad score though with two players sitting on their hands doing nothing. Time to make some changes methinks.

You had a nice score yesterday. I think you've got my curse from last year.