Missing (BALZ)

Brag · 11-16-10, 03:01 PM

"Shall I plot an intercept course?" Bernard asked.
"Ja, you do that," Balz said while studying the convoy with binoculars. "Then start rowing into attack position." He removed his smoking jacket and tea cozy. "We don´t want those buggers to see us."
"Being taken prisoner by the Brits is a better option than dying on a life raft," I said.
"Surrender to the Brits?"

Balz made a farting sound. "That lacks hoochie woochie. Even in the wretched state we are in, I am the great Balz and still armed and dangerous." He waved a P-38 pistol.

For a while, we could see the mast of a corvette, then we were again alone, a spot of black rafts in the huge immensity of the ocean.

That night we got soaked by a tropical shower. It got cold but we were able to collect water. The predominant wind was easterly and each hour it pushed us further away from the African coast. People would say we died a heroic death. not slowly like miserable castaways. A simple signal rocket would have saved us when that convoy was nearby.

If I could only take that pistol away from Balz...

Stay tuned for the next exciting Balz episode.

ralphnader23 · 11-16-10, 06:05 PM

Perhaps someone got off an SOS before the U-boat went down?

papa_smurf · 11-17-10, 05:30 AM

Quote:

"Surrender to the Brits?"

Balz made a farting sound. "That lacks hoochie woochie. Even in the wretched state we are in, I am the great Balz and still armed and dangerous." He waved a P-38 pistol.

I see Balz is going back to his pirate days

Sailor Steve · 11-17-10, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brag

"I am the great Balz and still armed and dangerous." He waved a P-38 pistol.

BLAM!

"Oops. Somebody see to Eberhard."

papa_smurf · 11-18-10, 06:54 AM

Quote:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brag

"I am the great Balz and still armed and dangerous." He waved a P-38 pistol.

BLAM!

"Oops. Somebody see to Eberhard."

Wouldn't he shoot Bernard first, or is he too vital for this story

Sailor Steve · 11-18-10, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by papa_smurf

Wouldn't he shoot Bernard first, or is he too vital for this story

No, my version was meant to be an accident, and Bernard would never be that unlucky.

frau kaleun · 11-18-10, 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

No, my version was meant to be an accident, and Bernard would never be that unlucky.

What he means is that no one would ever shoot Bernard... by accident.

Gargamel · 11-23-10, 02:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frau kaleun

What he means is that no one would ever shoot Bernard... by accident.

I've gotten through 3 out of the 4 pages of Balz stories, enjoyable reading!!

But nobody seemed to pick up the fact that Bernard is actually the Fuhrer's nephew! That's why he always gets to be on a sub, because it's his dream to eventually command his own U-boat, even though, his one attempt (so far) at command led them to almost crashing into the minesweeper escort!

Brag's writing has made this a very enjoyable read! I have even picked up his Kingmaker novel solely based on the Balz works!

There was a web site that collected all the Balz stories into one lump, what happened to it? I can't seem to access it.

Brag · 11-23-10, 02:30 PM

Balz used an eye dropper to ration water. On the seventh day, we were all very thirsty. Some were getting delusional, especially the lookouts on duty, who kept seeing ships.
A few minutes before noon as Balz was to perform the eye drop ration hoochie woochie, P.O. Weber said, "Ship Spotted."
Balz looked through his glasses. "Everyone, start speaking Greek."
"Is it a Greek ship?" I asked.
"How do we speak Greek?" Bernard asked.
"Yasu Panayotis, Papadimitropolus, Metaxa, uzo Pireus Partenon Alexandropolis hoochie woochiepappas Salamis," Balz explained.
"What if we say it wrong?" I Asked.
"It doesn´t matter," Balz said. "The crew on that ship is Portuguese."

We did some serious waving and the tramp steamer, Boaventura, stopped fifty meters from us. I got hoisted up first in a bosun´s chair. Then Balz climbed up a Jacob's ladder.
"Bon dia," Balz said to the Portuguese captain, "Your papers, please."
"Papers?
| "Yes, your cargo, manifest, crew list, registration certificate, radio station license."
"You, coo-coo?"
"No, we are Greek. Inspecting ships for contraband is an old habit I acquired while speaking Spanish. My name is Balz, I am the greatest hero in the Spanish navy. That´s why they call me the Lion of Trafalgar."
The Portuguese capatain whose name was Fonseca scratched his head. "Ah, Trafalgar, did you meet Mr. Nelson, the admiral?"
"I´ve sunk the Nelson."
"Let me get you a glass of water. I have a nice guest cabin and the ship´s doctor will give you a pill." Fonseca took Balz by the elbow and led him aft.
"Water? Do you have any tea cozies on board?"
I wondered how long it would take Fonseca to radio the Royal Navy.

Stay glued to this thread for the next installment of the Balz saga

Herr-Berbunch · 11-18-10, 10:15 AM

He'd probably miss Bernard and the round would ricochet through the tea cosy - and that would never be good

.

More, Brag, More...

Draka · 11-18-10, 05:58 PM

If nothing else has been proven by this story and all the "legends" of Bernard thru the many many moons of Subsim - you CAN'T kill th' bloody bugger! No matter HOW many times you dive while he is still outside, shoot him, poison him, leave him to the tender mercies of the good Frau - he will somehow still turn up in the very next episode.

johan_d · 11-19-10, 02:05 PM

We al are Bernards.. they live to tell the tale!

11-16-10, 03:01 PM	#1
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	"Shall I plot an intercept course?" Bernard asked. "Ja, you do that," Balz said while studying the convoy with binoculars. "Then start rowing into attack position." He removed his smoking jacket and tea cozy. "We don´t want those buggers to see us." "Being taken prisoner by the Brits is a better option than dying on a life raft," I said. "Surrender to the Brits?" Balz made a farting sound. "That lacks hoochie woochie. Even in the wretched state we are in, I am the great Balz and still armed and dangerous." He waved a P-38 pistol. For a while, we could see the mast of a corvette, then we were again alone, a spot of black rafts in the huge immensity of the ocean. That night we got soaked by a tropical shower. It got cold but we were able to collect water. The predominant wind was easterly and each hour it pushed us further away from the African coast. People would say we died a heroic death. not slowly like miserable castaways. A simple signal rocket would have saved us when that convoy was nearby. If I could only take that pistol away from Balz... Stay tuned for the next exciting Balz episode. __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

11-23-10, 02:30 PM	#9
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	Balz used an eye dropper to ration water. On the seventh day, we were all very thirsty. Some were getting delusional, especially the lookouts on duty, who kept seeing ships. A few minutes before noon as Balz was to perform the eye drop ration hoochie woochie, P.O. Weber said, "Ship Spotted." Balz looked through his glasses. "Everyone, start speaking Greek." "Is it a Greek ship?" I asked. "How do we speak Greek?" Bernard asked. "Yasu Panayotis, Papadimitropolus, Metaxa, uzo Pireus Partenon Alexandropolis hoochie woochiepappas Salamis," Balz explained. "What if we say it wrong?" I Asked. "It doesn´t matter," Balz said. "The crew on that ship is Portuguese." We did some serious waving and the tramp steamer, Boaventura, stopped fifty meters from us. I got hoisted up first in a bosun´s chair. Then Balz climbed up a Jacob's ladder. "Bon dia," Balz said to the Portuguese captain, "Your papers, please." "Papers? \| "Yes, your cargo, manifest, crew list, registration certificate, radio station license." "You, coo-coo?" "No, we are Greek. Inspecting ships for contraband is an old habit I acquired while speaking Spanish. My name is Balz, I am the greatest hero in the Spanish navy. That´s why they call me the Lion of Trafalgar." The Portuguese capatain whose name was Fonseca scratched his head. "Ah, Trafalgar, did you meet Mr. Nelson, the admiral?" "I´ve sunk the Nelson." "Let me get you a glass of water. I have a nice guest cabin and the ship´s doctor will give you a pill." Fonseca took Balz by the elbow and led him aft. "Water? Do you have any tea cozies on board?" I wondered how long it would take Fonseca to radio the Royal Navy. Stay glued to this thread for the next installment of the Balz saga __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/ Last edited by Brag; 11-23-10 at 03:07 PM.

11-18-10, 10:15 AM	#10
Herr-Berbunch Kaiser Bill's batman Join Date: May 2010 Location: AN72 Posts: 13,203 Downloads: 76 Uploads: 0	He'd probably miss Bernard and the round would ricochet through the tea cosy - and that would never be good . More, Brag, More... __________________

11-16-10, 06:05 PM	#2
ralphnader23 Bosun Join Date: May 2010 Location: Periscope Depth Posts: 66 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	Perhaps someone got off an SOS before the U-boat went down?

11-18-10, 05:58 PM	#11
Draka Lieutenant Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Phoenix, AZ Posts: 256 Downloads: 322 Uploads: 0	If nothing else has been proven by this story and all the "legends" of Bernard thru the many many moons of Subsim - you CAN'T kill th' bloody bugger! No matter HOW many times you dive while he is still outside, shoot him, poison him, leave him to the tender mercies of the good Frau - he will somehow still turn up in the very next episode.

11-19-10, 02:05 PM	#12
johan_d Samurai Navy Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 556 Downloads: 113 Uploads: 1	We al are Bernards.. they live to tell the tale!