Harbour Raid (BALZ)

[Brag]

Lt. Fritz Gwitz writes:
As we study Johan Sebastian Balz’s life, we soon learn he is not only brilliant but has a romantic streak in his well rounded character. The events about to take place on the Island of Labuan illustrate this romantic streak in a very romantic way because Balz is romantic.

Taking advantage that he had such a wonderful sidekick as Balz, Sandokan finished developing his devilish plan to kidnap the fair Mariana, the Pearl of Labuan.

Having a long, tall and powerful rum punch, Balz listened carefully because he always was a careful listener.

“Here is the plan,” Sandokan said. “You and your ruffians will sail to the west side of Labuan and distract Lord Brooke and his henchemen. While you distract Brooke, I come from the east and steal his daughter when she comes out for her evening stroll.”

“Why do you want to steal an Englander’s daughter?” Balz asked.
“Because, she is charming, beautiful and she thinks I am an exotic and romantic character.”
“If she likes you, why don’t you just ask for her hand?”
“That would not be romantic, it would ruin my reputation. Besides, Lord Brooke gets exquisite, sadistic pleasure from hanging pirates. So, if I ask him for his daughter’s hand, he will hang me on my wedding day.”
“Not a nice thing to do on a wedding day,” Balz pointed out, understanding that a hanging would ruin a wedding reception, especially if the groom was the hangee.

“How do I distract Brooke?” Balz asked, smelling an opportunity to be heroic.
Sandokan smiled, patted Balz on the shoulder and fixed him another rum punch. “First of all, you disguise yourself and arrive in Labuan not looking like pirates. This will interest Lord Brooke because he will want to know if you really are non-pirates. By around sunset he will discover you are pirates and send his henchmen to capture you and have a jolly hanging. While he is doing all that, I sneak away.”

On 3 March 1927, our wonderful hero set sail for Labuan. First, he had to find a ship with materials for disguises. On 7 March at 1130 hours, he spotted the 3,000 ton tramp steamer Saturnino Farandulah.
“Perpendicularize the course, “ Balz ordered. “Prepare grappling hooks and do the Twirl.”
The pirates twirled with their grappling hooks and shouted, “Aaaarrrgghh.”
At 1147 Balz’s pirahu intercepted the Saturnino Farandulah, The crew off ruffians boarded the steamer and took control of the ship. Balz, wearing his red smoking jacket and all his medals climbed aboard and went into the captain’s cabin..

“We will take your cargo,” Balz said to the freighter’s captain.
The captain shrugged. “My cargo is of no interest to pirates.”
“Why?” Balz helped himself to some of the Brazilian captain’s whiskey.
“Do you want six million tea cozies?”
“What’s a tea cozy?, Balz asked.
“ I don’t know. “
“What sort of captain are you, don’t know what your cargo is?” Balz exploded.
“Well, they look like hats. Must be a fashion craze in England.”
“It makes sense,” Balz said, “you wear these hats for cozy teas in England.”
He shouted out the door. “Bring some tea cozies here.”
Ten minutes later, the tramp captain and Balz wore tea cozies. “Let’s have a cozy tea.” Balz suggested. “Like in the most fashionable Mayfair salons.” He again shouted at his crew. “Everyone, you will wear tea cozies, that way no one will think we’re pirates. Lord Brooke will think we are fashionable English tea drinkers.”

Three days later, they sighted the white houses on the slopes of the Labuan Hills. A customs steam launch came out to meet them. It was armed with four Vickers machine guns ready for action. Balz noticed the twitchy trigger fingers of the gunners. “What is your cargo and why are you coming here?” A megaphone asked.
“We are fashionable tea drinkers from London,” Balz answered. “We bring lots of tea cozies for everyone in Labuan to enjoy fashionable tea drinking."
The customs boat turned around and Balz followed it into Labuan Harbor protected by a white fort with crenellated walls and bristling with guns. An old paddle wheel cruiser with four masts and 20 guns rode at anchor in the harbor. Malay workers were loading large cubes of rubber onto a British ship.

After they were docked, Balz told the crew. “You all keep busy looking like fashionable tea drinkers.” He left the ship and explored the harbor promenade.
The first person he ran into was a man wearing a white linen suit and a wide brimmed straw hat. “I am Pereira, a Portuguese character who hangs out at the harbor and the local gin joints and sells information, want to buy some?”
“How much goes three Australian dollars buy?”
Pereira seemed to think for a moment. “For you, my friend, it will buy a ticket for tonight’s hanging.”
A woman strolling down the promenade distracted Balz’s attention. She wore a white dress, a white hat with a golden ribbon and she slowly twirled a white parasol resting on her shoulder.
Balz forgot about Pereira and followed the woman twirling her parasol. “She twirls,” Balz muttered, “She twirls.”
Pereira followed Balz, who was mesmerized by the woman’s parasol twirling.

Balz ran and stood in front of the woman and fell to one knee. “Your twirling is the most fantastic I have ever seen. Never in my dreams had I imagined to see such beautiful twirling.”
The woman inclined her head to one side. “Really?”
“Yes, really, magnificent, superb, breathtaking twirling.”
“And who are you?” she said with a light chuckle.
“Oh, ah, errr,” Balz stuttered, then remembered to remove his bunny tea cozy. “I am Balz, a pirate captain. Want to see my medals?” Balz unbuttoned his white frock coat, pulled it open to show all the medals he had pinned inside.

The woman laughed a crystalline laugh that made Balz feel dizzy.
“I am Mariana Brooke, the governor’s daughter.”


Next week:

The Trap.

[Jimbuna]

“Oh, ah, errr,” Balz stuttered, then remembered to remove his bunny tea cozy.

LMAO :rotfl:

[Bent Periscope]

When this story first started, I though it was really dumb. Now I can't wait for the next part.

Viva La Balz!!!

[HW3]

“I am Mariana Brooke, the governor’s daughter.”

Will Sandokan kill Balz when he finds out Balz is after his girl?

Will the Governor kill Balz when he finds out he is a pirate?

Tune in next week to see how Balz gets out of this one.

[papa_smurf]

Now we know where Balz got his Tea Cozy from.

[Brag]

Originally Posted by Bent Periscope

When this story first started, I though it was really dumb. Now I can't wait for the next part.

Viva La Balz!!!

It is gratifying to see skeptics become balzified true believers.

[sunvalleyslim]

Geat One Brag,
Maybe you should put Balz in a paperback...........

[NealT]

Anyone have a picture of Ms. Brooke?

Inquiring minds want to know...

[Laufen zum Ziel]

Will there be a Balz Jr,?


Where is my torpedo teat?

All of "The Great Balz's" past adventures can be read at the link below.

[Brag]

Originally Posted by Laufen zum Ziel

Will there be a Balz Jr,?





Where is my torpedo teat?

All of "The Great Balz's" past adventures can be read at the link below.

Would you expect Balz to get involved in hanky panky?
Isn't one Balz enough?

[bookworm_020]

Originally Posted by papa_smurf

Now we know where Balz got his Tea Cozy from.

The smurf beat me to it!

Thanks for the laugh!

[coronas]

Great (and romantic) read. Waiting for The Trap.

[Bosje]

history in the making, keeping a keen eye out for the next chapter

[Kpt. Lehmann]

Brag!!!

I thought of you (and/or the Great Balz) over in the mods workshop today...

http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/show...56&postcount=4

So! I thought I would submit the idea for examination, investigation, and perusal by his stupendous splendiferousness.

Whadya say??? Smoking jackets and tea cozies????

[Brag]

Originally Posted by Kpt. Lehmann

Brag!!!

I thought of you (and/or the Great Balz) over in the mods workshop today...

http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/show...56&postcount=4

So! I thought I would submit the idea for examination, investigation, and perusal by his stupendous splendiferousness.

Whadya say??? Smoking jackets and tea cozies????

BALZ HERO FASHIONS!

I think a Balz mod would be acceptable to his splendiferouness and would greatly improve morale of the troops.

Smoking jackets, medals, maybe a monocle and, of course, bunny tea cozy. We can still win the war!