A bit of fun

A Very Super Market · 01-17-09, 02:26 AM

The third last one is a bit Yakov Smirnoff-y

In America, you go to library to check out books. In Soviet Russia, book checks out you!!!

In America, you watch television. In Soviet Russia, television watches you!

And whatnot

Tchocky · 01-17-09, 03:06 AM

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
IN SOVIET UNION
POEM WRITES YOU

bookworm_020 · 01-17-09, 06:00 AM

None of you quit your day job!

Jimbuna · 01-17-09, 11:21 AM

She was only the fishmongers daughter but she lay on the slab and said fillet.

lesrae · 01-26-09, 03:22 AM

Some new ones from a geek mate:

* F(x)= sin(x) walks into a restaurant and orders some soup. The waiter replies, "Sorry but we don't cater for functions here."

* I have a complex relationship with my girlfriend. I'm Real, and she's Imaginary...

* What's got feathers and goes "Pieces of seven, pieces of seven?" A parroty error.

* An infinite number of mathematicians go into a bar. One asks for a pint of beer, the next asks for a half. The third asks for a quarter of a pint, and the fourth asks for an eighth of a pint. The barman pours two pints and says "Just sort it out among yourselves".

* Two kittens are on a roof but both of the are sliding down. which one falls off first? The one with the greatest mew.

* Why do Java programmers need glasses? Because they can't C sharp.

* Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas confused? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25. (a personal favourite)

* Two atoms are shooting the **** one day

ATOM 1: Mate, I think I've lost an electron.
ATOM 2: Are you sure?
ATOM 1: Yep, I'm positive.

* What is the contour interval around western Europe? Zero because all the Poles are in eastern Europe.

* Some people think the glass is half empty. Some people think the glass is half full. Database admins think the glass is twice the size it needs to be.

* Your mother is so fat she sat on a Binary Tree and turned it into a linked list in real time.

* Two spiral galaxies walk into a pub. The landlord says "I can serve *you*..." (points at the first), "but not *you*..." (points at the second). "Why not?" - "Because you're barred."

Jimbuna · 01-26-09, 05:01 AM

I remember the first time I met my wife, it was in a travel agents.

She was the last resort.

Whoever said anything is possible, obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.

Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

GoldenRivet · 01-26-09, 11:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimbuna

Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

hahahaha jim your a man after my own heart :rotfl:

01-17-09, 02:26 AM	#1
A Very Super Market The Old Man Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Deep in the Wild Canadian suburbs. Posts: 1,468 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	The third last one is a bit Yakov Smirnoff-y In America, you go to library to check out books. In Soviet Russia, book checks out you!!! In America, you watch television. In Soviet Russia, television watches you! And whatnot __________________ The entire German garrison of Vanviken, right here in your thread!

01-17-09, 03:06 AM	#2
Tchocky Navy Seal Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 5,874 Downloads: 6 Uploads: 0	Roses are red, Violets are blue, IN SOVIET UNION POEM WRITES YOU __________________ [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

01-17-09, 06:00 AM	#3
bookworm_020 Navy Seal Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Sinking ships off the Australian coast Posts: 5,966 Downloads: 1 Uploads: 0	None of you quit your day job! __________________ "There is always one person in any organization who knows whats going on, That person must be fired"

01-17-09, 11:21 AM	#4
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,876 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	She was only the fishmongers daughter but she lay on the slab and said fillet. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-26-09, 05:01 AM	#6
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,876 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I remember the first time I met my wife, it was in a travel agents. She was the last resort. Whoever said anything is possible, obviously never tried slamming a revolving door. Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-26-09, 03:22 AM	#5
lesrae Grey Wolf Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Somerset, UK. Posts: 932 Downloads: 31 Uploads: 0	Some new ones from a geek mate: * F(x)= sin(x) walks into a restaurant and orders some soup. The waiter replies, "Sorry but we don't cater for functions here." * I have a complex relationship with my girlfriend. I'm Real, and she's Imaginary... * What's got feathers and goes "Pieces of seven, pieces of seven?" A parroty error. * An infinite number of mathematicians go into a bar. One asks for a pint of beer, the next asks for a half. The third asks for a quarter of a pint, and the fourth asks for an eighth of a pint. The barman pours two pints and says "Just sort it out among yourselves". * Two kittens are on a roof but both of the are sliding down. which one falls off first? The one with the greatest mew. * Why do Java programmers need glasses? Because they can't C sharp. * Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas confused? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25. (a personal favourite) * Two atoms are shooting the **** one day ATOM 1: Mate, I think I've lost an electron. ATOM 2: Are you sure? ATOM 1: Yep, I'm positive. * What is the contour interval around western Europe? Zero because all the Poles are in eastern Europe. * Some people think the glass is half empty. Some people think the glass is half full. Database admins think the glass is twice the size it needs to be. * Your mother is so fat she sat on a Binary Tree and turned it into a linked list in real time. * Two spiral galaxies walk into a pub. The landlord says "I can serve you..." (points at the first), "but not you..." (points at the second). "Why not?" - "Because you're barred."