A bit of fun
 

I need this after the couple of weeks we've had at work, most are worth at least a small groan :lol:

The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

She was only a whisky-maker's daughter, but he loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

Know matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A backward poet writes inverse.

Very punny!:lol:

The third last one is a bit Yakov Smirnoff-y

In America, you go to library to check out books. In Soviet Russia, book checks out you!!!


In America, you watch television. In Soviet Russia, television watches you!

And whatnot

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
IN SOVIET UNION
POEM WRITES YOU

None of you quit your day job!;)

She was only the fishmongers daughter but she lay on the slab and said fillet.

Some new ones from a geek mate:

* F(x)= sin(x) walks into a restaurant and orders some soup. The waiter replies, "Sorry but we don't cater for functions here."

* I have a complex relationship with my girlfriend. I'm Real, and she's Imaginary...

* What's got feathers and goes "Pieces of seven, pieces of seven?" A parroty error.

* An infinite number of mathematicians go into a bar. One asks for a pint of beer, the next asks for a half. The third asks for a quarter of a pint, and the fourth asks for an eighth of a pint. The barman pours two pints and says "Just sort it out among yourselves".

* Two kittens are on a roof but both of the are sliding down. which one falls off first? The one with the greatest mew.

* Why do Java programmers need glasses? Because they can't C sharp.

* Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas confused? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25. (a personal favourite)

* Two atoms are shooting the **** one day

ATOM 1: Mate, I think I've lost an electron.
ATOM 2: Are you sure?
ATOM 1: Yep, I'm positive.

* What is the contour interval around western Europe? Zero because all the Poles are in eastern Europe.

* Some people think the glass is half empty. Some people think the glass is half full. Database admins think the glass is twice the size it needs to be.

* Your mother is so fat she sat on a Binary Tree and turned it into a linked list in real time.

* Two spiral galaxies walk into a pub. The landlord says "I can serve *you*..." (points at the first), "but not *you*..." (points at the second). "Why not?" - "Because you're barred."

I remember the first time I met my wife, it was in a travel agents.

She was the last resort.


Whoever said anything is possible, obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.



Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

hahahaha jim your a man after my own heart :rotfl: