Seventy-eight things a woman can't do: (and counting) - Page 2

Captain Vlad · 12-28-08, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blacklight

I think that list is screwed up. Most of those things my wife CAN do and I can't !

Indeed.

Frame57 · 12-28-08, 08:20 PM

Funny Stuff Buna...keep em coming:rotfl:

Koondawg · 12-28-08, 08:55 PM

Quote:

I haven't been laughing about how 57% of Afghan girls are married before the legal marriage age of 16

Im not in Afghan...course I had to run out to the curb to read my address..

How else in that country would someone expect to marry a virgin...

Unless their bedding down with sheep

Quote:

or how in 2006 there where over 50 cases of wife-murder and over 500 cases of severe domestic violence.

Call the police...

KD

Ps: nice list Jimbo...

Letum · 12-28-08, 09:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Koondawg

Quote:

or how in 2006 there where over 50 cases of wife-murder and over 500 cases of severe domestic violence.

Call the police...

RIS?

Wolfehunter · 12-28-08, 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Letum

Quote:

Actually it doesn't....but many other attributes and skills I have does.

If your offended at other peoples attempts at humour.....you have options:

Don't read it
Don't comment
Ignore it

Damm right it doesn't. I bet you know what it does make you as well.

I'm not worried about offending; I am sickened by the attitude of some men towards
women and the way negative stereotyping of women has led them to become second
class citizens in way way that is only recently and slowly being reversed.

For hundreds of years it is something ignored and not commented on. It's a damm good
thing that times have changed.

Letum that's a load of horse feminist crap.

My wife and I have enjoyed it and compared it to our experiences. We found it very entertaining. My wife gives it just as good as I do. In the end of the day we still love each other and laugh at it. I hate politically correctness. Nor will I ever support it or act on it.

If you want true freedom then everyone has to be able to take the heat. People have to lighten up...

Great one jim. Some are cheesy but still funny.

JU_88 · 12-29-08, 05:18 AM

Lighten, up will YA.

Like many, I work in an office where Women send emails like the above - (but ripping the sh*t out of men) ALL THE TIME
Below is an example copy and pasted from my mailbox,
please read it and tell me that you are still offended by Jimbunas Joke... YES that right.... 'JOKE!'

The Why's of Men

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?

(because they are plugged into a genius)
-----------------------------------------------
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?

(they don't have enough time)

-----------------------------------------------

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?

(they don't stop to ask directions)
-----------------------------------------------
4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?

(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

-----------------------------------------------

(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)
-----------------------------------------------

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?

(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

----------------------------------------------

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?

(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

-----------------------------------------------

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?

(don't know.....it never happened)
-----------------------------------------------

( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)

-----------------------------------------------

And the personal favorite:

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?

(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

-----------------------------------------------
Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face andlaughter in your heart...
Then you are just an old sour fart!

-----------------------------------------------

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'

'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'

He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma .'

And they say blondes are dumb...

---------------------------------------------

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'

The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'
-----------------------------------------------

'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'

'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
-----------------------------------------------

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor
----------------------------------------------

Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN
----------------------------------------------
-
Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.
----------------------------------------------

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
----------------------------------------------

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'
----------------------------------------------

Send this to at least five bright,funny women you know and make their day! And send this to five bright men whohave enough sense of humor to take it!

So when men rip on women, it sexist? but when women rip on men its just funny?
IMHO it depends on the context, but things like the above and what Jimbuna posted are perfectly harmless.
'equal rights' applies to men too in this particular case!

So Chill.

Jimbuna · 12-29-08, 08:58 AM

Here's one more.

I'll drop the gender bit for those of political correctness persuasion and introduce a profession....my own in fact, can't be much fairer than that.

Sooooo.....for those still left with a sense of humour this festive period:

10 Husbands And Still a Virgin

A copper married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a copper. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

Kpt. Lehmann · 12-29-08, 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wolfehunter

Quote:

Originally Posted by Letum

Quote:

Actually it doesn't....but many other attributes and skills I have does.

If your offended at other peoples attempts at humour.....you have options:

Don't read it
Don't comment
Ignore it

Damm right it doesn't. I bet you know what it does make you as well.

I'm not worried about offending; I am sickened by the attitude of some men towards
women and the way negative stereotyping of women has led them to become second
class citizens in way way that is only recently and slowly being reversed.

For hundreds of years it is something ignored and not commented on. It's a damm good
thing that times have changed.

Letum that's a load of horse feminist crap.

My wife and I have enjoyed it and compared it to our experiences. We found it very entertaining. My wife gives it just as good as I do. In the end of the day we still love each other and laugh at it. I hate politically correctness. Nor will I ever support it or act on it.

If you want true freedom then everyone has to be able to take the heat. People have to lighten up...

Great one jim. Some are cheesy but still funny.

Well, I'm beginning to wonder if Letum is a female forum member as it is given his/her seemingly permenant case of PMS. Letum is quite happy to police other members at random in various forums here whether it concerns him/her or not.

Or maybe its just constipation. I dunno.

I do know, that when you are no longer able to laugh at the human condition... life becomes very miserable indeed.

Letum. Eat lots of bran and lighten up!

Kpt. Lehmann · 12-29-08, 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mikhayl

Ha ha, what a cheap shot

That wasn't my intention.

Was trying to make my point in a humorous way.

That's all.

Wolfehunter · 12-29-08, 05:14 PM

JU 88 those where a blast.

But my wife herd about half of them...

#4 was my favorite one.

Onkel Neal · 12-29-08, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blacklight

I think that list is screwed up. Most of those things my wife CAN do and I can't !

I hope #78 isn't one of them :rotfl:

12-28-08, 08:20 PM	#17
Frame57 Sea Lord Join Date: May 2008 Location: 1300 feet on the crapper Posts: 1,860 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	Funny Stuff Buna...keep em coming:rotfl: __________________ "My Religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble minds." Albert Einstein

12-29-08, 05:18 AM	#21
JU_88 Silent Hunter Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: UK Posts: 3,803 Downloads: 11 Uploads: 0	Lighten, up will YA. Like many, I work in an office where Women send emails like the above - (but ripping the sht out of men) ALL THE TIME Below is an example copy and pasted from my mailbox, please read it and tell me that you are still offended by Jimbunas Joke... YES that right.... 'JOKE!' The Why's of Men* 1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? (because they are plugged into a genius) ----------------------------------------------- 2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX? (they don't have enough time) ----------------------------------------------- 3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? (they don't stop to ask directions) ----------------------------------------------- 4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS? (because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock) ----------------------------------------------- (You're laughing, aren't you?!?!) ----------------------------------------------- 5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS? (so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties) ---------------------------------------------- 6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN? (you need a rough draft before you make a final copy) ----------------------------------------------- 7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN? (don't know.....it never happened) ----------------------------------------------- ( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!) ----------------------------------------------- And the personal favorite: 8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH? (because a vibrator can't mow the lawn) ----------------------------------------------- Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face andlaughter in your heart... Then you are just an old sour fart! ----------------------------------------------- One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?' 'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?' He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma .' And they say blondes are dumb... --------------------------------------------- A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.' The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...' ----------------------------------------------- 'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?' 'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied. ----------------------------------------------- Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumor ---------------------------------------------- Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN ---------------------------------------------- - Q: Why do little boys whine? A: They are practicing to be men. ---------------------------------------------- Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough. ---------------------------------------------- Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.' ---------------------------------------------- Send this to at least five bright,funny women you know and make their day! And send this to five bright men whohave enough sense of humor to take it! So when men rip on women, it sexist? but when women rip on men its just funny? IMHO it depends on the context, but things like the above and what Jimbuna posted are perfectly harmless. 'equal rights' applies to men too in this particular case! So Chill. Last edited by JU_88; 12-29-08 at 05:35 AM.

12-29-08, 08:58 AM	#22
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,552 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Here's one more. I'll drop the gender bit for those of political correctness persuasion and introduce a profession....my own in fact, can't be much fairer than that. Sooooo.....for those still left with a sense of humour this festive period: 10 Husbands And Still a Virgin A copper married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a copper. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-29-08, 05:14 PM	#25
Wolfehunter Crusty Capt. Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 2,752 Downloads: 40 Uploads: 25	JU 88 those where a blast. But my wife herd about half of them... #4 was my favorite one. __________________ Last edited by Wolfehunter; 12-29-08 at 05:15 PM.