Jokes about Jewish people

Bilge_Rat · 05-10-10, 01:07 PM

An old Jewish man with two big bags walks into a railway station in Germany, sees a German and asks him:
"Excuse me, what do you think about Jews?"
"Oh, I like Jewish culture and I love the Jewish nation!"

The old man walks further and asks another German:
"Please, tell me, do you like Jews?"
"Of course! Their mind and talent amazes me!"

He walks further and asks a third German:
"Do you like Jews?"
"What?! I hate them all! I hate them!"

"I see you are an honest man! Please look after my luggage for me while I am in the WC."

Bilge_Rat · 05-10-10, 01:10 PM

A well off southern woman living near an army base in the deep American south wanted to do something patriotic for the boys in uniform so she decided to invite 5 officers to a party to meet the local girls.

She calls the base and asks to speak to the general in charge. Excitedly she gets right to the point, about inviting 5 officers to a party to meet the local girls, but then adds 'Don't send any Jews!,' to which the General after a pause answers 'OK'.

The next weekend with the party getting underway there's a knock on the southern woman's door. When she opens the door there stands five big african-american Army officers.

'There must be some mistake,' she mumbles.

'No mam,' answers the captain. 'General Cohen never makes a mistake.'

Bilge_Rat · 05-10-10, 01:19 PM

Avisitor came to Israel and saw the Western Wall. Not being too religious, he asked another tourist about the significance of the Wall.The other tourist explained, "This is a sacred wall. If you pray to it, God may hear you."

The visitor walked close to the wall and started to pray:
"Dear Lord," he said, "bring sunshine and warmth to this beautiful land."

A commanding voice answered: "I will, my son."

The visitor said: "Bring prosperity to this land."

"I will, my son."

"Let Jews and Arabs live together in peace, dear Lord."

The voice answered: "You're talking to a wall!"

Sailor Steve · 05-10-10, 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bilge_Rat

A well off southern woman living near an army base in the deep American south wanted to do something patriotic for the boys in uniform so she decided to invite 5 officers to a party to meet the local girls.

She calls the base and asks to speak to the general in charge. Excitedly she gets right to the point, about inviting 5 officers to a party to meet the local girls, but then adds 'Don't send any Jews!,' to which the General after a pause answers 'OK'.

The next weekend with the party getting underway there's a knock on the southern woman's door. When she opens the door there stands five big BLACK Army officers.

'There must be some mistake,' she mumbles.

'No mam,' answers the Black captain. 'General Cohen never makes mistakes!!!'

One of my old favorites!

I'd forgotten it, though. Thanks for reminding me!

GoldenRivet · 05-10-10, 02:18 PM

Late one night a fully loaded Cargo jet is over the ocean en route from China to LAX.

The Captain is a devout Jew.

The first officer is Chinese, and is new with the company.

This is the first night the two men had ever flown together and other than check list items over the past 2 hours they havn't spoken a single word to one another.

under the thousands of twinkling stars and the ever sprawling ocean the Chinese first officer can no longer stand the silence.

"So, Captain, why you no speak to me for this entire fright? this fright to LAX is a long fright and tings will be vewy bowing if we not going to talk to each other."

the Jew captain looks at the first officer with a stern look on his face

"I'm not talking to you because you're Chinese, i dont like you damned Chinese because you bombed pearl harbor."

the Chinese first officer is a bit taken back... he says

"Whaa!? Chinese no bomb pearl harbor thas crazy... Japanese bomb pearl harbor!"

the Jew Captain says...

"Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese... its all the same to me."

The Chinese first officer says

"Fine! I no wanna talk to you anyway because i no like stupid Jews!... Damn Jews sink that Titanic!"

The Jew captain looks at the first officer and says

"Jews didnt sink the Titanic you dumb ass... that was an iceberg!"

The chinese first officer says

"Iceberg, Goldberg, Steinberg... its all the same to me!"

joegrundman · 05-10-10, 02:21 PM

big lolz at that one gr

edit: and that one by darkfish was quite funny too

05-10-10, 01:07 PM	#1
Bilge_Rat Silent Hunter Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: standing watch... Posts: 3,856 Downloads: 344 Uploads: 0	An old Jewish man with two big bags walks into a railway station in Germany, sees a German and asks him: "Excuse me, what do you think about Jews?" "Oh, I like Jewish culture and I love the Jewish nation!" The old man walks further and asks another German: "Please, tell me, do you like Jews?" "Of course! Their mind and talent amazes me!" He walks further and asks a third German: "Do you like Jews?" "What?! I hate them all! I hate them!" "I see you are an honest man! Please look after my luggage for me while I am in the WC." __________________ Last edited by Bilge_Rat; 05-10-10 at 01:37 PM.

05-10-10, 01:10 PM	#2
Bilge_Rat Silent Hunter Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: standing watch... Posts: 3,856 Downloads: 344 Uploads: 0	A well off southern woman living near an army base in the deep American south wanted to do something patriotic for the boys in uniform so she decided to invite 5 officers to a party to meet the local girls. She calls the base and asks to speak to the general in charge. Excitedly she gets right to the point, about inviting 5 officers to a party to meet the local girls, but then adds 'Don't send any Jews!,' to which the General after a pause answers 'OK'. The next weekend with the party getting underway there's a knock on the southern woman's door. When she opens the door there stands five big african-american Army officers. 'There must be some mistake,' she mumbles. 'No mam,' answers the captain. 'General Cohen never makes a mistake.' __________________ Last edited by Bilge_Rat; 05-10-10 at 01:36 PM.

05-10-10, 01:19 PM	#3
Bilge_Rat Silent Hunter Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: standing watch... Posts: 3,856 Downloads: 344 Uploads: 0	Avisitor came to Israel and saw the Western Wall. Not being too religious, he asked another tourist about the significance of the Wall.The other tourist explained, "This is a sacred wall. If you pray to it, God may hear you." The visitor walked close to the wall and started to pray: "Dear Lord," he said, "bring sunshine and warmth to this beautiful land." A commanding voice answered: "I will, my son." The visitor said: "Bring prosperity to this land." "I will, my son." "Let Jews and Arabs live together in peace, dear Lord." The voice answered: "You're talking to a wall!" __________________

05-10-10, 02:18 PM	#5
GoldenRivet Subsim Aviator Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 8,726 Downloads: 146 Uploads: 0	Late one night a fully loaded Cargo jet is over the ocean en route from China to LAX. The Captain is a devout Jew. The first officer is Chinese, and is new with the company. This is the first night the two men had ever flown together and other than check list items over the past 2 hours they havn't spoken a single word to one another. under the thousands of twinkling stars and the ever sprawling ocean the Chinese first officer can no longer stand the silence. "So, Captain, why you no speak to me for this entire fright? this fright to LAX is a long fright and tings will be vewy bowing if we not going to talk to each other." the Jew captain looks at the first officer with a stern look on his face "I'm not talking to you because you're Chinese, i dont like you damned Chinese because you bombed pearl harbor." the Chinese first officer is a bit taken back... he says "Whaa!? Chinese no bomb pearl harbor thas crazy... Japanese bomb pearl harbor!" the Jew Captain says... "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese... its all the same to me." The Chinese first officer says "Fine! I no wanna talk to you anyway because i no like stupid Jews!... Damn Jews sink that Titanic!" The Jew captain looks at the first officer and says "Jews didnt sink the Titanic you dumb ass... that was an iceberg!" The chinese first officer says "Iceberg, Goldberg, Steinberg... its all the same to me!" __________________

05-10-10, 02:21 PM	#6
joegrundman Ocean Warrior Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 2,689 Downloads: 34 Uploads: 0	big lolz at that one gr edit: and that one by darkfish was quite funny too __________________ "Enemy submarines are to be called U-Boats. The term submarine is to be reserved for Allied under water vessels. U-Boats are those dastardly villains who sink our ships, while submarines are those gallant and noble craft which sink theirs." Winston Churchill

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