Balz Navigates Through Fog in the Far North

[Brag]

OF,zS. Hegeman writes:
16 January 1941

For nearly a week now we've been dodging icebergs in rain and fog, . What made it hairy was the twelve knots we were making while trying to intercept an enemy convoy reported to the northeast.

Balz wore his tea cozy, which is partialy lined with lead foil. He kept his head turning constantly trying to catch what he called, 'The icy vibes of doom.'

Every few minutes, Balz poked Bernard with his umbrella and made him scream. We all listened for possible echoes.

Our other fear was running into the convoy in this fog. The visibility was less than 300 meters.

"Even a great navigator such as myself can't be sure of his position in this muck," Balz said.
"Maybe, we should wait for some decent weather," I suggested.
"That's not hoochie-woochie," Balz growled.
"The Britsh have new ways of detecting us."
Balz jabbed Bernard.
"Ayyaiyyaaaaaay."
"And I have mine. I, the greatest Kaleun in the U-bootwaffe came here to sink ships. Fog or no fog. Seerhor tiefe."
No sooner the hydrophone was submerged, the soundman reported a large number of screw noises.

This included at least seven escorts.
"Ooooh, you hoochie-woochie. This is a large convoy." Balz sang.
"How are we going to attack if we can't see anything?" I asked.
"Observe the great Kapitanleutnant Balz, the genious of the Kriegsmarine operate in fog."
As ordered, I preset tubes one and two for a salvo shot with a zero gyro angle. Three escorts made approaching noises. Balz kept the scope up and hummed Meet me in Balzimore Hoochie-woochie. He left the periscope and listened to the hydrophone.
"Feuer!"
I pressed the firing buttun, let go the two torpedo salvo, and went to the periscope. We must have hit a large ship, a series of explosions pierced the fog. The intense heat partially lifted the mist. Yes, it was a large ship loaded with munitions. In less than a minute there was nothing left of the vessel.

Balz took over the periscope. After a few minutes, he said, "Verflughte Nebel." And ordered a depth of 150 meters.

We heard lots of escorts mill about our position, but an hour later we were surfaced
It was difficult to sleep with Bernards screams when Balz jabbed him to detect icebergs.