Balz Navigates Through Fog in the Far North
 

OF,zS. Hegeman writes:
16 January 1941

For nearly a week now we've been dodging icebergs in rain and fog, . What made it hairy was the twelve knots we were making while trying to intercept an enemy convoy reported to the northeast.

Balz wore his tea cozy, which is partialy lined with lead foil. He kept his head turning constantly trying to catch what he called, 'The icy vibes of doom.'

Every few minutes, Balz poked Bernard with his umbrella and made him scream. We all listened for possible echoes.

Our other fear was running into the convoy in this fog. The visibility was less than 300 meters.

"Even a great navigator such as myself can't be sure of his position in this muck," Balz said.
"Maybe, we should wait for some decent weather," I suggested.
"That's not hoochie-woochie," Balz growled.
"The Britsh have new ways of detecting us."
Balz jabbed Bernard.
"Ayyaiyyaaaaaay."
"And I have mine. I, the greatest Kaleun in the U-bootwaffe came here to sink ships. Fog or no fog. Seerhor tiefe."
No sooner the hydrophone was submerged, the soundman reported a large number of screw noises.

This included at least seven escorts.
"Ooooh, you hoochie-woochie. This is a large convoy." Balz sang.
"How are we going to attack if we can't see anything?" I asked.
"Observe the great Kapitanleutnant Balz, the genious of the Kriegsmarine operate in fog."
As ordered, I preset tubes one and two for a salvo shot with a zero gyro angle. Three escorts made approaching noises. Balz kept the scope up and hummed Meet me in Balzimore Hoochie-woochie. He left the periscope and listened to the hydrophone.
"Feuer!"
I pressed the firing buttun, let go the two torpedo salvo, and went to the periscope. We must have hit a large ship, a series of explosions pierced the fog. The intense heat partially lifted the mist. Yes, it was a large ship loaded with munitions. In less than a minute there was nothing left of the vessel.

Balz took over the periscope. After a few minutes, he said, "Verflughte Nebel." And ordered a depth of 150 meters.

We heard lots of escorts mill about our position, but an hour later we were surfaced
It was difficult to sleep with Bernards screams when Balz jabbed him to detect icebergs.

I do believe Balz has finally found a use for Bernard as an echo-location sounder!
:rotfl:

Are we allowed to ask which end of the umbrella Bernard is getting poked with, and if so where?

With Balz, I imagine he used the whoochie-woochie end :rotfl: :rotfl:

LoL

:-?

Is that the hoochie-woochie end of the umbrella or the hoochie-woochie end of Bernard?:o

LOL, both:D

:rotfl::rotfl::up:

J.S. Balz writes:

What's the matter with you knuckleheads? Hoochie-woochie is a self undestandable truth philosophicaly and logically developed by my exhalted mind. The hoochie woochie principle is based on these undeniable concepts of selbstvertendlichkeit and the perfectness of my salubrious mental process. :smug:

Kptlt. Johan Sebastian Balz.

Now get your credit card out and follow the simple instructions below. That is very hoochie-woochie. :smug:

I still think you should launch him from your stern tube.

Wenn es sich um eine dud dann haben Sie ihn starten.

http://silent-hunter-addict.com

Now I need to know who the hell is Balz?

Now srsly, who he is? Everyone talks about him but I don't see any person named as him?

:|

Balz = The polar opposite of Bernard

Oh, good to know.

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