A Balz Upper Christmas (BALZ)

[Brag]

"Do you feel low and depresed?" Bernard asked.
Bals sat on his bunk. "I was happily napping until you woke me up with your stupid question."
"I couldn´t ask the question without waking you up," Bernard said.
"Impressive logic. Why couldn´t wait ´til I was awake and cheerfully smiling and singing a happy hoochie woochie and then ask if I was deressed?"
"Because I had to report that 100% of the crew are depressed and I didn´t know if you were depressed or not while you were sleeping I need to know so that I can report when you wake up."
"Are you depressed?" Balz asked.
"Yes, I am," Bernard answered.
Balz smiled. "Good, you can go to the officers´mess and write a suicide note. Then, call the base doctor and book yourself an autopsy.
"Can I report that 100% of the crew are depressed?"
"Why in the hell should they be depressed?"
Bernard shifted his weight from one foot to another. "No Christmas leave, no Christmas tree."
"What a bunch of whimps." Balz stretched on his bunk. "Have them sing Santa Claus is Bombing The Town. That will cheer them up."
"They should have a Christmas tree," Bernard said.
"I remember the last tree you have arranged. You are not allowed to get close to it. You can admire it only from the dock."

U-321 was the best decorated U-boat in the harbor. Not only it had a Christmas tree on the conning tower but had decorations strung out from the extended attack periscope to bow and stern. The crew stood in formation on the dock.
Balz checked that Bernard was in the formation and said, "Light the tree."
Bernard pulled the trigger on the flame thrower.

The tree burned, grenades that hung as deorations exploded. The detonating cord strung from the periscope exploded. The two gold color mines on deck blew up.



Have a great bang up Christmas, you lot.