Where are the jobs?

[jumpy]

Dunno about you yankey-doodles, but us stiff-upper-lips are faring well, according to the guy in my sig (and you all know what I think of him).

There's 'thousands' of jobs every week apparently... As I'm currently waiting to receive income based Jobseekers Allowance (I've been waiting for a decision for the last 6 weeks) I have access to the fabulous range of exciting opportunities for the financially challenged.
These 'thousands of jobs' mostly include weird positions that require such a narrow skill-set that the mind boggles as to who actually has the qualifications for such jobs - Diversity Manager? wtf is that?
Other jobs are the sort that only bored housewife's, who's husbands are the bread winners and who have grown-up children and need something to occupy a couple of hours a week to supplement the housekeeping money. Not the kind of thing you could actually earn a living from...

Not to mention all of those fantastic job adverts that are what I call 'non-jobs' - when you get the advert from the jokecentre and ring the number to apply for the job, you discover that what has just cost you time and a half hour phonecall later (sitting in one of those 'your call is important to us cues') is not actually a job at all! What you are in fact doing is applying for a potential job, not an actual job; you're applying to register for notification of jobs that don't actually exist yet How cool and forward thinking is that? I'm sure it looks great for the figures that are thrown about like so much confetti by over-paid politicians, but it's damn annoying for anyone who actually wants a real job.

Our current DWP employment system is like the emperors new clothes; all of the sycophants and government and departmental toadies extol the virtues of how great the system is (having no direct experience of it themselves) but the rest of us who futilely try to navigate its tortuous byways, see right through it to the rather sad and dangly soft under-parts.