The Bilge

[Armistead]

Originally Posted by Wolferz

The last safety officer fell overboard. Or was he pushed?

The report states that he fell....However, when he was pulled out of the sink, a large grease footprint was found on the rear of his boxers....You were the only witness and you also closed the case after your investigation...

[Tango589]

Originally Posted by Armistead

a large grease footprint was found on the rear of his boxers....

What was the man doing with no trousers on?

[Wolferz]

Originally Posted by Tango589

What was the man doing with no trousers on?

Ensign Marty Pascal, Our previous safety officer, was wound a little tight. That is, until his screws came loose and he reported for watch duty on deck minus his trousers and took a swing at me.
Need I say more?

[Tango589]

Not at all. Personally I would have stuffed him in a torp tube and launched him.

[Armistead]

Originally Posted by Wolferz

Ensign Marty Pascal, Our previous safety officer, was wound a little tight. That is, until his screws came loose and he reported for watch duty on deck minus his trousers and took a swing at me.
Need I say more?

Well, that's your side. I wanted to look into it further..but you wouldn't allow me to do so....I do know when our safety officer left the bilge, he was carrying a 5 gallon bucket of used STD penis swabs up top for disposal...

Previous you said he fell off, now you said he swung at you. I assume you just ducked and his forward motion put him in the sink and the footprint is just coincidence?

[Wolferz]

Originally Posted by Armistead

Well, that's your side. I wanted to look into it further..but you wouldn't allow me to do so....I do know when our safety officer left the bilge, he was carrying a 5 gallon bucket of used STD penis swabs up top for disposal...

Previous you said he fell off, now you said he swung at you. I assume you just ducked and his forward motion put him in the sink and the footprint is just coincidence?

No, I didn't duck. I swerved and planted my foot in his backside as he went past.
Inertia is not your friend it seems. Especially with a full bucket in your hand. Just ask Marty.

Now, on to more important business.
Have you assigned a new COB yet?

[Aktungbby]

Originally Posted by Armistead

OK men, just got a order from the head...

Directive 212

Tango will take on cooking duties while Donna is under treatment. Tango will also continue in his duties as high priest, but will not be taking confessions. We will now have a sin box, just write your sins down and place them in the box. This way Tango can deal with all sin with one prayer once a week....


Zod

Originally Posted by Aktungbby

HEY! if Tango says grace while he's cookin'... It'll save us the trouble. and that'll be the sin we drop in the box!

Originally Posted by Tango589

Last thing I heard, I was on cooking duty, nominated by Aktung if I remember correctly. However, I'm more than happy to delegate this to a more willing mug, err, volunteer.

Originally Posted by Armistead

It's all confusing. I thought I had it in order...Not fair for you to be our head priest and have to do the cooking as well.

Aktung doesn't have authority to give positions, maybe that's the problem. Our leadership doesn't enforce discipline or render punishment. Seems a continued problem of lack of leadership...

INNOCENT...by(toothless)GUMM. Took me awhile to research but there it is: Armistead CLEARLY & properly appointed our culunarily inclined padre to the task of sloppin' the crew I merely seconded the nomination as a convenient way of skipping grace...NOT ME! AS TO OUR NEW NOMINEE, I've no doubts whatsover that he'll keep a tight seal and fit (pach it in-so 2 speak?) in well in (one tube?)the aft torpedoroom!Vindicated on two counts!PS:ArmiBBY made me COB but I'll not qubble or dribble over a replacement!

[Tango589]

Originally Posted by Aktungbby

INNOCENT...by(toothless)GUMM. Took me awhile to research but there it is: Armistead CLEARLY & properly appointed our culunarily inclined padre to the task of sloppin' the crew I merely seconded the nomination as a convenient way of skipping grace

Ok, sorry, my mistake. Armistead did put me on cook house duty, but I have raised the point about the woeful lack of ingredients or pots/pans. Has anything been done about this?

[Armistead]

OK, maybe the stress is getting to me a lil and I'm not recording my orders.
I did in fact tell Tango to do the cooking, but I told him no more confessions and he continued in that, instead of using the sin box. Tango implies then he gave the job to a volunteer, I assume the new feller, Kapt Inass....If Aktongue said I made him COB, I think he confused the position with the nickname "Cob" as in corncob due to his use of...well, anyways, Aktung can continue in the position of COB. 'Chef of the Boat' along with his other positions, Minister of Foreign Affairs, Marketing Officer and whatever else...

We need a new safety officer if anyones has experience and wants the role...

[Tango589]

Originally Posted by Tango589

However, I'm more than happy to delegate this to a more willing volunteer.

Originally Posted by Armistead

I did in fact tell Tango to do the cooking, but I told him no more confessions and he continued in that...Tango implies then he gave the job to a volunteer...

I only said I'm happy to delegate the chef duties, not that I've appointed anyone new. If I am the new chef, maybe we should have a new padre. I am thinking of the newest recruit Buddahaid. He'd look good in a cassock and mitre.

[Wolferz]

When I said COB, I meant Chef Of the Boat.

I'm disturbed about it being the Padre because I loathe unleavened bread and Hey Zeus juice.

[Aktungbby]

Originally Posted by Tango589

Ok, sorry, my mistake. Armistead did put me on cook house duty, but I have raised the point about the woeful lack of ingredients or pots/pans. Has anything been done about this?

Well one reason you're the chef-padre is based on your sacerdotal powers to summon mannah from heaven in a timely fashion to augment our nether regi...er negligent ratiions. None of the crew would presume upon the necessary diety in such a dietary matter...as I recollect though firefighters are adept at cooking for stationhouse crews-and have rudimentary first aid training...perhaps Fireftr can combine chef and safety officer. God knows he lent Buddhaid his best turnout gear-coat for that pachyderm aft inspection.! We can put him in charge of tne new condom machine too, for our upcoming Thailand war cruise-fette Beute-wiseSafety first BBY-We have enough leftover Alberich coating to insure everyone has a good time !

[Armistead]

I've had enough...These are direct orders.

Tango will remain the priest, but find another booth other than the head..I'm tired of when I kneel before you getting piss knees...and while Wolferz says he's stroking me out of compassion, I'm not buying it...

Fire with his vast experience will do the cooking, but can train Kapt. Inass to take that position when he's off probation.

Aktung, will remain in his current position under me...

Budda will be the new safety officer {collection of bilge waste}

Everyone else can maintain the current position they're in...

[Tango589]

Okey-dokey, from now on confessions will be held in the conning tower. No more piss knees and plenty of room for genuflection and benediction.

[Armistead]

Oh, who cares anymore, this place stinks and I'm sick of it, sick of the stew, the confessions, constant whining from lack of herpes ointment....sick of you all. Let's be honest, I'm never gonna get command here, much less my own boat...

I've put in request of transfer to another boat. Once Wolferz approves it, I'm out of here. You won't have old Armi to worry about anymore. I only wanted to lead you men, but truth is this crew is just a bunch of washed up misfits with sow bellies, bent backs and bad breath. Place couldn't be worse if you crossed a porn flick with Old McDonald's farm during a tornado.