[Rant/Humor] RPG Cliches

[Hottentot]

I can't help it. I love the roleplaying games. I grew up with infinity engine games, was super happy with Neverwinter Nights, found Knights of the Old Republic awesome, spent unhealthy amount of time with Morrowind and was excited when Oblivion was released. I still play them probably more than any other games.

And yet these days when I play them, I feel that no matter what the game's title is, I have played it before. While the package is different, the stuff inside seems familiar.

So I decided to make a little comparison of silly things that seem to find their way from one title to another, concentrating especially on the newer generation. I did this simply because I thought it was amusing, but thought I'd share it here in case someone else would find it amusing too or wish to add something.

And the obligatory disclaimer: I am not bashing these games. I couldn't have compiled this list if I hadn't played them a lot, but I have always thought you must be able to laugh at the things you hold most dear.


So where to begin...


1. There is a huge, stoic warrior who represents some obscure home-brewed race. Even though he doesn't otherwise talk much, he will bore you to death by constantly ranting about his culture and how you don't understand him. Case in point: Mass Effect 1, Dragon Age: Origins.


2. There is an annoying female brat, who also happens to be the best thief in the world. She will flirt with male characters, but you won't be able to romance her. Case in point: Knights of the Old Republic 1, Neverwinter Nights 2.


3. There is a mechanical or otherwise non-organic party member whose apparent lack of emotions serves as the game's comic relief. Case in point: Knights of the Old Republic 1, Dragon Age: Origins


4. Your first permanent companion will be a spineless male, who follows a moral code, but doesn't have guts to actually do anything for it. Therefore he will simply whine whenever you do anything that doesn't resemble helping an old woman to cross a busy street. Case in point: Knights of the Old Republic 1, Dragon Age: Origins, Mass Effect 1.


5. The whiny male character is the first and most obvious romance subplot for female protagonist, even though in reality he would be one of those to lose his virginity at the age of 30 with a prostitute. Case in point: see above.


6. There is a rough-and-tough female party member and then a shy-and-sensitive female party member. They exist for romance subplots and are completely oblivious to the fact that anything the male protagonist says to them is only flattery aiming for sex. Case in point: Mass Effect 1, Dragon Age: Origins.


7. Female characters can have a romance with a female and a male party member. In the end they are forced to choose one over the other, and the male party member, while little upset, doesn't seem depressed at all that he lost the love of his life for a female blue alien. Case in point: Mass Effect 1, Dragon Age: Origins (without the blue alien, sadly).


8. The characters have approval ratings towards you, but never seem to suspect that you are simply saying what they want to hear in order to improve the rating. Even when they were right next to you when you just said the complete opposite to another party member. Case in point: Neverwinter Nights 2, Dragon Age: Origins.


9. Even though you are the main character, the game's plot revolves around an NPC, who also happens to be the most annoying creature in the universe. It's like if they filmed a new Star Wars trilogy made all the jedis mind controlled servants of JarJar Binks. Case in point: Oblivion, The Witcher 1.


10. In the beginning trough thinly veiled plot the game will assign you a practise party so you can train working as a team. The practise party will inevitably consist of total losers. Therefore it is no surprise that after the tutorial they (or at least some of them) will die horribly. Case in point: Knights of the Old Republic 1, Dragon Age: Origins, Neverwinter Nights 2.


11. At some point of the game you will meet the villain who killed your practise party and can confront him about it before the inevitable battle scene. Case in point: Knights of the Old Republic 1, Neverwinter Nights 2.


12. The apparent main villain is introduced relatively early in the game, but at some point it is revealed that the villain is in fact just a puppet of a great ancient evil. It seems villains these days are too incompetent or not ambitious enough to be threats on their own. Case in point: Mass Effect 1, Neverwinter Nights 1 (twice!), Neverwinter Nights 2.


13. The most common type of normal enemy consists of some sort of alien, unstoppable horde that can't be negotiated with. Nevertheless at certain points of the game you will stumble upon something that makes them somewhat more humane and can think: "Ooo, cute, they have a culture!". Case in point: Mass Effect 1, Dragon Age: Origins.


14. A dungeon's boss enemy starts his dialogue by shouting: "You go no further!" Apparently slaughtering his personal army was not enough to convince him that challenging you is not a healthy idea. Case in point: Dragon Age: Origins.


15. The game's protagonist is actually a superhero who could kill ten Grizzly bears with a butter knife, but suffers from amnesia and therefore doesn't remember which part of the blade he is supposed to hold in order to avoid serious injuries to his hands. Case in point: Knights of the Old Republic 1, The Witcher 1.


16. Elves have to rub in your face that they are elves by mixing their own language with their voice actor's perfect middle class English. Whatever they say is meaningless, because you can't buy "Elven for dummies" book anywhere in the game. Case in point: Dragon Age Origins, The Witcher 1, The Witcher 2.


17. Whenever dwarves see a rock bigger than their mother-in-law, they have to carve it into a city that makes absolutely no sense unless you name it "labyrinth". Case in point: almost any game with dwarves.


18. All dialogue is spoken, because obviously the modern player generation can't read. Case in point: many.


19. The dialogue options are arranged so that the top answer is for a good character and the bottom is for an evil character. You can't expect players to know if "[Kill the orphan and take his apple because you are hungry]" will give you evil points or not. Case in point: many.


20. Dialogue parts testing your abilities, such as speech or intelligence, are conveniently marked with [speech] or [intelligence] before the comment. Without such mark, "I'll gut you like a fish and eat your brain" is not a threat. Case in point: Fallout 3, The Witcher 2 (sort of), Dragon Age: Origins.


21. The word "convenient" is not part of the plot's script. If there is any even remotely good reason to make you run back and forth between the opposite sides of the map, it will happen. Case in point: many.