Parenting Question; 20+ but doesn't want to leave

[Shady Bill]

I searched for a parenting thread where I could place this. I couldn't find one. My apologies if I missed it.


My question is this;

My 20+ year old daughter, all my 20+ year old nieces and nephews (I am talking 22-23 year old "men")...they seem to think its okay to live at home
and not move out??

When I turned 18, many moons ago, first thing kids back then wanted to do is get together with some friends, rent a place. Be independent. Eat pizza 3x a week..

Kids nowadays seem to want to just live at home with mom and dad?? Is this because of covid school shutdowns? Do your kids show this behavior?

I have a 23 year old guy visiting my daughter every day...he greets me, and just marches up to her room. He still lives at home with his mom and dad He likes singing to the TV show "Glee" with her. And sometimes he wears pink pants. Not salmon. Pink. The kid works construction mind you...

My wife explains to me since she is an adult, I can't stop her from having a boyfriend.

I get this...but when do these kids move out already?? You can't really kick them out. But grown children nowadays don't seem to want to leave the nest??


Anyone else have this madness going on at their homes?

[mapuc]

First thing that came to my mind was the Adams Family.

Now to the more serious thing.

I lived with my little sister and my mom until I was finish education and just before my military time. Thereafter I have been living on my own.

Is it easy to find apartment where you live ?
Is these apartment cheap-Here I'm thinking 1 bedroom, kitchen, living room and toilet ?

I grew up with 4 sisters-We were 5 in all and I was 15 years old when my parents went through a divorce.

Markus

[Shady Bill]

Yea that is the crazy thing. These are grown kids with jobs. They could all afford to live on their own....they just don't seem to want to, this generation of kids. They don't want to be on their own and fly like little birds should. It is so strange.

[mapuc]

Originally Posted by Shady Bill

Yea that is the crazy thing. These are grown kids with jobs. They could all afford to live on their own....they just don't seem to want to, this generation of kids. They don't want to be on their own and fly like little birds should. It is so strange.

This makes it easier for you, even it gonna hurt.

Arrange a family meeting where you explain for your kids that they have 6 month to find them a home of the own-Cause now you want to live the rest of your life with your wife alone

And you could add that you and you wife(Better have a talk with her first about this) has been planning on selling the house and buy a smaller one.

That is what I would do-It would hurt me in my hearts.

Markus

[Shady Bill]

Originally Posted by mapuc

This makes it easier for you, even it gonna hurt.

Arrange a family meeting where you explain for your kids that they have 6 month to find them a home of the own-Cause now you want to live the rest of your life with your wife alone

And you could add that you and you wife(Better have a talk with her first about this) has been planning on selling the house and buy a smaller one.

That is what I would do-It would hurt me in my hearts.
Markus

Sort of like an intervention? Hmmm might be good idea...


Worse of all, my wife promotes this behavior. She *loves* that the kids want to stay with their parents, and all the family events and such.

[Skybird]

Careful with smashing porcellaine prematurely and maybe unnecessarily. First find out what the motivation of her is, her medium-time plan.



And dont tell her you want her to move out because you want to sell the hpouse, if you dont. The loss of trust may hurt your inner-fmaily relaitons for loign time, maybe forever. In families, one should not lie to the other, its the family...!

[mapuc]

Originally Posted by Shady Bill

Sort of like an intervention? Hmmm might be good idea...


Worse of all, my wife promotes this behavior. She *loves* that the kids want to stay with their parents, and all the family events and such.

It is of course very important that your kids doesn't feel they aren't welcome after they leave your home to live by their own.

It's important they know they are always welcome, but it is time for them to stand on their own legs.

I would say that you have a person to person talk with your wife-Where you explain for her what your standpoint is and you are planning on "Kicking" them out.

I could be wrong in my ideas-I'm a loner have never been married or does not have kids.
So it's easy for me sitting here and give advice.

I hope you will find another man with same problem and how he/they solved it.

Markus

[Skybird]

Maybe not read too much into it. More focus on whether or not the "kid" has a goal, is oriented toward something, or ther eis a pragmatic reason for staying at home.

Lets not forget, the economic situation in many places is not inviting, often it simply is unaffordable compared pot the situation 30 years ago, financially, for yung people to finance their own household while still doign job training, university or whatever.

Its also different in different countries. Mentality-wise, but nowadays again also money-wise. And there cna be so many other reasons. Unavailable and thus extremely expensive housing options only.

If she has a goal, a target that simply pragmatically requires or recommends top not move out for a tmeprory move that enbvertehless costs money, then that is okay, I ticked this way myself, too.

If she however is lazy and does not care about her future - then that is something else, and I will not interfere with your internal family issues then.

These are toublesome times, and money and its devaluation, unavailability becomes a real threat. I can understand that the young people today deep in themselves feel kind of fear of leaving the nest that sheltered them for so long. The young ones have it much more difficult today than my generation 37 years back (my Abitur was 1985).

[Shady Bill]

Originally Posted by Skybird

Lets not forget, the economic situation in many places is not inviting, often it simply is unaffordable compared pot the situation 30 years ago, financially, for yung people to finance their own household while still doign job training, university or whatever.

She works very hard, has a little first job. She takes college classes online, at night. All very admirable.



The problem with this generation often is that they watch TV and music videos and other online obscenities, and they all believe they one day will own their own fortune 500 companies, drive Bentley's and become rich. I guess until they do so, they feel they can live under their parents' roof...even if that means being at home at age 23+...it all is getting out of hand.

[Skybird]

Originally Posted by Shady Bill

She works very hard, has a little first job. She takes college classes online, at night. All very admirable.

So she is under full steam!? Sounds as if she tries what she can to imporve her life situation, but either cnanot afford an own household, or has plans with that money she earns!? Maybe to make independence affordable in the future?

With 20, I really see not the big problem so far when people are not lazy in hotel Mama. People are different, some are eager to conquer the world, some less so, and such differences are fine. Who says we all must tick according to the same norm?

Just a few decades ago, often three generations lived under the same roof, btw. It had its pros and cons.

Ask her for her plans. Its the obvious thing to do.


And no, not everbyody is a ripe, matzure adult at his 18th birthday. Some are early. Some need more time. Thats how it is.


20, my God, whats the problem. As long as she is not lazy and just dreams through the day, but indeed seems to follow her charted course that she has plot. It makes no sense to say "back in my days it was like this and that." Times have changed, so has the world. It starts with costs of living in big cities, and ends with mere availability of flats, places to stay, student homes, whatever. Its all much more difficult than at my time back then, and I would not need to do it again today.

[Shady Bill]

Improve her situation?

Originally Posted by Skybird

Sounds as if she tries what she can to imporve her life situation, but either cnanot afford an own household, or has plans with that money she earns!? Maybe to make independence affordable in the future?


I take it you don't have a 20 year old daughter, Skybird? Make-up and clothing...that's where 75% of her money goes Hence my concerns.

Her and her boyfriend are "saving for a house"...at current rate of saving they will be looking at homes in the year 2032.

Just a few decades ago, often three generations lived under the same roof, btw. It had its pros and cons.

I had my mother-in-law live with us during Covid for 8 weeks...I nearly killed the woman. The three generations thing won't work for me

[Skybird]

Originally Posted by Shady Bill

I take it you don't have a 20 year old daughter, Skybird?

No.

Make-up and clothing...that's where 75% of her money goes Hence my concerns.

Ah, so not as much oriented on a realistic goal, but living from one day to the next!? If so, this makes your worries clearer.


Hot tar and feathers may do the trick.

[Shady Bill]

Originally Posted by Skybird

has plans with that money she earns!? Maybe to make independence affordable in the future?

I showed this to my wife, we both had a good laugh Skybird


I said to her laughing loudly; "Come look at what this guy wrote!"

[Rockstar]

Originally Posted by Shady Bill

I searched for a parenting thread where I could place this. I couldn't find one. My apologies if I missed it.


My question is this;

My 20+ year old daughter, all my 20+ year old nieces and nephews (I am talking 22-23 year old "men")...they seem to think its okay to live at home
and not move out??

When I turned 18, many moons ago, first thing kids back then wanted to do is get together with some friends, rent a place. Be independent. Eat pizza 3x a week..

Kids nowadays seem to want to just live at home with mom and dad?? Is this because of covid school shutdowns? Do your kids show this behavior?

I have a 23 year old guy visiting my daughter every day...he greets me, and just marches up to her room. He still lives at home with his mom and dad He likes singing to the TV show "Glee" with her. And sometimes he wears pink pants. Not salmon. Pink. The kid works construction mind you...

My wife explains to me since she is an adult, I can't stop her from having a boyfriend.

I get this...but when do these kids move out already?? You can't really kick them out. But grown children nowadays don't seem to want to leave the nest??


Anyone else have this madness going on at their homes?

What the hell do you mean you can’t kick them out? When I was 15 years old. I was told by my father I had better have a plan because I was not invited to remain home after high school. Though he was kind enough to buy the plane ticket out for me though, helped with some bills too. But that soon dried up.

I said the same thing to my daughter. Get the hell out, find a job, get your own place. I initially helped with some of the bills and she is now on her own.

[u crank]

I knew this guy years back and we were talking about this very thing. Frank told me what his high school graduation present was.

An empty suitcase.