A personal word

[Skybird]

Hi,

in recent months my interest in SH3 has faded out, after the initial high interest gameplay soon became very repetitive after 15 or 20 patrols, so I finally deinstalled it and do not plan to use it again, for I have used the opportunity to kick out GTR as well and „cleaned“, or better: erased the system (reinstalling from external image drive without SF-stuff, the conventional SF-deinstallation did not work, like it never worked for me in the past) – and so the only two games that I own(ed) that were Starforce-infested are gone (and all of a sudden my discdrives by miracle and wonder have multiple times quicker reaction times again, like before, hooray). Never no SF again for me.

DW and me do not become close friends, too, I do not like the attitude of SCS‘s months- and more months-consuming support towards it’s paying customers, the subs play very much the same like with Sub Command (which isn’t a bad thing, but also: nothing new), the frigate does not catch my interest after having tried it for several times now, and the flying platforms I simply find boring after repeated sessions playing with them. Using a six or more years old database that has been used for FC and SC before also maybe is not the most clever things a developer can do. DW is very much an addon only, imo. It is a question of taste, occasionally I like subs, the other platforms I have not so much use for. For their understanding of patching service during SC and now DW they only get an angry growl from me.

I also don‘t play Harpoon 3 anymore, since two years or more, I have given up on Fleet Command quite some years earlier, and SCX (alias: the subs in DW now) I play only very rarely these days, so this site’s theme and center of interest do not really catch my own interests anymore. Ironically, after having been away from flying for quite a long time, I have finally found back to that since some time now. I also look forward to the release of SB Pro, and what’s more: I focus on chess in special, and strategy in general.

For various reasons I find the general discussions where I concentrated on for the last two or three years, after Sub Command, going into very wrong and frustrating directions for quite some time now. It’s not the same place it was some years back in the beginning of my stay here (even if two years ago there was far more aggression around), and from PMs and emails I know that several other guys share my view on that and have made their personal appearances more rare because of that. I’m about to follow that example. But since they at least could evade into concentrating on other forums (for games I do not play anymore) I will show up even more rarely, I suppose.

I have also private stuff to think about, currently. Since some months I’m in the middle of adding some changes to my life, and readjusting priorities and interests since some time now. Approaching the 40s, I feel like wanting to have less unrest and mixture, and more stability and private peace - fewer things and businesses, but these more in-depth, and related more to my things of interest, not so much or even exclusively to other people anymore. I cut back certain social engagements and services of mine that I previously did for free, I have drastically cut back an inflationary number of loose and not really meaningful social contacts and friends that are no real friends of mine at all, partly because they are no friends anymore, partly because they never were; I have started to systematically put my notices from my voyages in order, and started to write them down – maybe a book will emerge from this, I do not know – so far it is more a hobby than a professional intention, material I certainly have enough. I also carry the many scripts and pretty much developed ideas for a novel with me for some years now – who knows: time I have plenty of, and I have written short stories in my younger years and essays enough, so writing is not really new for me . This summer I bought the appartement were I have lived the last five years, so I finally prepare to settle down and stay in this place (I like it); I already cut back and plan to give up completely my engagement in teaching meditation and general counceling, for I get the increasing feeling that „they“ start to depend on me much more than is good for them, while others, new ones, do not take benefit anymore because of a changed atmosphere of too loose attitude, resulting from the fact that it is all for free and thus is taken for granted and needs no discipline and effort by themselves. Maybe this is how religious things always work, unavoidably: that if some privately ask you for advise, next week more people want you to teach them in a public meeting about this or that, and finally there is a crowd in a full room trying to turn you into a figure-head at the bow of the ship. Nothing good can come from that anymore. I want more privacy and even retreat, and I am a little bit tired of beeing available to strangers by telephone day in, day out – so I got myself a new telephone number, a small but very important detail I want to end all remaining links to my former newspaper job and to psychology as well and already started to withdraw from what is left of that, and I gave up two of my former three regular jobs voluntarily, keeping only the most undemanding and stupid one for the time beeing and headed into a new kind of non-regular job in the security branch, as a combat trainer for security personnel and bodyguards – with raising doubts that this was a clever thing to do, due to recent events during the weekend. I went through two trials at court this year, as witness, and then as accused, which – although having been cleaned of all (unjustified) accusation in the first go and with flying colours – left me very angry and with much dissapointment, disillusion and mistrust in this legal system.

And last weekend went very badly now, an accident during a training course that I led (caused by my false estimation of a trainee‘s abilities) saw this man getting seriously hurt by me, a very serious mistake by me that left him with severe head and neck injuries that were close to get him killed. The first 48 hours he was put in sort of an artificial coma or something like that, because they did not know about his brain, it is a great relief for me that since Tuesday evening he is awake again and although he will have to stay in hospital for more time to come, he will not suffer any remaining health damages from that incident. For this I have to accept full moral responsebility although noone accuses me or threatens me with legal actions, they all say it was a sports accident, and right for this case the participants had to sign legal declarations in advance dealing with accidents during the sports training and the company we work for has good insurance conditions for their employees (due to the risk of the job), also the police said they probably will close the file immediately after brief examination that it was an accident, no intended act of whatever a kind – but although I know it is a case of „sports accident“ I feel it was my mistake causing this mess, it was my false estimation, and my deed, my attack that he could not counter. He showed off before and displayed overly optimistic self-confidence in his skills, but I shouldn’t have bought it, obviously. I have seriously injured people before, but that was serious, in real life situations of beeing threatened for real, or intervening for helping others, not during „peacetime training“ and unintentionally.

Teaching martial techniques and mediation are two different things. I have much experience with the latter, but none with the first. Obviously having combat skills myself is not enough for teaching these skills. I wonder what my old former master and teacher would have had to say about this. He probably would have questioned the whole job from the very beginning. He did not train me to become a mercenary for money. Think I was a fool in this. Got hooked by their money. Idiot.

That was a lousy week for me, and much worse for him.

Because of this accident I probably will retreat from that job much sooner than I originally planned. It probably was a mistake, and in a more general sense than just because of the accident. It feels almost like treachery on my old teachers now.

All in all this year has been pretty much an up and down, at least more so than in the previous last years. Some lucky events, one nice achievement, some mishaps, and two very bad things where first I got hurt in a knifing (and then got accused of having defended myself by disabling the attacker with the needed force, if that is not laughable), and next I hurt someone else even worse - by mistake only and without reason. - Isn’t it said that the one who invites violance for company sooner or later gets hit by it? Two warnings in one year. I better start to listen.

All these different reasons I listed sum up in a changed attitude of mine that makes me rethink my engagement here (amongst other factors as well), and I came to the conclusion that I do want to cut that part of my life dealing with this board much shorter in the future. Time for a change. I leave a small communication channel open and eventually pop up from time to time, but after five or even six years, I am not sure, I do consider my time of „hardcore membership“ at subsim.com beeing over. At least I will no more be as present as in past years, and keep a much lower profile.

As promised, a dedicated review of SB Pro will be done, I consider it to be more a project of interest and thus: fun, than just duty or obligation because of a promise. At least as long as Neil doesn’t tell me he doesn’t want it anymore - in which case I write it anyway – and publish it anywhere else

Special greetings to Neal, with whom I talked, fought, parted – and came together again. Thanks for that, Neal. Honesty is not necessarily the avoidance of conflicts at all costs – but the willingness to overcome them. I always felt sorry for my lacking ability in English that did not allow me to make things I wanted to say as clear and precise as they may should have been. It’s that needed flexibility in verbal expression that often hindered me. Many „events“ maybe would have been avoided if I were more competent and flexible in this language. My next political discussion forum will be German-language, for that reason!

The journey goes on, but with a new course, and changed sea-state currently. „Macht’s gut“ and „Mast- und Schotbruch“ to everybody!

Skybird

[Herman]

Originally Posted by Skybird

I also don‘t play Harpoon 3 anymore, since two years or more

Hey Skybird,

Sorry to hear that you are having such a rough week.

I'd be interested in why you don't play Harpoon 3 anymore. There are a lot of new scenarios coming out and it would help to know if there is something that can be done from the design end of things.

Cheer up. All things must end sometime.
Herman

[Damo1977]

Originally Posted by Skybird

Special greetings to Neal, with whom I talked, fought, parted – and came together again. Thanks for that, Neal. Honesty is not necessarily the avoidance of conflicts at all costs – but the willingness to overcome them. I always felt sorry for my lacking ability in English that did not allow me to make things I wanted to say as clear and precise as they may should have been. It’s that needed flexibility in verbal expression that often hindered me. Many „events“ maybe would have been avoided if I were more competent and flexible in this language. My next political discussion forum will be German-language, for that reason!

The journey goes on, but with a new course, and changed sea-state currently. „Macht’s gut“ and „Mast- und Schotbruch“ to everybody!

Skybird

Skybird "Happy Landings", whereever you life will lead.

and OI!!! your English wasn't bad at all, hell I speak English and get into as many conflicts as you . It's just we as a subsim community are made up of many cultures, communities and countries, so of course we get our wires crossed. But as long as you learn things, I know I do, it is a worthwhile forum for speaking your mind.

Anyhow Skybird take care and most of all be yourself

[XabbaRus]

Hey Sky, pity but hey I'll send you a PM later on in the day.

[joea]

Skyvird, I can honestly say I am really going to miss you. Hope the odd e-mail or pm would not be out of place. I am sorry about the accident but glad that student is going to recover but as you wrote you all knew what you were getting into.

Gosh, poor Iceman is going to have to find someone else to convert! Too bad you junked SH3, the mod community is exploding and it really isn't the same game as you probably played it out of the box, much more interesting and hardcore (if you want) and fun eyecandy stuff too. I still have Dangerous Waters on my list as well.

Take care and may your journey be a good one.

[Polak]

I will miss your essey posts skybird
The best of luck to you my friend...

[Takeda Shingen]

Angemessene Winde, mein Freund! Ich hoffe, daß mein Deutsch wie Ihr Englisch so gut sein kann. Gutes Glück und Freude in Ihren Bemühungen. Wir vermissen Ihren Einblick.

[Abraham]

Sorry to hear that you went through such rough weather lately, mate...
I'll miss some - though not all - of our fierce discussions.

I wish you a good patrol and a speedy and save arrival at your next destination, whatever that may be.
Vaarwel!

[Rockstar]

the ol' male mid life crisis has arrived.

[Skybird]

Originally Posted by Rockstar

the ol' male mid life crisis has arrived.

To all: thanks for your words. Bon voyage and always fair winds.

[Gizzmoe]

Skybird, ich wünsche Dir alles Gute!!! Don´t stay away for too long...

[Iceman]

Skybird .... Gott ist mit Ihnen... immer.

[Konovalov]

I'm sorry to hear that you will no longer be on the forums in any regular capacity. It has been a pleasure reading your posts (even the really long ones), some times agreeing with them and other times dissagreeing with them. You will be sorely missed by many. I sincerely wish you all the best in your future pursuits and every success. Take care mate.

[Hitman]

It is always a pleasure to read your comments and personal notes. People who are open to share their feelings with their friends are getting rare these days, probably because the world is taking a wrong direction of egoism and aggresiveness that increases each day.

Since you promise to stay around and pop up ocasionally, I take that word and hope you just will just have a much enjoyed temporay break and the deep search for yourself that everybody must do sooner or later in life. I will be looking forward to reading again your posts here in full activity

Aufwiedersehen! Und ich will speziell den "wieder" betonen

[Rockstar]

I took a year or so off from life the internet, gaming, blogging and the works. Eventually I returned with a new life, a wife an adopted kid from Romania a dog and a boat.

Believe it or not when returned I came here to Subsim first looking to see what Skybird had been up to. For better or for worse he I remembered.

I wonder though, did we just see Saul leave for Damascus?

From the German Elberfelder Bible Revelation 21:3-8

Und ich hörte eine laute Stimme aus dem Himmel sagen: Siehe, die Hütte Gottes bei den Menschen! Und er wird bei ihnen wohnen, und sie werden sein Volk sein, und Gott selbst wird bei ihnen sein, ihr Gott.

Und er wird jede Träne von ihren Augen abwischen, und der Tod wird nicht mehr sein, noch Trauer, noch Geschrei, noch Schmerz wird mehr sein; denn das Erste ist vergangen.

Und der auf dem Throne saß sprach: Siehe, ich mache alles neu. Und er spricht [zu mir]: Schreibe, denn diese Worte sind gewiß und wahrhaftig.

Und er sprach zu mir: Es ist geschehen. Ich bin das Alpha und das Omega, der Anfang und das Ende. Ich will dem Dürstenden aus der Quelle des Wassers des Lebens geben umsonst.

Wer überwindet, wird dieses ererben, und ich werde ihm Gott sein, und er wird mir Sohn sein.

Den Feigen aber und Ungläubigen und mit Greueln Befleckten und Mördern und Hurern und Zauberern und Götzendienern und allen Lügnern-ihr Teil ist in dem See, der mit Feuer und Schwefel brennt, welches der zweite Tod ist.