Starting a new venture: SUBSIM Coffee Company (April Fool 2022)

Onkel Neal · 04-01-22, 12:10 AM

You know, I've been retired two years now and the toughest part is keeping busy. Lucky for me an old college friend brought a great business opportunity my way. With his contacts and my backing, we're launching the SUBSIM Coffee Company. Everyone loves great coffee and we will feature the best special blends that will go great with long nights in the Atlantic playing Cold Waters and Wolfpack.

I have a special deal for all SUBSIM members, free samples, my friends.

.
.
.

Enjoy!
Onkel Neal

Buddahaid · 04-01-22, 12:53 AM

It's only 22:52 and I want my money back or the damned coffee.....

Reece · 04-01-22, 01:08 AM

Sorry but by the time it got to Australia it would be rather stale, not to mention the freight cost!!

I hope your venture is a success, all the best!!

John Pancoast · 04-01-22, 02:04 AM

I'm the opposite; I was always very busy at work so when I retired almost four years ago that is the last thing I wanted to be.

Good luck with your business !

Admiral8Q · 04-01-22, 03:05 AM

Hmm. The Atlantic? May need some Subsim coffee for the Pacific though. :8q

em2nought · 04-01-22, 03:14 AM

Hopefully Skybird likes your coffee more than he likes Donald Trump otherwise you'll get verbally verbosely torpedoed, and we'll have an April 1st Committee.

Import the beans from Colombia on a narco sub

blackswan40 · 04-01-22, 03:28 AM

Dont be a fool n dont miss the bus order by the 1st of April or you will miss out good one Onkel

its all El Whackos fault all those acorn shells

Skybird · 04-01-22, 04:34 AM

I had to read this twice to not believe it!

Reece · 04-01-22, 05:22 AM

Don't tell me I was sucked in!!

Catfish · 04-01-22, 05:29 AM

"Crush depth blend"

Maybe add a uboat cocktail to widen the experience

ET2SN · 04-01-22, 05:39 AM

SILENT BATTLE STATIONS COFFEE.

This is an authentic recipe for a "coffee-like" beverage enjoyed during a typical "OPS" watch (12-14 hours avg.).

Start by buying a box of Carnation or Swiss Miss Instant Hot Chocolate packets (bonus if you find the type with mini marshmallows). Open the box and remove all of the envelopes of instant coco, crush each envelope, cram back in box.

Start a pot of Neal's scam coffee.

Once the coffee has completed brewing, DO NOT empty grounds or turn off heat source! Leave the pot alone for at least 3-4 hours. Use this time to examine a soldering iron or change the oil in your car. You may ask, "But ET2SN, won't the coffee be burned and bitter?" You're d@mned tootin' it will be.

We want the coffee to be scorched to the point where where it changes from the traditional deep brown color to an oil-sludge black hue.

Empty one or two (if you're feeling adventurous) packets of hot coco mix into a traditional Navy mug and fill to the top with the burned coffee. Stir no more than FOUR revolutions (to avoid dissolving the spoon) then allow the mug to cool for several hours. "SBS coffee beverage" (aka: mocha) is best experienced when its somewhere between luke-warm and room temperature.

DO NOT drink quickly! Ulcer-like symptoms will develop quickly if you try to chug this stuff in large gulps. Trust me, you won't be falling asleep for a while.

u crank · 04-01-22, 06:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reece

Don't tell me I was sucked in!!

Good one Neal.

Skybird · 04-01-22, 06:06 AM

Throw a rivet into your coffee brewing. When the rivet swims on top, the coffee is ready.

Commander Wallace · 04-01-22, 06:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ET2SN

SILENT BATTLE STATIONS COFFEE.

This is an authentic recipe for a "coffee-like" beverage enjoyed during a typical "OPS" watch (12-14 hours avg.).

Start by buying a box of Carnation or Swiss Miss Instant Hot Chocolate packets (bonus if you find the type with mini marshmallows). Open the box and remove all of the envelopes of instant coco, crush each envelope, cram back in box.

Start a pot of Neal's scam coffee.

Once the coffee has completed brewing, DO NOT empty grounds or turn off heat source! Leave the pot alone for at least 3-4 hours. Use this time to examine a soldering iron or change the oil in your car. You may ask, "But ET2SN, won't the coffee be burned and bitter?" You're d@mned tootin' it will be.

We want the coffee to be scorched to the point where where it changes from the traditional deep brown color to an oil-sludge black hue.

Empty one or two (if you're feeling adventurous) packets of hot coco mix into a traditional Navy mug and fill to the top with the burned coffee. Stir no more than FOUR revolutions (to avoid dissolving the spoon) then allow the mug to cool for several hours. "SBS coffee beverage" (aka: mocha) is best experienced when its somewhere between luke-warm and room temperature.

DO NOT drink quickly! Ulcer-like symptoms will develop quickly if you try to chug this stuff in large gulps. Trust me, you won't be falling asleep for a while.

I think your coffee would dissolve the fillings in someone's teeth not to mention remove the paint from someone's stomach. I love adventure but this may be a bit much.

I think I will stick to traditional Navy Coffee with a pinch of Sea Salt. Even better with a dram or so of Irish Whiskey in my coffee.

@ Neal

Shakes head. You can mess with a lot of things but when you mess with someone's coffee, that's when it gets real and Will Smith comes out a slappin'.

I think this will be the new catch phrase: " Don't make me get all Will Smith on ya. "

John Pancoast · 04-01-22, 07:07 AM

Oops ! That's part of being retired; date/time, what's that ?

04-01-22, 12:10 AM	#1
Onkel Neal Born to Run Silent Join Date: Jan 1997 Location: Cougar Trap, Texas Posts: 21,383 Downloads: 541 Uploads: 224	Starting a new venture: SUBSIM Coffee Company (April Fool 2022) You know, I've been retired two years now and the toughest part is keeping busy. Lucky for me an old college friend brought a great business opportunity my way. With his contacts and my backing, we're launching the SUBSIM Coffee Company. Everyone loves great coffee and we will feature the best special blends that will go great with long nights in the Atlantic playing Cold Waters and Wolfpack. I have a special deal for all SUBSIM members, free samples, my friends. . . . Enjoy! Onkel Neal __________________ SUBSIM - 26 Years on the Web Last edited by Onkel Neal; 04-02-22 at 07:57 AM.

04-01-22, 12:53 AM	#2
Buddahaid Shark above Space Chicken Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 9,319 Downloads: 162 Uploads: 0	It's only 22:52 and I want my money back or the damned coffee..... __________________ "However vast the darkness, we must provide our own light." Stanley Kubrick "Tomorrow belongs to those who can hear it coming." David Bowie

04-01-22, 01:08 AM	#3
Reece CINC Pacific Fleet Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Down Under Posts: 34,679 Downloads: 171 Uploads: 0	Sorry but by the time it got to Australia it would be rather stale, not to mention the freight cost!! I hope your venture is a success, all the best!! __________________ *Sub captains go down with their ship!*

04-01-22, 02:04 AM	#4
John Pancoast Ocean Warrior Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Minnysoda Posts: 3,211 Downloads: 501 Uploads: 4	I'm the opposite; I was always very busy at work so when I retired almost four years ago that is the last thing I wanted to be. Good luck with your business ! __________________ "Realistic" is not always GAME-GOOD." - Wave Skipper

04-01-22, 03:05 AM	#5
Admiral8Q Ace of the Deep Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Prince Edward Island, Canada Posts: 1,077 Downloads: 24 Uploads: 0	Hmm. The Atlantic? May need some Subsim coffee for the Pacific though. :8q __________________

04-01-22, 03:14 AM	#6
em2nought Ocean Warrior Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 3,485 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Hopefully Skybird likes your coffee more than he likes Donald Trump otherwise you'll get verbally verbosely torpedoed, and we'll have an April 1st Committee. Import the beans from Colombia on a narco sub __________________ em2nought is ecstatic garbage! Last edited by em2nought; 04-01-22 at 03:20 AM. Reason: expound

04-01-22, 03:28 AM	#7
blackswan40 GWX - KC Crash Test Dummy Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: IN THE STEEL SHARKS VIRTUAL OCEAN Posts: 2,782 Downloads: 603 Uploads: 31	Dont be a fool n dont miss the bus order by the 1st of April or you will miss out good one Onkel its all El Whackos fault all those acorn shells __________________ Someone Had to Make the Tea

04-01-22, 04:34 AM	#8
Skybird Soaring Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: the mental asylum named Germany Posts: 42,600 Downloads: 10 Uploads: 0	I had to read this twice to not believe it! __________________ If you feel nuts, consult an expert.

04-01-22, 05:22 AM	#9
Reece CINC Pacific Fleet Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Down Under Posts: 34,679 Downloads: 171 Uploads: 0	Don't tell me I was sucked in!! __________________ *Sub captains go down with their ship!*

04-01-22, 05:29 AM	#10
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 17,765 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	"Crush depth blend" Maybe add a uboat cocktail to widen the experience __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

04-01-22, 05:39 AM	#11
ET2SN Ocean Warrior Join Date: Oct 2017 Posts: 2,652 Downloads: 60 Uploads: 0	SILENT BATTLE STATIONS COFFEE. This is an authentic recipe for a "coffee-like" beverage enjoyed during a typical "OPS" watch (12-14 hours avg.). Start by buying a box of Carnation or Swiss Miss Instant Hot Chocolate packets (bonus if you find the type with mini marshmallows). Open the box and remove all of the envelopes of instant coco, crush each envelope, cram back in box. Start a pot of Neal's scam coffee. Once the coffee has completed brewing, DO NOT empty grounds or turn off heat source! Leave the pot alone for at least 3-4 hours. Use this time to examine a soldering iron or change the oil in your car. You may ask, "But ET2SN, won't the coffee be burned and bitter?" You're d@mned tootin' it will be. We want the coffee to be scorched to the point where where it changes from the traditional deep brown color to an oil-sludge black hue. Empty one or two (if you're feeling adventurous) packets of hot coco mix into a traditional Navy mug and fill to the top with the burned coffee. Stir no more than FOUR revolutions (to avoid dissolving the spoon) then allow the mug to cool for several hours. "SBS coffee beverage" (aka: mocha) is best experienced when its somewhere between luke-warm and room temperature. DO NOT drink quickly! Ulcer-like symptoms will develop quickly if you try to chug this stuff in large gulps. Trust me, you won't be falling asleep for a while.

04-01-22, 06:06 AM	#13
Skybird Soaring Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: the mental asylum named Germany Posts: 42,600 Downloads: 10 Uploads: 0	Throw a rivet into your coffee brewing. When the rivet swims on top, the coffee is ready. __________________ If you feel nuts, consult an expert.

04-01-22, 07:07 AM	#15
John Pancoast Ocean Warrior Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Minnysoda Posts: 3,211 Downloads: 501 Uploads: 4	Oops ! That's part of being retired; date/time, what's that ? __________________ "Realistic" is not always GAME-GOOD." - Wave Skipper